Type
Scripted
Premiered
Oct. 03, 1961
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

Top Contributors


Characters: #3 of 19 (Full List)

Previous Next

Laura Petrie The Dick Van Dyke Show

Laura Petrie

Add to My Characters
  Played by:
Mary Tyler MooreMary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore was born in Flatbush, Brooklyn, on December 29, 1936, though Moore's family relocated ...

« Back to Character Profile

Laura Petrie Quotes

04x09 - Three Letters from One Wife Season 4 / Episode 9: - Three Letters from One Wife

Laura Petrie: Rob? Are you all right?
Rob Petrie: [laughing continuously] I couldn't be worse.
Millie Helper: Rob, what can I do?
Rob Petrie: Take advantage of my temporary insanity and get out of here.


Laura Petrie: [trying to comfort Rob] Darling...
Rob Petrie: [unable to stop laughing] Don't touch me.
04x05 - The Man from Emperor Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Man from Emperor

Rob Petrie: Hey, I just called to see if you started dinner yet.
Laura Petrie: Why?
Rob Petrie: Well, uh, uh, Drew Patton's here and he wanted to discuss that deal I told you about.
Laura Petrie: Oh? Well, I thought you decided you didn't want to have anything to do with that magazine.
Rob Petrie: No, honey, that was YOU who didn't.
04x05 - The Man from Emperor Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Man from Emperor

Laura Petrie: Oh, boy. How do you entertain the king of self-indulgence?
04x05 - The Man from Emperor Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Man from Emperor

Drew Patton: Well, how do you feel about, uh, 'Emperor Magazine'?
Laura Petrie: You really want an honest opinion?
Drew Patton: Sure.
Laura Petrie: Well, I feel pretty much the way Rob does. The writing in that magazine is so good that you really don't need all those pictures.
04x05 - The Man from Emperor Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Man from Emperor

Rob Petrie: Well, Drew, haven't you ever found a girl you'd like to settle down with?
Drew Patton: Oh, Rob, every day of my life.
Laura Petrie: Well, then, how come you've never married one of them?
Drew Patton: Because if I did, every husband in America would be upset.
04x05 - The Man from Emperor Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Man from Emperor

Drew Patton: Every guy in America gets vicarious kicks out of the way I live.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, I see what you mean.
Laura Petrie: You do?
Rob Petrie: Yeah.
Laura Petrie: You gets vicarious kicks out of the way he lives?
Rob Petrie: Oh, I, no, I... I'm... I see... I see what... what he... means about them, honey, but I... guys, you know, who like that kind of... of a thing.
Drew Patton: Uh, do you, uh... do you believe him, Laura?
Laura Petrie: Oh course I believe him. Rob's never given me any reason not to.
Drew Patton: If Rob says that, uh, he doesn't envy the kind of life that I lead, he's one of two things. He's either, um, a liar or he's, uh, scared.
Laura Petrie: No, I don't think he's either one of those things.
Drew Patton: Oh, in that case, he's dead.
04x05 - The Man from Emperor Season 4 / Episode 5: - The Man from Emperor

Drew Patton: Every guy - EVERY GUY - envies the kind of life I lead. Can you deny that, Rob?
Laura Petrie: Rob aren't you going to deny that?
Rob Petrie: Yeah, huh, right, um, right after dinner.
Drew Patton: Why, uh, why after dinner?
Rob Petrie: Well, I'd... I'd like to deny it in such a way that I don't make Laura mad, and I, uh, save a little self-respect for myself, and Drew doesn't think I'm a sissy.
04x04 - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat Season 4 / Episode 4: - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat

Rob Petrie: [giving reason for sending the Helpers a dinner invitation] If people are gonna live together peacefully, we've got to keep the lines of communication open.
Laura Petrie: Well, then, darling, why don't you CALL Jerry and invite him?
Rob Petrie: 'Cause I don't wanna talk to that rat.
04x04 - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat Season 4 / Episode 4: - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat

Ritchie Petrie: You gonna get a sitter for me?
Laura Petrie: Yes, dear. I've called Billy and he's gonna come over.
Ritchie Petrie: He can teach me how to belch.
Laura Petrie: Ritchie!
Ritchie Petrie: He can do it any time he wants.
Laura Petrie: Rob, please speak to him, please.


