02x06 - Halloween Season 2 / Episode 6: - Halloween

Janet Meiser: [upon seeing Clair's costume] *wow*, Mrs. Huxtable!*Great* costume!
Clair Hanks Huxtable: [feigning ignorance] What costume?
02x05 - Theo and the Older Woman Season 2 / Episode 5: - Theo and the Older Woman

Denise Huxtable Kendall: Mum, Dad. I need your help.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: What's up?
Denise Huxtable Kendall: Theo. He is acting weird and he is ruining my project.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Oh dear. How is he acting weird and ruining your project.
Denise Huxtable Kendall: He is trying to impress Susanne.
Clair Hanks Huxtable: What is he doing?
Denise Huxtable Kendall: He has changed his clothes, he cleans his room and now he is upstairs studying.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Well. We'll see if we could get her to move in.
02x04 - Cliff in Love Season 2 / Episode 4: - Cliff in Love

Elvin Tibideaux: I'm sorry, Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair Huxtable: What kind of thing?
Elvin Tibideaux: You know... serve.
Clair Huxtable: Serve whom?
Elvin Tibideaux: [indicating Cliff] Serve him.
Clair Huxtable: [with a tense smile] Oh, serve *him*. As in "serve your man"?
Elvin Tibideaux: Well, yeah.
Clair Huxtable: [now visibly indignant] Let me tell you something, Elvin. You see, I am not "serving" Dr. Huxtable, okay?
Elvin Tibideaux: Okay.
Clair Huxtable: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am going to bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And *that*, young man, is what marriage is made of: it is give-and-take fifty-fifty. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you are never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere any place any time EVER.


Clair Huxtable: Now, what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin Tibideaux: [shaken] Maybe I can get *you* some coffee.
Clair Huxtable: Elvin, that's alright. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.


Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin Tibideaux: Yes, sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you, I wouldn't drink it.
02x03 - Happy Anniversary Season 2 / Episode 3: - Happy Anniversary

Clair: Cliff, I love the way you beg.
02x01 - First Day of School Season 2 / Episode 1: - First Day of School

Cliff: Oh, not another Vanessa caller.


Cliff: Vanessa's Residence? No, she cannot come to the phone right now. Because it is now 10:05, and she cannot take any calls past 10 o'clock. No, I cannot take a message. I am her father. I am a doctor. I graduated from medical school, alright? Thank you for calling, this is a live voice.
02x01 - First Day of School Season 2 / Episode 1: - First Day of School

Clair Hanks Huxtable: [discussing who should wake the children up on this first day of school] Cliff it's you're turn. I got them up on the last day of school
Cliff: The last day of school? All you did was go out into the hallway and yell "LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!" and children next door were jumping out of bed.
02x01 - First Day of School Season 2 / Episode 1: - First Day of School

Cliff: [noticing the short sleeve sweatshirt that Theo's wearing] Son?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Yeah, dad?
Cliff: Is that the shirt that I bought for you?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Yep.
Cliff: Well, didn't it have sleeves on it when we bought it?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Oh yeah, they're upstairs.
Cliff: Oh, the sleeves didn't want to come down this morning?
Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: No, you see dad, I cut 'em off. This is how everybody's wearing it this year.
Cliff: Son, when we went to the store, you picked up that shirt and said "Dad. I gotta have this shirt for the first day of school." And I looked at the price of it, and I said "This is very expensive for a sweatshirt". Then I looked in those brown eyes of yours and I said "Well, my son wants it, and I'll buy it for him." Now if fashion dictates that you cut those sleeves off, make some alterations, that's fine with me. But somehow, some way, in this lifetime, you're going to wear those sleeves.
02x01 - First Day of School Season 2 / Episode 1: - First Day of School

Cliff: [trying to trick the kids into waking up] Last day of school! [nothing happens]
01x17 - Theo and the Joint Season 1 / Episode 17: - Theo and the Joint

Theo: This is my dad.
Anthony Braxton: Hello, Mr. Huxtable.
Theo: Dr. Huxtable! Dad, this is Anthony Braxton.
Cliff: What name do you really go by?
Anthony Braxton: I'm The Enforcer.
Cliff: I'm The Dad!
01x17 - Theo and the Joint Season 1 / Episode 17: - Theo and the Joint

Vanessa: [trying to find out why Theo is in trouble] Theo left early for school today. He seemed to be in a hurry.
Cliff: Oh, yeah?
Vanessa: It's a shame what happened.
Cliff: Yeah.
Vanessa: And to think it would happen in *this* house!
Cliff: That was the part that bothered me the most.
Vanessa: What did you say to Theo when you found out?
Cliff: Well, you know me... so, that's what I said.
Vanessa: And what did Theo say?
Cliff: The only thing he could say.
Vanessa: Oh.
Cliff: What would *you* have done in that situation?
Vanessa: I would have had him come to me!
Cliff: Well, I thought about that but I know how much you don't like to get into other people's business.
Vanessa: [sighs] Yeah.
Cliff: Have a good day at school, dear.
01x17 - Theo and the Joint Season 1 / Episode 17: - Theo and the Joint

