Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #1 of 27 (Full List)

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Peter Griffin Family Guy

Peter Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Peter Griffin Quotes

05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Peter Griffin: And to think I actually thought you raped me.
Doctor Hartman: Well, I was going to, but you ran out of the room!
Peter Griffin: What!
Doctor Hartman: [points at Peter and smiles] Ehhhhh!
Peter Griffin: [points at Hartman] Ehhhhh! [Audience applauds]
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Peter Griffin: I am gonna sue that bastard and make him pay out the ass. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm gonna be real anal about this.


Peter Griffin: Sphincter.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Peter Griffin: I have a confession to make, I did not like The Godfather.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Joe Swanson: We've captured the burglars.
Lois Griffin: Oh, thank God!
Joe Swanson: Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual harassment charges against your daughter.
Peter Griffin: Well, that was a close call.
Joe Swanson: You know, ah, Meg should probably get a lawyer.
Lois Griffin: [to Peter] Oh, sweetie, thank you for keeping our spirits up with your stories.
Joe Swanson: Your daughter is a sexual predator. If you don't do anything, she could go to jail for a long time.
Peter Griffin: Don't thank me, Lois, thank my ancestors for living lives of greatness.
Joe Swanson: [to his fellow cops] Okay, guys, just take her away.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Brian Griffin: [points to Peter's panic room] Peter, what is that?
Peter Griffin: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie "The Butterfly Effect". I thought, "Wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn't find me."
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Lois Griffin: Wait a minute, where's Meg?
Brian Griffin: I don't know.
Stewie Griffin: I didn't see her.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, I kinda thought you guys would attend to that.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you got to go back and get her!
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going back for Meg.
Lois Griffin: Peter!
Peter Griffin: Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we leave Meg.
Lois Griffin: I know, but...
Meg Griffin: [Meg enters car, furious] YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THERE?
Peter Griffin: Okay, see? It resolved itself.
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Peter Griffin: Hey Lois, get ready to laugh, get ready to laugh. [pops head out of Meg's butt] Gee, must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque! [laughs]
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Home Supply Employee: Can I help you?
Peter Griffin: yeah, I hate my neighbor and I want to build something crazy out of spite.
Home Supply Employee: well I'll take you to our one up-man-ship aisle
04x25 - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

Peter Griffin: I love having visitors. Except for that time Moby Dick came to stay with us.


Moby Dick: Do you have any Raisin Bran?
Peter Griffin: Uh, no. Sorry, we don't.
Moby Dick: Oh. Well, could you maybe get me some?
Peter Griffin: Oh, geez, that's kind of a pain in the... You know, we have Total, and we have some raisins. You could mix them together, that would be kind of like...
Moby Dick: Yeah, it would be like Raisin Bran, but it wouldn't really be Raisin Bran...
Peter Griffin: ...Kinda splittin' hairs here...
Moby Dick: ...Not really doing it for me.
Peter Griffin: What time did you say your flight was again?
04x24 - Peterotica Season 4 / Episode 24: - Peterotica

Peter Griffin: [to Carter] I promise, you'll love it here, even more than Julia Roberts loves herself.


Julia Roberts: Hi, I'm Julia Roberts. You know, a lot of people died in the tsunami, but don't worry, I didn't. And I'll be here to entertain you and love my life for many, many years to come. Me! ME! MEEEEEEE!

04x23 - Deep Throats Season 4 / Episode 23: - Deep Throats

Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...


Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is. [laughs] He's so short.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.


Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Lois Griffin: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter Griffin: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant. We can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian Griffin: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Nite lineup.
Peter Griffin: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian Griffin: That's Street Fighter.
Peter Griffin: Red, blue, green.
Brian Griffin: Those are colors.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Lois Griffin: [Lois and Peter wait for a pregnancy test] God, I can't believe we weren't more careful. This probably happened that night we tried role playing.
Lois Griffin: [flashback] Oh, I need a spankin'. I'm a bad, bad girl.
Peter Griffin: I'm a Paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my helm of disintegration and do one D4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger.
Lois Griffin: Paladin's can't use the helm of disintegration.
Peter Griffin: Oh. Then, I'm a black guuuuy.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: Well, guys, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland Brown: You poor bastard. After all, sex is pointless without potency.
Quagmire: That's right. You take the venom out of a cobra and what do you got? You got a... a belt.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: Lois, you're getting your tubes tied.
Peter Griffin: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy.
Peter Griffin: First of all, I don't know what that is. And second, no freakin' way!
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: Lois, men aren't fat, only fat women are fat.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Chris Griffin: Hey, Doc, what did you with my mom's fat?
Dr. Elmer Hartman: Oh, it's right here in the storage closet.


Peter Griffin: Uh... it's exactly what it looks like.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Peter Griffin: [at the sperm bank] Hi, there. Peter Griffin. I've, uh, got an appointment to, uh, banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Nurse at Sperm Bank: [Peter exits the storage freezer] Mr. Griffin, you were in there an awfully long time. Are you all right?
Peter Griffin: Yup, yup. Fine, fine. And, uh, just so you know, everything in there is exactly the way it was when I went in. There is absolutely zero chance that I spilled all the jars and had to refill them with my own sperm. Zero chance.
04x21 - I Take Thee, Quagmire Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Take Thee, Quagmire

Peter Griffin: You know, this may not be cool, just throwing it out there, she *was* suicidal.
Death: Really?
04x21 - I Take Thee, Quagmire Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Take Thee, Quagmire

Stewie Griffin: I'm as pathetic as the fat man when he tries to read.


