Type
Scripted
Premiered
Oct. 03, 1961
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

Top Contributors

The Dick Van Dyke Show tv show photo

The Dick Van Dyke Show

Rob, Buddy and Sally write for the Alan Brady TV show under the thumb of Brady's brother-in-law Mel. Rob and Laura live in new Rochelle next-door to Jerry and Millie.

05x12 - See Rob Write -- Write, Rob, Write Season 5 / Episode 12: - See Rob Write -- Write, Rob, Write

Ollie Wheelwright: I tell you I can see symbolism even when it isn't there. Now, you take this character Rollie on Fire Island. If people knew what he was really writing about, we'd all be in jail.
05x12 - See Rob Write -- Write, Rob, Write Season 5 / Episode 12: - See Rob Write -- Write, Rob, Write

Ollie Wheelwright: All that violence and killing. I got more laughs out of reading "The Hunchback of Notre Dame."
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Rob Petrie: The world is not ready for a bald Tarzan.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Rob Petrie: [to Sally] Who'd you meet at lunch?
Buddy Sorrell: [interjecting a name] Paul Tinkelman!
Sally Rogers: Who?
Buddy Sorrell: I guess you didn't meet him.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Sally Rogers: I met a very dear friend of yours, Rob.
Rob Petrie: Who?
Buddy Sorrell: Male or female?
Sally Rogers: Male. Very, very male.
Buddy Sorrell: Very, very male and he's married.
Sally Rogers: Yeah. How'd you know he was married?
Buddy Sorrell: Because if he was very, very male and very single, you'd still be eatin' lunch.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Rob Petrie: Everybody in the Army had to fight three fights.
Buddy Sorrell: Yeah, that's right. The Germans, the Japanese and the Italians.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Sol Pomerantz: [to Laura] Well, he can't take you on a picnic this Sunday. He's going to be fighting.
Sol Pomerantz: [to Rob] What're you doin' Sunday, Rob?
Laura Petrie: Rob?
Sol Pomerantz: Champ.
Laura Petrie: Darling.
Rob Petrie: Well, um... uh... Well, on a... on a... going on a picnic. Or I'm gonna fight.
Laura Petrie: Which?
Rob Petrie: Well, I... Whatever I decide, I'm gonna be fightin' with SOMEBODY. I can see THAT.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Buddy Sorrell: Sally, you know somethin', you're too good a nag to be single.
Sally Rogers: Is that a compliment?
Buddy Sorrell: I hope not.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Rob Petrie: You know something, Laura? You're no Lilli Palmer.
05x11 - Body and Sol Season 5 / Episode 11: - Body and Sol

