Type
Scripted
Premiered
Sep. 17, 1972
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

Top Contributors

M*A*S*H tv show photo

M*A*S*H

Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, a U S Army medical unit serving as a hospital in a combat area of operations. M*A*S*H was a true ensemble series. "The Pittsburgh Steelers' victory over the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl was watched in an average of 45.85 million homes, the second highest total in television history behind only the last Mash Ep.

06x10 - The M*A*S*H Olympics Season 6 / Episode 10: - The M*A*S*H Olympics

Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott: [getting into their Jeep] It's only a race.
Major Margaret Houlihan: A race? A race? That wasn't just a race, that was the olympics!
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott: Fine, you can stay here if you want, I'm going to Milan. [tries to start the Jeep. It won't turn over; Margaret gets out] Where are you going?
Major Margaret Houlihan: Move over. If we're gonna go, we might as well get there. [takes the wheel and they drive off]
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott: Come on, Margaret, it was only a race.
06x09 - Images Season 6 / Episode 9: - Images

Major Margaret Houlihan: [about a nurse] People who don't have a stomach for this shouldn't be here.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: You're right, let's all go home.
06x09 - Images Season 6 / Episode 9: - Images

Nurse Able: This place is hard to get used to, and I used to work emergency room in Chicago, car accidents, suicide, homicide.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Ah, for the good old days.
06x09 - Images Season 6 / Episode 9: - Images

Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: I'm think about getting a tattoo.
Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Get a calendar, at least it'll be useful for a year.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Get a tie, no restaurant in town will be able to refuse you.
06x07 - In Love and War Season 6 / Episode 7: - In Love and War

Margaret: [both Hawkeye and Margaret are in the Swamp, drunk] This place stinks.
Hawkeye: Right.
Margaret: The food stinks, the liquor stinks, and the smell stinks!
Hawkeye: You said it.
Margaret: And the *war* stinks!
Hawkeye: It certainly does!
Margaret: What are you agreeing for? You're one of the things around here that stinks!
06x06 - The Light That Failed Season 6 / Episode 6: - The Light That Failed

Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Driver, what ignoramus is responsible for this?
Sgt. Hacker: Ah, any one of a dozen, sir. Would you mind signing this, please?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Sign nothin'. We can't use any of this, Sergeant.
Sgt. Hacker: It's all yours now.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Mule fritters! You've gotta haul it back to H.Q.!
Sgt. Hacker: I'm sorry, Colonel. I'm not authorized for returns. Would you mind signing this, please? I'm overdue at the 8063.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Let 'em get their inflatable pool and swim fins an hour later. Didn't you wonder why you were delivering ice cream churns to a MASH unit in the middle of winter?
Sgt. Hacker: Yeah, I used to wonder about stuff like that but it was keepin' me up nights, givin' me worry lines, so I cut it out.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Very wise.
Sgt. Hacker: Y'know, Colonel, if I was you, I would try and look on the bright side.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: [sarcastically] There's a bright side?
Sgt. Hacker: Oh, yeah. Summer is just six months away.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Hawkeye: [BJ and Hawkeye have been changing the size of Charles's pants] So, uh, what's next for him?
B.J.: Starting tomorrow, he gets taller.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Charles: Why this constant preoccupation with sex?
B.J.: Lack of occupation with sex.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Charles: Finally, a peaceful moment to conclude this tape. The would-be lothario Pierce is fast asleep, and the 38-hour day is done. Now, Mother and Dad... I will put this as eloquently... and succinctly as possible...


Charles: Get me the hell out of here!
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Charles: As I was saying, sir, I feel I could be more useful in Tokyo or even the states.
Col. Potter: Not to me, commissioner.
Charles: This meatball surgery of yours is causing my skills to deteriorate. They're wasting away!
Col. Potter: Don't change the color of your face! I'm out of umber.
Charles: And I'm out of patience! This place is driving me mad!
Col. Potter: Cool off, Winchester.
Charles: How can I cool off in this God forsaken pest hole.
Col. Potter: You're here so get used to it!
Charles: You haven't lifted a finger to get me transferred.
Col. Potter: That's right and I don't intend to.
Charles: I certainly think you ought to consider...!
Col. Potter: [shouting] Not again, Major! I've had enough of your beefing! I need you here and you'll stay here like the rest of us! Here, your face is finished.

06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Maj. Winchester: There is a transvestite corporal with dreadful taste in clothes and a head nurse who is part seductress and part Attila the Hun.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Maj. Winchester: Father, you must know someone influential who can get me out of here. Talk to Senator Griswold. After all, you paid good money for him.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Maj. Winchester: Our spiritual advisor through this Oriental purgatory is a cock-eyed optimist who sounds like Dennis Day. [describing Father Mulcahy]
06x04 - War of Nerves Season 6 / Episode 4: - War of Nerves

Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: [after Hawkeye and BJ put a cot on the bonfire] How can you do that?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: It's just a thing. It has no intrinzic value.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Besides, it's yours.
06x04 - War of Nerves Season 6 / Episode 4: - War of Nerves

Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: Psst... psst!
Maj. Sidney Freedman: Are you calling me or do you have a leak?
Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly: I didn't want to go to your tent in case they thought I was crazy.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Hawkeye, the tent is spinning around.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Which way?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Clockwise.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Mine's going counter-clockwise. Maybe together we're sober.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Col. Sherman T. Potter: [trips while drunk] Did I fall down?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Nope.
Col. Sherman T. Potter: I didn't think so.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [of Margaret] She's no fun when Donald's relaxed.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: General, I have not seen this hat, as long as my head has lived.
General Fox: Put it on!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [BJ puts on the hat which goes down around his nose] That's his hat all right.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: He'll be walking back here in about 20 minutes.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Walking back?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: The only thing gassed up in that Jeep was us.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Father Francis Mulcahy: Anything I can do?
Col. Sherman T. Potter: Pray.
Father Francis Mulcahy: Oh. That's all I ever get to do.
06x03 - Last Laugh Season 6 / Episode 3: - Last Laugh

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [defending BJ] He never left camp. We had a company sock wash.
General Fox: Colonel, were you a part of this company sock wash?
Col. Sherman T. Potter: No. That was, uh, for the younger crowd.
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Col. Sherman Potter: [an oversoused Hawkeye had to leave the O.R. to be sick] Listen, you can walk around with your brains at half-mast 24 hours a day for all I care, but when that chopper hits the pad I expect you to tie a slipknot in a match box. It's incomprehensible to me that a surgeon of your caliber would walk into an operating room with a bag on. Okay, let's hear some talk. What's your explanation?
Hawkeye: I screwed up.
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

B.J.: [Earlier, Hawkeye barked at hospitalized Radar] Gee, you have a marvelous effect on people.
Col. Potter: [Enters the Swamp; to Hawkeye] What the hell is the matter with you? Are you nuts?
Hawkeye: I think I must be, yes.
Col. Potter: I think you are. I no sooner give you a lecture on one patient, then you go in and try to destroy another! Maybe we should aim you at the Chinese.
Margaret: [Enters; to Hawkeye] I'd like to talk to you.
B.J.: This oughta be good.
Margaret: What is the matter with you?
Col. Potter: Just a minute, Major, I have something to say on that subject myself.
Margaret: Just hang on, you'll get your turn.
Col. Potter: I'll get my turn? I'm the commanding officer!
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Col. Sherman Potter: [to Hawkeye] Your behavior is incomprehensible. Again! You have a boy there, fresh out of the cornfields, who is highly vulnerable and impressionable, not to mention the fact that he worships you...
Margaret: Although WHY I can't imagine.
Col. Sherman Potter: Then you make this kid the target of the most bellicose barrell full of bull durham anybody's ever heard you utter!
Margaret: And I've heard you utter plenty.
Col. Sherman Potter: If you don't mind, I rehearsed this as a single.
Margaret: And you're doing fine, really.
Col. Sherman Potter: Gee, Major, I appreciate that. Now will you CLAM UP? [to Hawkeye] This boy's been told he's nothing more than a pimple on a flea by the man whose opinion he values more than any one in the world. And I think you DAMN WELL better do something about it! Now what do you think?
Hawkeye: I think you're right. [Exits]
Margaret: I never got to say anything!
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Hawkeye: Radar, I'm going to do something now I've rarely ever done before.
Radar: You're not going to kiss me, are you? [Hawkeye salutes Radar]
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Radar: You walked out on a patient, and Major Winchester had to finish for you.
Hawkeye: So? I'd have done the same for him if he were sick.
Radar: Well a lot of people don't look at it like you were sick, Hawkeye. A lot of people look up to you here. They admire you and they kinda feel they want to be like you. And... Gee, when you walk out on an operation, you make them feel like you've let them down. If they can't depend on you, well, they figure, well, maybe there's no point in depending on anything.
Hawkeye: Look you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? The blood of children. [slams down a pillow] I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then the hell with it. [stands up; turns around] How DARE you! The hell with your Iowa naivete and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear and while you're at it, the hell with *you*. Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder. If possible, without going crazy. Period. [Radar stifles crying] Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will you? You NINNY! [exits]
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Hawkeye: Radar, I'd like to apologize.
Radar: Oh, yeah? Well, you can just forget it. Just forget it. Hell with me, huh? The hell with YOU. How about that? And another thing, [gets out of bed] I wanna tell you something, anybody says anything about Iowa better be prepared to back it up, pal. I'll give you a fist-full of Iowa naivete right in the puss! How about that? You know I don't need you to tell me what's what. I know what's what just as well as you do. So why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze and pickle yourself? Ha!
06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Radar: You walked out on a patient, and Major Winchester had to finish for you.
Hawkeye: So? I'd have done the same for him if he were sick.
Radar: Well a lot of people don't look at it like you were sick, Hawkeye. A lot of people look up to you here. They admire you and they kinda feel they want to be like you. And... Gee, when you walk out on an operation, you make them feel like you've let them down. If they can't depend on you, well, they figure, well, maybe there's no point in depending on anything.
Hawkeye: Look you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? The blood of children.


Hawkeye: I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then the hell with it.


Hawkeye: How *dare* you! The hell with your Iowa naivete and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear and while you're at it, the hell with *you*. Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder. If possible, without going crazy. Period.


Hawkeye: Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will you? You *ninny*!

06x02 - Fallen Idol Season 6 / Episode 2: - Fallen Idol

Father Mulcahy: [Hawkeye has just lost it with a hospitalized Radar] I just left Radar. Now, Hawkeye, please accept this with the spirit intended. You're under enormous pressure here and I'm... I just want to know one little thing... Have you lost your mind?
Hawkeye: Father, you don't know how sorry I am.
Father Mulcahy: I mean tha - that boy is lying there in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out of body and you... You call him a ninny?
Hawkeye: Father...
Father Mulcahy: I'm incensed! I am outraged! Where is your decency, man? Your humanity? I am acrimonious! I am not a man given to physical demonstrations of emotion, but let me tell you, I can be persuaded to violence.
Hawkeye: Go ahead, Father.
Father Mulcahy: I think I will!


B.J.: Glad you let it out, Father?
Father Mulcahy: Well as a matter of fact, I found it particularly unsatisfying. If you want to know the truth, it is entirely possible that I have broken my toe!

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