Stewie Griffin: Hey, Lois, what's this word?
Lois Griffin: "Evel..."
Peter Griffin: And this one?
Lois Griffin: "... Knievel..."
Peter Griffin: And this one?
Lois Griffin: "... was..."
Peter Griffin: And this one?
Lois Griffin: "... born..."
Peter Griffin: And this one?
Lois Griffin: "... in..."
Peter Griffin: And this one?
Lois Griffin: "... Montana."
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois, did you know that Evel Knievel was born in Montana?
04x21 - I Take Thee, Quagmire Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Take Thee, Quagmire

Lois Griffin: [trying to wean Stewie off breast milk] Tonight we're going to try formula instead.


Stewie Griffin: Ugh! That's more disgusting than when Peter went through that Daisy Dukes phase.


Peter Griffin: So, who's up for some hoops at the park, huh? Oh, there you are. Come here, you basketball.


Brian Griffin: It's like a walrus flossing.
04x19 - Brian Sings and Swings Season 4 / Episode 19: - Brian Sings and Swings

Lois Griffin: Oh, Meg, I think you're just trying to fit in by pretending to be something you're not, like the time Peter pretended to be racist to get out of Jury duty.
Peter Griffin: [Cuts to a court room with Peter in the Jury box surrounded by only white people] Awful lotta Honkies in here.
04x19 - Brian Sings and Swings Season 4 / Episode 19: - Brian Sings and Swings

Peter Griffin: Remember what I always tell you, if I come home in the middle of the day and catch you having sex with someone, I'll kill you both!
04x18 - The Father, the Son & the Holy Fonz Season 4 / Episode 18: - The Father, the Son & the Holy Fonz

Peter Griffin: Please rise. Now sit on it.


Peter Griffin: May the Fonz be with you.
People In Church: And also with you.
Peter Griffin: Let us ayyy.
People In Church: Ayyyy.
Peter Griffin: And now a reading from the letters of Potsie to the Tuscaderos.
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Lois Griffin: Peter, don't forget, you have your physical today at 1:00.
Peter Griffin: For the hundreth time, Lois, I won't forget. Nag nag nag. Sometimes, I think I should have married that woman I met the night of my bachelor party.


Lois Griffin: Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here. Let's get you home.
Peter Griffin: Wow, strange lady, you're so sexy. I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain in the ass Lois.
Lois Griffin: Peter, it's me.
Peter Griffin: You know what? Screw it! I am SO gonna cheat on Lois right now. I don't care if she finds out.
Lois Griffin: Peter...
Peter Griffin: You got a condom? Never mind, I got this Milky Way wrapper.
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!
Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin: What?


Doctor: Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. [Looks at Peter] Now, onto you.
Peter Griffin: So, What do you think? I'm pretty healthy, huh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. [Opens booklet and screams]


Doctor: There's a spider in here! [Turns to them] Now, here we go.
Doctor: Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.


Doctor: This is your driver's license, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...


Doctor: ...When you watch these Dean Martin celebrity roasts!
Lois Griffin: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?
Doctor: Uh, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this... [Peter and Lois boggle their eyes]... Kim 'Baasenger', 'Baysenger', 'Basenjer', 'Bay-singer'? But now, on to the cancer...


Doctor: You are a cancer, right? You were born in July? Now, on to these test results... My, they're much worse than I thought.


Doctor: [Shows paper] My son got a D minus on his history test. Now, Griffin, that liver has got to come out.


Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes now; it will get dry!
Lois Griffin: Please... Please, we can't take anymore schtick. Please just tell us: is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh yeah, he's fine. He's just really fat.
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Lois Griffin: [the Doctor is examining Peter] So, Doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My Goodness! You'll be dead within a month.
Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin: WHAT?
Doctor: [picks up a comic boook] Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up this lifestyle of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. [to Peter] Now, on to you.
Peter Griffin: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, hah?
Doctor: Well, Mr.Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. [picks up a chart] AH! [drops it]
Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin: AH!
Doctor: There's a spider in here. [shakes the chart, the spider crawls out] Now, here we go. Mr.Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin: AH!
Doctor: This is your driver's license, isn't? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die.
Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin: AH!
Doctor: [picks up a video tape] - when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois Griffin: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is!
Doctor: Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim BAsinger? B-BAEsinger? B-BaesinGer? Basinger? Hm. But now, on to the cancer.
Lois Griffin: Oh my God!
Doctor: You are a cancer, right? You were born in July. Now on to these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin: AH!
Doctor: My son got a D-minus on his history test. Now, Mr.Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin: WHAT?
Doctor: [takes a plate out of the microwave] It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now...
Lois Griffin: Please... Please... We can't take anymore shtick. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Peter Griffin: Did you just say I was fat?
Doctor: Well, uh, yeah. You... you are pretty fat.
Peter Griffin: Um, okay... this is news to me.
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Peter Griffin: Lois, if I'm fat, then Stewie is, too, because we wear the same size onesie.

  Next: Lois Griffin
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