Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 01, 1991
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
Canada
Network
CBC TV Network
Genre

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The Red Green Show (CA) tv show photo

The Red Green Show (CA)

The Red Green Show is a unique half-hour comedy series targeted at family audiences. Set way up north at the infamous Possum Lodge. It's a show for anyone who thinks God created man to give the rest of the world something to laugh at!

04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Red Green: [talking about the lodge members' plan to slaughter the cow] Stinky's bringing the cow over in the back seat of his '69 Cadillac. He's got twice as much legroom there, which is good, 'cause the cow's got twice as much leg.
Harold Green: Stinky's putting a FARM ANIMAL in the back of his CADILLAC? What about the SMELL?
Red Green: The cow didn't seem to mind.
04x01 - The Beef Project Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Beef Project

Red Green: Eating meat is like having kids - the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead.
03x24 - The Water Show Season 3 / Episode 24: - The Water Show

Hap Shaughnessy: All right; I'll pull the little water-skiers.
Red Green: Great. Thanks, Hap.
Hap Shaughnessy: It's too bad. I can see me wrestling the great white shark, or riding the great white whale.
Red Green: Or telling the great white lie.
03x23 - Possum Lake Monster Season 3 / Episode 23: - Possum Lake Monster

Red Green: You understand relativity, Hap?
Hap Shaughnessy: Yeah, just the, the stuff I worked on.
Harold Green: But I thought Einstein worked on relativity when he was really young.
Hap Shaughnessy: Yeah, cute kid. He had some good ideas. They were rough, but good. I didn't mind giving him a hand with his... relative-itty.
Harold Green: Excuse me, Mr. Shaughnessy, but I don't understand how Einstein is younger than you.
Hap Shaughnessy: WAS, Harold, WAS. I worked a lot faster than Albert, that's all. Much, much faster. So we aged, at different rates.
Red Green: Oh, that's possible. I just felt a little older there, myself.
03x22 - The Possum Olympics Season 3 / Episode 22: - The Possum Olympics

Harold Green: Be the best you can be... considering.
03x07 - Fire Brigade Season 3 / Episode 7: - Fire Brigade

Red Green: [singing] The elbow is throbbing, from the strength of the force / The shoulder is separated, it may get a divorce / The wrist is all numb, and the fingers are swollen / And if this outboard doesn't start on the very next pull, she's goin' into the lake.
03x07 - Fire Brigade Season 3 / Episode 7: - Fire Brigade

Red Green: I just finished forming the whole volunteer fire department, and suddenly, one of the vehicles caught fire. So talk about good timing.
Harold Green: It wasn't the Possum Van, was it?
Red Green: No, Harold, the Possum Van won't burn. Believe me, I've tried that about a thousand times.
03x05 - Underground Parking Season 3 / Episode 5: - Underground Parking

Red Green: [singing] The fish swam in like horses, and jumped up on the beach / They climbed the split-leaf maple, and each one gave a speech / They sang a bunch of show tunes, then hopped back into the lake / It's amazing what you see up here, after you hit your head really really hard on the dock...
03x03 - The Spawning Grounds Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Spawning Grounds

Red Green: Now, I know a lot of you teenagers don't like to hear advice, but communication is an important part of life. And besides, who cares what *you* think?
03x03 - The Spawning Grounds Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Spawning Grounds

Red Green: [singing] This was my granddaddy's farm / A hundred years ago / He won it in a card game / Everyone else had the sense to fold / The ground's as hard as really, really hard material / The water tastes like eggs / But luckily, the government stepped in / And paid him not to grow stuff which was more or less his specialty.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: [Introducing the show] Here he is, the small medium, Mr. Lodge, Red Green!
Red Green: [Entering and waving] Thank you very much and thanks for tuning us in.


