Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 01, 1991
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
Canada
Network
CBC TV Network
Genre

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The Red Green Show (CA) tv show photo

The Red Green Show (CA)

The Red Green Show is a unique half-hour comedy series targeted at family audiences. Set way up north at the infamous Possum Lodge. It's a show for anyone who thinks God created man to give the rest of the world something to laugh at!

04x06 - The Schoolhouse Project Season 4 / Episode 6: - The Schoolhouse Project

Dougie Franklin: [in a tone of slightly sad disgust and resigned acceptance] Don't adjust your set - the show is SUPPOSED to look like this!
04x05 - The Hydrogen Project Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Hydrogen Project

Winston Rothschild: Winston Rothschild here for Rothschild's Sewage and Septic Sucking Services, where we put the P.U. in pump!
04x05 - The Hydrogen Project Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Hydrogen Project

Buzz Sherwood: If you can't be with the plane you love, love the plane you're with.
04x04 - The Firewood Project Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Firewood Project

Red Green: [singing] Trapper Jack was hunting bear, a dangerous hobby at best / We brought him back to the doctor in town, and he was a heck of a mess / There was some assembly required, mostly teeth and bones and hair / Jack had always been good with a knife / But unfortunately... not quite as good as the bear.
04x04 - The Firewood Project Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Firewood Project

Dalton Humphries: Never say to a woman that anything she does is silly.
Red Green: Otherwise, she might mention that spice rack you built her.
Dalton Humphries: Or that new fishing hat.
Red Green: Or that silly lodge you joined.
04x04 - The Firewood Project Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Firewood Project

Mike Hamar: [as he and Red use popcorn to insulate a house] It's all set. It's all done. That popcorn's in there for life. Er, 25 to life.
Red Green: [to camera] Well, he would know.
04x03 - The Beer Project Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Beer Project

Red Green: Two things you need at a bar is ice and water; water for mixing drinks and ice to drop into people's shorts and into their hats, depending on where their hangover is.
04x03 - The Beer Project Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Beer Project

Dougie Franklin: You're watching "The Red Green Show" and nobody can stop you.
04x03 - The Beer Project Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Beer Project

Red Green: [Reads a poem called "Tiny Shoots"] Tiny shoots come out of the ground. Crocuses, tulips and daffodils rise to a height of 2 1/2 inches and are frozen in time, not by a late frost, but by a dirty lawnmower.
04x03 - The Beer Project Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Beer Project

Red Green: [Enters the room, gagging] Blecch! Hmm. Well, I have no idea what we did wrong, but our first batch of homemade beer did not taste all that great.
Harold Green: Well, Uncle Red, did you boil and sterilize all the beer vats and beer bottles?
Red Green: How do you mean?
Harold Green: Well, you gotta boil everything to make sure all the germs have been removed.
Red Green: Well, we wipe them on our shirts. Our shirts are clean.


Harold Green: Uncle Red, you gotta make sure the canisters are perfectly sterile.
Red Green: Harold, the only thing perfectly sterile up here is Old Man Sedgwick. Besides, how can you boil a hot tub?
Harold Green: Okay, but you know what happens when you get in one of those unwanted nasty little germs and bacteria...
Red Green: Yeah, they end up producing your show.
04x03 - The Beer Project Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Beer Project

Harold Green: But Uncle Red, you cannot make a fine quality lager using Kool-Aid technology!
04x03 - The Beer Project Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Beer Project

Harold Green: You know, the ancient Romans brewed beer, Harold. In fact, every great Western civilization brewed beer. Did you know that?
Red Green: Yes, I did. And did you know that, at some point, every great civilization collapsed? Connection, perhaps?
Red Green: Harold, if it's good enough for Julius Caesar, it's good enough for Possum Lodge.
Harold Green: Veni, vidi, vomiti. I came, I saw, I ralphed.
04x02 - The Owl Project Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Owl Project

Harold Green: Whatcha got there, Uncle Red?
Red Green: Oh, it's a citation from the Wildlife Department. I shot their truck. You'd be amazed how much a Land Rover looks like a blue rhino.
Harold Green: Especially with YOUR eyesight.
Red Green: That's why I have the semi-automatic. The aim is not so crucial, with that one.
04x02 - The Owl Project Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Owl Project

