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Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #1 of 27 (Full List)

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Peter Griffin Family Guy

Peter Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Peter Griffin Quotes

05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Peter Griffin: You're turning out to be a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington.
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Lois Griffin: Peter, what the hell are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Lois, I'm gonna come right out with it. I think it would be hot for you and me to have sex in my office.
Lois Griffin: Oh my God. There's no way that is going to happen. You know, it's no wonder you're so far behind in your work if this is how you behave at the office...
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Peter Griffin: Morning, Lois, I need you to proofread this and collate it for me.
Lois Griffin: Peter, did you Xerox your penis?
Peter Griffin: 300 times. It's a flip book. Flip through it or you're fired.
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Lois Griffin: Oh, God, Peter let's do it. Let's do it right here, right now!
Peter Griffin: Lois, Lois wait. Wait. Opie's right there.
Lois Griffin: I want him to look, Peter.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Peter Griffin: [after receiving news that he's being laid off] Man, this sucks worse than Easter Sunday at Richard Gere's house.


Richard Gere: Okay, find the Easter egg.
Peter Griffin: I know where it is. It's in your butt!
Richard Gere: No.
Peter Griffin: Yeah... I know the story. It's in your butt!
Richard Gere: Mr. Griffin, if you'd just look on the ground for five seconds, I'm sure you'd find it.
Peter Griffin: Nope, in your butt!
Richard Gere: Look, I'm tired of this stupid rumor!
Peter Griffin: In your butt!
Richard Gere: Mr. Griffin...
Peter Griffin: [interrupting] Butt!
Richard Gere: Mr. Griffin...
Peter Griffin: [interrupting] Butt!
Richard Gere: You know what? Just get the hell out of here!
Peter Griffin: Fine! Weirdo!

05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Peter Griffin: Who's sober enough to drive?
Peter Griffin: OK, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk, that you're a better driver because you know you're drunk. You know the kinda drunk that you probably shouldn't drive but you do anyway, because... come on, you gotta get a car home, right, I mean what do they expect me to do? Take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus!
Cleveland: I'm that kind of drunk.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

TV Announcer: We now return to Showgirls...
Peter Griffin: Yeah!
TV Announcer: -on TBS.
Peter Griffin: Aww.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Lois Griffin: So, how was work today Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Peter, you lost your job because of a superstore, you shouldn't blame Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: And you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says "Meg".
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Brian Griffin: So, how was your day exploiting the town's resources Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: Hahahahaha! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEGGGGGG!
Peter Griffin: [blows longer raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows 7 raspberries]
Chris Griffin: [quietly] Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows quieter raspberry]
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Peter Griffin: Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank.
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?
Dr. Hartman: Mr. Griffin, that was a prostate exam.
Peter Griffin: Shut up! You had your finger in my ass!
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Lois Griffin: Peter, my God, you look terrible. What happened?
Peter Griffin: [Slowly] I was raped.
Lois Griffin: [Chuckles] What?
Peter Griffin: Doctor Hartman violated me. He took my innocence.
Lois Griffin: [Chuckles harder] W-What? [Peter whispers in her ear]
Lois Griffin: Peter, that's a prostate exam. It's an important part of a physical for men your age.
Peter Griffin: You sound just like him! [Runs off, sobbing]
Lois Griffin: Fuckin' idiot.
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Peter Griffin: And to think I actually thought you raped me.
Doctor Hartman: Well, I was going to, but you ran out of the room!
Peter Griffin: What!
Doctor Hartman: [points at Peter and smiles] Ehhhhh!
Peter Griffin: [points at Hartman] Ehhhhh! [Audience applauds]
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Peter Griffin: I am gonna sue that bastard and make him pay out the ass. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm gonna be real anal about this.