Red Green: Small medium? What was that all about?
Harold Green: Well, you know. Don't you get it? Small, medium, lodge. You know, it's like a dwarf psychic at a resort. Or it could be clothing size: small, medium, lodge.
Red Green: Yeah, you know, I wish I had an extra lodge. I'd send you into it.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Red Green: The gas siphon - you'd probably use this at the mall while your wife is inside shopping.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: How much did you pay for the Possum Van?
Red Green: Nothing, Harold. That was a gift from my parents for graduating from public school. That way, I wouldn't have to borrow my dad's car to drive to junior high.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Red Green: [singing] Hoein' every hayfield and puttin' them in bales/Pickin' all the peapods and puttin' them in pails/It's time to reap the harvest; we're goin' as fast as we can/Tryin' to get the crops in before the farmer that owns this place comes out and starts shootin' at us.
Harold Green: [singing] Again.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: I heard you got four traffic tickets!
Red Green: Well, you're dead wrong, Harold, it was five. And it would've been six, but luckily, Moose was licensed for an 18-wheeler?
Harold Green: Eighteen? How do you get 18 from five vehicles?
Red Green: Well, Junior had his motorcycle in there, so it was four fours and a two.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: [Red got five traffic tickets during his car pool test] So explain to me: you got nailed for crossing a median in both shoulders. You got failing to stop at two stop signs - at the same time. And there was driving a train without a track, and, uh... what were the other two?
Red Green: Having a parade without a permit, and passing on a hill.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: What animal are you hunting, Reg?
Reg Hunter: Well, it's an animal that makes a sound like this: Awooooo!
Red Green: Yes, but what kind of animal is that?
Reg Hunter: I dunno, but I betcha I can put a bullet in it.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: [singing] My butterfly collection gives me so much pride / My butterfly collection makes me warm inside / The monarchs, blues and yellows; these are beauties, man oh man / Come see my butterfly collection - they're all wedged in the grille of my van.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: [poem] It is winter. Cousin Jerry was lying in the snow making snow angels. Along came the snowplow. Now Cousin Jerry is making REAL angels.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: So I guess the moral here is "Never connect a used fuel pump from a Russian rocket missile to a large deciduous tree."
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: If you had been adopted, Harold, then of course, you wouldn't be my nephew, and I wouldn't have had to give you this job.
Harold Green: Yeah, but I don't think anybody would adopt me at this advanced development stage that I'm in.
Red Green: Well, okay, then, we could do the Moses thing. We could duct-tape you into a kayak and float you down the Nile.
Harold Green: Ha! Yeah! Now I KNOW you're just kidding, because there's no boats around this lodge that can float THAT far.
02x14 - The Food Club Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Food Club

Red Green: [referring to the lodge's cantankerous chef's having quit in a huff] Well, we may have lost Eddie as cook, but there is a DOWNSIDE, too.
02x10 - The Broken Water Pump Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Broken Water Pump

Red Green: I don't want to argue with anyone larger than my van.
01x17 - Gun Powder Shakes Season 1 / Episode 17: - Gun Powder Shakes

Red Green: [singing] On a warm summer's day when we're not after bass/We get out the van and fill her up with gas/Pull up behind a car headin' down the road/Pull up so darn close, you'd think we're bein' towed/Tailgatin'/Tailgatin'/Kinda looks like the vehicles are matin'/Tailgatin'/Tailgatin'/Just make sure your brakes are okay/In retrospect, that was an oversight on our part.
01x16 - Lodge Visitor Season 1 / Episode 16: - Lodge Visitor

Harold Green: You should get on with the next segment, I think; it's more interesting than this. This is boring. This is as bad as a PBS subscription drive; that's how bad this is. Next segment's interesting, though.
01x16 - Lodge Visitor Season 1 / Episode 16: - Lodge Visitor

Red Green: If at first you don't succeed, switch to power tools.
01x14 - Wind-Powered Boat Season 1 / Episode 14: - Wind-Powered Boat

Red Green: [poem] It is summer. In the shade of an apple tree, you relax with a mint julep or nine. Summer is no time for stress. You casually forget your aunt's birthday. She thanks you.
01x13 - Whittling Contest Season 1 / Episode 13: - Whittling Contest

Red Green: The tire iron - it's a simple tool but it's a useful tool. Rather like my brother-in-law.
01x11 - Talent Show Season 1 / Episode 11: - Talent Show

Red Green: [opening monologue] Uhh, hello. Thank you. Welcome to the show, and a very special hello to all the security guards out there who have chosen to watch us rather than the lobby monitor.
01x10 - Lost Toupee Season 1 / Episode 10: - Lost Toupee

Red Green: [opening monologue] Uhh, Hello, Thank you. Welcome to the show, and a very special hello to all the security guards out there who have chosen to watch us rather than the lobby monitor.

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