Red Green: As you get older, you realize you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you can get yet another financial setback.
04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Ranger Gord: Having a groovy pajama party - bring all your Abba albums.
04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Red Green: [singing] Oh, there's a hole in my tent and the water's coming in./It's rainin' on my hat, and it's drippin' on my chin./Always remember camping lesson number one./If there're bugs in your tent, don't shoot 'em with a gun.
04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Harold Green: [smiling in happy relief upon hearing Red shamefacedly report that none of the macho Possum Lodge members could bring themselves to kill a cow so that it could be slaughtered] Well, I am very proud of you guys, Uncle Red! It makes a sensitive-hearted vegetarian like me feel so good to hear something like that.
Red Green: [a little sulkily] Don't make it worse, Harold.
04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Red Green: [talking about the lodge members' plan to slaughter the cow] Stinky's bringing the cow over in the back seat of his '69 Cadillac. He's got twice as much legroom there, which is good, 'cause the cow's got twice as much leg.
Harold Green: Stinky's putting a FARM ANIMAL in the back of his CADILLAC? What about the SMELL?
Red Green: The cow didn't seem to mind.
04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Red Green: Eating meat is like having kids - the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead.
03x24 - The Water Show Season 3 / Episode 24: - The Water Show

Hap Shaughnessy: All right; I'll pull the little water-skiers.
Red Green: Great. Thanks, Hap.
Hap Shaughnessy: It's too bad. I can see me wrestling the great white shark, or riding the great white whale.
Red Green: Or telling the great white lie.
03x23 - Possum Lake Monster Season 3 / Episode 23: - Possum Lake Monster

Red Green: You understand relativity, Hap?
Hap Shaughnessy: Yeah, just the, the stuff I worked on.
Harold Green: But I thought Einstein worked on relativity when he was really young.
Hap Shaughnessy: Yeah, cute kid. He had some good ideas. They were rough, but good. I didn't mind giving him a hand with his... relative-itty.
Harold Green: Excuse me, Mr. Shaughnessy, but I don't understand how Einstein is younger than you.
Hap Shaughnessy: WAS, Harold, WAS. I worked a lot faster than Albert, that's all. Much, much faster. So we aged, at different rates.
Red Green: Oh, that's possible. I just felt a little older there, myself.
03x22 - The Possum Olympics Season 3 / Episode 22: - The Possum Olympics

Harold Green: Be the best you can be... considering.
03x11 - The Hidden Mine Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Hidden Mine

Harold Green: You know, actually that Bungy Jumping is not safe and it has been banned in a lot of areas... cement areas I think.
03x07 - Fire Brigade Season 3 / Episode 7: - Fire Brigade

Red Green: [singing] The elbow is throbbing, from the strength of the force / The shoulder is separated, it may get a divorce / The wrist is all numb, and the fingers are swollen / And if this outboard doesn't start on the very next pull, she's goin' into the lake.
03x07 - Fire Brigade Season 3 / Episode 7: - Fire Brigade

Red Green: I just finished forming the whole volunteer fire department, and suddenly, one of the vehicles caught fire. So talk about good timing.
Harold Green: It wasn't the Possum Van, was it?
Red Green: No, Harold, the Possum Van won't burn. Believe me, I've tried that about a thousand times.
03x05 - Underground Parking Season 3 / Episode 5: - Underground Parking

Red Green: [singing] The fish swam in like horses, and jumped up on the beach / They climbed the split-leaf maple, and each one gave a speech / They sang a bunch of show tunes, then hopped back into the lake / It's amazing what you see up here, after you hit your head really really hard on the dock...
03x03 - The Spawning Grounds Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Spawning Grounds

Red Green: Now, I know a lot of you teenagers don't like to hear advice, but communication is an important part of life. And besides, who cares what *you* think?
03x03 - The Spawning Grounds Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Spawning Grounds

Red Green: [singing] This was my granddaddy's farm / A hundred years ago / He won it in a card game / Everyone else had the sense to fold / The ground's as hard as really, really hard material / The water tastes like eggs / But luckily, the government stepped in / And paid him not to grow stuff which was more or less his specialty.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: [Introducing the show] Here he is, the small medium, Mr. Lodge, Red Green!
Red Green: [Entering and waving] Thank you very much and thanks for tuning us in.


Red Green: Small medium? What was that all about?
Harold Green: Well, you know. Don't you get it? Small, medium, lodge. You know, it's like a dwarf psychic at a resort. Or it could be clothing size: small, medium, lodge.
Red Green: Yeah, you know, I wish I had an extra lodge. I'd send you into it.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Red Green: The gas siphon - you'd probably use this at the mall while your wife is inside shopping.

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