Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #1 of 27 (Full List)

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Peter Griffin Family Guy

Peter Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Peter Griffin Quotes

05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Peter Griffin: I love prank calls.
Bill Clinton: [on the phone] Is this Linda Tripp?
Linda Tripp: Yes?
Bill Clinton: You shouldn't have talked you stupid bitch! I hope you die!


Peter Griffin: Uh Bill that wasn't a prank call. That was just unpleasant.
05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Peter Griffin: Boy, I'm getting kind of hungry.
Bill Clinton: Me, too.
05x11 - The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou Season 5 / Episode 11: - The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Peter Griffin: [Joe hits his ball onto the green.] Hey Joe?
Joe Swanson: Don't say it Peter.
Peter Griffin: No I was just wondering...
Joe Swanson: Peter, I swear to god.
Peter Griffin: What's your handicap?
Joe Swanson: [sarcastic laugh] Oh my god, every hole that's a joke that just doesn't get old.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Peter Griffin: All I know is, that somewhere in great land of Ireland, there is a fat bastard just like me.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Lois Griffin: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turningggggg... eh?
Peter Griffin: Uh, Meg, uh, I got sixteen candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
Meg Griffin: That's not right.
Peter Griffin: So, less... more... too many... uh, not enough...?
Meg Griffin: You stupid son of a bitch! You don't even know how old I am!
Lois Griffin: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age... or is it?
Meg Griffin: I'm gonna be seventeen, you jerks! [leaves]
Peter Griffin: She's the jerk.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Brian Griffin: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Crack.
Brian Griffin: What the... [beeping noise cuts off his last word]
Peter Griffin: Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Brian.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Peter Griffin: From Black's
Brian Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, right behind Black's Hardware store. There's a white guy selling it
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Peter Griffin: Dad, I'm so sorry I broke all your ribs and busted your spleen and punctured your lung. I-I don't know if you can hear me right now, but... I hope you know... I love you, Dad.
Francis Griffin: Peter... come closer. There's something... I need to say to you.
Peter Griffin: I'm here, Dad. What is it?
Francis Griffin: Peter... you're a fat, stinking drunk! [dies]
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, he's dead! He can't be dead! There's gotta be something I can do. Maybe I'll bury him in the Pet Cemetery.


Peter Griffin: [screams and wacks Francis with the shovel until he stops] Okay, I'll bury him in a regular cemetery.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Brian Griffin: Boy, it's amazing, isn't it? You get two fathers, and neither one of them wants anything to do with you.
Peter Griffin: [about Mickey] There's got to be some way I can make him see that I am worthy of being his son. But the only way I could ever impress him is if I was a fat, stinking drunk.
Francis Griffin: Peter! You are a fat stinking drunk!
Peter Griffin: [looks up] What?
Francis Griffin: [standing as a ghost from Star Wars along with Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi] You're a fat, stinking drunk!
Obiwan Kenobi: Yes, from what he's told us, that's right on the money.
Yoda: Challenge him you must.
Anikin Skywalker: [walks over as a ghost] And I'm Hayden Christensen.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Peter Griffin: But there is one thing, Mickey. You knocked up my Mom and never called her again.
Mickey: Yeah, so what?
Peter Griffin: So what? So let's dance!
05x09 - Road to Rupert Season 5 / Episode 9: - Road to Rupert

Lois Griffin: Who wants a glass of fresh lemonade?
Peter Griffin: Not me! What I want is a fresh glass of better daughter! [Peter splashes Meg with lemonade]
05x09 - Road to Rupert Season 5 / Episode 9: - Road to Rupert

Peter Griffin: There is no Peter, there is only Zuul!
05x09 - Road to Rupert Season 5 / Episode 9: - Road to Rupert

Peter Griffin: Aw, you should've seen what our amazing freakin' daughter did to that guy, Lois. She kicked his ass! It was like what life did to Dana Plato.
05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Peter Griffin: Holy crap! What the hell!
Joe Swanson: Brian, she's a teenager!
Peter Griffin: Yeah Brian, your doing the same thing that Mia Farrow did to that Chinaman that Woody Allen brought home from the circus!
Lois Griffin: Peter, hold on to that thought, because I'm gonna explain to you when we get home all the things that are wrong with that statement
05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Peter Griffin: [to Joe] Come on, we'll be great cops. Besides, it's bound to go better than my deep-sea training.


Peter Griffin: Well, we got a long time in this decompression chamber. Uh, you guys mind if I turn on the radio?


