Type
Scripted
Premiered
Oct. 03, 1961
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #3 of 19 (Full List)

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Laura Petrie The Dick Van Dyke Show

Laura Petrie

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  Played by:
Mary Tyler MooreMary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore was born in Flatbush, Brooklyn, on December 29, 1936, though Moore's family relocated ...

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Laura Petrie Quotes

04x23 - Girls Will Be Boys Season 4 / Episode 23: - Girls Will Be Boys

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Call him out and tell him.
Laura Petrie: Me? Why me?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, honey, it's a mother's place to tell a little boy to hit a girl.
Laura Petrie: What makes it a mother's place?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: The father who tells the mother that it's her place.
04x23 - Girls Will Be Boys Season 4 / Episode 23: - Girls Will Be Boys

Ritchie Petrie: I never kissed a girl before.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, you kissed Mommy.
Ritchie Petrie: That's not the same.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, yes it is.
Laura Petrie: No, it isn't.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Don't confuse him, honey.
04x22 - Young Man With a Shoehorn Season 4 / Episode 22: - Young Man With a Shoehorn

Rob Petrie: Underwear's not the most important thing in the whole world.
Laura Petrie: Unless you're wearing a tweed suit.
04x22 - Young Man With a Shoehorn Season 4 / Episode 22: - Young Man With a Shoehorn

Laura Petrie: I haven't met such a rude man since you introduced me to that aunt of yours.
04x21 - The Case of the Pillow Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Case of the Pillow

Laura Petrie: We've had eiderdown pillows before. They never smelled like this.
Rob Petrie: Yeah? Well, the duck who got rid of these to make a pillow must be the happiest duck in the world.
04x21 - The Case of the Pillow Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Case of the Pillow

Rob Petrie: Well, now, Mrs. Petrie, the defendant has already admitted that you telephoned him complaining about the chicken-smelling pillows. Now, would you now, to the best of your recollection and in your own words, tell us what transpired and ensued during that telephone call - keeping in mind at all times that you are under oath?


Judge: [paraphrasing] Just tell what happened on the phone.
Laura Petrie: Oh.
04x21 - The Case of the Pillow Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Case of the Pillow

Laura Petrie: Rob, I don't care what he says. I smell chickens.
Rob Petrie: I think I smell a rat.
04x21 - The Case of the Pillow Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Case of the Pillow

Rob Petrie: [seeing that Laura has now purchased blankets from Mr. Wiley] What if those are faulty?
Laura Petrie: There's no problem. None whatsoever. He gave us a guarantee.
Rob Petrie: What kind of a guarantee?
Laura Petrie: He said that if anything goes wrong with these blankets that you can always take him to court and beat him again.
04x20 - The Redcoats Are Coming Season 4 / Episode 20: - The Redcoats Are Coming

Laura Petrie: Rob, I want to tell you something, and you're probably going to say it's childish and immature and female, but, Rob, I'm just dying to tell somebody they're here.
Rob Petrie: Uh-huh. That's childish AND immature.
Laura Petrie: Yeah, yeah...
Rob Petrie: But it's not female. I feel exactly the same way. Like if I could just tell Jerry. Anybody!
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, I'd just like to tell EVERYBODY.
Rob Petrie: That's female.
04x20 - The Redcoats Are Coming Season 4 / Episode 20: - The Redcoats Are Coming

Laura Petrie: Gee, I don't now how I'm gonna handle Millie though. She's just gonna hate me for not telling her.
Rob Petrie: Well, you can blame me, honey. Tell her I threatened you or something.
Laura Petrie: No. She knows that doesn't stop me.
04x20 - The Redcoats Are Coming Season 4 / Episode 20: - The Redcoats Are Coming

Rob Petrie: It's, uh... , one o'clock.
Laura Petrie: No it isn't. It's eleven.
Rob Petrie: I know, but just SAY it's one o'clock. We've been standing here arguing for two solid hours now, and I've... say you... I've finally given in.
Laura Petrie: Oh, good, darling That's the kind of argument I like.
Rob Petrie: [as Laura rushes to the telephone] What are you gonna do?
Laura Petrie: I'm going to call Millie and tell her to hold tomorrow morning open.
Rob Petrie: [leading her away to bed] Come on.
Laura Petrie: Why?
Rob Petrie: You can't call her now. It's one o'clock in the morning.
04x19 - Boy #1, Boy #2 Season 4 / Episode 19: - Boy #1, Boy #2

Rob Petrie: I better make sure they have equal parts.
Laura Petrie: Well, no, they don't have to be exactly equal.
Rob Petrie: Oh. Um, you mean Ritchie could have a couple more, huh?
Laura Petrie: Well, you are his father.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, well, I don't want you to become his stage mother.
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob!
04x19 - Boy #1, Boy #2 Season 4 / Episode 19: - Boy #1, Boy #2

Laura Petrie: Well, listen, darling, I don't want to say anything...
Rob Petrie: Good. That's a perfect start right there.
04x18 - Stacey Petrie (2) Season 4 / Episode 18: - Stacey Petrie (2)

Rob Petrie: Didn't you tell her?
Laura Petrie: Well, Rob, you told me not to.
Rob Petrie: You mean that WORKS?
Laura Petrie: Sometimes.
04x18 - Stacey Petrie (2) Season 4 / Episode 18: - Stacey Petrie (2)

Rob Petrie: [hoping to lift Stacey's spirits] Honey, would you please tell him how you felt about me when we first met? Just tell him, will ya?
Laura Petrie: Well, I couldn't STAND Rob. I thought he was arrogant, repulsive, insufferable... Just hearing his voice, Stacey, used to make my flesh crawl. I thought that he was just about the most...


