Originally titled 'You'll Never Get Rich' and often now referred to as just 'Bilko'. The series starred Phil Silvers as Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko of Fort Baxter's motor pool. He was always looking for a way to make a fast buck, provided the Colonel didn't find out. His platoon was frequently the brunt of his money making schemes.
The Phil Silvers Show Season 1 (1955-1956)
|1x01 New Recruits |
Bilko needs a new bankroll for tomorrow night's poker game, so he looks to his new recruits for quick cash.
|Sep. 20, 1955|
|1x02 Empty Store |
Bilko is still broke and can't find a way back into the big poker game. When the three sergeant's win again, by beating one of the new recruits, Bilko decides to get even by renting ...
|Sep. 27, 1955|
|1x03 The WAC |
Bilko's plan to volunteer for a special duty that would provide him with his own personal jeep is in jeopardy, when a new sergeant also volunteers. Bilko then schemes to take the other ...
|Oct. 04, 1955|
|1x04 The Horse |
Bilko uses the platoon fund to buy ailing racehorse, 'Bell Boy.' Smuggling the horse into Fort Baxter, Bilko dreams of making a fortune at the races when the horse is well.
|Oct. 11, 1955|
|1x05 AWOL |
Pvt Steve Nagy goes awol so Bilko has to go and fetch him back only to find himself caught up in the middle of a family feud
|Oct. 18, 1955|
|1x06 The Boxer |
Bilko discovers that one of the platoon Claude Dillingham is a boxing champ so Bilko enters him for the interplatoon championship only to learn that Dillingham refuses to fight
|Oct. 25, 1955|
|1x07 The Hoodlum |
After several transfers a young tough guy is moved to the motor pool platoon and it is left to the Bilko to cut him down to size. Meanwhile Bilko is after the ' Soldier of the Month' ...
|Nov. 01, 1955|
|1x08 Mardi Gras |
When the platoon ask local socialite Miss Joy Landers to be their Mardi Gras queen she laughs and turns them down flat, so Bilko finds a way to change her mind.
|Nov. 08, 1955|
|1x09 The Eating Contest |
Company B constantly lose all bets against rival Company A - but upon the arrival of Ed 'the Stomach' Honergan they sense their chance to win an Eating Contest. The only problem they ...
|Nov. 15, 1955|
|1x10 The Centennial |
Bilko organises a pageant to celebrate 100 years of Camp Baxter but after some investigation finds that it does not show the camp in a very good light
|Nov. 22, 1955|
|1x11 Bivouac |
Sgt. Bilko must come up with a new ailment to avoid annual maneuvers, and this year it's Wilkinson's Disease. However, Colonel Hall has a trick up his sleeve that may break Bilko's ...
|Nov. 29, 1955|
|1x12 The Singing Contest |
Bilko hears of a singing contest in Miami and to get away from the bitterly cold weather he enters the platoon but on hearing them sing he puts a bet on for them to lose. While he is ...
|Dec. 06, 1955|
|1x13 The Twitch |
Colonel Hall tells Bilko to provide an audience for a lecture on music. He finds that nobody wants to come until they learn that the lecture will be given by a friend of the Colonel's ...
|Dec. 13, 1955|
|1x14 The Reunion |
When Bilko meets up with his old army buddies, he thinks that they are going to be so short of money, that he is going to have to help them out , but it turns out that they have all ...
|Dec. 20, 1955|
|1x15 The Rich Kid |
Bilko thinks he can make a small fortune if he can open a new bar and grill but, as usual, he's strapped for cash. When he learns that one of his new recruits is heir to a fortune, ...
|Dec. 27, 1955|
|1x16 Hollywood |
Hollywood plans a film of the ' Battle of Kabuchi' and they hire Bilko as the technical adviser, but after a couple of days he has taken over the whole production, and the film people ...
|Jan. 03, 1956|
|1x17 The Investigation |
A Congressional committee visit Fort Baxter to investigate waste and high living but Bilko has other ideas, he wants a pay rise instead
|Jan. 10, 1956|
|1x18 Kids in the Trailer |
While babysitting for a member of the platoon Bilko panics when he finds that he can't change the baby's nappy
|Jan. 17, 1956|
|1x19 The Revolutionary War |
Bilko's aunt sends him a diary showing him that his great uncle Joshua was on the staff of George Washington so Bilko applies to become an officer but on reading the diary he discovers ...