Rob Petrie: There's not a Lilli Palmer among ya.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Sally Rogers: Well, I see Mel was pretty busy today. Boy, look at all these phone messages.
Rob Petrie: How do you know Mel took the messages.
Sally Rogers: Well, because they're in three neat piles: his, hers, its.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Rob Petrie: What's wrong?
Laura Petrie: Well, it seems that Ritchie has been giving lectures to the other children.
Rob Petrie: What kind of lectures?
Laura Petrie: On the facts of life.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Sally Rogers: Listen, when my folks told me about the birds and bees, you know I couldn't look at a jar of honey without gettin' a rash.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Buddy Sorrell: My folks told me some dopey story about flowers. I spent a week tryin' to get a kid brother out of a geranium.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Ritchie Petrie: Hi, Debbie. Huh? But I told you this morning. Weren't you listenin'? Oh, okay, but it's the last time I'm gonna tell ya. The whole thing takes two or three months. Huh? Yeah, I know Freddie had to wait almost a year, but that's 'cause his family don't eat any cereal.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Dr. Gormsley: I'm awfully sorry I was late. I was in the principal's office.
Rob Petrie: [grinning] The principal? What'd you do?
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Rob Petrie: Oh, yeah, listen, when I was Ritchie's age I was much younger.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Dr. Gormsley: [reading Ritchie's version of reproduction] When a mommy and a daddy want a baby, they put a silver dollar under their pillow when they go to sleep at night.
Laura Petrie: A silver dollar under their pillow?
Rob Petrie: Oh, boy.
Dr. Gormsley: And when they wake up and find the silver dollar is gone, they know that Mr. Cabbage has been there.
Laura Petrie: Mr. Cabbage?
Dr. Gormsley: Mr. Cabbage takes the silver dollar to Esmeralda the queen tomato, and in front of the other vegetables...
Dr. Gormsley and Rob: [together]... three broccolis and a radish...
Rob Petrie: [alone]... Esmeralda plants a baby seed in a magic garden saying, "Starlight, star bright, we're gonna grow a baby tonight."
Laura Petrie: Rob!
Dr. Gormsley: Then this IS familiar to you, Mr. Petrie.
Rob Petrie: Oh, yeah, yeah. And on a... on a bright and sunny morning, nestled in a... in a nest of, uh, lettuce leaves, is a beautiful pink pumpkin.
Laura Petrie: A pink pumpkin?
Rob Petrie: Well, if it's a girl. Boys come in blue pumpkins.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob!
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Rob Petrie: It's just that, Rich, there's a little confusion about what you're tellin' the kids at school; I'd like to clear it up if I can.
Ritchie Petrie: Oh, you mean about the babies and all that stuff.
Laura Petrie: Yeah, that... that's right, dear.
Ritchie Petrie: But I didn't tell 'em what you told me not to tell.
Rob Petrie: Well, who told you what to tell 'em?
Ritchie Petrie: Nobody. I made it up.
Laura Petrie: You made it up?
Ritchie Petrie: Yeah. Grampa's story about Mr. Cabbage was silly.
Rob Petrie: Well, right, right.
Ritchie Petrie: And your story about the eggs and everything made a lot of sense.
Rob Petrie: Of course it did.
Ritchie Petrie: But you said I shouldn't tell that story to anybody.
Rob Petrie: Right again.
Ritchie Petrie: So I had to make one up.
Laura Petrie: Well, why, Rich? Why did you have to make up ANY story?
Ritchie Petrie: Because the kids like me to tell stories - and I'm good at it, like Daddy.
Rob Petrie: How do you like THAT?
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Ritchie Petrie: What about bears?
Rob Petrie: What about 'em?
Ritchie Petrie: Don't they fall in love and get married?
Rob Petrie: Well... y-yes, in a manner of speaking, they do, Rich.
Ritchie Petrie: How about a fox and a rabbit?
Rob Petrie: A fox and a rabbit. No. Uh, R... they can't, Rich. They can't. Certain, um... Rich, there're just certain animals that-that don't get along together. You see, it wouldn't... it wouldn't make sense for them to get married, see?
Ritchie Petrie: How about Millie and Jerry? The got married.
Rob Petrie: Well... that's a little different, uh, Rich. M-Millie and Jerry love each other, really. It's just they like to... to show it at the top of their lungs, that's all.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Rob Petrie: [recalling his former maid Maria] We wanted a lady one day a week, and she moved in like she was gonna live there the rest of her life.
Buddy Sorrell: That's exactly how I got my wife, Pickles.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Manuel Rodriguez: But you can't expect me to marry Maria. She thinks I'm a coward.
Laura Petrie: Well, SURE you can.
Manuel Rodriguez: No, I can't. If SHE was a coward, I wouldn't marry HER.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Rob Petrie: Honey, right now I haven't got the guts to go in there and tell that coward that he can't clean my house.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Laura Petrie: Oh, Manuel, you startled me.
Manuel Rodriguez: Oh, thank you.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Laura Petrie: He heard my roast beef is hard...
Rob Petrie: It's all over town.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Rob Petrie: I mean, for a guy who's supposed to be a bullfighter, he doesn't ACT like a guy who's supposed to be a bullfighter.
Laura Petrie: Well, how should a bullfighter act?
Rob Petrie: Well, not like him, honey. They... they're haughty, proud, mysterious - and they're brave. He saw a spider in the garage; I had to kill it - and I HATE 'em.
Laura Petrie: So? So, he's not a spider fighter.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Laura Petrie: He doesn't really look like any of the bullfighters I know.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Sally Rogers: A guy who cooks as good as he does doesn't fight bulls, he barbecues them.
05x09 - Viva Petrie Season 5 / Episode 9: - Viva Petrie

Sally Rogers: I think he just fired himself.
Buddy Sorrell: And he ain't even loaded.

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