Type
Scripted
Premiered
Oct. 03, 1961
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #3 of 19 (Full List)

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Laura Petrie The Dick Van Dyke Show

Laura Petrie

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  Played by:
Mary Tyler MooreMary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore was born in Flatbush, Brooklyn, on December 29, 1936, though Moore's family relocated ...

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Laura Petrie Quotes

05x32 - The Last Chapter Season 5 / Episode 32: - The Last Chapter

Rob Petrie: Are you ready for a little bit of good news?
Laura Petrie: Yeah, I think so.
Rob Petrie: I heard from the publisher today.
Laura Petrie: Yeah?
Rob Petrie: He hates it, boy!


Rob Petrie: He said it reminded him of about fifty other books.
Laura Petrie: He's kidding.
Sally Rogers: No, no, that's what they said.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: That's right. One editor said it stunk!
Laura Petrie: Well, why is everyone so happy?
Rob Petrie: Because Alan read it and he loved it.
Alan Brady: What do I know from style?
Rob Petrie: Honey, Alan wants to produce it as a television series.
Laura Petrie: [in amazement] Your book's gonna be a television series?
Alan Brady: It's true. Of course, I won't do it till after my series is defunct, which may never be.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, Alan is going to play me.
Sally Rogers: Gee, and the three of us are going to write it and Leonard Bershad is going to produce it.


Rob Petrie: Wait, hold it, hold it a second. Honey, what do you think?
Laura Petrie: Oh gosh, I don't know what to say - Alan is really going to play you?
Alan Brady: And Rob won't have to shave his head - I'll wear a toupee.
05x32 - The Last Chapter Season 5 / Episode 32: - The Last Chapter

Laura Petrie: I only read the first chapter. Is the rest as good?
Rob Petrie: Honey, it... Better. I improve as I get along. I be... I start to use punctuation, everything.
05x31 - The Gunslinger Season 5 / Episode 31: - The Gunslinger

Rob Petrie: I ain't leavin'. I ain't runnin' no more. We ain't leavin' town. I'm gonna face him.
Laura Petrie: Rob, I DO wish you'd stop saying that.
Rob Petrie: Well, I AIN'T leavin'.
Laura Petrie: "Ain't" is what I wish you'd stop saying. Rob, the boy's beginning to pick it up. It sounds bad.
Rob Petrie: Well, I AREN'T leavin' town.
05x31 - The Gunslinger Season 5 / Episode 31: - The Gunslinger

Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob!
05x31 - The Gunslinger Season 5 / Episode 31: - The Gunslinger

Laura Petrie: [as Sheriff Rob lays shot] Somebody call the doctor.
Sally Rogers: All right, all right, all right.
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob!
Sally Rogers: [calling outside the saloon doors] Hey, Doc! Doc!
Buddy Sorrell: We don't have no doctor in this town. All we got's a dentist.
Sally Rogers: Hey, Dent! Dent!
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Millie Helper: Listen, for goodness sake, don't take a shower!
Laura Petrie: Why?
Millie Helper: Oh, listen, didn't you see that Alfred Hitchcock picture?