|Jan. 24, 1956|
|1x20 The Transfer |
When the Colonel makes life difficult Bilko decides to bluff and puts in a transfer, but the Colonel calls the bluff and Bilko is on his way, but at his new camp life is to easy and ...
|Jan. 31, 1956|
|1x21 The Rest Cure |
During a heat wave, Bilko schemes to be sent to cooler climes. When his request to visit a sick aunt in upstate Wisconsin is denied - an officer found the "deathly ill" lady water skiing ...
|Feb. 07, 1956|
|1x22 Dinner at Sowici's |
When Bilko thinks that Joan is trying to trap him into marriage, he takes her to dinner at Sgt Sowici's to see how bad marriage can be, but they are in for a surprise.
|Feb. 14, 1956|
|1x23 Army Memoirs |
When Sgt's Pendleton,Grover, and Sowici get Bilko busted to private, he gets his own back by pretending to write a book on his army life
|Feb. 21, 1956|
|1x24 Miss America |
When Bilko asks for pictures of the platoons girlfriends Pvt Honnagar shows them a photo of a beautiful girl taken years ago. they think it is his girl but they have a surprise in ...
|Feb. 28, 1956|
|1x25 The Court Martial |
Colonel Hall is attempting to set a new Army record for inducting new recruits. Unfortunately he also inducts a chimpanzee then has to convene a court martial to discharge Private Harry ...
|Mar. 06, 1956|
|1x26 Furlough in New York |
Bilko and Joan Hogan go separately to New York and keep missing each other but when they meet up again at Fort Baxter they find that they have somehow ended up with each others dog ...
|Mar. 13, 1956|
|1x27 The Big Uranium Strike |
Bilko suspects that there are large deposits of uranium underneath Fort Baxter but he has to get rid of the Colonel before he can start digging
|Mar. 20, 1956|
|1x28 Bilko and the Beast |
When a new drill sergeant known as ' The Beast ' takes over at Fort Baxter Bilko and the platoon come up with a scheme to get rid of him
|Mar. 27, 1956|
|1x29 The Physical Check Up |
Bilko is convinced that Colonel Hall is trying to get him kicked out of the army When he learns that he's been scheduled for a physical immediately after Hall granted his request to ...
|Apr. 10, 1956|
|1x30 The Recruiting Sergeant |
When Bilko gets a tip from a jockey on a horse he persuades the Colonel to take him on a recruiting drive to Topeka so he can get to a bookie and get a bet on
|Apr. 17, 1956|
|1x31 Hair |
Bilko's head is constantly being used by his barber to find a cure for baldness. The other three sergeants know this and while Bilko is asleep decide to play a trick on him, but Bilko ...
|Apr. 24, 1956|
|1x32 The Con Men |
Doberman receives $500.00 but loses it at poker when he meets three strangers from his hometown in a café.
|May. 01, 1956|
|1x33 War Games |
Bilko agrees to be the best man at the wedding of one of his men; but the wedding is on hold since the sergeant has been ordered to lead a platoon of recruits in a war game pitting ...
|May. 08, 1956|
|1x34 Bilko on Wall St |
Thinking his friend is a big man on Wall Street Bilko goes to stay but when he discovers that his friend is just a clerk, Bilko sets out to get him a better job.
|May. 15, 1956|
Season 1 Characters
Season 1 Videos[none added]
Season 1 Quotes
|Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Twitch|
Captain Whitney: [trying to solve Fort Baxter's gambling problem] Colonel, have you a woodworking shop on the post?
Col. John T. Hall: We had one. The men worked like beavers for one week.
Captain Whitney: Really? What did they build?
Col. John T. Hall: A crap table.
|Season 1 / Episode 25: - The Court Martial|
Col. John T. Hall: Bilko, this time, I think you've gone too far!
MSgt. Ernest G. Bilko: Sir, I hate to give this trouble to the court...
Pvt. Harry Speakup: [abruptly leaves defense table and scampers to another table and picks up a telephone]
MSgt. Ernest G. Bilko: [ad-libbing] Just a minute, sir. I think he's calling for another lawyer.
Season 1 Trivia
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