Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 12, 1997
Status
Canceled/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre
02x02 - Texas City Twister Season 2 / Episode 2: - Texas City Twister

Luanne Platter: Do you think that Alex Trebek is sexy, Aunt Peggy?
Peggy Hill: Get out of my mind, Luanne.
02x02 - Texas City Twister Season 2 / Episode 2: - Texas City Twister

Hank: Just in case I'm incapacitated for some reason, do you know how to start a man's heart with a downed power line?
Bobby Hill: No.
Hank: Well, there's really no wrong way to do it.
02x02 - Texas City Twister Season 2 / Episode 2: - Texas City Twister

Peggy Hill: Well, they asked me to substitute for a German class, and I said, 'nein', which I thought meant 'yes', but apparently 'nein' means 'no', so I blew a big opportunity.
02x02 - Texas City Twister Season 2 / Episode 2: - Texas City Twister

Dale Gribble: This tornado's already at level two on the Fujisaki scale. A storm that strong can send an egg through a barn door. Two if one door is open.
Bobby Hill: What does a level three do, Mr. Gribble?
Dale Gribble: A level three can send an egg through a brick wall. Tornado chasers call it Humpty's Revenge.
02x02 - Texas City Twister Season 2 / Episode 2: - Texas City Twister

Dale Gribble: This is no time for jokes, Boomhauer. This tornado's already classified level at 2 on the Fujisaki scale. Storm that strong'll send an egg through a barn door. Two barn doors if one of 'em's open.
Bobby Hill: What will a level three do, Mr. Gribble?
Dale Gribble: Level three will send an egg through a *brick wall*. Tornado chasers call it "Humpty's Revenge".
02x01 - How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying Season 2 / Episode 1: - How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying

Hank: Where's the Children's Gun section?
Walmart-Type Worker: Aisle 47.
02x01 - How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying Season 2 / Episode 1: - How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying

Bobby Hill: Can I put a gun rack on my bike?
Hank: Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to ask that?
01x12 - Plastic White Female Season 1 / Episode 12: - Plastic White Female

Hank: What? If it's anyone's fault it's yours. You parked him in front of the TV and made him watch... The Muppets. They got frogs kissing pigs, what the hell did you think was gonna happen?
01x12 - Plastic White Female Season 1 / Episode 12: - Plastic White Female

Teacher: These are the worst side burns I've seen since chair 3. Which makes me suspect you cheated. F. That means you fail.


Hank: What a bitch.
01x11 - King of the Ant Hill Season 1 / Episode 11: - King of the Ant Hill

Hank: You're the only one who can save my lawn, Dale.
Dale Gribble: You're right, I am. The question is - why should I?
Hank: I'll give you two dollars.
Dale Gribble: Pffft. Ha! Two dollars?
Hank: Because you're my friend.
Dale Gribble: Oooooooo! I'm Hank's friend! Tie a ribbon around me!
Hank: Because I'm coming to you man to man offering you a genuine apology for choosing a lawn over a lifetime of friendship.
Dale Gribble: Geez, Hank. I was only holding out for $2.50.
01x10 - Keeping Up With Our Joneses Season 1 / Episode 10: - Keeping Up With Our Joneses

Peggy Hill: Only trailer park trash smoke nowadays. Do you want to look like trailer park trash?
Luanne Platter: That's not fair. I do not smoke! [She runs off crying]
Peggy Hill: [Running after her] Oh, honey, you are not trailer park trash just because you grew up in a trailer and your mama's in prison.
01x10 - Keeping Up With Our Joneses Season 1 / Episode 10: - Keeping Up With Our Joneses

Luanne Platter: Don't you know that more people die of smoking than die of war in Vietnam every day?
01x09 - Peggy the Boggle Champ Season 1 / Episode 9: - Peggy the Boggle Champ

Brent Cobb: Hello there, Peggy Hill. My name's Brent. Cissy Cobb's husband/coach. Nice to meet you, Peggy.
Hank: Well, actually...
Brent Cobb: You don't have to explain. I have an uncle named Leslie, and John Wayne, the Duke himself, was really named Marion.
Hank: You take that back.
01x09 - Peggy the Boggle Champ Season 1 / Episode 9: - Peggy the Boggle Champ