Rob Petrie: What we're trying to say, Stace, is that... maybe it isn't over with Julie. You know, I mean, look at us. Our beginnings couldn't have been any worse.
Laura Petrie: Yeah, I thought he was brash and vulgar...
Rob Petrie: I think we covered that, honey. I... It's just that, the thing is that, there's not just one person for every other person, Stace.
Laura Petrie: Right! If Rob had continued to revolt me, I have no doubt in this world I would have found somebody just as nice as Rob - maybe even nicer.
Rob Petrie: And I wouldn't exactly have jumped off a cliff if I hadn't married Laura, either. I could have... I could have... There's no telling what kind of a great girl I might have found.

04x16 - The Impractical Joke Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Impractical Joke

Laura Petrie: [entering to find Rob blowing on the bottom of their telephone] What are you doing now?
Rob Petrie: Uh, blowing on the phone, honey.
04x16 - The Impractical Joke Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Impractical Joke

Rob Petrie: What're you laughin' at?
Laura Petrie: I just got a picture of you standing on the lawn screaming like a chicken.
04x15 - Brother, Can You Spare $2500? Season 4 / Episode 15: - Brother, Can You Spare $2500?

Laura Petrie: How's your headache?
Rob Petrie: Well, I took a couple of aspirins. It's all gone except for the pain.
04x15 - Brother, Can You Spare $2500? Season 4 / Episode 15: - Brother, Can You Spare $2500?

Rob Petrie: I've got to go back to the office and tell Buddy and Sally I lost the script, and I want you with me.
Laura Petrie: Me? Why?
Rob Petrie: Because they won't hit me in front of my wife.
04x14 - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk Season 4 / Episode 14: - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk

Rob Petrie: [after Ritchie leaves] He spells better than you do.
Laura Petrie: And why not? He's my S-U-N.
04x14 - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk Season 4 / Episode 14: - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk

Rob Petrie: [reading a note] "In one minute your telephone will ring."
Laura Petrie: Well, what a crazy note. I wonder who it is.


Rob Petrie: Let's ask.
04x14 - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk Season 4 / Episode 14: - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk

Laura Petrie: You know, there ought to be a statute of limitations on how many times you have to repay a favor.
04x13 - My Two Show-Offs and Me Season 4 / Episode 13: - My Two Show-Offs and Me

Laura Petrie: Is there anything wrong in a woman wanting her man to become famous and well-known?
Rob Petrie: No, no. Look what the lady in red did for John Dillinger.
04x13 - My Two Show-Offs and Me Season 4 / Episode 13: - My Two Show-Offs and Me

Laura Petrie: You don't get credit or publicity; so, if you got a little of each, you might get a lot more of both.
Rob Petrie: You know something?
Laura Petrie: What?
Rob Petrie: You're no fun to talk to anymore.
04x13 - My Two Show-Offs and Me Season 4 / Episode 13: - My Two Show-Offs and Me

Laura Petrie: You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead.
Rob Petrie: Who's THAT?
Laura Petrie: Dwight Heatherton happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity.
Rob Petrie: Well, how do YOU know him?
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, he's famous.
04x12 - The Death of the Party Season 4 / Episode 12: - The Death of the Party

Laura Petrie: [with false civility] Hi.
Rob Petrie: I was so proud. I dressed, I shaved, and I packed, and I got out without wakin' you up.
Laura Petrie: And you were so proud, you had to come back and tell me, huh?
04x12 - The Death of the Party Season 4 / Episode 12: - The Death of the Party

Laura Petrie: [finding Rob, still in his coat, laid out on the bed] Oh, Rob!
Rob Petrie: [waking] Huh?
Laura Petrie: What are you doing?
Rob Petrie: Taking a shower.
04x12 - The Death of the Party Season 4 / Episode 12: - The Death of the Party

Rob Petrie: Is that affection or were you taking my temperature?
Laura Petrie: Both. Temperature's still 103 but... let's see, the affection's about 97.4.
Rob Petrie: Isn't that a little low for affection?
Laura Petrie: Well, with a fever of 103, you couldn't take much more.
04x10 - Pink Pills and Purple Parents Season 4 / Episode 10: - Pink Pills and Purple Parents

Laura Petrie: Rob, how can you have an Italian motif without wine bottles? So far, we've only got three. I wish you'd drink more.
04x10 - Pink Pills and Purple Parents Season 4 / Episode 10: - Pink Pills and Purple Parents

Laura Petrie: [panicking over an impending, first-time visit from Rob's parents] What am I gonna serve them?
Rob Petrie: Oh, that IS a problem. Maybe I can steal a loaf of bread somewhere.

Previous: Melvin 'Mel' Cooley Next: Sally Rogers
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