Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 14, 1972
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
NBC TV Network
Genre

Characters: #2 of 12 (Full List)

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Lamont Sanford Sanford and Son

Lamont Sanford

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  Played by:
Demond WilsonDemond Wilson
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Lamont Sanford Quotes

03x10 - The Blind Mellow Jelly Collection (a.k.a.) The Chameleon Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Blind Mellow Jelly Collection (a.k.a.) The Chameleon

Fred G. Sanford: Wait a minute, Bubba! Don't sit down there!
Bubba Bexley: What's wrong now?
Fred G. Sanford: Man, you about sat on the last Blind Mellow Jelly Album on the whole West Coast!
Bubba Bexley: Boy, I'm sure glad you stopped me, Fred.
Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, if you'd have sat on that record your name would've been Mudd! [Sits down, a loud crack is heard. Fred looks sick]
Lamont Sanford: Bubba, I'd like you to meet my father, Mr. Mudd.
03x09 - The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement Season 3 / Episode 9: - The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement

Lamont Sanford: [Lamont and Rollo are looking for dates, Rollo flipping through his little black book] Hey, man, what about Dimples and Leigh?
Rollo Larson: Dimples and Leigh? The gruesome twosome? You is a fool. We ain't that hard up... Hey, I wonder if I still got their numbers.
Lamont Sanford: Look under DT for "desperation time."
Rollo Larson: No, here it is, under LR for "last resort."
03x09 - The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement Season 3 / Episode 9: - The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement

Lamont Sanford: [Asking about Fred's fiancee] And what did you say her name was?
Lamont Sanford: Donna.
Aunt Esther Anderson: Donna?
Lamont Sanford: Yeah, Donna. It means "lady."
Aunt Esther Anderson: Is that so? I once had a dog named Lady.
03x09 - The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement Season 3 / Episode 9: - The Members of the Wedding (a.k.a.) The Engagement

Lamont Sanford: [after telling Fred his in-laws are coming to the wedding] Look, Pop, will you stop worrying? They're not gonna be here that long.
Fred G. Sanford: That's what the Indians said when they first saw the white man comin'.
03x08 - Superflyer Season 3 / Episode 8: - Superflyer

Lamont Sanford: [Examining the contents of Fred's pocket after he set off the airport metal detector] A crucifix? A St. Christopher's medal? A Star of David? A Crescent of Islam? And a Buddha?
Fred G. Sanford: [Bringing up his hand] And a mojo.
Lamont Sanford: [Exasperated] What do you need all these things for?
Fred G. Sanford: Flight insurance. Y'see, down here on the ground I'm a Baptist, but up there I ain't takin' no chances.
03x08 - Superflyer Season 3 / Episode 8: - Superflyer

Lamont Sanford: [In response to Fred's insulting remarks about Uncle Leotis] C'mon, Pop, show some respect. The man just died.
Fred G. Sanford: One less ugly person in the world! And he was ugly. He looked like a fried monkey in the face. Had an old peanut-shaped head; every time it rained it had a big puddle of water in the middle of it.
03x03 - Fred, the Reluctant Fingerman Season 3 / Episode 3: - Fred, the Reluctant Fingerman

Lamont Sanford: When I was a kid, you was the one that always told me to "Love thy neighbor."
Fred G. Sanford: I didn't know the neighborhood was gonna change this fast.
03x02 - Libra Rising All Over Lamont Season 3 / Episode 2: - Libra Rising All Over Lamont

Lamont Sanford: [Lamont speaking with his hypochondriac father notices the book beside him in bed] Hey, wait a minute, what's that? Don't tell me that's a Bible?
Fred G. Sanford: What'd you think it is? What's wrong with that?
Lamont Sanford: Nothing. It's just I ain't never seen you so close to one before.
Fred G. Sanford: I ain't never felt this close to the one who wrote it before.
02x23 - The Kid Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Kid

