The Almighty Johnsons (NZ)
The Johnsons are four brothers. Four typical Kiwi blokes who don’t much like to stand out from the crowd. They're happy spending all of their time striving to get lucky with women, overcoming sibling rivalry and always squeezing a few beers in at the end of the day.
But there's something very special about the Johnsons. They also happen to be the living incarnations of Norse Gods.
Johan Johnson, commonly known as Joe; somewhere in the vicinity of 60; father of the Johnson boys; son of Olaf; also Njord, the Norse God of the Sea.
Being a God of the Sea, stuck on a farm in Central Hawkes Bay, was never a good fit for Joe Johnson. Just like being stuck in any form of relationship was also never a good fit. Thus Joe’s track record as husband, father and, indeed, farmer was never a good one. The times when he wasn’t on the farm, and no-one knew where he was, became more frequent and longer in duration the more children he fathered. Eventually, when his youngest boy, Axl, was about 6 or 7 Joe left and never ever came back. Until now.
When he’s not abandoning his family Joe sails the high seas, as befits him as a God. He’s not fussy about what he does, as long as it gets him out on the water. Over the years he’s crewed and mastered on many different sorts of vessels - from huge cargo ships to pleasure boats cruising round the Mediterranean to oil rigs, Joe has done them all. And he’s been a popular crew-member everywhere he’s been because Joe’s Norse God-given power is the ability to calm the waters around him. This works on both a literal level, in that there is always smooth sailing when Joe is aboard, and on a human level, in that arguments and fights just fade away when Joe gets involved - it is impossible to stay angry with anyone (especially Joe) when he dials in that charm.
Joe Johnson is a terrible father. He’s selfish and hedonistic, as well as nomadic with more than a touch of narcissism thrown in for good measure. He is a rogue and a vagabond; a conman and a user; a rat with a wayward moral compass that lets him think he can do what he pleases when and where it pleases him and to hell with the consequences after he walks out the door. Yes, he’s a prick - but with a twinkle in his eye that never fails to win the day.
Johan Johnson Photos
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