Man #1: Peter, don't!


Man #2: Oh, nice going, jackass!
Man #1: Oh, look what you did!
Man #3: Aw, come on, you jerk!
Peter Griffin: Hey, hey. Excuse the hell out of me for trying to brighten your day with music, all right?
Man #1: You idiot, use your brain.
Peter Griffin: You're an idiot.


Peter Griffin: Hey! Whoa, whoa! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Oh, man, we're going to need some butter or something.
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Peter Griffin: Lois, before I found these movies, women only made me cry through my penis. Now they make me cry through my eyes.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Peter Griffin: I'll be more convincing than Mel Gibson when he apologized to the Jews.


Mel Gibson: I'm really, really sorry about your big noses. I'm really sorry about how greedy you are. But most of all I'm really sorry about you dirty, underhanded, backstabbing ways. Your number one dirty Jew fan, Mel Gibson.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Lois Griffin: Meg Griffin, we need to have a talk.


Meg Griffin: Mom!


Lois Griffin: OH MY GOD! You kids were doing it... in the EAR!
Brian Griffin: Hey, my sandwich tastes funny. Is there something wrong with the Smuckers?
Peter Griffin: [from his room] Yeah, it's been on my crotch.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Peter Griffin: [after sex] Ah, that was great. Where'd you get that tattoo on your lower back?
Lois Griffin: I don't know, Peter. Meth is a hell of a drug.
Peter Griffin: What?
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Peter Griffin: I'm abstinent, Lois. It's all in these pamphlets Meg brought home from school. Sex turns straight people gay and turns gays into Mexicans. Everyone goes down a notch.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Peter Griffin: Lois, the Hamburglar steals hamburgers, Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Jillian: Think about this: Have you ever seen the sun and the moon at the same time?
Peter Griffin: [gasps] They're the same person!
Chris Griffin: [to Jillian] You're brilliant!
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Peter Griffin: You're turning out to be a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington.
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Lois Griffin: Peter, what the hell are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Lois, I'm gonna come right out with it. I think it would be hot for you and me to have sex in my office.
Lois Griffin: Oh my God. There's no way that is going to happen. You know, it's no wonder you're so far behind in your work if this is how you behave at the office...
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Peter Griffin: Morning, Lois, I need you to proofread this and collate it for me.
Lois Griffin: Peter, did you Xerox your penis?
Peter Griffin: 300 times. It's a flip book. Flip through it or you're fired.
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Lois Griffin: Oh, God, Peter let's do it. Let's do it right here, right now!
Peter Griffin: Lois, Lois wait. Wait. Opie's right there.
Lois Griffin: I want him to look, Peter.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Peter Griffin: [after receiving news that he's being laid off] Man, this sucks worse than Easter Sunday at Richard Gere's house.


Richard Gere: Okay, find the Easter egg.
Peter Griffin: I know where it is. It's in your butt!
Richard Gere: No.
Peter Griffin: Yeah... I know the story. It's in your butt!
Richard Gere: Mr. Griffin, if you'd just look on the ground for five seconds, I'm sure you'd find it.
Peter Griffin: Nope, in your butt!
Richard Gere: Look, I'm tired of this stupid rumor!
Peter Griffin: In your butt!
Richard Gere: Mr. Griffin...
Peter Griffin: [interrupting] Butt!
Richard Gere: Mr. Griffin...
Peter Griffin: [interrupting] Butt!
Richard Gere: You know what? Just get the hell out of here!
Peter Griffin: Fine! Weirdo!

05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Peter Griffin: Who's sober enough to drive?
Peter Griffin: OK, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk, that you're a better driver because you know you're drunk. You know the kinda drunk that you probably shouldn't drive but you do anyway, because... come on, you gotta get a car home, right, I mean what do they expect me to do? Take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus!
Cleveland: I'm that kind of drunk.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

TV Announcer: We now return to Showgirls...
Peter Griffin: Yeah!
TV Announcer: -on TBS.
Peter Griffin: Aww.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Lois Griffin: So, how was work today Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Peter, you lost your job because of a superstore, you shouldn't blame Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: And you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says "Meg".
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Brian Griffin: So, how was your day exploiting the town's resources Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: Hahahahaha! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEGGGGGG!
Peter Griffin: [blows longer raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows 7 raspberries]
Chris Griffin: [quietly] Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows quieter raspberry]
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Peter Griffin: Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank.

  Next: Lois Griffin
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