Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jul. 12, 2002
Status
Completed/Ended
Runtime
60 min.
Country
USA
Network
USA TV Network

Characters: #3 of 8 (Full List)

Previous Next

Lt. Randall Disher Monk

Lt. Randall Disher

Add to My Characters
  Played by:
Jason Gray-StanfordJason Gray-Stanford
no bio found ...

« Back to Character Profile

Lt. Randall Disher Quotes

05x08 - Mr. Monk Goes To a Rock Concert Season 5 / Episode 8: - Mr. Monk Goes To a Rock Concert

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [over walkie-talkie] He says it was locked and bolted from the outside.
Adrian Monk: [over walkie-talkie, standing on the hillside] They could have rigged the lock. Over.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. You know it would help a lot if you stood a little closer.
Adrian Monk: That's not going to happen. Over.
Kendra Frank: [to Natalie] So is this how he does it? From 100 feet away?
Natalie Teeger: Not all the time.


Annoyed Girl in Line: How long are you going to be?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: As long as it takes, miss. This is a crime scene.
Annoyed Girl in Line: With only one cop?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Uh, no, it's not just me. You see that guy up there on the hill? He's a cop.


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And this guy here is a police officer.
Lt. Randall Disher: Oh these guys are great! Oh I hope they do "Killer Machine!"


Lt. Randall Disher: KILLER MACHINE!


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Monk, over walkie-talkie] Uh, I'm checking out the lock here. There are some scratches.
Adrian Monk: Are they recent? Over.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, there's no rust.


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I've got a little piece of wire here.
05x06 - Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion Season 5 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion

Lt. Randall Disher: Captain. I uh, tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number One: it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He got a waiver.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
Lt. Randall Disher: Right, Number Two: he's dead. He died in 1995, and Number Three: He moved to Europe in the late 80s, so there's no record of him ever returning to the United States...


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy? Randy? Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt you, but could you repeat Number Two again?
Lt. Randall Disher: Okey-doke. Uh, he's dead.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Right... See, I probably would have stopped reading after Number Two. In fact I would have read Number Two first.
Lt. Randall Disher: You would have switched them?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.
05x06 - Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion Season 5 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [examining a crime scene] A lot of gravity in these stairwells. [to Randy] I just used the elevator. Why didn't she? Was it broken? [Randy starts to check his notes]
Lt. Randall Disher: Uhhhh...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If you don't know, just say it.
Lt. Randall Disher: I don't know.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to a cop standing over Katherine Rutherford's body] Hey are there any beads down there?
Uniform Cop: No sir.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If she slipped on the beads, why didn't any of them roll away? [Randy looks in his notebook]
Lt. Randall Disher: Beads, beads, beads...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You don't know. Randy, this is wrong. [He picks up an intact portion of necklace and walks down to the body] This is very wrong. [to the officers] Lift up her head. [Stottlemeyer puts the intact portion of the necklace around Katherine's neck, but it doesn't fit] It doesn't fit; it's too small. Okay, we're changing gears. Lock down this stairwell from the basement to the roof. Call the watch commander; this is now a homicide investigation.
05x06 - Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion Season 5 / Episode 6: - Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion

Lt. Randall Disher: Captain? The lapel pin. I just remembered where I saw it.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: When?
Lt. Randall Disher: Just now at my desk.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No I mean... tell me about the pin, Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher: Monk. He's been wearing the same pin all week for his 25th college reunion.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I think you're right. Did the victim go to Berkeley?
Lt. Randall Disher: No, she worked there. She was a nurse at the university clinic for, like, 20 years.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: But she didn't graduate, so this isn't her pin.
Lt. Randall Disher: The killer.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It fell off the killer... which means the killer is at the reunion... with Monk?
05x05 - Mr. Monk, Private Eye Season 5 / Episode 5: - Mr. Monk, Private Eye

Lt. Randall Disher: The sign said that you were the number one realtor in Northern California.
Linda Fusco: [sarcastically] Tell me something I don't know.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [drolly] The elephant's the only mammal that can't jump.
Linda Fusco: [perplexed] Pardon me?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You said tell you something you don't know, and I told you that the only mammal who can't jump is your elephant.
05x05 - Mr. Monk, Private Eye Season 5 / Episode 5: - Mr. Monk, Private Eye

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, there he is! There's Monk! Twenty degrees to port.
Lt. Randall Disher: What's that next to him, is it a life preserver?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Nah, it looks like a toilet seat.
Linda Fusco: Well, if it's floating, why doesn't he just grab it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer, Lt. Randall Disher, Natalie Teeger: Uhhh...
05x04 - Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing Season 5 / Episode 4: - Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing

Adrian Monk: I'm now half the man I was, which was three-quarters of a man, so now I'm...
Lt. Randall Disher: ...5/16ths of a man.
Adrian Monk: Thank you, Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, no wait. 3/8ths of a man.
05x04 - Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing Season 5 / Episode 4: - Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing

Adrian Monk: Now, the table is here. [He's pointing at the foldout chairs]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, Monk. The table... is here. [He points Monk's hand at the table]
Adrian Monk: Right. Which puts the pole right there. [Stottlemeyer redirects his hand]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Pole's there.
Adrian Monk: I can't do this.
Natalie Teeger: You can do this. Mr. Monk, just concentrate, okay? Just try to picture the room. You can do this, you have an amazing memory!
Adrian Monk: Oh right. I forgot about my amazing memory.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Look, what we can't figure is what the guy was doing here. What was he looking for?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Is anything missing?
Capt. Stockton: I don't think so. There's nothing here worth taking. No money, nothing. It doesn't make any sense.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay, let's do this. [Stottlemeyer and Natalie get Monk into the chair he was sitting in] You and Rusty were sitting here, you were checking the smoke detectors.
Adrian Monk: Right, and then this man, entered from over there. He walked around the truck slowly, like he was trying not to be noticed.
Lt. Randall Disher: Monk, Lt. RAndy Disher here. I'm speaking to you.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, you don't have to tell the man that you're speaking to him!
Lt. Randall Disher: [looks at his notebook] OK. You know who this is, and that I'm speaking to you, and in your statement, you said that you could hear him, that his shoes were squeaking.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Lt. Randall Disher: And that he was tall, heavyset, about 6'1", with sandy hair, and wearing a leather jacker.
Adrian Monk: That's right. And then Rusty walked over to him, around the back of the truck. Then I heard this big noise, and I walked around the truck. [He copies his movements from that day. He feels for the truck] Where is the truck?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: The truck's been moved, Monk. You're good.
Adrian Monk: And I saw Rusty on the floor, and the man was carrying a shovel in his hands.
Lt. Randall Disher: You said you could smell him, that he'd been drinking.
Adrian Monk: Rum, he smelled like rum!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: We got that, Randy! Is there anything else? Anything new? Anything you forgot to mention?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't think so.
05x02 - Mr. Monk and the Garbage Strike Season 5 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk and the Garbage Strike

Lt. Randall Disher: He's like a vigilante. A garbage vigilante.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You could say that, but don't.
05x01 - Mr. Monk and the Actor Season 5 / Episode 1: - Mr. Monk and the Actor

Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: [talking on fake cellphone] Uh look, I know he's a bit eccentric, but Adrian Monk is the best damn investigator I've ever had so you tell the mayor if he goes I go.


Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: That's right.
Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: Lt. Disher! Lt. Disher, you got a minute?
Actress Playing Disher: [Actor Playing Disher walks in] Yes Captain.
Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: Uh what the hell do I say? I got it. The victim, the victim just received a check for fifty-thousand dollars. Pretty weird time to kill yourself. What do you think?
Actress Playing Disher: I'll tell you what I think. I think the department doesn't appreciate you enough.


Actor Playing Stottlemeyer: Randy, what are you doing?
Actress Playing Disher: I'm doing what you taught me to do Captain, following my instincts.


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That never happened.
Lt. Randall Disher: Not even once.
04x14 - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut

Lt. Randall Disher: Good work, sir!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You don't have to sound so surprised, Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, I'm not surprised. Awestruck. [pause] Awestruck.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Don't be, and that's an order.
Lt. Randall Disher: You're ordering me not to be awestruck?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That's right. Stand over there and don't be awestruck.
04x14 - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut

Natalie Teeger: You can't just take mail from somebody's porch.
Darrell Cain: Yeah, you can if it's fruit. The law doesn't apply to fruit because it's perishable.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Actually, sir, the law does apply to fruit. [turns to Disher, who is eating a nectarine from the box] Are you eating one?
Lt. Randall Disher: Nope. I was just putting that back. [throws the nectarine back into the Fruit of the Month box]
04x14 - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut

Lt. Randall Disher: [to Steve Wagner] Congratulations on your flight. And congratulations on the crash landing four years ago. And on marrying a figure skater.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Congratulations on your whole life.
04x14 - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut

Lt. Randall Disher: [makes a model of a spaceship] Here's the ship. And let's pretend this globe represents the Earth.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's a globe. It *does* represent the Earth.
04x14 - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut Season 4 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk and the Astronaut

Lt. Randall Disher: [after demonstrating his very unbelievable escape pod theory] It's just a theory.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, I don't think so. I've heard theories before, and, uh, they don't sound like that.
04x13 - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward Season 4 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward

Lt. Randall Disher: Was Tony a goldfish?
04x13 - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward Season 4 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward

Jenny Manderville: [to Randy] So am I in trouble?
Lt. Randall Disher: No, not this time, miss. But listen, if you feeling like finding someone to confess to, you should call a priest. [to an officer] Would you escort Miss Mandeville out?


Adrian Monk: Who is she?
Lt. Randall Disher: Looney Tune of the Month. Her name's uh, Jennie Mandeville. She keeps on coming in here and confessing to stuff.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What was it this time? [since yesterday, Jennie came in and confessed to stealing a pen from a bank]
Lt. Randall Disher: Well, she comes in, same as yesterday, and says she accidentally killed her roommate. So I take her into the back room and I turn on the tape recorder. Turns out her roommate was a hamster.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] She didn't look unstable.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: They never do.
04x13 - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward Season 4 / Episode 13: - Mr. Monk and the Big Reward

Landis: [while being questioned about the robbery] I want to help you guys. I really do, but they've questioned me three times.
Lt. Randall Disher: It's not just you, Mr. Landis. We're talking to all the guards, cleaning staff, curators, and anybody who was at the museum.
Landis: Yeah, but I haven't been home yet!
Lt. Randall Disher: And I appreciate that. We just need your official statement, and you're free to go. So for the record, where were you during the robbery?
Landis: OK, for the tenth time, I was at my station on the main floor. I *never* left.
Lt. Randall Disher: And you didn't hear anything unusual?
Landis: No, sir. I was three floors away.
Lt. Randall Disher: Okay. [noticing Monk and Natalie] Excuse me for a second. Can I get you something to drink? [Randy walks over to the cooler where Monk and Natalie are standing] Monk, Nat.
Adrian Monk: What's going on?
Lt. Randall Disher: What? You haven't heard? Robbery at the MacMillan Museum. It was big, big! The Alexander Diamond.
Natalie Teeger: Whoa!
Lt. Randall Disher: I know whoa! Robbery division asked us to help out, so we're taking statements from everybody on sight.
Adrian Monk: So you're not arresting him about the drugs?
Lt. Randall Disher: Uh, no, what drugs?
Adrian Monk: His fingertips are stained. It looks like red phosphorus. You get that from making crystal meth. He's got to have a lab somewhere.
Lt. Randall Disher: Okay, I'll look into it. [to Landis] Excuse me, Mr. Landis. [to Monk and Natalie] If the Captain needs me, I'll be in Interrogation Room B.


Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie Teeger: You know what? You just solved that case for *free*!
Lt. Randall Disher: What was I supposed to do? Say, "Lieutenant, there's a drug dealer in the room. I'll tell you who it is for $20."
Natalie Teeger: At least we'd have $20!
04x10 - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show

Natalie Teeger: [notices how Lt. Disher is striking a pose with one foot on a rock and his elbow resting on his knee] What are you doing?
Lt. Randall Disher: What?... I'm standing. [self-satisfied] This is how I stand. [Notices how Natalie is dressed in evening wear] What are you wearing?
Natalie Teeger: Clothes, this is how I dress.
Lt. Randall Disher: This is how I stand.
Natalie Teeger: This is how I dress-s-s.
04x10 - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Where's your notebook?
Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, I don't have one. It's an Italian suit, it was ruining the lining. But don't worry. [points to his head] I'll remember it.
04x10 - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show Season 4 / Episode 10: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Fashion Show

Natalie Teeger: She swears he's innocent.
Howard "Gordo" Gordon: I know. That's the toughest part of the job, the mothers crying and pleading. That's one thing I'm not going to miss.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Where are you going?
Howard "Gordo" Gordon: Didn't you hear? I'm retiring. There's a party for me on Saturday if you want to come.
Lt. Randall Disher: Sweet.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're retiring? How old are you?
Howard "Gordo" Gordon: 46.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Did you win the lottery?
Howard "Gordo" Gordon: No, I've been investing. Real estate. What have you been doing with your savings?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [mulls it over] Uhhh... Eating. You know, I think I need to talk to my accountant.
Natalie Teeger: What, you have an accountant?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Nope. Going to have to go find an accountant, and then I'm going to talk to him.
04x07 - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding Season 4 / Episode 7: - Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding

Natalie Teeger: Hey, is Parnell still dating that parole officer?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, he married her.
Lt. Randall Disher: I have my own tux and everything.
Natalie Teeger: Ooh, ooh, what about that B-and-E suspect you brought in last week? He was kind of cute.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Not cute enough to make bail.
04x02 - Mr. Monk Goes Home Again Season 4 / Episode 2: - Mr. Monk Goes Home Again

Capt. Stottlemeyer: [holding the police sketch of the suspect] You've never seen this guy before? In the store, hanging around the parking lot?
Young Cashier: I don't think so, but I see a lot of faces.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Sure.
Lt. Randall Disher: It looks like Kiefer Sutherland.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: [pausing] Yeah, I guess it does.
Lt. Randall Disher: It wasn't Kiefer Sutherland, was it?
Young Cashier: No, sir.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Here's a receipt. This is from your cash register. This is him, right?
Young Cashier: Mm-hmm.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Eight items at 89 cents.
Young Cashier: Yes, sir. Eight candy bars.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Eight candy bars?
Lt. Randall Disher: It really looks like Kiefer Sutherland. You know, maybe we should - before we distribute it - write across the bottom "not Kiefer Sutherland," just so that we don't disturb Mr. Sutherland.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: [sarcastically] That's a really good idea.
Lt. Randall Disher: You think so?
Capt. Stottlemeyer: No.
03x15 - Mr. Monk and the Election Season 3 / Episode 15: - Mr. Monk and the Election

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And I'm assigning you a bodyguard. Lieutenant...


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: ...thank you for volunteering!
Natalie Teeger: *He's* my bodyguard?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: 24/7!
Natalie Teeger: I'm *still* not dropping out! [She walks away]
Lt. Randall Disher: That's not my job.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It is now.
03x15 - Mr. Monk and the Election Season 3 / Episode 15: - Mr. Monk and the Election

Lt. Randall Disher: Excuse me. I thought I'd better try this. [takes a bite of Natalie's lasagna] A little too much oregano, but it's not poisoned.
Jack Whitman: That's what every cook likes to know.
03x15 - Mr. Monk and the Election Season 3 / Episode 15: - Mr. Monk and the Election

Adrian Monk: [about Harold Krenshaw] I told you. He will drive you crazy.
Lt. Randall Disher: So is he the guy?
Adrian Monk: No. I wish he was, but he's not the guy. He never would have misspelled Natalie's name on the note.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: How do you know?
Adrian Monk: Because, even I wouldn't have.
03x15 - Mr. Monk and the Election Season 3 / Episode 15: - Mr. Monk and the Election

Lt. Randall Disher: Witnesses are all over the map. Some say they heard five shots; some say nine.
Adrian Monk: Fourteen. There were fourteen shots.
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Are you sure? Well, of course you're sure. How did they come? Were they evenly spaced? [Monk recites the timing]
Adrian Monk: Bang. Bang bang. Bang. Bang bang bang bang bang...
Capt. Stottlemeyer: Rapid fire, semi-automatic.
03x14 - Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas Season 3 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, where are my pants?
Lt. Randall Disher: You threw them out the window.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Why did I do that?
Lt. Randall Disher: One of the girls bet you a dollar you wouldn't.


Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Looks like she paid off.
03x14 - Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas Season 3 / Episode 14: - Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, give me the money. You'll get it back when we get home.
Lt. Randall Disher: I'm not ten years old.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That's true. Give me the money!

03x11 - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra Season 3 / Episode 11: - Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra

Natalie Teeger: Lieutenant, you realize that if Sonny Chow is alive, he's killed at least two people.
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah?
Natalie Teeger: You'd have to arrest him.
Lt. Randall Disher: I'd get to meet him.
Natalie Teeger: He might even try to kill you.
Lt. Randall Disher: You think so? Wow, that would be so cool! Sonny Chow...

Previous: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer Next: Natalie Teeger
You are successfully logged out.
login
[close]

ShareTV Login

Username
Password
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Create Account

Username
Password
Verify Password
EMAIL

Verification code (check your email for the verification code)

Verification code has been sent to the following email address:
If you didn't receive the verification code:

1. Check your bulk/spam folder.

2. Try to whitelist our email address (noreply@sharetv.org)

3. Resend verification email

If you mistyped your email address change it here
Create a free ShareTV account to make a personalized schedule of your favorite TV shows, keep track of what you've watched, earn points and more.
Verify your username and email to complete your Registration
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Forgot Your Password?

EMAIL
Enter the email address you used to create the account and your password will be emailed to you.