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Lt. Randall Disher Monk

Lt. Randall Disher

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  Played by:
Jason Gray-StanfordJason Gray-Stanford
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Lt. Randall Disher Quotes

03x11 - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, you're the expert. Is it him or not?
Lt. Randall Disher: It's hard to say. I mean, Sonny had a lot more hair... and skin.
03x11 - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra

Natalie Teeger: I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah. Well, at least I got to have my picture with Sonny Chow.
Natalie Teeger: You took a picture?
03x10 - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring Season 3 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Red Herring

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well? Does anyone have any ideas?
Lt. Randall Disher: Maybe it swallowed something. Like a diamond.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Does anyone besides Randy have any ideas?
03x07 - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month Season 3 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month

Lt. Randall Disher: A forty-two-inch flat-screen TV fell on her. She was killed instantly.
Sharona Fleming: That's horrible. TV still work?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, the TV just killed a woman.
Sharona Fleming: What are you going to do? Lock it up?
03x07 - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month Season 3 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month

Sharona Fleming: Hey, Captain, have you ever met Crystal?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I can't say I have. We were supposed to go out to dinner last week, but she canceled at the last minute.
Lt. Randall Disher: She wasn't feeling well.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: M-hmmmm.
Sharona Fleming: Maybe you blew her up too much.
Lt. Randall Disher: She isn't a balloon.
Sharona Fleming: That's right. She's a living, breathing wallet model.
03x07 - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month Season 3 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month

Sharona Fleming: Those imaginary girlfriends can be pretty wild.
Lt. Randall Disher: She's not imaginary.
Sharona Fleming: Hm. What's her name?
Lt. Randall Disher: Crystal. [Sharona is staring past Randy at a box that says "Crystal Glassware" on it]
Sharona Fleming: What's her last name? Glassware?
03x07 - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month Season 3 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month

Sharona Fleming: [asking Randy about Crystal, his girlfriend] You have a picture?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah.
Sharona Fleming: Ohhh. She's pretty. [turns photo over] Randy! This came with the wallet.
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, I know. She's a wallet model.
03x03 - Mr. Monk and the Blackout Season 3 / Episode 3: - Mr. Monk and the Blackout

Adrian Monk: Lieutenant, these are night vision goggles. Turn the lights back off! I'll have the advantage. Turn them off!
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, we could do that... or we could just arrest him.
03x03 - Mr. Monk and the Blackout Season 3 / Episode 3: - Mr. Monk and the Blackout

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [interrupting Randy, who is mentioning the evidence pointing to Winston Brenner] Read the rest of the file, Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher: What part?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The part here where it says he died: "Deceased, 1995." Blew himself up before the trial.
Lt. Randall Disher: He's dead.
03x03 - Mr. Monk and the Blackout Season 3 / Episode 3: - Mr. Monk and the Blackout

Alby Drake: No, I'm not being reasonable. I'm sick and tired of being reasonable. I'm not coming down until you agree to build your stupid condos somewhere else! [Monk and Sharona arrive]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, Sharona.
Sharona Fleming: Who is he?
Lt. Randall Disher: Tree hugger.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: His name is Alby Drake. He was Winston Brenner's oldest friend. They were roommates at MIT.
Adrian Monk: How long has he been up there?
Construction Foreman: Ten days. The judge will be ordering an eviction notice by tomorrow morning. [Stottlemeyer turns to Monk]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The FBI - in their infinite wisdom - now agrees that Winston Brenner may have faked his own death back in 1995. If Brenner is still alive, that scruffy bird up there might still be in contact with him.
03x02 - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room Season 3 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room

Lt. Randall Disher: So how long have you two been dating?
Sharona Fleming: [to Darwin] He's just jealous because you're cuter than he is. And you smell better too.
03x02 - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room Season 3 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I hate this.
Lt. Randall Disher: Why don't you stay out here, sir? I can handle her.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh, you can? Since when?
03x02 - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room Season 3 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room

Lt. Randall Disher: Monk, can I run a theory by you?
Adrian Monk: Sure.
Lt. Randall Disher: What if Ian Blackburn trained the chimpanzee to shoot him in the panic room?
Adrian Monk: Why would he do that?
Lt. Randall Disher: So his wife could collect the insurance. Thus, suicide by monkey.
Sharona Fleming: Thus, theory by monkey.
Adrian Monk: Randy, Ian Blackburn had a $100,000 life insurance policy. Chloe is worth, what, $20 million? It doesn't seem worth it.
03x02 - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room Season 3 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk and the Panic Room

Sharona Fleming: [opens the door to find Stottlemeyer and Disher waiting] Hey.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, we need to talk.
Sharona Fleming: About what?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I think you know. [They walk into the house, which looks like an earthquake has hit it] What happened here? Did you have a party?
Sharona Fleming: It's Benjy. He never picks anything up.
Lt. Randall Disher: Sharona, where's Darwin?
Sharona Fleming: What are you talking about?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: We're going to find him. Is he here?


Sharona Fleming: Hey, would you put that away? This is my house!
Lt. Randall Disher: He's killed before.
Sharona Fleming: No he hasn't!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, we know that you took him. Now either you tell us where he is or I'm going to have to take you in. That is the law.
Lt. Randall Disher: [walks back out of the living room, speaking into his walkie-talkie] Living room secure, heading to the kitchen.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, you don't have to use the walkie-talkie. I'm ten feet away.
Lt. Randall Disher: Roger that. [puts down the walkie-talkie and continues searching]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [notices some vomit on a wall, and a lot of crooked pictures] Hey, what happened here?
Sharona Fleming: Benjy threw up.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [confused] On the wall?
Sharona Fleming: It was pretty awful.
Lt. Randall Disher: [heads into the kitchen, and opens the closet, which swings open to reveal a stuffed teddy bear] Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! [notices that it's just a stuffed animal] False alarm! False alarm!


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, you were seen. The animal shelter has a surveillance camera. It recorded your car's license plate number as you drove away.
03x01 - Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan Season 3 / Episode 1: - Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan

Lt. Randall Disher: [about his new "Rolex" watch] I can tell you what time it is all around the world. [looks at watch] It's 5:30 here; in Denver, 3:30; in California, 12:17; in Paris, France... time has stopped.
02x15 - Mr. Monk Gets Married Season 2 / Episode 15: - Mr. Monk Gets Married

Sharona Fleming: Have you been drinking?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yes, I have. I couldn't think of any other way to get all this Scotch into my body.
02x15 - Mr. Monk Gets Married Season 2 / Episode 15: - Mr. Monk Gets Married

Lt. Randall Disher: I know she's not the prettiest woman in the world, but she's my mom, and I love her... but how could anybody else?
02x14 - Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife Season 2 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife

Lt. Randall Disher: [the entire police department is suiting up for an armed assault on a suspect; phone rings] Okay... Captain! That was Monk!
Lt. Randall Disher: [the entire squad room freezes] He said he solved the case.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: He what?
Lt. Randall Disher: He says it's not a union thing.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Is he sure?
Lt. Randall Disher: [looks at the Captain like "duh"] He's Monk.
02x14 - Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife Season 2 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife

Lt. Randall Disher: So far, it looks completely random. A sniper on Highway 1 fired a shot, took out the tow truck's driver, and it spun out of control into...
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Into Karen! Who was it?
Lt. Randall Disher: ...We don't have him, yet.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: I want everybody...
Lt. Randall Disher: You got them, sir.
02x13 - Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny Season 2 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny

Julie Parlo: [walks up to Stottlemeyer] Excuse me, Captain Stottlemeyer?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yep.
Julie Parlo: Hi, I'm Julie Parlo. Uh, where is the FBI? This is a kidnapping. I happen to be a lawyer, so I know that in a kidnapping situation the FBI has jurisprudence.
Lt. Randall Disher: That's only true if your grandmother's been taken across the state lines...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: ...or if she's been held for more than 24 hours. And I think you meant to say "jurisdiction." What kind of lawyer are you?
02x13 - Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny Season 2 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny

Adrian Monk: Oh my god!
Sharona Fleming: [seeing through the disguise] What are you supposed to be?
Lt. Randall Disher: I'm undercover. I'm homeless.
Sharona Fleming: What's that on your face?
Lt. Randall Disher: Dirt.
Sharona Fleming: [to Monk] Give the lady some gravy. [Monk does so]
02x11 - Mr. Monk and the Three Pies Season 2 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk and the Three Pies

Lt. Randall Disher: [as Sharona digs through the cherry pie] Actually this is one of my fantasies. Except it's not a pie. And you're not in it.
02x10 - Mr. Monk and the Paperboy Season 2 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Paperboy

Malcolm Cowley: Is there a problem?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I was reading about you in the newspaper. [Shows the copy of the paper to Cowley] That's you, isn't it? "It Just Wasn't His Day." It says here that you had two accidents in the course of ten minutes. First you hit a little tree, and then you drove another half a mile and hit a lamppost.
Malcolm Cowley: That's right. Is that a crime?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. It is if you were in fact intentionally damaging your car so you would avoid having to explain a smashed-in grille. See, Mr. Monk found this other article. [turns to a front page article] "Hit-and-Run Driver Kills a Grandmother." Same neighborhood. Same approximate time. We thought there might be a connection.
Lt. Randall Disher: [looking at Cowley's car's headlights] Captain. Blood.
02x10 - Mr. Monk and the Paperboy Season 2 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk and the Paperboy

Adrian Monk: I cleaned last night.
Lt. Randall Disher: Did you sleep at all?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: He can sleep when he cleans. I've seen it.
02x09 - Mr. Monk and the 12th Man Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the 12th Man

Lt. Randall Disher: [to Sharona, about Kenny Shale] I was thinking of voting for him, but now I'm worried about his judgment. I mean, going out with you, there's no telling what he might do. Start a nuclear war or something.
02x09 - Mr. Monk and the 12th Man Season 2 / Episode 9: - Mr. Monk and the 12th Man

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to the squad room] All right everybody, listen up. Listen up! We're not going to find him flailing around in the dark. Let's communicate, keep each other brief. We're going dumpster diving! We're going to... [turns and notices Disher putting up another sheet on the wall with the photos of the victims] What are you doing?
Lt. Randall Disher: I'm leaving a space for the next victim.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Take it down. Take it down. [Disher takes it down] There is no "next victim." We're stopping the son-of-a-bitch at *10*.
02x08 - Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy Season 2 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy

Lt. Randall Disher: The Sapphire Mansion? I've never been. Have you?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, once.
Sharona Fleming: Did you tell Karen?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, I did. In couples' counseling. We were playing the honesty game.
Lt. Randall Disher: Red Roof Inn?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. It was before they put that new wallpaper in the lobby.
02x08 - Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy Season 2 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy

Lt. Randall Disher: You know, sir, I think Monk may be on to something here. Maybe we should tag along.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Lieutenant, I think you're right.
Sharona Fleming: Oh, God...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, I'm married, not dead.
02x08 - Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy Season 2 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy

Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, my God. We're really here. We're in his bedroom. Pinch me.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No.
Lt. Randall Disher: I didn't mean really pinch me.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, shut up. We're done talking about pinching.
02x07 - Mr. Monk and the Sleeping Suspect Season 2 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk and the Sleeping Suspect

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay, they pieced together enough of the package to get a postmark. It was mailed from Pacific Heights three days ago.
Lt. Randall Disher: Different post office, same type of explosive.
Adrian Monk: [yelling] Well, don't use that bathroom, it's a mess!
Sharona Fleming: You don't have to shout!
Adrian Monk: [still yelling] Why are you whispering?

Previous: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer Next: Natalie Teeger
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