Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 01, 1991
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
Canada
Network
CBC TV Network
Genre

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The Red Green Show (CA) tv show photo

The Red Green Show (CA)

The Red Green Show is a unique half-hour comedy series targeted at family audiences. Set way up north at the infamous Possum Lodge. It's a show for anyone who thinks God created man to give the rest of the world something to laugh at!

03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: [Introducing the show] Here he is, the small medium, Mr. Lodge, Red Green!
Red Green: [Entering and waving] Thank you very much and thanks for tuning us in.


Red Green: Small medium? What was that all about?
Harold Green: Well, you know. Don't you get it? Small, medium, lodge. You know, it's like a dwarf psychic at a resort. Or it could be clothing size: small, medium, lodge.
Red Green: Yeah, you know, I wish I had an extra lodge. I'd send you into it.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Red Green: The gas siphon - you'd probably use this at the mall while your wife is inside shopping.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: How much did you pay for the Possum Van?
Red Green: Nothing, Harold. That was a gift from my parents for graduating from public school. That way, I wouldn't have to borrow my dad's car to drive to junior high.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Red Green: [singing] Hoein' every hayfield and puttin' them in bales/Pickin' all the peapods and puttin' them in pails/It's time to reap the harvest; we're goin' as fast as we can/Tryin' to get the crops in before the farmer that owns this place comes out and starts shootin' at us.
Harold Green: [singing] Again.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: I heard you got four traffic tickets!
Red Green: Well, you're dead wrong, Harold, it was five. And it would've been six, but luckily, Moose was licensed for an 18-wheeler?
Harold Green: Eighteen? How do you get 18 from five vehicles?
Red Green: Well, Junior had his motorcycle in there, so it was four fours and a two.
03x02 - Car Pool Season 3 / Episode 2: - Car Pool

Harold Green: [Red got five traffic tickets during his car pool test] So explain to me: you got nailed for crossing a median in both shoulders. You got failing to stop at two stop signs - at the same time. And there was driving a train without a track, and, uh... what were the other two?
Red Green: Having a parade without a permit, and passing on a hill.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: What animal are you hunting, Reg?
Reg Hunter: Well, it's an animal that makes a sound like this: Awooooo!
Red Green: Yes, but what kind of animal is that?
Reg Hunter: I dunno, but I betcha I can put a bullet in it.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: [singing] My butterfly collection gives me so much pride / My butterfly collection makes me warm inside / The monarchs, blues and yellows; these are beauties, man oh man / Come see my butterfly collection - they're all wedged in the grille of my van.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: [poem] It is winter. Cousin Jerry was lying in the snow making snow angels. Along came the snowplow. Now Cousin Jerry is making REAL angels.
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: So I guess the moral here is "Never connect a used fuel pump from a Russian rocket missile to a large deciduous tree."
03x01 - Maple Syrup Season 3 / Episode 1: - Maple Syrup

Red Green: If you had been adopted, Harold, then of course, you wouldn't be my nephew, and I wouldn't have had to give you this job.
Harold Green: Yeah, but I don't think anybody would adopt me at this advanced development stage that I'm in.
Red Green: Well, okay, then, we could do the Moses thing. We could duct-tape you into a kayak and float you down the Nile.
Harold Green: Ha! Yeah! Now I KNOW you're just kidding, because there's no boats around this lodge that can float THAT far.
02x14 - The Food Club Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Food Club

Red Green: [referring to the lodge's cantankerous chef's having quit in a huff] Well, we may have lost Eddie as cook, but there is a DOWNSIDE, too.
02x10 - The Broken Water Pump Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Broken Water Pump

Red Green: I don't want to argue with anyone larger than my van.
01x17 - Gun Powder Shakes Season 1 / Episode 17: - Gun Powder Shakes

Red Green: [singing] On a warm summer's day when we're not after bass/We get out the van and fill her up with gas/Pull up behind a car headin' down the road/Pull up so darn close, you'd think we're bein' towed/Tailgatin'/Tailgatin'/Kinda looks like the vehicles are matin'/Tailgatin'/Tailgatin'/Just make sure your brakes are okay/In retrospect, that was an oversight on our part.
01x16 - Lodge Visitor Season 1 / Episode 16: - Lodge Visitor

Harold Green: You should get on with the next segment, I think; it's more interesting than this. This is boring. This is as bad as a PBS subscription drive; that's how bad this is. Next segment's interesting, though.
01x16 - Lodge Visitor Season 1 / Episode 16: - Lodge Visitor

Red Green: If at first you don't succeed, switch to power tools.
01x14 - Wind-Powered Boat Season 1 / Episode 14: - Wind-Powered Boat

Red Green: [poem] It is summer. In the shade of an apple tree, you relax with a mint julep or nine. Summer is no time for stress. You casually forget your aunt's birthday. She thanks you.
01x13 - Whittling Contest Season 1 / Episode 13: - Whittling Contest

Red Green: The tire iron - it's a simple tool but it's a useful tool. Rather like my brother-in-law.
01x07 - He-Man Contest Season 1 / Episode 7: - He-Man Contest

Red Green: We had a He man contest up here at the lodge with first prize being a truss.
01x07 - He-Man Contest Season 1 / Episode 7: - He-Man Contest

Red Green: If it would help Jack, I could like lend you like 20 bucks or something.
Jack the Caveman: I'm sorry Red, but I no longer recognize your currency. It's meaningless paper, a useless symbol of a civilization gone awry.
Red Green: Oh, well I have some McDonalds coupons. What about those?
Jack the Caveman: Sure.
01x06 - Home Barber Kit Season 1 / Episode 6: - Home Barber Kit

Red Green: We learned that everything has its place. Mine is here, Harold's is over there, and Moose's barber kit's is at the bottom of the lake.
01x05 - Practical Joke Week Season 1 / Episode 5: - Practical Joke Week

Red Green: If my wife is watching, I'll be coming straight home and I'm bringing another bunch of flowers tonight. I do this a few times a year 'cause I'm really not too sure when our anniversary is and this way, everybody wins.
01x04 - The Treasure Hunt Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Treasure Hunt

Red Green: Stay tuned to find out how the treasure hunt turned out.
Harold Green: Big hint... we're still doing the show.
01x03 - The UFO Season 1 / Episode 3: - The UFO

Harold Green: Uncle Red will be right back with his extra terrestrials.
Red Green: Hey wait a minute! I have the same number of terrestrials as everybody else.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Harold Green: Welcome to "Harold's Handy Crafts" where crafty hands make handy crafts!
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Ranger Gord: Where there's smoke, there's fire; where there's fire, there's Ranger Gord; where there's Ranger Gord, there's... nothing...
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Red Green: If a person could find a better way to kill bugs, they would not only get rich, they'd probably get a lot more dates.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Harold Green: We have a condom machine at school. It's always broken, but it's fun to think about.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Harold Green: Where does cheese come from, anyway?
Red Green: I'm not sure but I think butter comes from leaving milk out too long.
Harold Green: Maybe cheese is butter that has been left out too long...
Red Green: Yeah, could be... but I always thought cheese was a urine product. No, maybe that's cheez-whiz.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Red Green: If repetition wasn't a good thing, why would people get married?

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