Type
Scripted
Premiered
Oct. 03, 1961
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

Top Contributors

The Dick Van Dyke Show tv show photo

The Dick Van Dyke Show

Rob, Buddy and Sally write for the Alan Brady TV show under the thumb of Brady's brother-in-law Mel. Rob and Laura live in new Rochelle next-door to Jerry and Millie.

05x03 - Uhny Uftz Season 5 / Episode 3: - Uhny Uftz

Rob Petrie: What are you sneaking around in here for?
Buddy Sorrell: I always sneak around in empty buildings! You think I want somebody to hear me?
05x03 - Uhny Uftz Season 5 / Episode 3: - Uhny Uftz

Rob Petrie: You uhny uftzed me.
Buddy Sorrell: Rob, I've done a lot of rotten things in my life. I never uhny uftzed anybody.
05x03 - Uhny Uftz Season 5 / Episode 3: - Uhny Uftz

Rob Petrie: I MUST have been asleep. It seemed so REAL.
Voice: Uhny Uftz.
Buddy Sorrell: Boy, you dream real good.
05x03 - Uhny Uftz Season 5 / Episode 3: - Uhny Uftz

Rob Petrie: It's gotta be a dream. How could a flying saucer get in a ventilator?
Voice: Uhny Uftz.
Buddy Sorrell: I-I heard it, too.
Rob Petrie: How do I know I'm not dreamin' YOU?
05x03 - Uhny Uftz Season 5 / Episode 3: - Uhny Uftz

Voice: Uhny Uftz.
Rob Petrie: [listening door to door for the source of the alien voice] It's not in the men's room.
Buddy Sorrell: No?
Voice: Uhny Uftz. Uhny Uftz.
Rob Petrie: Not in the ladies room.
Buddy Sorrell: See if they got one marked "Creatures."
05x02 - A Farewell to Writing Season 5 / Episode 2: - A Farewell to Writing

Millie Helper: Boy, you people are moody. One minute we're singin' and the next minute we're goin' in the kitchen.
05x02 - A Farewell to Writing Season 5 / Episode 2: - A Farewell to Writing

Rob Petrie: [now hearing an actual noise] What was that?
Laura Petrie: The refrigerator defrosting. You wanna answer it?
05x02 - A Farewell to Writing Season 5 / Episode 2: - A Farewell to Writing

Horace: Take the couple up at the top of the hill, Lola and Francine Shrank. "Artists." Huh! Trouble-makers, that's what they are.
Rob Petrie: Well, what do they do?
Horace: Every year they come into town and break up our square dance.
Rob Petrie: Well, how do they do that?
Horace: They're nudists. It's a darn shame, too. Good dancers.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Alan Brady: [Talking to his toupee stands] Fellas? There she is. There's the little lady who put you out of business.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Alan Brady: Shut up, Mel.
Mel Cooley: Yes, sir.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Rob Petrie: What is long and yellow and seldom rings?
Buddy Sorrell: An unlisted banana.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Johnny Patrick: Petrie, Petrie... Is your husband in television?
Laura Petrie: Yes, he is.
Johnny Patrick: I thought that name was familiar. Ladies and gentlemen, this little lady happens to be married to one of the most talented men in our business.
Laura Petrie: Thank you. I think he is.
Johnny Patrick: The producer of that fantastic show "The World in Trouble" - Dave Petrie.
Laura Petrie: Oh, no.
Johnny Patrick: Oh, I'm sorry. He's not producing that show anymore.
Laura Petrie: No, he's not my husband.
Johnny Patrick: Oh, well, I didn't mean to let the cat out of the bag.
Laura Petrie: No, no, he never was.
Johnny Patrick: OH!
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Johnny Patrick: Have you ever been to Alan Brady's house?
Laura Petrie: Oh, yes.
Johnny Patrick: Uh-huh. Does he wear his toupee at home?
Laura Petrie: Oh, golly, yes. He wears it all the time.
Johnny Patrick: You mean that Alan Brady is really BALD?
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Laura Petrie: Rob's home. Listen, Millie, would you stay with me?
Millie Helper: I wish you hadn't asked me that.
Laura Petrie: Why?
Millie Helper: 'Cause you're not gonna like my answer: Goodbye and good luck.
Laura Petrie: Aw, Millie...
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Laura Petrie: I didn't know Alan had a nose job.
Rob Petrie: No, up till now it was a secret.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Rob Petrie: Wait a minute. You're mad at me for not telling you a secret right in the middle of an argument where I'm mad at you for tellin' a secret.
Laura Petrie: I'm not sure.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Rob Petrie: Has any man ever lost his job because of his wife?
Buddy Sorrell: What was the name of Marie Antoinette's husband, the guy with no head?
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Sally Rogers: She's here.
Rob Petrie: Where?
Sally Rogers: I don't know where, but I saw her get into the elevator.
Rob Petrie: The elevator?
Sally Rogers: Yeah, that little room in the lobby that goes up and down.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Laura Petrie: Well, I remember telling Rob, and I told him to tell you - d... did he ever tell you? - because I told him to tell you how very nice and natural and warm you look that way.
Alan Brady: Sure, like a father figure, right?
Laura Petrie: Oh, no! No, Alan, just the opposite.
Alan Brady: A bald mother figure?
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Alan Brady: [presenting all his various toupees] What we... what... what do you say... what do you suggest I do with all of these now, huh?
Laura Petrie: Well, there must be some... needy bald people.
Alan Brady: NEEDY BALD PEOPLE!
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Rob Petrie: Uh, Alan, whatever you were gonna say to Laura, I would rather you said to me.
Alan Brady: Okay, Rob. If that's the way you want it: Rob, you're a beautiful girl.
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Laura Petrie: [relieved now that all turned out well] Maybe I ought to go on television and tell 'em about your nose.
Alan Brady: [to Rob, alarmed about a second secret getting out] You told her about my nose?
Laura Petrie: Nothing. I know n... Ask Rob. I've always said I liked you without your nose. No!
Rob Petrie: She loves it.
Alan Brady: Did you tell her about my capped teeth?
Laura Petrie: Mm-mm.
Rob Petrie: You've got capped teeth?
Alan Brady: NO!
05x01 - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth Season 5 / Episode 1: - Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth

Rob Petrie: There are four prizes, right, Millie? You pick a number between one and ten.
Millie Helper: Ooo, uh, nine.
Rob Petrie: All right. Laura?
Laura Petrie: Three.
Rob Petrie: Three, all right. Uh, what's your favorite tree?
Millie Helper: Weeping willow.
Rob Petrie: Weeping willow.
Laura Petrie: The mighty oak.
Rob Petrie: All right, your favorite planet.
Laura Petrie: Earth.
Millie Helper: She took my planet.
Laura Petrie: Oh, Millie!
Millie Helper: Okay, give me Pluto.
Rob Petrie: Okay. Now that makes you a nine-willow-pluto, and that makes you a ten-oak-earth, so that means, Millie, that you get the dryer - right? - and the vacuum, and Laura gets rotisserie and a projector. That's it.
Millie Helper: Wonderful.
Laura Petrie: Rob, how did you arrive at that?
Rob Petrie: Well, what's the difference? We did it.

04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Sally Rogers: Last year I was so embarrassed. My cat gave me a better present than I gave him.
Buddy Sorrell: How could that be?
Sally Rogers: I bought him a cheap leather collar and he gave me a beautiful dead mouse.
04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Sally Rogers: You and your wholesale deals! Any time anybody buys anything, you always say, "Why didn't you call me? I could have gotten it for you wholesale."
04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Rob Petrie: Did I act too good?
Buddy Sorrell: Don't ask me. I'm still workin' on why the belly is the worst part.
04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Emil: [asked to try on a fur coat] You wanna see the coat on me?
Rob Petrie: Well, yeah.
Emil: You in show business?
Rob Petrie: Yeah.
Emil: I don't go for that.
04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Rob Petrie: They know you're not Nunzio's wife.
Laura Petrie: Well, then why do I say "I'm Nunzio's wife?"
Rob Petrie: To identify yourself.
Laura Petrie: Okay, okay. I'm Nunzio's wife. Now, who's Nunzio?
Rob Petrie: He's the guy at the warehouse.
Laura Petrie: I thought he was Tony Morello.
Rob Petrie: Honey, Buddy is Tony Morello. I'm Mr. Zatini. You are Mrs. Vallani.
Laura Petrie: Wait a minute. What's Nunzio's last name?
Rob Petrie: Vallani.
Laura Petrie: Oh, well, then I'm Mrs. Vallani. Who's Rudy?
Rob Petrie: Uh, he's got a wart. That's all I know.
04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Rob Petrie: Oh, that's not the coat that looked so good on me.
04x32 - There's No Sale Like Wholesale Season 4 / Episode 32: - There's No Sale Like Wholesale

Sally Rogers: Rob, if you don't say something, I'm gonna belt the baron.

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