Type
Scripted
Premiered
Oct. 03, 1961
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

Characters: #3 of 19 (Full List)

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Laura Petrie The Dick Van Dyke Show

Laura Petrie

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  Played by:
Mary Tyler MooreMary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore was born in Flatbush, Brooklyn, on December 29, 1936, though Moore's family relocated ...

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Laura Petrie Quotes

05x32 - The Last Chapter Season 5 / Episode 32: - The Last Chapter

Rob Petrie: [tag scene from The Last Chapter] Are you ready for a little bit of good news?
Laura Petrie: Yeah, I think so.
Rob Petrie: I heard from the publisher today.
Laura Petrie: Yeah?
Rob Petrie: He hates it, boy!


Rob Petrie: He said it reminded him of about fifty other books.
Laura Petrie: He's kidding!
Sally Rogers: No, no, that's what they said.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: That's right. One editor said it stunk!
Laura Petrie: Well, why is everyone so happy?
Rob Petrie: Because Alan read it and he loved it.
Alan Brady: What do I know from style?
Rob Petrie: Honey, Alan wants to produce it as a television series.
Laura Petrie: [in amazement] Your book's going to be a television series?
Alan Brady: It's true, of course I won't do it until after my series is defunct, which may never be.
Rob Petrie: Alan is going to play me.
Sally Rogers: And the three of us are going to write it and Leonard Bershad is going to produce it.


Rob Petrie: Wait, ho-hold it a second. Honey, what do you think?
Laura Petrie: Oh gosh, I don't know what to say - Alan is really going to play you?
Alan Brady: And Rob won't have to shave his head - I'll wear a toupee.
05x17 - The Making of a Councilman Season 5 / Episode 17: - The Making of a Councilman

Rob Petrie: He's got more, much more. I was just reading here in his biography. Listen to this: He graduated with honors from law school.
Laura Petrie: Lot of people graduate from law school.
Rob Petrie: At eighteen?
05x17 - The Making of a Councilman Season 5 / Episode 17: - The Making of a Councilman

Laura Petrie: You know, you're beginning to sound like you don't want to win.
Rob Petrie: No, I want to win all right, but I want to win on my qualifications, not on my smile.
Buddy Sorrell: Well, we heard your qualifications - you better stick to the smile.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Rob Petrie: What's wrong?
Laura Petrie: Well, it seems that Ritchie has been giving lectures to the other children.
Rob Petrie: What kind of lectures?
Laura Petrie: On the facts of life.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Dr. Gormsley: [reading Ritchie's version of reproduction] When a mommy and a daddy want a baby, they put a silver dollar under their pillow when they go to sleep at night.
Laura Petrie: A silver dollar under their pillow?
Rob Petrie: Oh, boy.
Dr. Gormsley: And when they wake up and find the silver dollar is gone, they know that Mr. Cabbage has been there.
Laura Petrie: Mr. Cabbage?
Dr. Gormsley: Mr. Cabbage takes the silver dollar to Esmeralda the queen tomato, and in front of the other vegetables...
Dr. Gormsley and Rob: [together]... three broccolis and a radish...
Rob Petrie: [alone]... Esmeralda plants a baby seed in a magic garden saying, "Starlight, star bright, we're gonna grow a baby tonight."
Laura Petrie: Rob!
Dr. Gormsley: Then this IS familiar to you, Mr. Petrie.
Rob Petrie: Oh, yeah, yeah. And on a... on a bright and sunny morning, nestled in a... in a nest of, uh, lettuce leaves, is a beautiful pink pumpkin.
Laura Petrie: A pink pumpkin?
Rob Petrie: Well, if it's a girl. Boys come in blue pumpkins.
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob!
05x10 - Go Tell the Birds and Bees Season 5 / Episode 10: - Go Tell the Birds and Bees

Rob Petrie: It's just that, Rich, there's a little confusion about what you're tellin' the kids at school; I'd like to clear it up if I can.
Ritchie Petrie: Oh, you mean about the babies and all that stuff.
Laura Petrie: Yeah, that... that's right, dear.
Ritchie Petrie: But I didn't tell 'em what you told me not to tell.
Rob Petrie: Well, who told you what to tell 'em?
Ritchie Petrie: Nobody. I made it up.
Laura Petrie: You made it up?
Ritchie Petrie: Yeah. Grampa's story about Mr. Cabbage was silly.
Rob Petrie: Well, right, right.
Ritchie Petrie: And your story about the eggs and everything made a lot of sense.
Rob Petrie: Of course it did.
Ritchie Petrie: But you said I shouldn't tell that story to anybody.
Rob Petrie: Right again.
Ritchie Petrie: So I had to make one up.
Laura Petrie: Well, why, Rich? Why did you have to make up ANY story?
Ritchie Petrie: Because the kids like me to tell stories - and I'm good at it, like Daddy.
Rob Petrie: How do you like THAT?
05x02 - A Farewell to Writing Season 5 / Episode 2: - A Farewell to Writing