Laura Petrie: Millie!
Millie Helper: You're better off dirty than dead, believe me.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Millie Helper: I forgot to give you something.
Laura Petrie: A fountain pen?
Millie Helper: Well, it's not really a pen. It's a burglar beeper.
Laura Petrie: A what?
Millie Helper: You know, a burglar beeper. If somebody breaks in and tries to bash you in the head, you pull the top off and a siren starts. Keen, huh?
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Laura Petrie: [answers the phone and nobody talks] Oh, I hate it when it does that. Just like that movie where the lady gets murdered. No it isn't. It's nothing like that at all.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Rob Petrie: How's Richie?
Laura Petrie: He broke his pole.
Rob Petrie: I told him to keep it in the car.
Rob Petrie: Well, he did. I sat on it.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Laura Petrie: What're you doing back here, anyway? Is everyone back?
Millie Helper: No, just me and I'm not really back!
Laura Petrie: Well, you're here!
Millie Helper: Well, I never got there!
Laura Petrie: I'm glad you're here!
Millie Helper: Oh, Laura!
Laura Petrie: What happened anyway?
Millie Helper: Well, going up there it suddenly dawned on me, where was I going? I mean, I... I hate camping and I hate fishing, and I can just about tolerate the kids and I'm not that wild about Jerry. Well, the only person who was gonna make it any fun was here; so, when we got to Flouter Junction, I jumped on a train and... here I am.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Millie Helper: You heard noises? What noises?
Laura Petrie: Well, just... ordinary house noises, things that go bump in the night. You know, the stuff I never worry about if someone were here with me.
Millie Helper: Well, someone's here with you and she's worried - what kind of noises?
Laura Petrie: Well, like, uh, wood creaking and a... cat scratching, and then, once, the phone rang and there was nobody on the other line.
Millie Helper: [gasps] Oh. 'Sorry, Wrong Number'! Did you see that picture?
Laura Petrie: I did, and that's what's been frightening me.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Laura Petrie: Here, you can wear this.


Millie Helper: Oh, listen, don't you have something a little less, say, you know? I mean, uh, in case we gotta go running into the streets, I don't want to look too sexy.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Millie Helper: [whispering] Laura...
Laura Petrie: Shh...
Millie Helper: I think I did something dumb!
Laura Petrie: What?
Millie Helper: I think I left the door open when I came in.
Laura Petrie: Why?
Millie Helper: In case something was wrong, I wanted to be able to get out fast.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Laura Petrie: Darling, here's, uh, Ritchie's worms.
Rob Petrie: Oh.
Laura Petrie: Don't let him play with them on the way up, huh?
Rob Petrie: How does he play with worms?
Laura Petrie: He tries to tie them all together and make one long one.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Laura Petrie: Rob, I worry about you, all alone up there with that hat.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Laura Petrie: Well, you, uh, just tell Millie she's a nut.
Rob Petrie: [chuckles] That's wouldn't be nice. I'll have Jerry do it.
05x30 - Long Night's Journey into Day Season 5 / Episode 30: - Long Night's Journey into Day

Millie Helper: Let's keep talkin', okay?
Laura Petrie: What?
Millie Helper: I said let's keep talkin', okay?
Laura Petrie: Okay.
Millie Helper: What are you doin' now?
Laura Petrie: I'm making the coffee.
Millie Helper: Okay. Laura, would you fix me a piece of toast?
Laura Petrie: Okay.
Millie Helper: Okay. Now what are ya doing?
Laura Petrie: I'm making the toast.
Millie Helper: Oh, good, good, good.
Millie Helper: [thinking she heard a noise] Laura?
Laura Petrie: Okay.
Millie Helper: No. No okay. Laura did you hear anything?
Laura Petrie: Millie, I can't hear anything with the radio blaring away.

05x29 - Love Thy Other Neighbor Season 5 / Episode 29: - Love Thy Other Neighbor

Laura Petrie: Mary Jane Gibbs...
Mary Jane Staggs: Laura Meehan...
Millie Helper: Millie Helper...
05x29 - Love Thy Other Neighbor Season 5 / Episode 29: - Love Thy Other Neighbor

Jerry Helper: You think we're so childish to be hurt by anything so childish?
Laura Petrie: Then how come Millie's been in the shower all day?
Jerry Helper: Well, you know how childish Millie is.
05x29 - Love Thy Other Neighbor Season 5 / Episode 29: - Love Thy Other Neighbor

Laura Petrie: What was that?
Rob Petrie: That's stereo feedback - the mating call of two hi-fi bugs who just found each other.
Laura Petrie: And you mated 'em.
05x29 - Love Thy Other Neighbor Season 5 / Episode 29: - Love Thy Other Neighbor

Laura Petrie: We haven't lost anybody's friendship - and even if we have, who needs 'em?
05x28 - You Ought to Be in Pictures Season 5 / Episode 28: - You Ought to Be in Pictures