Rob Petrie: Uh - heh-heh - Ritch, that's, uh, not a very polite thing.
Ritchie Petrie: Billy says that in China, if you don't burp after a meal, they think you hatred the dinner.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, but we're not in China now.
Ritchie Petrie: Well, maybe someday we'll go, and I wanna be polite.
04x04 - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat Season 4 / Episode 4: - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat

Laura Petrie: Now wait a minute. I don't know what's been going on here, but I would like to say a few things.
Rob Petrie: Watch it. You'll get a breadstick up your nose.
04x04 - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat Season 4 / Episode 4: - A Vigilante Ripped My Sports Coat

Laura Petrie: [angrily] I think you two ought to know something. Rob was against sending that invitation to you but I insisted, and now I'm sorry I sent it.
Millie Helper: You're sorry ya sent it?
Laura Petrie: You don't know how sorry I am. I think it's one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
Jerry Helper: Then you, uh... you DO think it was a stupid thing?
Laura Petrie: [near tears] Well, let's just say this, Jerry - I will never send you another one like it, and you can bet on that.
Jerry Helper: You MEAN that?
Rob Petrie: [through grit teeth] Oh-h-h, you BET she means it.
Jerry Helper: [greatly relieved] Well, okay.
Rob Petrie: Okay, what?
Jerry Helper: We accept your apology.
Laura Petrie: You accept our...?
Millie Helper: Yes, and... we... forgive you.
Rob Petrie: You forgive US?
Millie Helper: [happily] You bet we do.
Jerry Helper: Uh, well, uh, we were both being very stubborn, and I'm happy to see that you took a first step to clear the air.
Rob Petrie: [thoroughly perplexed] Now wait a minute. Wait just a minute, Jerry. There's a misunderstanding here...
Laura Petrie: [cautiously] There certainly is, darling, and I think it's the kind of misunderstanding we should try very hard NOT to clear up for a little while.
04x03 - The Lady and the Babysitter Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Lady and the Babysitter

Ritchie Petrie: Benny and I are gonna bury a dead rat.
Laura Petrie: You found a dead rat?
Ritchie Petrie: No. We're gonna buy one.
Laura Petrie: Ritchie, will you please tell me where you can buy a dead rat?
Ritchie Petrie: Do YOU want one, Mommy?
04x03 - The Lady and the Babysitter Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Lady and the Babysitter

Rob Petrie: Honey, you married a very shy, retiring guy. That's all.
Laura Petrie: Okay, then how come five different girls wore your fraternity pin?
Rob Petrie: Because none of 'em wanted it, that's why. They kept givin' it to each other. It's like a game. The music stopped, and whoever got Petrie's pin had to go out with him.
04x03 - The Lady and the Babysitter Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Lady and the Babysitter

Laura Petrie: [after reading Roger's love letter] Rob, what are we gonna do?
Rob Petrie: Before I make any suggestions, how do you feel about HIM?
04x03 - The Lady and the Babysitter Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Lady and the Babysitter

Rob Petrie: Will you promise me never ever to talk me into talking to anybody again?
Laura Petrie: I do.
Rob Petrie: Good.
Laura Petrie: Now you promise me something.
Rob Petrie: What?
Laura Petrie: You'll talk to Roger.
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: All I know is that there's someone that wants us to leave here.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Yeah, yeah, me, me!
Sally Rogers: Look, Rob, I'm with Buddy. This is getting to be like a bad horror movie. All we're missing is Vincent Price and the thunder and the lightning.
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, I'm scared!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Look, I agree that we should leave here, but let's not lose our heads now.


Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: All that's missing now is Vincent Price.


Robert 'Rob' Petrie: The door's open, the door's open.
Sally Rogers: [nervously] Vincent?
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: [all piled into the hide-a-bed] Anybody asleep?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: You nuts?
Sally Rogers: Who could sleep?
Laura Petrie: I am fast awake.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: My heart's beating so hard it's gonna knock the covers off.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Look, it's been over two hours now and nothing strange or unusual has happened.
Sally Rogers: No? What do you call four grown people sleeping in the same bed with their clothes on?
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Ghosts, ghosts! That's what it was! This place is haunted like they said.
Sally Rogers: Who said? A ghost haunted? Who said?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Rob!
Laura Petrie: Rob?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I didn't.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: He did!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: It isn't!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: It is!
Laura Petrie: Well, is it?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I never said...
Sally Rogers: Well, who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Who who who? It's what he says!
Laura Petrie: Did you?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I didn't. No, the guy I saw...
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Well, yeah, there was a guy told Rob that the... that the place is haunted! And he says there's a guy got murdered here and he's coming back and he's gonna get all of us!
Sally Rogers: Who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Who? That's the ghost with the mustache!
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Laura Petrie: Be a good sport. After all, you were the biggest chicken of us all.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: You did some pretty good cluckin' there yourself.
04x01 - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father Season 4 / Episode 1: - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father

