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Laura Petrie The Dick Van Dyke Show

Laura Petrie

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  Played by:
Mary Tyler MooreMary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore was born in Flatbush, Brooklyn, on December 29, 1936, though Moore's family relocated ...

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Laura Petrie Quotes

02x17 - Will You Two Be My Wife? Season 2 / Episode 17: - Will You Two Be My Wife?

Laura Petrie: Rob's coming over with a surprise?
Millie Crumberbacher: Yeah.
Laura Petrie: How do you know?
Millie Crumberbacher: Well, never mind...
Laura Petrie: Well, don't you DARE tell me what it is. If it's a surprise, I want Rob to tell me.
Laura Petrie: [unable to wait even a second] What is it?
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Jane Leighton: Oh, my. What a lovely home you have.
Laura Petrie: Thank you. Won't you sit down?
Jane Leighton: Thank you. Oh, if I had known Rob would do THIS well, I might have said yes to him when he proposed to me.
Laura Petrie: Rob, uh, proposed to you?
Jane Leighton: At least twenty times.
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Laura Petrie: Well, if you'll excuse me, Miss Leighton, I have a roast in the bathtub and my son's in the oven.
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Laura Petrie: Oh, and, Miss Leighton, if you'd like something to read, there's some coffee on the magazine table.
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Rob Petrie: You know, you sound exactly like one of those wives in a situation comedy.
Laura Petrie: I'm sorry, Rob. You're right. It... I don't think that you are interested in her. I'm sure you're not. I trust you. I realize that a handsome man like yourself is bound to attract a certain number of coquettish women, and I want you to know I understand this. And if Miss Leighton feels it's necessary to attempt a flirtation with you, I'm not going to be one of those screaming, nagging wives. I'll merely go up to her and quietly kill her. Dinner is ready.
Rob Petrie: Honey, come here.


Laura Petrie: My vegetables are burning!
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Laura Petrie: I'm saying that you should do whatever you feel is right, but bear in mind what I feel, because what I feel is a woman's feelings - something you couldn't possibly feel. And whenever you feel, you feel because of your feelings, which are a man's feelings, and... I don't know what I'm talking about, so do what you want and don't bother me.
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Laura Petrie: I was right. Little Janey IS a homewrecker.
Rob Petrie: What? A homewrecker? Why... Honey, what did she do?
Laura Petrie: [pouring out the cooking pot contents] Well, she started by ruining our chocolate pudding.
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Rob Petrie: Now, come on, Honey. You know very well that Jane doesn't mean anything to me. I knew her in high school; I never could find anything about her that attracted or interested me.
Laura Petrie: [sarcastic] Aww. Well, maybe if you spend a little time with her and look hard enough, you'll find something.
Rob Petrie: Laura, she is an OLD FRIEND.
Laura Petrie: She carries her age beautifully.
02x16 - The Foul Weather Girl Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Foul Weather Girl

Rob Petrie: [as he heads out to meet Jane] Honey, what will YOU do this evening?
Laura Petrie: Oh, slam doors, mumble, throw things. I'll keep busy. Good night, Mr. Ziegfeld!
02x15 - The Cat Burglar Season 2 / Episode 15: - The Cat Burglar

Laura Petrie: Now, Lieutenant, my husband doesn't want publicity. He wants his table and chairs.
Rob Petrie: Honey, I know how to say it. Lieutenant, I don't want any publicity. I want my table and chairs.
02x15 - The Cat Burglar Season 2 / Episode 15: - The Cat Burglar

Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob.
02x14 - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra Season 2 / Episode 14: - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra

Rob Petrie: Under no circumstances will I write and direct another amateur variety show this year, and you may tell Mrs. Billings that.
Laura Petrie: But, Darling, she didn't say anything about you doing the show again.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, I can just hear her.
Rob Petrie: [mimicking Mrs. Billings] "Oh, Mr. Petrie, it's so easy for you. I don't know how you writers get your WONDERFUL ideas."
02x14 - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra Season 2 / Episode 14: - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra

Laura Petrie: Can't you forget about last year?
Rob Petrie: No, I wanna remember last year. I don't wanna forget it so that next year I don't have to remember THIS year.
02x14 - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra Season 2 / Episode 14: - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra

Rob Petrie: Hey, that is a beautiful brunch outfit you've got on.
Laura Petrie: Thank you.
Rob Petrie: You know, if you keep lookin' that good in the morning, I may have to switch to an afternoon newspaper.
02x14 - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra Season 2 / Episode 14: - Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra

Rob Petrie: And, uh, is, uh, Miss Harding still teaching Kindergarten?
Laura Petrie: Yes, but, uh, Miss Harding can't participate in the play.
Rob Petrie: Huh? Why?
Laura Petrie: Well, a few of the wives got up a little petition that prohibits her from being anything but a script girl.
Rob Petrie: Petition? Wh-when did THIS happen?
Laura Petrie: First thing tomorrow morning.
02x13 - A Man's Teeth Are Not His Own Season 2 / Episode 13: - A Man's Teeth Are Not His Own

