Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #1 of 27 (Full List)

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Peter Griffin Family Guy

Peter Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Peter Griffin Quotes

06x04 - Stewie Kills Lois (1) Season 6 / Episode 4: - Stewie Kills Lois (1)

Peter Griffin: Boy this is romantic, isn't it, Lois?
Lois Griffin: It sure is, sweetie. I feel like that fat-ass British girl from Titanic.
Peter Griffin: What girl?
Lois Griffin: The *lead* in Titanic. The one opposite Leonardo Di Caprio.
Peter Griffin: Sweetheart, that was a guy.
Lois Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: That was a guy. That was Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Lois Griffin: No it wasn't!
Peter Griffin: Yes it was, honey. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman. Look at you out here on a big trip.
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Peter Griffin: Boys there's only one answer. We got to re-cripple Joe. It's the right thing to do. Like taking out Hitler.
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Cleveland: [after falling into Spider-Man's net] Hey thanks Spider-Man.
Spider-Man: Everybody gets one, isn't that right Peter?
Peter Griffin: Yep Cleveland, apparently everybody gets one.
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Peter Griffin: What did you do with your wheelchair?
Joe: I gave it away.
Chris Griffin: [cut to Chris speeding downhill in Joe's wheelchair, crashing through Mayor West's gate and landing in a flower bed] Whee!
Adam West: My tulips! You dick.
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Quagmire: My God, Joe is running us ragged!
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I haven't been this exhausted since I had that job as Jackée Harry's personal grocery shopper. [Cutaway to a grocery store with Peter and Jackée Harry. Peter is holding a clipboard with shopping items listed on it, which he is reading from]
Peter Griffin: A palette? Am-am I readin' this right? Y-You need a palette of chocolate-covered pretzels? Wh-wh-where the hell am i supposed to - a-an-an-and wh-what is this, a drum of grape jam? Is that - wh-what is that - is that like a drum like, they ship oil in? Is that - a-a-an-and wh-wh-wha - look at this one: A desk of Cheez-its. A desk - wh-where are you gettin' these units of measurements from?
Jackée Harry: Mary.
Peter Griffin: [laughs] That is still funny. Okay you stay right here, big funny gal, i'll be right back with... [reads from the clipboard] a hammock of cake.
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Lois Griffin: Peter I wish you'd get rid of this thing; it is an absolute eyesore.
Peter Griffin: What do you care Lois? You girls got the Clam, we've got the Quahog Men's Club. Besides, we're not hurting anybody.
Lois Griffin: What are you talking about? You ripped a whole chunk of wall out of the house! [Shot changes to outside of the second floor of the house, where there's a giant hole in Stewie's room]
Stewie Griffin: What is this? There's something wrong with the house! I don't like change!
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Lois Griffin: Peter, you can't just slap together flimsy structures in the yard!
Peter Griffin: Why not? Herbert did it.

[pan to Herbert sitting at a wooden booth reading "Quahog Boys' Club: Free Popsicles and Shoulder Rubs"]
Herbert: [singing] It's fun to stay at the YMCA, it's fun to stay at the YMCA! Hmm...
06x01 - Blue Harvest Season 6 / Episode 1: - Blue Harvest

Peter Griffin: This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights. This is the story of Star Wars. Let's begin with part four.
06x01 - Blue Harvest Season 6 / Episode 1: - Blue Harvest

Meg Griffin: Wow, Dad. Thanks for keeping us entertained. That was a great story.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, but didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
Peter Griffin: I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence.
Chris Griffin: Well, I don't know, Dad. I think a decent number of people watch it.
Peter Griffin: Oh really? Define "decent."
Chris Griffin: I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
Peter Griffin: Well yeah, but double ten people is like twenty people, so what kind of numbers are we talking about here?
Chris Griffin: Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show and they beat you to the punch.
Peter Griffin: Uh, I don't know about that, Chris. I mean, to me, a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the real networks.
Chris Griffin: I don't know about that, Dad.
Peter Griffin: And besides, what's up with that fifteen minute runtime? What is that? That's like fifteen minutes of guys playing with Star Wars dolls.
Chris Griffin: Oh, so you do know the show!
Peter Griffin: I read part of a review online. I am not a fan.
05x18 - Meet the Quagmires Season 5 / Episode 18: - Meet the Quagmires

Peter Griffin: Well, Rusty, looks like we're gonna eat our way out of another jam.
05x18 - Meet the Quagmires Season 5 / Episode 18: - Meet the Quagmires

Lois Griffin: Wow, Peter, that's an amazing story. And I'm touched that you went through so much trouble just to be with me. Obviously, I made the right choice when I married you.
Peter Griffin: Me, too, Lois. And, hey, let's just all be grateful that things are completely back to normal again.


Roger Smith: Who ate all the pecan sandies?
05x16 - No Chris Left Behind Season 5 / Episode 16: - No Chris Left Behind

Lois Griffin: You know, I have to admit that I've always been a little worried about Chris, but, I just convinced myself things would work out for him. But with no education, what kind of future could he possibly have?
Peter Griffin: Well, what are we supposed to do, Lois? It's not like the high school will take him back. And every other school we've tried just doesn't... [eyes widen looking toward the window] oh... crap! [Ernie the Giant Chicken stands outside the window and tackles Peter and another fight occurs between them]
05x15 - Boys Do Cry Season 5 / Episode 15: - Boys Do Cry

Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois, did you say something?
Lois Griffin: Oh, just that I think you're gonna love this cake.
Stewie Griffin: [undercover in drag] None for me, thanks; it's gonna go straight to my vagina.
Stewie Griffin: [aside to Brian] That's what girls worry about, right? Having big vaginas?
05x15 - Boys Do Cry Season 5 / Episode 15: - Boys Do Cry