Peter Griffin: Sphincter.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Peter Griffin: I have a confession to make, I did not like The Godfather.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Joe Swanson: We've captured the burglars.
Lois Griffin: Oh, thank God!
Joe Swanson: Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual harassment charges against your daughter.
Peter Griffin: Well, that was a close call.
Joe Swanson: You know, ah, Meg should probably get a lawyer.
Lois Griffin: [to Peter] Oh, sweetie, thank you for keeping our spirits up with your stories.
Joe Swanson: Your daughter is a sexual predator. If you don't do anything, she could go to jail for a long time.
Peter Griffin: Don't thank me, Lois, thank my ancestors for living lives of greatness.
Joe Swanson: [to his fellow cops] Okay, guys, just take her away.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Brian Griffin: [points to Peter's panic room] Peter, what is that?
Peter Griffin: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie "The Butterfly Effect". I thought, "Wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn't find me."
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Lois Griffin: Wait a minute, where's Meg?
Brian Griffin: I don't know.
Stewie Griffin: I didn't see her.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, I kinda thought you guys would attend to that.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you got to go back and get her!
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going back for Meg.
Lois Griffin: Peter!
Peter Griffin: Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we leave Meg.
Lois Griffin: I know, but...
Meg Griffin: [Meg enters car, furious] YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THERE?
Peter Griffin: Okay, see? It resolved itself.
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Peter Griffin: Hey Lois, get ready to laugh, get ready to laugh. [pops head out of Meg's butt] Gee, must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque! [laughs]
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Home Supply Employee: Can I help you?
Peter Griffin: yeah, I hate my neighbor and I want to build something crazy out of spite.
Home Supply Employee: well I'll take you to our one up-man-ship aisle
04x25 - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

Peter Griffin: I love having visitors. Except for that time Moby Dick came to stay with us.


Moby Dick: Do you have any Raisin Bran?
Peter Griffin: Uh, no. Sorry, we don't.
Moby Dick: Oh. Well, could you maybe get me some?
Peter Griffin: Oh, geez, that's kind of a pain in the... You know, we have Total, and we have some raisins. You could mix them together, that would be kind of like...
Moby Dick: Yeah, it would be like Raisin Bran, but it wouldn't really be Raisin Bran...
Peter Griffin: ...Kinda splittin' hairs here...
Moby Dick: ...Not really doing it for me.
Peter Griffin: What time did you say your flight was again?
04x24 - Peterotica Season 4 / Episode 24: - Peterotica

Peter Griffin: [to Carter] I promise, you'll love it here, even more than Julia Roberts loves herself.


Julia Roberts: Hi, I'm Julia Roberts. You know, a lot of people died in the tsunami, but don't worry, I didn't. And I'll be here to entertain you and love my life for many, many years to come. Me! ME! MEEEEEEE!

04x23 - Deep Throats Season 4 / Episode 23: - Deep Throats

Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...


Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is. [laughs] He's so short.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.


Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Lois Griffin: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter Griffin: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant. We can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian Griffin: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Nite lineup.
Peter Griffin: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian Griffin: That's Street Fighter.
Peter Griffin: Red, blue, green.
Brian Griffin: Those are colors.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Lois Griffin: [Lois and Peter wait for a pregnancy test] God, I can't believe we weren't more careful. This probably happened that night we tried role playing.
Lois Griffin: [flashback] Oh, I need a spankin'. I'm a bad, bad girl.
Peter Griffin: I'm a Paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my helm of disintegration and do one D4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger.
Lois Griffin: Paladin's can't use the helm of disintegration.
Peter Griffin: Oh. Then, I'm a black guuuuy.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: Well, guys, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland Brown: You poor bastard. After all, sex is pointless without potency.
Quagmire: That's right. You take the venom out of a cobra and what do you got? You got a... a belt.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: Lois, you're getting your tubes tied.
Peter Griffin: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy.
Peter Griffin: First of all, I don't know what that is. And second, no freakin' way!
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: Lois, men aren't fat, only fat women are fat.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Chris Griffin: Hey, Doc, what did you with my mom's fat?
Dr. Elmer Hartman: Oh, it's right here in the storage closet.


Peter Griffin: Uh... it's exactly what it looks like.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: [at the sperm bank] Hi, there. Peter Griffin. I've, uh, got an appointment to, uh, banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Nurse at Sperm Bank: [Peter exits the storage freezer] Mr. Griffin, you were in there an awfully long time. Are you all right?
Peter Griffin: Yup, yup. Fine, fine. And, uh, just so you know, everything in there is exactly the way it was when I went in. There is absolutely zero chance that I spilled all the jars and had to refill them with my own sperm. Zero chance.

  Next: Lois Griffin
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