Hank: [Peggy was humiliated at the Boggle Tournament] Say, coach used to say something to fire us up when we were behind.
Peggy Hill: What's that?
Hank: [shouting] Loser! You're a loser! Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Well, you should be, cause you're dirt! You make me sick! You big baby! Baby want a bottle? A big dirt bottle?
01x09 - Peggy the Boggle Champ Season 1 / Episode 9: - Peggy the Boggle Champ

Mihn: Thank you for Boggle lesson, Peggy Hill. Maybe next week I teach you mah-jongg. Bring your checkbook.
01x09 - Peggy the Boggle Champ Season 1 / Episode 9: - Peggy the Boggle Champ

Hank: You're not dumb. You're smarter than I am.
Peggy Hill: [crying] Big deal.
Hank: Well, you're smarter than anyone at Arlen.
Peggy Hill: Well, whoop-dee-doo! I am the smartest hillbilly in Hillbilly Town!
01x09 - Peggy the Boggle Champ Season 1 / Episode 9: - Peggy the Boggle Champ

Hank: Dallas? I don't want you goin' to Dallas at all. That place is crawlin' with crack-heads and debutantes, and half of 'em play for the Cowboys.
01x09 - Peggy the Boggle Champ Season 1 / Episode 9: - Peggy the Boggle Champ

Hank: Boggle?
01x08 - Shins of the Father Season 1 / Episode 8: - Shins of the Father

Bill Dauterive: [at Bobby's Birthday party] Well I'm having fun.
Stuart Dooley: Your wife divorced you! [Bill looks sad]
01x08 - Shins of the Father Season 1 / Episode 8: - Shins of the Father

Cotton Hill: Hey missy! Git me sum samiches!
01x08 - Shins of the Father Season 1 / Episode 8: - Shins of the Father

Peggy Hill: Good grief, Cotton, you gave him a loaded shotgun?
Cotton Hill: Well, you don't give a toy without batteries.
01x07 - Westie Side Story Season 1 / Episode 7: - Westie Side Story

Luanne Platter: You know, at the beauty academy they teach us that people aren't black or white or yellow or red, but their hair can be.
01x07 - Westie Side Story Season 1 / Episode 7: - Westie Side Story

Hank: What the hell kind of country is this if I can only hate a man if he's white?
01x07 - Westie Side Story Season 1 / Episode 7: - Westie Side Story

Hank: So, are you Chinese or Japanese?
Kahn: I lived in California for the past 20 years. I'm originally from Laos.


Hank: So, are you Chinese or Japanese?
01x05 - Luanne's Saga Season 1 / Episode 5: - Luanne's Saga

Hank: He's a football player, and football players know how to treat a woman right.
01x04 - Hank's Got the Willies Season 1 / Episode 4: - Hank's Got the Willies

Dale: Oh my God, I'm out of cigs.
Bobby Hill: Mr. Gribble, who is your number one favorite hero?
Dale: You are if you get me some smokes.
01x04 - Hank's Got the Willies Season 1 / Episode 4: - Hank's Got the Willies

Hank Hill: Santa Claus is for babies.
Bill Dauterive: You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
01x04 - Hank's Got the Willies Season 1 / Episode 4: - Hank's Got the Willies

Willie Nelson: [to Bobby] Hello son, have I seen you before?
Bobby Hill: I'm the kid who hit you on the head.
Willie Nelson: With a rake?
Bobby Hill: No with a golf club.
Willie Nelson: I want my quarter back!
01x04 - Hank's Got the Willies Season 1 / Episode 4: - Hank's Got the Willies

Willie Nelson: Hey, I know you. You're the kid who rakes my lawn.
Bobby Hill: No, sir. I'm the kid who hit you in the head.
Willie Nelson: With my rake?
Bobby Hill: No, sir, with a golf club.
Willie Nelson: You rake my yard with a golf club? I want my quarter back.
01x03 - The Order of the Straight Arrow Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Order of the Straight Arrow

Bill Dauterive: I'm so depressed I can't even blink.

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