Rob Petrie: I know he'll understand about the emergency but I'm just wondering if he's going to understand about this other one.
Laura Petrie: What other one?
Rob Petrie: [pointing to another tooth] That one.
Laura Petrie: Did he do that too?
Rob Petrie: Yeah. It needed doing but I could easily have waited for Jerry.
Laura Petrie: Well, why didn't you?
Rob Petrie: Well, I don't know. I was sittin' there in the chair with my big mouth open, I thought I might as well let him drill away.
02x13 - A Man's Teeth Are Not His Own Season 2 / Episode 13: - A Man's Teeth Are Not His Own

Laura Petrie: Look, Jerry's been back in town for a week now. You can't avoid him forever.
Rob Petrie: Who's tryin' to avoid him forever? I'm simply trying to avoid him long enough so I can figure out a way to tell 'im about those strange inlays on HIS back molars.
Laura Petrie: Darling, those are YOUR back molars.
Rob Petrie: According to Jerry, my teeth are his teeth.
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Laura Petrie: Where're you going?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I'm gonna go to the den and get some sleep!
Laura Petrie: No, you're not. You're going there to sneeze thoughts that I can't hear!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I am going to go to the den to get some sleep so that you don't have to stay up all night saying...


Laura Petrie: Gesundheit!
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Jerry Helper: Well, Rob, I'm not a psychiatrist, but didn't you notice that every time you lost a game you sneezed?
Laura Petrie: Well, I lost too, Jerry, and I'm not sneezing.
Jerry Helper: Yeah, but, Honey, you don't take defeat as emotionally as Rob. You see, he's suppressing his anger and that anger had to go someplace.
Millie Helper: So it came out his nose?
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Laura Petrie: You ARE angry with me.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Laura, how did you figure that?
Laura Petrie: THAT was a hostile sneeze.
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: It feels like I'm allergic to SOMETHING.
Laura Petrie: To marriage, perhaps? To me?
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Laura Petrie: Did you have fun with Freddy today?
Ritchie Petrie: Yeah, we made a new club. I'm the president.
Laura Petrie: Oh, so you're the main one.
Ritchie Petrie: No, Freddy is. He's the king.
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: My gosh, I didn't even have to blow my nose all day.
Laura Petrie: THERE'S good news.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Honey, gimme a hug and a kiss.
Laura Petrie: Not if you were the last man on Earth.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: [as he starts chasing Laura around the kitchen] Well, I'm... do I... honey, I... it's not for pleasure.
Laura Petrie: Thank you.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, huh... uh, sweetie, it's an experiment.
Laura Petrie: [fleeing into the living room] Then go kiss a guinea pig!
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob...
02x12 - Gesundheit, Darling Season 2 / Episode 12: - Gesundheit, Darling

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I think I'm allergic to Jerry.
Jerry Helper: What?
Millie Helper: You're not making any sense.
Millie Helper: [to Laura] He's not making any sense.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Jerry, gimme a hug.
Jerry Helper: A HUG!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Come on.
Jerry Helper: No... Rob...


Jerry Helper: ROB...!


Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Oh. Oh, good, good. Oh... All right, Millie, you're next.
Millie Helper: What?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Gimme a hug.
Millie Helper: Laura!
Laura Petrie: Do as he says.
Jerry Helper: Hey!
Millie Helper: Laura says I have to.


Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Oh, boy, now we're gettin' somewhere!
02x11 - A Bird in the Head Hurts Season 2 / Episode 11: - A Bird in the Head Hurts

Rob Petrie: What's he doin' now?
Laura Petrie: Well, he's soaking in the bathtub. It's the only thing that'll keep him quiet.
Rob Petrie: Well, keep him soaking awhile.
Laura Petrie: Oh, I hate to. His fingers and toes are all pruny.
Rob Petrie: Honey, would you rather have him pruny or hysterical?
Laura Petrie: Pruny.
02x10 - The Secret Life of Buddy and Sally Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Secret Life of Buddy and Sally

Rob Petrie: Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge is... is their romantic hideaway.
Laura Petrie: Rob, nothing will make me believe that.
Rob Petrie: Nothin'll make me believe it either till I see it - and I gotta SEE it!
02x09 - The Night the Roof Fell In Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Night the Roof Fell In

Laura Petrie: You're gonna have to talk to that boy.
Rob Petrie: I would love to. You just sent him to bed!
02x09 - The Night the Roof Fell In Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Night the Roof Fell In

Laura Petrie: Millie, he's never not come home before. If anything's happened to him, I'll kill him!
02x09 - The Night the Roof Fell In Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Night the Roof Fell In

Rob Petrie: Ritchie say anything cute today?
Laura Petrie: No, not that I can remember.
Rob Petrie: Well, tell him to get with it! What is the use of having a kid around the house if he can't be cute?

Previous: Melvin 'Mel' Cooley Next: Sally Rogers
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