Rob Petrie: I offered to do a little punching up of the script.
Laura Petrie: Are you gonna be paid?
Rob Petrie: No.
Laura Petrie: Well, then the whole thing is more like a glorified home movie, huh?
05x28 - You Ought to Be in Pictures Season 5 / Episode 28: - You Ought to Be in Pictures

Laura Petrie: Ah, Rob, I just think you ought to find out a little more about it before you commit yourself.
Rob Petrie: Well, I know everything.
Laura Petrie: When do you start?
Rob Petrie: Oh, I don't know.
Laura Petrie: You have to join a union?
Rob Petrie: G... I don't know.
Laura Petrie: How long is it gonna take?
Rob Petrie: Well, I... I don't know. I better find out more about this.
05x28 - You Ought to Be in Pictures Season 5 / Episode 28: - You Ought to Be in Pictures

Laura Petrie: You have something terrible to tell me, don't you?
Rob Petrie: No.
Laura Petrie: Yeah, I think you do.
Rob Petrie: Honey, that's a picture of the camera.
Laura Petrie: The what?
Rob Petrie: The... that's the... the... girl who's gonna play Rita Rivera.
Laura Petrie: And instead of the lens, you're gonna be kissing HER?
Rob Petrie: May I?
05x28 - You Ought to Be in Pictures Season 5 / Episode 28: - You Ought to Be in Pictures

Rob Petrie: Honey, the reason I brought this home was to discover just how upset you'd be if I made love to her. Obv... you know... within the confines of my movie career.
Laura Petrie: Well, how upset do you THINK I should be... within the confines of your movie career?
Rob Petrie: Well, I'd... based on what you know about me, I'd say not at all; but, uh, based on what you've seen of her, I-I'd... quite a bit.
05x28 - You Ought to Be in Pictures Season 5 / Episode 28: - You Ought to Be in Pictures

Rob Petrie: Well, Mr. Merkle and I had little difference of opinion.
Laura Petrie: About what?
Rob Petrie: Well, I wanted to play the part MY way and he kept insisting I do it RIGHT.
05x27 - The Man from My Uncle Season 5 / Episode 27: - The Man from My Uncle

Rob Petrie: There's a G-man in the living room.
Laura Petrie: And there's a nut in the kitchen.
05x27 - The Man from My Uncle Season 5 / Episode 27: - The Man from My Uncle

Rob Petrie: When is the last time you were asked to be a responsible adult citizen?
Laura Petrie: Well, you're talking like a responsible adult citizen, but I have a feeling that inside there's a little boy jumping up and down saying "Oh, goodie, goodie, goodie, cops and robbers."
Rob Petrie: That is ridiculous.
Laura Petrie: Is it? How many grown men still have their Captain Midnight decoder rings?
05x26 - Obnoxious, Offensive, Egomaniac, Etc. Season 5 / Episode 26: - Obnoxious, Offensive, Egomaniac, Etc.

Rob Petrie: Hey, there's a transom over that door. If it was open, we could crawl through it.
Laura Petrie: Rob, that's burglary.
Rob Petrie: Not technically, honey. We're taking back something we gave Alan. The worst they can call us is Indian givers.
Sally Rogers: Well, anything's better than being called unemployed.
Rob Petrie: Honey, it won't hurt if we just go up there and take a look at the door.
Sally Rogers: Yeah, yeah, Rob. Let's-let's go take a look at the door.
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, I don't like it.
Buddy Sorrell: What do you mean you don't like it. You didn't even see it. It's a great door.
05x26 - Obnoxious, Offensive, Egomaniac, Etc. Season 5 / Episode 26: - Obnoxious, Offensive, Egomaniac, Etc.

Rob Petrie: I tore my shirt on a nail.
Buddy Sorrell: Don't worry about it. I'll get you another shirt.
Laura Petrie: Will you get him another arm?
Buddy Sorrell: No. My policy only covers shirts and clothing.

Previous: Melvin 'Mel' Cooley Next: Sally Rogers
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