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Floyd Lawson Quotes
 | Season 6 / Episode 3: - Malcolm at the Crossroads Ernest T. Bass: [yelling at Malcom Merriweather] I'm warning you! Now today is Thursday. If you're still here on... what's the day after Thursday? Floyd Lawson: Uh Friday. Ernest T. Bass: Right. If you're still here on Friday, which is the day after Thursday, I'll WHOOP the fire outta you. |
 | Season 5 / Episode 5: - Aunt Bee's Romance Andy Taylor: Well, as Mark Twain said, everybody complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it. Floyd Lawson: Did he say that? Andy Taylor: Mm-hmm. Floyd Lawson: I thought Calvin Coolidge said that. Andy Taylor: No, no Floyd, Calvin Coolidge didn't say that. Floyd Lawson: What'd Calvin Coolidge say? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 11: - Convicts-at-Large Floyd Lawson: Maude! Al! If those hamburgers are ruined, I won't be responsible! |
| Season 3 / Episode 11: - Convicts-at-Large Deputy Barney Fife: [Floyd and he have run out of gas, and in walking about looking for some have arrived at a mountain cabin belonging to rich Mr. O'Malley. Barney decides to shout to see if anyone's home] O'Malley! Charlie! It's me, Barney Fife! Floyd Lawson: [Aghast] You shouldn't call a rich many by his first name! Deputy Barney Fife: [to Floyd] The Bigger they are, the nicer they are. [shouting] Hey, Chuck! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 28: - The Bookie Barber Sheriff Andy Taylor: You could put a sign in the window saying 'Two Chairs - No Waiting.' Floyd Lawson: Two chairs... and I've got the magazines to swing it! |
 | Unknown Episode: Andy Taylor: Floyd. Floyd Lawson: What's the matter? Andy Taylor: My sideburns. Floyd Lawson: Your sideburns - what's the matter with your sideburns? Andy Taylor: Why, they're both even. Floyd Lawson: Well, I'll be dogged. How'd that happen? Andy Taylor: I declare, Floyd, I believe you're getting the hang of it. And looka there - they're the right length and everything. |
| Unknown Episode: Floyd Lawson: [while looking at himself in the mirror] Wretch, wretch! Deceitful wretch! |
| Unknown Episode: Goober Pyle: Floyd made the diagnosis. Andy Taylor: Floyd, what do you know about whiplash? Floyd Lawson: What do you mean? A barber does a lot of work around the back of the neck. |
| Unknown Episode: Floyd Lawson: If I keep this up I'll probably end up with a barber's claw from holding the shears all day. |
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