No one knows what makes America tick like the Onion News Network. Unsure of the future? The high-flying world of finance? Whether Christ really died for your sins or not? Geez, the Earth sure *looks* flat. Well, there's only one source you can trust. If that last thing we just said went down, smooth and easy... you need us more than we need you... and you're welcome! That's the Onion News Network.