Laura Petrie: [seeing Rob in traction] Darling, does... does it hurt very much?
Rob Petrie: Only when I do ANYTHING.
04x01 - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father Season 4 / Episode 1: - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father

Laura Petrie: I mean, just because your male ego took a beating today is no reason to attack my femininity.
04x01 - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father Season 4 / Episode 1: - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father

Laura Petrie: My, aren't YOU in a good mood?
Rob Petrie: No, I am... serene.
Laura Petrie: Oh? How many "serenes" did ya have?
04x01 - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father Season 4 / Episode 1: - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father

Laura Petrie: Boy, you're just dying to let me have it, aren't you?
04x01 - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father Season 4 / Episode 1: - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father

Rob Petrie: [setting up to demonstrate his newly acquired judo knowledge on Ritchie's stuffed monkey] See, I'll be you and the monkey will be me.
Laura Petrie: Good casting.
04x01 - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father Season 4 / Episode 1: - My Mother Can Beat Up My Father

Rob Petrie: You know, s-some of these guys had the nerve to come up to me today and say, "Well, I understand your wife can beat cha up,"
Laura Petrie: And what difference does it make?
Rob Petrie: Yeah, what difference... What DIFFERENCE does it MAKE?
03x32 - Teacher's Petrie Season 3 / Episode 32: - Teacher's Petrie

Rob Petrie: First they start out being nice to you, and then all of a sudden they ask me if I'll give a lecture or write a play or collaborate on something.
Laura Petrie: All right, name one person who ever did that. I bet you can't name one.
Rob Petrie: The Chairman of the Parents' Council, Mrs. something-or-other. And the... the vice-president of the bank, honey. He kept giving you extra pens, and he finally asked me to write him an act.
Laura Petrie: Uh-huh.
Rob Petrie: And who... who was it from the...?
Laura Petrie: See? Ya can't name ANY of 'em.
03x32 - Teacher's Petrie Season 3 / Episode 32: - Teacher's Petrie

Ritchie Petrie: [told to go to bed] Should I shut the door so I don't hear the fight?
Rob Petrie: There's no fight, Rich. Go to bed.
Laura Petrie: And shut the door.
03x32 - Teacher's Petrie Season 3 / Episode 32: - Teacher's Petrie

Laura Petrie: You wouldn't let Buddy and Sally read this, would you?
Rob Petrie: D'you want Buddy and Sally's opinion?
Laura Petrie: I would LOVE it. They are honest, intelligent people. They haven't got any axes to grind. At least they'd be objective about it. I would WELCOME their opinion.
Rob Petrie: [accepting Laura's paper] Well, all right, but I'll tell you they're professional writers, just like me, and they're gonna admit that this is not very good.
Laura Petrie: [snatching her paper back] What do they know?
03x32 - Teacher's Petrie Season 3 / Episode 32: - Teacher's Petrie

Rob Petrie: Look, I know what you've been trying to do with Laura. I just came down to tell you it's all right with me.
Laura Petrie: ROB! Darling, you don't know what you're saying.
Rob Petrie: Yes, I do, honey. Look, it's better than fighting.
03x32 - Teacher's Petrie Season 3 / Episode 32: - Teacher's Petrie

Rob Petrie: [suspiciously] Uh-huh.
Laura Petrie: What "uh-huh?"
Rob Petrie: [with a smile] Oh, noth... nothin'.
Laura Petrie: Rob, that "nothing" was something.
Rob Petrie: Huh?
Laura Petrie: You never say "nothing" unless you mean "something."
Rob Petrie: Well, no, it was just a nothing "nothing," that's all.

Previous: Melvin 'Mel' Cooley Next: Sally Rogers
You are successfully logged out.
login
[close]

ShareTV Login

Username
Password
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Create Account

Username
Password
Verify Password
EMAIL

Verification code (check your email for the verification code)

Verification code has been sent to the following email address:
If you didn't receive the verification code:

1. Check your bulk/spam folder.

2. Try to whitelist our email address (noreply@sharetv.org)

3. Resend verification email

If you mistyped your email address change it here
Create a free ShareTV account to make a personalized schedule of your favorite TV shows, keep track of what you've watched, earn points and more.
Verify your username and email to complete your Registration
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Forgot Your Password?

EMAIL
Enter the email address you used to create the account and your password will be emailed to you.