Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #5 of 27 (Full List)

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Chris Griffin Family Guy

Chris Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth GreenSeth Green
Seth Green was raised in Overbrook Park by his parents; Herb, a math teacher, and Barbara, an artist. ...

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Chris Griffin Quotes

13x15 - Once Bitten Season 13 / Episode 15: - Once Bitten

Chris Griffin: You know, If I didn't know better I'd think that fish are ghosts and I'd also think that you're putting the moves on Meg.
13x07 - Stewie, Chris, & Brian's Excellent Adventure Season 13 / Episode 7: - Stewie, Chris, & Brian's Excellent Adventure

Chris Griffin: Screw you, Stewie. You are a jerk! And I'm gonna win that bowling tournament, with or without you!
Stewie Griffin: What does he... What? He doesn't even know what we're preparing him for!
13x07 - Stewie, Chris, & Brian's Excellent Adventure Season 13 / Episode 7: - Stewie, Chris, & Brian's Excellent Adventure

Chris Griffin: [onboard of Titanic] This would make a great movie.
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Chris Griffin: First I'm microwaving a kitten and now I'm holding a host!
12x06 - Life of Brian Season 12 / Episode 6: - Life of Brian

Brian Griffin: [dying on an operating table after being hit by a car] You've given me a wonderful life, I love you all. [dies]
Chris Griffin: Oh my god, mom is he...
Lois Griffin: [crying] Yes, Chris, I'm a afraid our Brian is dead. [the family hold each others hands and cry]
11x09 - Space Cadet Season 11 / Episode 9: - Space Cadet

Chris Griffin: Mom, I can handle space camp. I'm not stupid.
Peter Griffin: Well, regardless, on the way back we're stopping at that Down syndrome camp we passed.
Lois Griffin: Peter, that was the University of Florida.
10x22 - Family Guy Viewer Mail #2 Season 10 / Episode 22: - Family Guy Viewer Mail #2

Lois Griffin: [in an English accent like everyone else in the family except for Stewie who talks in a Kansas-like accent; Brian is a horse] All right, kids, enough telly. I hope everyone's peckish for some boiled lamb shank.
Peter Griffin: None for me, Lydia. I'm meeting me mates down at the pub.
Lois Griffin: Again? But Neville, you spend all your time down at the Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock.
Peter Griffin: And that's where you're wrong. The Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock is for tossers. We're meeting at the Dog and Cat and Bull and Whistle and Fiddle and Cock and Pig and Wolf and Carriage and Fife and Other Wolf.
Lois Griffin: But I need you to stay and have a chat with Collingsworth. I found him with another fag in his mouth this morning.
Peter Griffin: [to Chris] Oh, is that right? So you fancy fags, do you? Well, here... have a whole carton of fags [throws a carton of cigarettes at Chris' lap]
Chris Griffin: I just want a comely lass to look upon me with favour.
Meg Griffin: I look on you with favour. I look on all of you with favour.
Peter Griffin: Shut up, British Meg.
Stewie Griffin: Look at Lydia. What a two-bit Wichita whore. One of these days she's gonna wake up killed.
Brian Griffin: Oh, matricide. Yet another of your childhood whims [emphasising on the H]
Stewie Griffin: No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow through with... wait, why'd you say it like that?
10x02 - Seahorse Seashell Party Season 10 / Episode 2: - Seahorse Seashell Party

Chris Griffin: Look, Meg, I don't know what your problem is. I thought Dad's humming was pretty entertaining.
Meg Griffin: You know what? This is what I'm talking about. This is a perfect example. You're my brother. You're supposed to be on my side, and you're such a bastard to me
Chris Griffin: HOW AM I A BASTARD?
Meg Griffin: Oh, you want the whole story?
Lois Griffin: Meg, please.
Meg Griffin: Not now, Mom.
Peter Griffin: [giggles] I think Brian's getting a little water in there.
Meg Griffin: Chris, you treat me like you hate me, and I don't know why. You say hurtful things to me constantly. Do you have any idea what that feels like? What if I said those things to you? What if I started calling you a fat, zitty loser, who has no friends and smells like an old woman who has birds for pets?
Peter Griffin: [giggles] Still drinkin'.
Meg Griffin: Is it too much to ask to be treated with a little decency from my brother? Maybe show me some kind of kindness by not jumping on the "Let's-Get-Meg" family bandwagon?