Peter Griffin: You know that Chuck Norris is so tough, that there is no chin behind is beard, it's only another fist.
Brian Griffin: That's ridiculous. [he finds Chuck Norris behind him. then a fist come out of his beard and punches out Brian]
05x15 - Boys Do Cry Season 5 / Episode 15: - Boys Do Cry

Peter Griffin: If you're watching a TV show, and you decide to take your values from that, you're an idiot. Maybe you should take responsibility for what values your kids are getting. Maybe you shouldn't be letting your kids watch certain shows in the first place if you have such a big problem with them, instead of blaming the shows themselves. [pauses then looks to the camera] Yeah.
05x14 - No Meals On Wheels Season 5 / Episode 14: - No Meals On Wheels

Peter Griffin: [buried beneath a pile of cripples and Ben Stiller has landed] Ben Stiller, help me.
Ben Stiller: No, Peter. I've heard what you've said about my movies.
Peter Griffin: How did you hear?
Ben Stiller: [pointing at his huge ears, speaking angrily] Uh, hello!
Peter Griffin: Go to hell you mutant offspring of comedy people.
05x14 - No Meals On Wheels Season 5 / Episode 14: - No Meals On Wheels

Peter Griffin: [in a cutaway when he swaps voices with Patrick Stewart] Hey, Lois. Sorry about the mess in the upstairs bathroom this morning. My post-sex pee stream forked in half last night and got everywhere.
05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Peter Griffin: I can't do it. I can't go through with it.
Lois Griffin: You have to, Peter, for the sake of our marriage!
Peter Griffin: Screw our marriage, I love you!
05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Carter Pewterschmidt: Why are you naked in my house?
Peter Griffin: Uh... why aren't you?
Carter Pewterschmidt: [pause] You're all right, Griffin.
05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Peter Griffin: I haven't felt this great in years! I feel like Arnold Schwarzenegger, except without the fruity accent or the Pirates of the Caribbean wife.
05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Peter Griffin: I love prank calls.
Bill Clinton: [on the phone] Is this Linda Tripp?
Linda Tripp: Yes?
Bill Clinton: You shouldn't have talked you stupid bitch! I hope you die!


Peter Griffin: Uh Bill that wasn't a prank call. That was just unpleasant.
05x13 - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey Season 5 / Episode 13: - Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

Peter Griffin: Boy, I'm getting kind of hungry.
Bill Clinton: Me, too.
05x11 - The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou Season 5 / Episode 11: - The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Peter Griffin: [Joe hits his ball onto the green.] Hey Joe?
Joe Swanson: Don't say it Peter.
Peter Griffin: No I was just wondering...
Joe Swanson: Peter, I swear to god.
Peter Griffin: What's your handicap?
Joe Swanson: [sarcastic laugh] Oh my god, every hole that's a joke that just doesn't get old.
05x11 - The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou Season 5 / Episode 11: - The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Chris Griffin: Dad, you can't hit him!
Randy Fulcher: Yeah. I have M.S.
Peter Griffin: You hear that, son? He has monkey scrotum and is bragging about it.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Peter Griffin: All I know is, that somewhere in great land of Ireland, there is a fat bastard just like me.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Lois Griffin: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turningggggg... eh?
Peter Griffin: Uh, Meg, uh, I got sixteen candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
Meg Griffin: That's not right.
Peter Griffin: So, less... more... too many... uh, not enough...?
Meg Griffin: You stupid son of a bitch! You don't even know how old I am!
Lois Griffin: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age... or is it?
Meg Griffin: I'm gonna be seventeen, you jerks! [leaves]
Peter Griffin: She's the jerk.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Brian Griffin: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Crack.
Brian Griffin: What the... [beeping noise cuts off his last word]
Peter Griffin: Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Brian.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Peter Griffin: From Black's
Brian Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, right behind Black's Hardware store. There's a white guy selling it
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Peter Griffin: Dad, I'm so sorry I broke all your ribs and busted your spleen and punctured your lung. I-I don't know if you can hear me right now, but... I hope you know... I love you, Dad.
Francis Griffin: Peter... come closer. There's something... I need to say to you.
Peter Griffin: I'm here, Dad. What is it?
Francis Griffin: Peter... you're a fat, stinking drunk! [dies]
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, he's dead! He can't be dead! There's gotta be something I can do. Maybe I'll bury him in the Pet Cemetery.


Peter Griffin: [screams and wacks Francis with the shovel until he stops] Okay, I'll bury him in a regular cemetery.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Brian Griffin: Boy, it's amazing, isn't it? You get two fathers, and neither one of them wants anything to do with you.
Peter Griffin: [about Mickey] There's got to be some way I can make him see that I am worthy of being his son. But the only way I could ever impress him is if I was a fat, stinking drunk.
Francis Griffin: Peter! You are a fat stinking drunk!
Peter Griffin: [looks up] What?
Francis Griffin: [standing as a ghost from Star Wars along with Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi] You're a fat, stinking drunk!
Obiwan Kenobi: Yes, from what he's told us, that's right on the money.
Yoda: Challenge him you must.
Anikin Skywalker: [walks over as a ghost] And I'm Hayden Christensen.
05x10 - Peter's Two Dads Season 5 / Episode 10: - Peter's Two Dads

Peter Griffin: But there is one thing, Mickey. You knocked up my Mom and never called her again.
Mickey: Yeah, so what?
Peter Griffin: So what? So let's dance!

  Next: Lois Griffin
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