Recently divorced mother (Ann Romano) and her two teenage daughters (Barbara and Julie) start a new life together in Indianapolis, befriended by the building superintendent (Dwayne Schneider), who treats them like family. Together, these four face life's challenges together.
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Dwayne F. Schneider Quotes
|Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Broken Nose|
Barbara Cooper: Then the good part I hand out the first football trophy for the most valuable player, and you be the football player.
Dwayne F. Schneider: How about that.
Barbara Cooper: Okay, here you go fella should I wrap it up for you before you eat it here. It's a joke.
Dwayne F. Schneider: You can say that.
Barbara Cooper: Oh yeah that why they picked me to be trophy girl because I can come up with little jokes like that. haha
Dwayne F. Schneider: Yeah!
Barbara Cooper: Well uh uh this is little routine I did for the basketball awards, and you be the basketball player now.
Dwayne F. Schneider: I'll be the basketball player now. Drriibbblllleeee
Barbara Cooper: Will you go fella stand up when your getting an award.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Hahahaha I have to stand up.
Barbara Cooper: Well don't go away.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Why?
Barbara Cooper: I want to interview your knees.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Hahahaha I need this do you want to know something you are really very sharp at this, and you really come down to the lodge on talent night. Your really as funny as Harry Krause, and his trained turtle.
Barbara Cooper: Ah Turtle?
Dwayne F. Schneider: Well Harry holds him by the tail, and the turtle he bobs his head to the boogie woogie bugle boy an company beat.
Barbara Cooper: I don't know.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Well they once tried to do it to the fight of bumblebee, and the turtle almost killed himself. Well the shell soft, and so did everything.
Bob Morton: Hi Mr. Schneider.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Hey how are you, you know Bob you need a hobby.
Bob Morton: Uh what do you call this photographic. Uh one of those little understatement jokes of yours. You really shouldn't slip those by me old buddy I'm just a shade to hip.
Barbara Cooper: Hi u Bob why all the equipment.
Bob Morton: Well the polar ice cap melting I had to get this gear above street level before the flood comes, two can play at that game Schneider. No actually I'm the new official feature photographer for the school paper, and they wanted me to do a layout on Barbara since she's this years trophy girl, and they always pick the prettiest girls for that.
Barbara Cooper: Is that all you guys can ever think of I'm pretty, and I happen to have some brains you know.
Bob Morton: Brains are hard to photograph.
|Season 4 / Episode 21: - The Broken Nose|
Dwayne F. Schneider: He's right I've never seen a nude IQ in Playboy.
Barbara Cooper: If they wanted the sex part why didn't they give it to Hattie she simply wanted the job bad enough.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Do you know anything about athletics?
Bob Morton: Are you kidding she thinks the different between a tight end, and split end is a good cream rinse.
Barbara Cooper: Bob could you let me do this please.
Bob Morton: Oh sure.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Listen I got to clean up my mess in the bedroom, and where's the dustpan?
Barbara Cooper: Under the sink.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Right under the sink we go.
Barbara Cooper: What are you doing?
Bob Morton: Oh you just go ahead, and do whatever your doing. I'll just make myself totally Un it trust able. The trick of the action photographer is to become totally invisible that just melts into his surroundings.
Barbara Cooper: Gee I wonder where Bob went?
Dwayne F. Schneider: It ain't under the sink.
Barbara Cooper: Look under the bar.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Look under the bar.
Bob Morton: Um I'm going to need some candid shots, something carefree, and mindless. I got it Barb romp around the room with a beach ball.
Barbara Cooper: Schneider please let me clean.
Dwayne F. Schneider: Oh no it's my mess.
Barbara Cooper: no no please.
Dwayne F. Schneider: believe me.
Barbara Cooper: I can't anything done with Mr. Candid Camera here.
Bob Morton: Oh no now I made her mad.
Dwayne F. Schneider: She's just about the rewards presentation. Listen you know you swept all this sutff ove, and I was thinking if you don't want to waste a trip maybe you might want to take a picture of me and Ms. La Rue. She's very photogenic, appear in several decks of playing cards, and this time on one deck she was on every card. If you shuffle them real fast, never mind never mind, and I'm going to help Barbara because there's a big mess to clean up. Hey Barb.
Dwayne F. Schneider, Barbara Cooper: Owwwwww ow ow oh my nose. What happen? Oh my nose, oh my nose, oh my nose. Face it, hey Bob look. Oh my nose, oh my nose. Holy Mackerel. Oh my nose, oh my nose. Let me see.
Dwayne F. Schneider: How could I have done it, I mean me of all people, and I'm always so careful.
Dwayne F. Schneider Photos
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