Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #1 of 27 (Full List)

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Peter Griffin Family Guy

Peter Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Peter Griffin Quotes

08x07 - Jerome Is the New Black Season 8 / Episode 7: - Jerome Is the New Black

Peter Griffin: Wow, you're cooler than a York peppermint patty!
Man #1: [cut to a man in his house, holding a York peppermint patty]
Man #1: When I bite into a York peppermint patty, I get the sensation... [he bites into the patty. Cut to him standing on a mountain]
Man #1: OF BEING ON A FROZEN MOUNTAINTOP!


Man #1: It has been two months since I made the tragic choice to bite into a York peppermint patty, and still I have made no progress in finding my way out of the mountains. The only food I have is the rest of this York peppermint patty, which, unfortunately, keeps bringing me back to the top of the mountain. If anyone finds this, tell my family I love them.


Man #2: ...OF BEING ON A FROZEN MOUNTAINTOP!

08x06 - Quagmire's Baby Season 8 / Episode 6: - Quagmire's Baby

Lois Griffin: Have you decided on a name yet?
Quagmire: Anna Lee. But I figure I'll just end up calling her Annal for short.
Peter Griffin: That's funny
Quagmire: Thank you
08x06 - Quagmire's Baby Season 8 / Episode 6: - Quagmire's Baby

Peter Griffin: Now hold on, Quagmire. We don't know if this kid really is yours yet.
Annaleigh Quagmire: Giggity.
Quagmire: Oh... I say that.
08x03 - Spies Reminiscent of Us Season 8 / Episode 3: - Spies Reminiscent of Us

Peter Griffin: Here's my impression of John Wayne at the first Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrims.
08x03 - Spies Reminiscent of Us Season 8 / Episode 3: - Spies Reminiscent of Us

Peter Griffin: Wow, I can't believe that we are having dinner with 2 of the 3 Ghost Busters.
Chevy Chase: I wasn't in Ghostbusters.
08x03 - Spies Reminiscent of Us Season 8 / Episode 3: - Spies Reminiscent of Us

Peter Griffin: [Recurring line] Here's John Wayne at the first Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrims!
08x03 - Spies Reminiscent of Us Season 8 / Episode 3: - Spies Reminiscent of Us

Peter Griffin: Let me show you something that's funny. Okay here's an impression of John Wayne on the first Thanksgiving.


Peter Griffin: I'm John Wayne on the first Thanksgiving pilgrims! Happy Thanksgiving pilgrims!
Stewie Griffin: Hahaha, Where's this guy been?
Dan Aykroyd: Well, Mr.Griffin, this has been a lot of fun.
Chevy Chase: Lot of fun.
Dan Aykroyd: But we've gotta get back over to our place and kind uh- do what... What do we have to do?
Chevy Chase: Roll some joints and get high.
Dan Aykroyd: Yeah, we gotta do those things.
Peter Griffin: That's not funny. Drugs aren't funny. They ruin lives.
Stewie Griffin: Amen.
Dan Aykroyd: No Peter, *you're* not funny.
Chevy Chase: I'm afraid Dan's right. You're not funny at all.
Peter Griffin: I don't get it.
Chevy Chase: You're painfully unfunny.
Peter Griffin: Get the fuck out of my house!
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Max Weinstein: Becoming Jewish doesn't happen overnight. It's a process that involves spiritual education and good works.
Peter Griffin: So, what you're saying is that it happens overnight?
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Peter Griffin: Jews are gross, Lois. It's the only religion with the word 'ew' in it.
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Peter Griffin: Lois, this family believes in the Easter bunny. He died for our sins in that helicopter crash.
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Peter Griffin: Leave it to a Jew to take all the fun out of being a Jew.
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Meg Griffin: Mom, is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish?
Lois Griffin: I hope so, Meg. I really do.
Peter Griffin: [Peter looks at Lois, squinting his eyes] It's not, Lois. It's not.
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Peter Griffin: Lois, what you're doing is wrong. I want you to get all this Jew food off the table.
Lois Griffin: I most certainly will not!
Peter Griffin: It's me or your religion, I'm a Catholic and I want to live in a Catholic house!
Lois Griffin: Well, I'm a Jew and I want to live in a *nicer* house!
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Lois Griffin: [a Cutaway featuring Peter's "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" phase] Peter, you ready for dinner?
Peter Griffin: [dressed as Parker Lewis] Oh, that's just like the Parker Lewis episode when Parker Lewis ate dinner.
Lois Griffin: Peter, nobody cares about your cancelled show.
Peter Griffin: Lois, Parker Lewis can't lose. Don't even *try* and make him lose 'cause it's just going to be that much more embarrassing for you when you realize that he can't lose.
Chris Griffin: Would he win in a fight with Batman?
Peter Griffin: Well, Chris, think about what you're saying; Parker Lewis *Can't lose*. Heretofore, Batman can suck on that.
Chris Griffin: Suck on that? Suck on this; Tic-Tacs only have one and a half calories!
Peter Griffin: Well Played.
Chris Griffin: I love you, Dad.
Peter Griffin: I love you too, son.