Rob Petrie: [now hearing an actual noise] What was that?
Laura Petrie: The refrigerator defrosting. You wanna answer it?
04x27 - Never Bathe on Saturday Season 4 / Episode 27: - Never Bathe on Saturday

Laura Petrie: [from the bathroom] Where's that stupid maid with the key?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: She's right here, honey.
Maid: Stupid maid, huh?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, we had a stupid maid once.
04x27 - Never Bathe on Saturday Season 4 / Episode 27: - Never Bathe on Saturday

Maid: Dearie, would you try jiggling the door knob?
Laura Petrie: I can't reach the door knob.
Maid: Why not?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: She's stuck. May I please?
Maid: Look, why can't your wife reach the door from the other side?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Because she's stuck in the tub.
Maid: She calls me stupid? How could she do that?
04x23 - Girls Will Be Boys Season 4 / Episode 23: - Girls Will Be Boys

Laura Petrie: [Ritchie has just told a very unconvincing lie to his parents] Our son is an awful liar!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Now, honey, he doesn't do it very often...
Laura Petrie: I know! That's why he's no good at it!
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: All I know is that somebody wants us to leave.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Yeah yeah, me me!
Sally Rogers: Look, I'm with Buddy, this is getting to be like a bad horror movie, all we're missing is Vincent Price, the thunder and the lightning.
Laura Petrie: Oh Rob, I'm scared!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I'll admit it's weird but let's not lose our heads now. [Buddy and Sally open the door to leave, thunder and lightning start, they come back in and put down their bags]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: All that's missing now is Vincent Price. [they hear a knock on the bedroom door, it opens]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: The door's opening, the door's opening.
Sally Rogers: Vincent?
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Robert 'Rob' Petrie: [all piled into the hide-a-bed] Is anybody asleep yet?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: You nuts?
Sally Rogers: Who could sleep?
Laura Petrie: I am fast awake.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: My heart's beating so hard I think it's gonna knock the covers off.
04x02 - The Ghost of A. Chantz Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Ghost of A. Chantz

Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: It's ghosts, ghosts! This place is haunted like they said.
Sally Rogers: Who said? A ghost haunted, who said?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Rob!
Laura Petrie: Rob?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I didn't.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: You did!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: It isn't!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: It is!
Laura Petrie: Well who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Who who who? It's what he said!
Laura Petrie: Did too!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I did not, the guy!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Well yeah there was a guy told Rob that the, that the place is haunted! And he says that a guy got murdered here, he's coming back and he's going to get all of us!
Sally Rogers: Who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Who? Well the ghost with the mustache!
03x28 - October Eve Season 3 / Episode 28: - October Eve

Laura Petrie: Listen, Sally, if it's the one I think it is, I can explain.
Sally Rogers: If you have to explain, it's the one you think it is.
03x27 - The Return of Edwin Carp Season 3 / Episode 27: - The Return of Edwin Carp

Laura Petrie: How do you imitate fish?
Edwin Carp: Perfectly.
03x26 - Scratch My Car and Die Season 3 / Episode 26: - Scratch My Car and Die

Laura Petrie: Do you notice you're a nut?
Rob Petrie: Only about things automotive. I'll outgrow it all right.
Laura Petrie: When?
Rob Petrie: Well, I don't know. When I get a new helicopter, I guess.
03x26 - Scratch My Car and Die Season 3 / Episode 26: - Scratch My Car and Die

Rob Petrie: You know what the great thing about this car is?
Laura Petrie: That you can't bring it into the house.
03x25 - The Plots Thicken Season 3 / Episode 25: - The Plots Thicken

Mr. Meehan: [as the argument ramps up] A commitment is a commitment.
Laura Petrie: Dad...
Sam Petrie: A toast is a toast!
Rob Petrie: Dad...
Mr. Meehan: A priority is nothing?
Laura Petrie: Dad!
Sam Petrie: Priority, my foot! A son is a son.
Rob Petrie: Dad.
Sam Petrie: Shut up!
Mr. Meehan: And a daughter is a daughter.
Laura Petrie: Dad...
Mr. Meehan: Shut up!
Laura Petrie: Rob...!
Rob Petrie: Shut up.
Sam Petrie: WHO YOU TELLIN' TO SHUT UP!
03x23 - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky Season 3 / Episode 23: - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky

Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob.
Millie Crumberbacher: Oh, Laura.
Rob Petrie: Oh, honey.
Sam Pomeroy: Oh, boy.
03x23 - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky Season 3 / Episode 23: - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky

Rob Petrie: [to Sam] Look, I want to go on that honeymoon with Laura as much as you do.
Laura Petrie: Uh, Rob...?
03x23 - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky Season 3 / Episode 23: - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky

Laura Petrie: Rob, I know you'll do the right thing, but... whatever it is, don't get caught, please.
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Millie Helper: Rob has heartburn?
Laura Petrie: Mm-hm. And, you know, he didn't have it while Sally was there. It just started since then. No, he comes in the front door, slams it, says hi to me, doesn't kiss me, throws the paper on the table, and burps.
Millie Helper: Mr. Class?
Rob Petrie: [heard off] Aw, doggone it!
Laura Petrie: Ole.

03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Laura Petrie: Well, I just thought it'd be a good idea to have a nice, neat, perfectly-typed list of foods, and - I don't know - I have a lot of time on my hands, like I do most every day, and I just wanted to do something constructive.
Rob Petrie: Oh, good. We could use a new garage.
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Laura Petrie: Why won't you let me just try to help you?
Rob Petrie: Honey, I just don't think you and I would be happy as marriage partners and as business partners.
Laura Petrie: Isn't that silly, darling? Don't you realize that in the office you'd be the boss?
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Laura Petrie: Mr. Petrie, I want you to know something - I love you.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, well, we'll put an end to THAT!
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Laura Petrie: I've been flaunting my success.
Rob Petrie: You have, you know.
Laura Petrie: I know, and I apologize, darling. I was just being female.
Rob Petrie: Well, don't quite THAT!
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Rob Petrie: What is the main purpose in going to the Earth's center?
Laura Petrie: To find out whether it's chewy or chocolate creme.
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Rob Petrie: You're not suppose to give reviews. You're supposed to type.
Laura Petrie: But Buddy thought it was funny. Didn't you, Buddy?
Buddy Sorrell: Don't get me in the middle of husband-and-wife arguments.
Rob Petrie: What? This is not a husband-and-wife argument. This is boss and employee.
Buddy Sorrell: Well, then I'm sorry, I gotta go with the employee.
Rob Petrie: Well, I just don't agree with you, Buddy. I think it's not funny!
Laura Petrie: Rob, I think you're being kind of childish.
Rob Petrie: I am not being childish.
Buddy Sorrell: Yes, you are. You're being childish.
Rob Petrie: Uh, Buddy, this is between my wife and me, please.
Laura Petrie: Rob, what is the matter with you?
Rob Petrie: Nothing is the matter with me!
Buddy Sorrell: Nothing? You're acting like you got a wasp in your underwear. Gee, all she did was offer some constructive criticism.
Rob Petrie: Which was unsolicited.
Laura Petrie: Ah, it was NOT unsolicited!
Rob Petrie: Did... did you hear me ask her her opinion?


Rob Petrie: Look, it's not boss-employee, it's not husband-and-wife. Just as a bystander there, did you hear me ask her for her opinion?
Buddy Sorrell: All right, you didn't ask her.
Rob Petrie: There, you see?
Laura Petrie: All right. You don't have to yell.
Rob Petrie: I'm not yelling!
Buddy Sorrell: Yes, you are. You're yelling.
Rob Petrie: Buddy, this is a family affair that doesn't concern you.
Buddy Sorrell: [to Rob and Laura] Look, will you excuse me while I go out and get a glass of beer. I hate crowds and the four of you are driving me nuts!
03x22 - My Part-Time Wife Season 3 / Episode 22: - My Part-Time Wife

Laura Petrie: The only reason I came here was to help you, and if I have annoyed you, I sincerely apologize, and to keep from causing you any further annoyance, I want you to know that I'm fired!
Rob Petrie: [after she storms out] You can't fire! I quit ya!

Previous: Melvin 'Mel' Cooley Next: Sally Rogers
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