Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #1 of 27 (Full List)

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Peter Griffin Family Guy

Peter Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Peter Griffin Quotes

04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Peter Griffin: Did you just say I was fat?
Doctor: Well, uh, yeah. You... you are pretty fat.
Peter Griffin: Um, okay... this is news to me.
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Peter Griffin: Lois, if I'm fat, then Stewie is, too, because we wear the same size onesie.
04x16 - The Courtship of Stewie's Father Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Courtship of Stewie's Father

Lois Griffin: Peter, I need to talk to you about your son.
Peter Griffin: Which one, the fat one or the funny-looking one?
Chris Griffin: [pointing at Stewie and laughing] Ha ha ha! Dad called you fat... wait.
04x15 - Brian Goes Back to College Season 4 / Episode 15: - Brian Goes Back to College

Lois Griffin: [to Brian] Well, how'd ya do?
Brian Griffin: I failed.
Peter Griffin: You failed? Then what the hell are you smilin' for?
Brian Griffin: Because I took it all the way. I didn't give up on myself, and I didn't cheat.
Lois Griffin: You probably should have.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I was just gonna say...
Brian Griffin: It doesn't matter how it turned out. I finished what I started, which means I have my pride. And that's something.


Peter Griffin: No it's not. What are you outta your mind?


Chris Griffin: [to Brian] I hate you!

04x15 - Brian Goes Back to College Season 4 / Episode 15: - Brian Goes Back to College

Lois Griffin: Peter, you're not wearing your costume anymore.
Peter Griffin: Ah, what's the point? You know, I thought I could help people out with this whole A-Team thing, but it turns out I'm as useless as that nude Playboy spread of Debbie Gibson. It's like, "Yeah, she's naked, but who gives a shit?"
04x14 - PTV Season 4 / Episode 14: - PTV

Peter Griffin: Hey Stewie. [looking down, seeing Homer Simpson after Stewie ran over him]
Peter Griffin: Who the hell is that?
04x14 - PTV Season 4 / Episode 14: - PTV

Peter Griffin: Oh Lois you are so full of [air horn]. What? Now I can't say [air horn] in my own [air horn] house? [air horn] Great Lois, just [air horn] great. You know you're lucky you're good at [air horn] my [air horn] or I'd never put up with you. You know what I'm talking about when [air horn] you lubed up [air horn] toothpaste in my [air horn] while you [air horn] on a cherry [air horn] Episcopalian [air horn] extension cord [air horn] wetness [air horn] with a parking ticket? That is the best.
04x14 - PTV Season 4 / Episode 14: - PTV

Lois Griffin: The "Side-Boob Hour"? Peter, that's it. I asked you to stop this, and you didn't listen to me. I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice. I called the FCC.
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, I know all about the FCC.


Peter Griffin: They will clean up all your talking in a manner such as this.
Brian Griffin: They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a piss.
Stewie Griffin: And they'll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss.
Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin: It's the plain situation, there's no negotiation
Peter Griffin: With the fellas at the freaking FCC.
Brian Griffin: They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of special interest groups.
Peter Griffin: Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops.
Stewie Griffin: Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops.
Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin: Take a tip, take a lesson. You'll never win by messing
Peter Griffin: With the fellas at the freaking FCC. And if you find yourself with some young sexy thing, you're gonna have to do her with your "ding-a-ling", 'cause you can't say "penis". So they sent this little warning, they're prepared to do their worst.
Brian Griffin: And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced.
Stewie Griffin: I can think of quite another place they should've stuck it first.
Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin: They may just be neurotic, or possibly psychotic. They're the fellas at the freaking FCC!
04x14 - PTV Season 4 / Episode 14: - PTV

Peter Griffin: They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV and she looks like a foot.
04x14 - PTV Season 4 / Episode 14: - PTV

Wile E. Coyote: Yeah uh, I bought a giant sized sling shot from you, and it just slammed me into a mountain.
Peter Griffin: Sorry, no returns.
Wile E. Coyote: I've been a customer here for years!
Peter Griffin: I can probably give you store credit.
Wile E. Coyote: But I... really? Well I guess...
Mrs. Coyote: [walks into the store] What's the hold up in here?
Wile E. Coyote: [to his wife] I'm taking care of it!
04x13 - Jungle Love Season 4 / Episode 13: - Jungle Love

Peter Griffin: Hey Pesci, here's a nickel. Say Yugoslavia.
Joe Pesci: Yugoslavia!
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait! You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off the high school?
Brian Griffin: Well, yes, for Martin Luther King.
Peter Griffin: That's crazy. You're gonna name the school after the star of Space 1999?
Brian Griffin: No, that's Martin Landau.
Peter Griffin: Oh, the guy who played Sheneneh?
Brian Griffin: That's Martin Lawrence.
Peter Griffin: The drunk crooner?
Brian Griffin: That's Dean Martin.
Peter Griffin: The drink that's best served on the rocks?
Brian Griffin: Martini and Rossi.
Peter Griffin: The guy on West Wing?
Brian Griffin: Martin Sheen.
Peter Griffin: The guy from Platoon?
Brian Griffin: Charlie Sheen.
Peter Griffin: No, the other guy from Platoon.
Brian Griffin: Uh...
Peter Griffin: C'mon...
Brian Griffin: Willem Dafoe?
Peter Griffin: [holds up card] Ooh, sorry. We were looking for Berenger, Tom Berenger. Thanks for playing, Brian, sorry it didn't work out for ya.
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: [looking at the wrong news article] 200 die in train derailment. Oh god, Lois! That is morbidly obese!
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: James, do we really have to watch "Videodrome"?
James Woods: Yeah, I think you're really going to appreciate all the subtle nuances of my performance. See, even though that guy is talking, your eye is drawn to me.
Peter Griffin: [unimpressed] Yeah, is there going to be any nudity?
James Woods: Yes, I get naked.
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: So, Brian, you ready to go play some darts at the Clam?
Brian Griffin: Oh, sorry, Peter, I can't make it tonight. I have a date.