Fred G. Sanford: [Offering Jason a drink as they sit down to eat] What about a beer?
Lamont Sanford: Pop, children do not drink beer.
Fred G. Sanford: What's wrong with that? It's just got some barley and some grain and stuff in it. Y'know, it's just corn flakes in a can.
02x19 - The Infernal Triangle Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Infernal Triangle

Lamont Sanford: [Addressing his father, who is drunk and singing] You're just full of songs tonight. And what else are you full of, Muscatel?
Fred G. Sanford: No. We were drinking Muscatel and Ripple. In fact, I call it Muscatipple.
02x19 - The Infernal Triangle Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Infernal Triangle

Lamont Sanford: [after Fred returns from calling a cab at the neighbor's home] Pop, Judy and I are lovers!
Fred G. Sanford: [Stunned] But, I wasn't gone but five minutes.
02x19 - The Infernal Triangle Season 2 / Episode 19: - The Infernal Triangle

Lamont Sanford: Hey, Pop, if women got all these bad qualities, how come you chase after 'em like you do?
Fred G. Sanford: Well, son, you know what the Bible says. Woman was made from a rib. I can live without a lot of things, but I can't live without ribs.
02x18 - Watts Side Story Season 2 / Episode 18: - Watts Side Story

Lamont Sanford: The problem with you Pop is that you're not very broad-minded.
Fred Sanford: You know I'm broad-minded. Remember the time that white woman come by here taking a census? Didn't I let her use the toilet?
02x18 - Watts Side Story Season 2 / Episode 18: - Watts Side Story

Fred Sanford: [Trying to convince Lamont not to date Maria] It's wrong. It's just wrong. And it's dangerous.
Lamont Sanford: Dangerous? Why?
Fred Sanford: You could be attacked by Sharks.
Lamont Sanford: What are you talking about?
Fred Sanford: D'you remember that movie, "West Side Story"? See, the Sharks was a gang of Puerto Ricans and they got that guy for takin' that Maria out. And he was Irish, so you can imagine what's gonna happen to you.
02x17 - Lamont Goes African Season 2 / Episode 17: - Lamont Goes African

Fred G. Sanford: [Lamont lays down the law to his lazy father] We gonna get some oojima in this house starting today.
Fred G. Sanford: [Puzzled] Some who?
Lamont Sanford: Some oojima.
Fred G. Sanford: [Turning to his friend] Bubba, you ever hear of oojima?
Bubba Bexley: No, but I know Big Jima.
Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, she's the stripper over at that topless joint.
Bubba Bexley: [Both men clap their hands and laugh] Yeah!
02x17 - Lamont Goes African Season 2 / Episode 17: - Lamont Goes African

Fred G. Sanford: [addressing his dashiki-wearing son] So what's your original new name?
Lamont Sanford: Kalunda.
Fred G. Sanford: Ka-who?
Lamont Sanford: Kalunda.
Fred G. Sanford: If you think I'm gonna change the sign from Sanford and Son to Sanford and Kalunda you're crazy.
02x17 - Lamont Goes African Season 2 / Episode 17: - Lamont Goes African

Fred G. Sanford: Listen, Lamont...
Lamont Sanford: Not Lamont! Kalunda! Kah-loon-dah. Say it.
Fred G. Sanford: Calendar.
02x17 - Lamont Goes African Season 2 / Episode 17: - Lamont Goes African

Lamont Sanford: [explaining to Fred why there is African art, shields and masks in the living room] A man's home is supposed to reflect his culture.
Fred G. Sanford: Well, if you want to reflect MY culture, put up a picture of Billy Eckstine and Joe Louis.
02x16 - A Visit From Lena Horne Season 2 / Episode 16: - A Visit From Lena Horne

Lamont Sanford: [Upon seeing Lena Horne in his living room, clutches his chest and staggers] Oh! I think I'm havin' one, Pop! My very first one. And it's a big one. Ya hear that, Mom? Your little boy's comin' to join ya... with a moustache!
02x13 - Fred & Carol & Fred & Donna Season 2 / Episode 13: - Fred & Carol & Fred & Donna

