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Mr. Herbert Garrison Quotes
|Season 5 / Episode 7: - Proper Condom Use|
Mr. Herbert Garrison: Okay children, who can tell me what a condom is?
Mr. Herbert Garrison: Yes, Jenny?
Jenny: It fwies awound and it's endangewed.
Mr. Herbert Garrison: That's a *condor*, Jenny! Condor. *Condoms* are what we use to stop the spread of STDs.
Mr. Herbert Garrison: Yes, Fillmore?
Filmore Anderson: Can we do fingerpaints?
Mr. Herbert Garrison: [angrily] No, we can't do fingerpaints! You kids wanna get herpes, huh? How 'bout a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good? Now pay attention, all right? I'm going show you the proper way to put on a condom. [puts a wooden phallus on table] First of all, you remove the condom from its package. Then you find which way the condom rolls out. Put it in your mouth [puts consom in mouth, and starts to speak muffled] and apply.
Mr. Herbert Garrison: And it's as simple as that. Any questions?
|Season 1 / Episode 11: - Tom's Rhinoplasty|
Mr. Herbert Garrison: [about the movie 'Contact'] Waited to see that entire movie to see that alien, and it was her goddamn father!
Mr. Herbert Garrison Photos
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