Meg Griffin: Dad!
Peter Griffin: But you were supposed to drive tonight! What am I supposed to do? If I drive, I'll have to have a bunch of drinks first, because I am very self-conscious about my driving.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you've got a date. What's his name? HA! Do you see? Do you see that? Do you see what I did? I made it seem as though you were a homosexual. That's funny to me.
Lois Griffin: How exciting, Brian! So, who's the lucky lady?
Brian Griffin: Well, um, actually her name is Shauna Parks.
Lois Griffin: Meg's teacher?

04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: Me? Go to a PTA meeting? What, are you high?
Lois Griffin: Nah, not anymore, I crashed hours ago. By the way, we are out of chips, cookies, and funnybones.
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: [sat in the audience of a Miss USA Pageant, trying to pick up contestants as they walk on stage; first girl approaches] Hey! How's it going? I'm Peter. You wanna go out sometime? Maybe you got a Saturday night free? [first girl walks away] Yeah, you know what? To hell with you, then. Yeah, go to hell. Go to hell. [second girl approaches] Hey! I'm Peter. What do you say you and me go get a couple of beers? Maybe we could - - [second girl walks away] Oh, fine! You know what? You got mosquito-bite boobs anyway. I... I don't care. I don't care, I don't need you. [third girl approaches] Hey! How are you? I'm Peter. I got a coupon for Sizzler with your name on it. You know? Maybe the two of us can - - [third girl walks away] Ah, you know what? I don't care, you're a bitch.
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Meg Griffin: Dad, how could you be okay with mom parading herself around like this? I'm mean she's half-naked. It makes all women look bad.
Peter Griffin: Meg, who let you back in the house?
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Peter Griffin: [at 3:00 a.m] Hey, everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe Swanson: Peter, shut up! It's 3:00 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell is going on out there?
Glen Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter Griffin: I'm just saying, I'm proud of her! She's a woman! Yeah!
Glen Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot, and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now, I'm exhausted!
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Lois Griffin: I'm gonna become a model.
Peter Griffin: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois. And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris Griffin: Me, too.
Meg Griffin: Me, too.
Peter Griffin: Oh, God. Meg, that's sick. That's your mother.
Meg Griffin: I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter Griffin: Get out. Get out of this house.
Peter Griffin: [punches the wall] I said now! [Meg runs out]
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Carter Pewterschmidt: [while in a Rigatta, Carter has a yaght, and the Griffans have a tub with a sail]


Carter Pewterschmidt: LOSER!
Peter Griffin: What did he say?
Carter Pewterschmidt: [throws a cell phone at the Griffins]


Carter Pewterschmidt: I said you're a loser!
Peter Griffin: Who is this?
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Peter Griffin: Gee, Mr. Pewterschmidt, you could use some fine strapping young men like us on your schooner.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Are you saying I'm gay?
Peter Griffin: What? Are you sure you, you, you, you don't want more seamen on, on, on your poop deck?
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Peter Griffin: [shouting out the window] Hey, everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe Swanson: *Peter*! Shut up! It's three in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell's going on out there?
Glen Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter Griffin: I'm just saying, she's a woman. I'm proud of her. Yay!
Glen Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning but right now I'm exhausted.
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Carter Pewterschmidt: Are you saying I'm gay?
Peter Griffin: What? You mean you don't want more sea men on your poop deck?
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Peter Griffin: Hiya, Mr. Pewterschmidt!
Carter Pewterschmidt: Peter! I see you're still fatter than holy hell.
Peter Griffin: Aw, you can read me like a book. [laughs]
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Lois Griffin: Hey, everybody, wait till you see this.
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God. Moveable printed type. We must keep this from the serfs, lest they gain literacy and threaten the landed gentry.
Serf: What you got there, m'lord?
Peter Griffin: Nothing! Back to your turnips!
04x09 - Breaking Out Is Hard to Do Season 4 / Episode 9: - Breaking Out Is Hard to Do

Peter Griffin: Yes, and we should do nothing to draw attention to ourselves as outsiders...
Peter Griffin: [Points at Asian guy]
Peter Griffin: Oh, my god, it's Jackie Chan.


Peter Griffin: Oh, my god, it's Jackie Chan.
Jackie Chan: Hi, there. Nice to meet a fan of my movies.


Jackie Chan: Oh, my god, its Ethan Hawke.
Peter Griffin: Uh,no i'm not.
Jackie Chan: Sorry my mistake.
Jackie Chan: [At Chris]
Jackie Chan: Oh, my god, it's Ethan Hawke.
Meg Griffin: Mom, can we go get some food?
Jackie Chan: [to Meg] Oh, my god it's, Malcom In Middle.
Meg Griffin: I'm not a boy.
Jackie Chan: Yes you are!
04x09 - Breaking Out Is Hard to Do Season 4 / Episode 9: - Breaking Out Is Hard to Do

Peter Griffin: Wow, you put on weight, Jackie Chan.
04x09 - Breaking Out Is Hard to Do Season 4 / Episode 9: - Breaking Out Is Hard to Do

Peter Griffin: Quagmire, what are you doing here?
Glen Quagmire: Oh, It's conjugal visit day, you know I love doing a woman in the can. OH! Giggity-giggity-giggity-goooo!
04x08 - 8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter Season 4 / Episode 8: - 8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter

Lois Griffin: [after Peter sells Meg to Mort to pay for his tab] Peter, you got me a card "I'm sorry for selling our daughter."
Peter Griffin: Do you know how hard it was to find one of those in English?

  Next: Lois Griffin
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