08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Lois Griffin: [during foreplay, Lois has discovered a lump on her breast] Peter, we're not having sex. I just told you I have a lump.
Peter Griffin: I have a lump, too, and mine's easier to get rid of.
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Lois Griffin: [checking the mail, she jumps when the mailbox explodes] AHH! What the hell?


Lois Griffin: Are you out of your fucking mind?
Peter Griffin: Relax, Lois. I was aiming for the mailbox. I'm just trying to make a point.
Mort Goldman: [approaching] Good morning, Lois.


Mort Goldman: [ducking] Ahh!
Lois Griffin: Peter, for god's sake! I am so sorry, Mort.
Mort Goldman: No problem, Lois. That's just how people say hello to me.


Mort Goldman: Hey, Joe!
Joe Swanson: [off-screen] Hey, Mort!
07x16 - Peter's Progress Season 7 / Episode 16: - Peter's Progress

Peter Griffin: We will have equal rights for all. Except Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Jews, Gays, women, Muslims. Uhmm... Everybody who's not a white man. And I mean white-white, so no Italians, no Polish, just people from Ireland, England, and Scotland. But only certain parts of Scotland and Ireland. Just full blooded whites. No, you know what? Not even whites. Nobody gets any rights. Ahhh... America!
07x15 - Three Kings Season 7 / Episode 15: - Three Kings

Peter Griffin: Well, that's our show. Thank you, Stephen King. We'll see you in court. Now stay tuned for whatever FOX is limping to the barn with.
07x15 - Three Kings Season 7 / Episode 15: - Three Kings

Peter Griffin: Hi, it's me, Peter, your TV cartoon pal. You know, Lois has been bitching lately that I watch too much TV and don't read enough books. So I went to the library and picked up three books by the greatest author of the last thousand years, Stephen King. And tonight, I'd like to share them with you. We begin with a little tale called "Stand By Me", about four young boys who went looking for a dead body, and instead found... themselves... and also a dead body.
07x15 - Three Kings Season 7 / Episode 15: - Three Kings

Peter Griffin: Hi. Welcome back from commercials. Joaquin Phoenix, if you're still watching, you are a good sport and a trooper. And you passed our test. And you can be our friend. And now for a segment we like a little less than the first and the last. Here's "Misery".
07x15 - Three Kings Season 7 / Episode 15: - Three Kings

Peter Griffin: Everybody still awake? Alright, big finish. Now, you remember that Stephen King story where the guy went up to the empty hotel and there were those creepy twins and the guy was running around with that ax and the kid talked to his finger? Ah ha, can't you see Stewie doing that? Well, here's "The Shawshank Redemption".
07x13 - Stew-roids Season 7 / Episode 13: - Stew-roids

Peter Griffin: Now pick that one up and put it down in the exact same spot.
07x13 - Stew-roids Season 7 / Episode 13: - Stew-roids

Lois Griffin: Peter, what exactly are you worried will happen because of this?
Peter Griffin: World War 5!
Lois Griffin: Peter, we've talked about this, there has to be a World War 3 and 4 first.
Peter Griffin: Oh, no, Lois. That's the beauty of World War 5. It's so intense it jumps right over World War 3 and 4.
Lois Griffin: But that's...
Peter Griffin: I have spoken!
07x13 - Stew-roids Season 7 / Episode 13: - Stew-roids

Stranger at the Gym: Ah, your kid just needs a little help. Try some of this [offers steroids] .
Peter Griffin: Well, if there's anyone I can trust it's a stranger at the gym holding a dirty needle!
07x12 - 420 Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420

Peter Griffin: [after the Griffins bail out Brian] Brian, If you don't mind, we'll start thinking about prison rape jokes immediately. I'll break the ice. Hey, Brian, did you do 'hard times' or 'hardly workin'? [pause] Penis. [another pause] Okay, all the pieces are there. Somebody make something out of it.
Chris Griffin: Hey, Brian, whose your favorite baseball player? Albert POOHOLES?
Lois Griffin: Chris, stop it! Come on. Brian, we're happy you're out of jail and when we get to the car, would you like a doughnut to sit on? [laughs out loud]
07x12 - 420 Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420

Cop: I will not put up with this. I'm a Family Guy!
Peter Griffin: Ha! There, he said it!
07x12 - 420 Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420

Jack Nicholson: [in As Good As It Gets] All I'm saying is what if this is as good as it gets?
Peter Griffin: [while watching the movie] Ha! He said it.
07x12 - 420 Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420

Superman: [in Superman 4] In order to do this, I must become Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.
Peter Griffin: [while watching the movie] So that's why this movie is called that.
07x12 - 420 Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420

Quagmire: I am offering a $50 reward about James to anyone who knows what happened to him, no questions asked.
Peter Griffin: [taking the money] I killed your cat.
07x11 - Not All Dogs Go to Heaven Season 7 / Episode 11: - Not All Dogs Go to Heaven

Peter Griffin: Erm, in the episode where you drown your wife, why are you so fat?

  Next: Lois Griffin
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