Fred G. Sanford: Listen, Lamont, I'm not married. I still gotta sow some wild oats.
Lamont Sanford: Pop, at your age you ain't got no wild oats; you got shredded wheat.
Fred G. Sanford: Okay, so I got shredded wheat, but I still got a whole lot of snap, crackle and pop left.
02x13 - Fred & Carol & Fred & Donna Season 2 / Episode 13: - Fred & Carol & Fred & Donna

Fred G. Sanford: Listen, I went through a lot of expense to make this a romantic evening. I even got some pink Champagne chilling in the refrigerator.
Lamont Sanford: You bought Champagne?
Fred G. Sanford: Well, not really. It's really ginger ale and Ripple. See, I call it Champipple.
02x12 - A Guest in the Yard Season 2 / Episode 12: - A Guest in the Yard

Lamont Sanford: Hey, now that's blackmail!
Fred Sanford: No, that's whitemail!
02x12 - A Guest in the Yard Season 2 / Episode 12: - A Guest in the Yard

Lamont Sanford: Haven't you ever heard of the Good Samaritan?
Fred Sanford: You know I don't like them Japanese movies.
Lamont Sanford: That's Samaritan, not samurai!
02x11 - Sanford and Son and Sister Makes Three Season 2 / Episode 11: - Sanford and Son and Sister Makes Three

Lamont Sanford: Hey, I dance myself.
Alice: Do you really?
Lamont Sanford: Yeah, I can do the Robot, the Good Foot, the Booty Bump, the Crutch and the Hip.
Fred G. Sanford: That don't sound like no dance; that sounds like a serious accident.
02x10 - Blood is Thicker Than Junk Season 2 / Episode 10: - Blood is Thicker Than Junk

Lamont Sanford: [fighting with Fred] And that's another thing - I'm getting tired of you callin' me a dummy.
Fred G. Sanford: The only reason I call you a dummy is because I call 'em as I see 'em. Dummy.
02x10 - Blood is Thicker Than Junk Season 2 / Episode 10: - Blood is Thicker Than Junk

Mr. Clifford: [the employment officer interviews Lamont] What's your educational background?
Lamont Sanford: Well, I was working towards my Ph.D., but I didn't quite complete it.
Mr. Clifford: I see. How far did you get?
Lamont Sanford: About the 10th grade.
02x09 - The Shootout Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Shootout

Lamont Sanford: [Handing Fred an antique rifle] That's an original Revolutionary War rifle. I picked it up at an auction for fifty bucks.
Fred G. Sanford: You paid fifty bucks for this?
Lamont Sanford: Pop, this is an original Revolutionary War rifle. It's called a "Brown Bess."
Fred G. Sanford: And they sold it to a brown dummy.
02x09 - The Shootout Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Shootout

Fred G. Sanford: Who don't know about guns?
Lamont Sanford: You don't.
Fred G. Sanford: Are you kiddin'? World War I, Fred B. Sanford...
Lamont Sanford: "B. Sanford"? What's the "B" for?
Fred G. Sanford: Bullseye. Machine gunner, World War I. Rifleman. Pistol expert. Now how 'bout that?
Lamont Sanford: Well, that's not the way I heard it. It was World War II and it was Fred B. Sanford alright, but the "B" wasn't for "Bullseye."
02x09 - The Shootout Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Shootout

Fred G. Sanford: How many times you see pictures of Jesus and he's white?
Lamont Sanford: What about it?
Fred G. Sanford: That's wrong, too, 'cause you can't hang around Jerusalem no thirty-some years and don't wear no hat and stay white.
02x08 - The Puerto Ricans Are Coming! Season 2 / Episode 8: - The Puerto Ricans Are Coming!

Lamont Sanford: Now Julio's a nice guy. He don't want no trouble.
Fred G. Sanford: Julio? That his name.
Lamont Sanford: That's right. Julio Fuentes.
Fred G. Sanford: Julio Fuentes. That don't sound like no name, that sound like somethin' you get from drinkin' their water.

Previous: Fred G. Sanford Next: Aunt Esther Anderson
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