Peter Griffin: [disappointed] Aw.
10x02 - Seahorse Seashell Party Season 10 / Episode 2: - Seahorse Seashell Party

Meg Griffin: Have either of you guys been listening to me? Do you both just have your heads up your asses?
Chris Griffin: Dad did. Look he has crap on his ear.
Peter Griffin: That's unrelated.
Lois Griffin: Chris, I don't like that language.
Chris Griffin: Well, I don't like your cooking!
Lois Griffin: Well, I don't like having to literally empty the farts out of your pockets whenever I do your laundry!
Chris Griffin: You're the one who's always cooking Brussels sprouts and broccoli! It's like an Irish bar fight down there!

10x02 - Seahorse Seashell Party Season 10 / Episode 2: - Seahorse Seashell Party

Chris Griffin: WHY DON'T WE EVER GET ANY GOOD FOOD?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, Bonnie gives Joe wonder bread.
Lois Griffin: Well, then go live at Bonnie's house! Then I could finally sleep in and not have to answer your stupid questions at 5 a.m.!
Peter Griffin: My curiosity peaks in the morning!
Chris Griffin: You eat all my Dannon yogurts!
Peter Griffin: I don't see your name on 'em!
Chris Griffin: You don't even like 'em, but you know I do, and you don't want me to have 'em!
Lois Griffin: You know, I've never confronted you on it, but I've often thought the same thing, Peter
Meg Griffin: Yeah, that's exactly what he does, 'cause he's a selfish, fat idiot!
Peter Griffin: You shut up! All of youse! [runs upstairs, and then turns to the family with tears in his eyes] I didn't ask to be in this family!
Lois Griffin: [sighs] I'll go get him. [picks up Stewie] Peter, you come back here!
Chris Griffin: [shouting at Meg] I faked all my orgasms!
09x17 - Foreign Affairs Season 9 / Episode 17: - Foreign Affairs

Meg Griffin: The goat flu outbreak at school is over and, honestly, I'm afraid we're not learning anything.
Peter Griffin: Ohhhh Meg, you couldn't be wronger. You're learning everything! Watch! CHRIS! Dates! Battle of Hastings?
Chris Griffin: I don't know.
Peter Griffin: Franco-Prussian War?
Chris Griffin: I don't know.
Peter Griffin: Sherman's March to the Sea?
Chris Griffin: I don't know.
Peter Griffin: Cuban Missile Crisis?
Chris Griffin: No idea.
Peter Griffin: Trail of Tears?
Chris Griffin: Never heard of it.
Peter Griffin: Death of Charlemagne?
Chris Griffin: What is that?
Peter Griffin: Treaty of Augsburg?
Chris Griffin: I got nothin'.
Peter Griffin: Cortez reaches South America?
Chris Griffin: Pumping a dry well.
Peter Griffin: San Juan Hill?
Chris Griffin: No!
Peter Griffin: Wounded Knee?
Chris Griffin: Stop!
Peter Griffin: Great Schism?
Chris Griffin: DAD!
Peter Griffin: Ahh, I'll take you back to school.
09x17 - Foreign Affairs Season 9 / Episode 17: - Foreign Affairs

Teacher: [turning around the class on his scooter, completely naked] This is what my class is all about! Learn with me, children! Let's teach each other!
Peter Griffin: [appearing in Chris' thought and whispering] Chris... you know this
Chris Griffin: [raising his hand] Sherman's March to the Seal!
Teacher: Yes! Finally someone gets it! [crashes off screen] Ah! Fuck, children! My cock-sucking elbow! Oh, all the saints in Christendom! My elbow's shattered! Oh, it's shattered to fuck! Somebody get the nurse! Get that big, fucking black nurse! Oh, I'm so fucked!
09x13 - Trading Places Season 9 / Episode 13: - Trading Places

Meg Griffin: Chris, look at what you did!
Chris Griffin: You mean, look at what 2 black teenagers did when they stole Dad's bike.
09x04 - Halloween on Spooner Street Season 9 / Episode 4: - Halloween on Spooner Street

Chris Griffin: Uh, Brian, why are you pink?
Brian Griffin: [sniffing] Why do you two smell like sweat and shame?
08x20 - Something, Something, Something, Dark Side Season 8 / Episode 20: - Something, Something, Something, Dark Side

Peter Griffin: Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one.
Chris Griffin: Actually, I think they did a pretty good job with that already, Dad.
Peter Griffin: Well, I'll have to take your word for it. I don't watch Comedy Central.
Chris Griffin: It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. I'm pretty sure you know that.
Peter Griffin: I don't know that. I haven't seen that show in a while and I don't know that anyone else has.
Chris Griffin: Oh, I think plenty of people have. Their fans are pretty loyal to them.
Peter Griffin: Oh yeah? All forty-two of them?
Chris Griffin: [sighs] I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. I'm not gonna let you get to me.
Peter Griffin: Well, maybe I got time for another story, then. It's called Without a Paddle.
Chris Griffin: Fuck you, Dad!
08x19 - The Splendid Source Season 8 / Episode 19: - The Splendid Source

Lois Griffin: Well, peter I'm glad you and the guys finally found what you were looking for.
Peter Griffin: We did. It's just sad that 230 people had to die in the most gruesome way imaginable. But our idle curiosity was satisfied so everything worked out.
Brian Griffin: Peter, you went halfway around the world for this joke but I never even got to hear it.
Meg Griffin: Yeah, me neither.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, come on dad! Tell the joke!
Peter Griffin: Alright, you guys want to hear it? Alright so this chick goes on a date with this guy she wants to fuck but she's worried cause she's got, like a huge vagina from fucking so many other guys so she gets a piece of liverwurst and shoves it up in her vagina so that when he fucks her it'll feel tighter.
Lois Griffin: Peter, maybe this isn't family conversation.
Peter Griffin: No wait, Lois shut the fuck up. So she puts the liverwurst in her vagina, goes home with the guy, fucks him, everything seems fine. She wakes up the next morning and he's gone and he's left her a note that says, "Thank you for a lovely evening. However, I don't think this is going to work out. P.S. Your vagina is in the sink." Now I'm gonna leave the room now as I have just shit myself again.
08x10 - Big Man on Hippocampus Season 8 / Episode 10: - Big Man on Hippocampus

Peter Griffin: If sex with the rest of you is half as good as it was with her, then I think we're all gonna get along just fine.
Chris Griffin: Yay!
Lois Griffin: Well, no. No, Peter, you can't have sex with the kids.
Meg Griffin: Well, I wish you'd told him that before he lost his memory.


Meg Griffin: It was a joke! I was just making a joke!
Stewie Griffin: *That's* your sense of humor?
Meg Griffin: I was just kidding. God!
Lois Griffin: Meg, that's awful.
Chris Griffin: Jeez, you open your mouth for a joke once, and *that's* what you come up with?
Brian Griffin: That's messed up, Meg.
Meg Griffin: I was just trying to be funny.
Lois Griffin: That wasn't funny. That was just dark.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, that's your *father*!
Chris Griffin: Oh, get out, Meg!


Chris Griffin: Get out of the kitchen! Go on, get out! Out! Out! Out! Out of the kitchen! Go on! Get out of here!
08x08 - Dog Gone Season 8 / Episode 8: - Dog Gone

Brian Griffin: You see, I'd thought I start out locally, then try to merge with one of the larger groups.
Lois Griffin: Oh that's a great idea, Brian. Maybe you could join PETA.
Peter Griffin: Join me for what?
Lois Griffin: No, PETA. The organization.
Peter Griffin: What organization?
Lois Griffin: PETA.
Peter Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: PETA is an acrynom, Peter.
Peter Griffin: No, I'm not. I'm Catholic.
Stewie Griffin: Are we really doing this?
Lois Griffin: No, Peter. All I'm saying is, maybe if this meeting goes well, Brian could be part of a PETA rally.
Peter Griffin: Somebody's having a rally for me now?
Lois Griffin: No, for PETA.
Peter Griffin: That's me! I'm Peter!
Lois Griffin: I'm not talking about you, Peter. I'm talking about PETA!
Peter Griffin: Somebody better have something to say to me pretty damn soon. Or I'll have something to say to them. I'm very busy!
Chris Griffin: I think Betty White is in PETA.
Peter Griffin: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!
08x02 - Family Goy Season 8 / Episode 2: - Family Goy

Lois Griffin: [a Cutaway featuring Peter's "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" phase] Peter, you ready for dinner?
Peter Griffin: [dressed as Parker Lewis] Oh, that's just like the Parker Lewis episode when Parker Lewis ate dinner.
Lois Griffin: Peter, nobody cares about your cancelled show.
Peter Griffin: Lois, Parker Lewis can't lose. Don't even *try* and make him lose 'cause it's just going to be that much more embarrassing for you when you realize that he can't lose.
Chris Griffin: Would he win in a fight with Batman?
Peter Griffin: Well, Chris, think about what you're saying; Parker Lewis *Can't lose*. Heretofore, Batman can suck on that.
Chris Griffin: Suck on that? