Type
Scripted
Premiered
Sep. 17, 1972
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
CBS TV Network
Genre

Top Contributors

M*A*S*H tv show photo

M*A*S*H

Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, a U S Army medical unit serving as a hospital in a combat area of operations. M*A*S*H was a true ensemble series. "The Pittsburgh Steelers' victory over the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl was watched in an average of 45.85 million homes, the second highest total in television history behind only the last Mash Ep.

06x15 - The Smell of Music Season 6 / Episode 15: - The Smell of Music

Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Sang Nu has fixed my horn!
Sang Nu: Very difficult to do. Had to use parts from other horns.
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: That's all right. [examines horn turning it around] It has no mouth piece.
Sang Nu: Yeah!
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: What do you mean "Yeah"?
06x15 - The Smell of Music Season 6 / Episode 15: - The Smell of Music

Father Francis Mulcahy: Ah, eating outside, I see. Very chic. Reminds me of the Via Veneto in Rome. I dined alfresco when we went there for an audience with the pope.
Captain B.J. Hunnicut: THE pope?
Father Francis Mulcahy: Numero uno.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Pull up a crate and tell us about it, Father.
Father Francis Mulcahy: Uh, no, I'm expected inside.
Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Father. Is it because we smell bad?
Father Francis Mulcahy: Well, uh... I, uh... Oh, dear. Oh, dear, how should I put this. Yes, because of that.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Jesus ate with the lepers.
Father Francis Mulcahy: He was an exceptionally good sport.
06x15 - The Smell of Music Season 6 / Episode 15: - The Smell of Music

Major Margaret Houlihan: I'm going to the garbage dump for a breath of fresh air.
Hawkeye: Oh, you'll love it. The bluebottle flies are gorgeous this time of year.
06x15 - The Smell of Music Season 6 / Episode 15: - The Smell of Music

Father Francis Mulcahy: [Walking into OR] Good news, people! No more wounded!
Col. Potter: Thank Heaven!
Father Francis Mulcahy: And the manager thereof!
06x15 - The Smell of Music Season 6 / Episode 15: - The Smell of Music

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [to Charles] Put down that horn. We have your head surrounded.
06x14 - The Merchant of Korea Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Merchant of Korea

Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: I make it a point to never drink anything that came out of a radiator.
06x14 - The Merchant of Korea Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Merchant of Korea

Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Charles, how come you never sweat?
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: In the first place, I do not sweat; I perspire. In the second place, I never perspire.
06x14 - The Merchant of Korea Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Merchant of Korea

Sgt. Zelmo Zale: Hey, what're you doing? That's "Mañana"!
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Don't you have any Rakhmaninov?
Sgt. Zelmo Zale: Nah, we don't carry any vodka.
06x14 - The Merchant of Korea Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Merchant of Korea

Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Come on, Father, we've found a way to turn Winchester into Lose-chester.
06x14 - The Merchant of Korea Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Merchant of Korea

Cpl./Sgt. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Major ... you're sweating on the cards.
06x14 - The Merchant of Korea Season 6 / Episode 14: - The Merchant of Korea

Lt../Capt. Father Francis John Patrick Mulcahy: [condescendingly handing Winchester a poker chip after Winchester has lost] From the orphans. ...
06x13 - Comrades in Arms (Part 2) Season 6 / Episode 13: - Comrades in Arms (Part 2)

Col. Sherman T. Potter: [after Margaret decks Hawkeye] Hell hath no fury like a woman sustained.
06x13 - Comrades in Arms (Part 2) Season 6 / Episode 13: - Comrades in Arms (Part 2)

Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: With the exception of one small moment of glory in the operating room, it was for them a total disaster. [pause] Why are you smiling?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Who's smiling? I'm not smiling. [to BJ] Why are you smiling?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: I'm not smiling.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: [to Col. Potter] Why are you smiling?
Col. Sherman T. Potter: I'm not smiling. This is serious.
Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: All right, I'll do it. But when I come back there better not be any smiling.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Capt. B.J. Hunnicut, Col. Sherman T. Potter: Who's smiling?
06x11 - The Grim Reaper Season 6 / Episode 11: - The Grim Reaper

Major Charles Winchester: [suddenly passes out cold in the O.R]
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Where is Major Winchester?
Major Margaret Houlihan: He's on the floor.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: He can't operate form there, his arms aren't long enough.
06x10 - The M*A*S*H Olympics Season 6 / Episode 10: - The M*A*S*H Olympics

Colonel Sherman T. Potter: So your gonna eat you way to a discharge?
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger: I call it food for freedom.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: I call it suicide by salami.
06x10 - The M*A*S*H Olympics Season 6 / Episode 10: - The M*A*S*H Olympics

Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott: [getting into their Jeep] It's only a race.
Major Margaret Houlihan: A race? A race? That wasn't just a race, that was the olympics!
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott: Fine, you can stay here if you want, I'm going to Milan. [tries to start the Jeep. It won't turn over; Margaret gets out] Where are you going?
Major Margaret Houlihan: Move over. If we're gonna go, we might as well get there. [takes the wheel and they drive off]
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott: Come on, Margaret, it was only a race.
06x09 - Images Season 6 / Episode 9: - Images

Major Margaret Houlihan: [about a nurse] People who don't have a stomach for this shouldn't be here.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: You're right, let's all go home.
06x09 - Images Season 6 / Episode 9: - Images

Nurse Able: This place is hard to get used to, and I used to work emergency room in Chicago, car accidents, suicide, homicide.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Ah, for the good old days.
06x09 - Images Season 6 / Episode 9: - Images

Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: I'm think about getting a tattoo.
Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Get a calendar, at least it'll be useful for a year.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Get a tie, no restaurant in town will be able to refuse you.
06x07 - In Love and War Season 6 / Episode 7: - In Love and War

Margaret: [both Hawkeye and Margaret are in the Swamp, drunk] This place stinks.
Hawkeye: Right.
Margaret: The food stinks, the liquor stinks, and the smell stinks!
Hawkeye: You said it.
Margaret: And the *war* stinks!
Hawkeye: It certainly does!
Margaret: What are you agreeing for? You're one of the things around here that stinks!
06x06 - The Light That Failed Season 6 / Episode 6: - The Light That Failed

Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Driver, what ignoramus is responsible for this?
Sgt. Hacker: Ah, any one of a dozen, sir. Would you mind signing this, please?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Sign nothin'. We can't use any of this, Sergeant.
Sgt. Hacker: It's all yours now.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Mule fritters! You've gotta haul it back to H.Q.!
Sgt. Hacker: I'm sorry, Colonel. I'm not authorized for returns. Would you mind signing this, please? I'm overdue at the 8063.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Let 'em get their inflatable pool and swim fins an hour later. Didn't you wonder why you were delivering ice cream churns to a MASH unit in the middle of winter?
Sgt. Hacker: Yeah, I used to wonder about stuff like that but it was keepin' me up nights, givin' me worry lines, so I cut it out.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: Very wise.
Sgt. Hacker: Y'know, Colonel, if I was you, I would try and look on the bright side.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter: [sarcastically] There's a bright side?
Sgt. Hacker: Oh, yeah. Summer is just six months away.
06x06 - The Light That Failed Season 6 / Episode 6: - The Light That Failed

Maj. Charles Winchester: If that is a gauntlet you have just thrown down, I take it up with relish.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: One gauntlet with relish, hold the mustard and onions.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Hawkeye: [BJ and Hawkeye have been changing the size of Charles's pants] So, uh, what's next for him?
B.J.: Starting tomorrow, he gets taller.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Charles: Why this constant preoccupation with sex?
B.J.: Lack of occupation with sex.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Charles: Finally, a peaceful moment to conclude this tape. The would-be lothario Pierce is fast asleep, and the 38-hour day is done. Now, Mother and Dad... I will put this as eloquently... and succinctly as possible...


Charles: Get me the hell out of here!
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Charles: As I was saying, sir, I feel I could be more useful in Tokyo or even the states.
Col. Potter: Not to me, commissioner.
Charles: This meatball surgery of yours is causing my skills to deteriorate. They're wasting away!
Col. Potter: Don't change the color of your face! I'm out of umber.
Charles: And I'm out of patience! This place is driving me mad!
Col. Potter: Cool off, Winchester.
Charles: How can I cool off in this God forsaken pest hole.
Col. Potter: You're here so get used to it!
Charles: You haven't lifted a finger to get me transferred.
Col. Potter: That's right and I don't intend to.
Charles: I certainly think you ought to consider...!
Col. Potter: [shouting] Not again, Major! I've had enough of your beefing! I need you here and you'll stay here like the rest of us! Here, your face is finished.

06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Maj. Winchester: There is a transvestite corporal with dreadful taste in clothes and a head nurse who is part seductress and part Attila the Hun.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Maj. Winchester: Father, you must know someone influential who can get me out of here. Talk to Senator Griswold. After all, you paid good money for him.
06x05 - The Winchester Tapes Season 6 / Episode 5: - The Winchester Tapes

Maj. Winchester: Our spiritual advisor through this Oriental purgatory is a cock-eyed optimist who sounds like Dennis Day. [describing Father Mulcahy]
06x04 - War of Nerves Season 6 / Episode 4: - War of Nerves

Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: [after Hawkeye and BJ put a cot on the bonfire] A cot. How can you do that?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: It's just a thing. It has no intrinsic value.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Besides, it's yours.

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