Cliff: [Clair found a joint in Theo's book and jumps to conclusions] We don't even know if it is Theo's and you're already sending the boy to Turkey.
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Theo: I don't know what it is Dad, but I can't throw it away until I find out.
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Theo: Hey, if Dad lets you go, I'll give you five hundred dollars.
Denise: You don't have five hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Cliff: A long, long time ago, three to four generations ago, parents didn't talk much to their children. At four A.M, the father would come home, look at his son sleeping, wake him up and say "Boy, go out and plough the field now". And the boy would rub his eye and say "Yes, pa". And occasionally, the son would ask the father how much he'd get paid. And the father grabbed the plough, and ran over his son. Those days are over, because we have become more civilized, more sophisticated, but it's still inside of me no matter how sophisticated I get. And it grows over time. Boy, when I say to one of my children to do something and they say "How much does it pay?", I think I'm going to buy a plough.
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Denise: Dad, I'd like permission to sleep away from home tonight.
Cliff: Ok, are you going to sleep at a friend's house?
Denise: No.
Cliff: Are you going to sleep at a stranger's house?
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Cliff: 32nd St. Where?
Denise: On 32nd St... itself.
Cliff: Why, have you volunteered to be a pothole?
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Denise: Dad, promise me something. When my friends come over... don't do that.
01x16 - Jitterbug Break Season 1 / Episode 16: - Jitterbug Break

Cliff: You're not going. I love you. You're not going.
Denise: You said you would have an open mind.
Cliff: 32nd St closed it up, dear.
01x15 - Physician of the Year Season 1 / Episode 15: - Physician of the Year

Theo: Dad, Denise is hogging the bathroom!
Cliff: Well, use the one downstairs.
Theo: The small one? That's for guests!
Cliff: Well, pretend you don't live here!
01x15 - Physician of the Year Season 1 / Episode 15: - Physician of the Year

Theo: Dad, it's not fair!
Cliff: What do you mean, it's not fair? There's two men living in a house with 4 women. We're lucky we have a gas station around the corner!
01x15 - Physician of the Year Season 1 / Episode 15: - Physician of the Year

Cliff: [chortling] Just promise me you won't lose the razor in there.
Theo: I put on too much, didn't I?
Cliff: Oh, no. Sometimes I use three to four cans myself.
01x15 - Physician of the Year Season 1 / Episode 15: - Physician of the Year

Dr. Wexler: As you all know this hospital is number one, and that's because we go after talent that the other hospitals overlook. We've got blacks, we've got native Americans, we've got Hispanics, we've got Asian Americans, we have even got a Texan.
01x15 - Physician of the Year Season 1 / Episode 15: - Physician of the Year

Dr. Wexler: [about Cliff Huxtable] His dedication to this hospital is so great that when other business at the maternity ward slowed down his wife came in pregnant.
01x14 - Independence Day Season 1 / Episode 14: - Independence Day

Cliff: Son?
Theo: Yeah, Dad?
Cliff: There's no music coming through the headset. You still bopping to what's left of your brain?
01x14 - Independence Day Season 1 / Episode 14: - Independence Day

Theo: [Cliff has just made Theo come into his office where he is examining Theo's ear for infection] Hey dad, can we go somewhere else? This place is for pregnant women...
01x14 - Independence Day Season 1 / Episode 14: - Independence Day

Cliff: Your grandson pierced his ear.
Russell Huxtable: On purpose?
01x13 - Father's Day Season 1 / Episode 13: - Father's Day

Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: [about the silly Miami necktie he bought Cliff for Father's Day] And, Dad, sorry about that tie.
Cliff: [holding a ridiculous tie he got for Father's Day] It's ok, son. Somewhere out there I'm sure there's a suit that goes with this tie. *But don't get the suit!*
01x12 - Rudy's Sick Season 1 / Episode 12: - Rudy's Sick

Rudy: No more parties in there.
01x09 - How Ugly Is He? Season 1 / Episode 9: - How Ugly Is He?

Denise Huxtable: So, Daddy, how do you like David?
Cliff: I don't know if that's him. He hasn't found himself yet.
01x09 - How Ugly Is He? Season 1 / Episode 9: - How Ugly Is He?

Clair Huxtable: Does any of this sound familiar? "How ugly is he?" "Who is his parole officer?" Face it, Cliff. You are ROUGH.

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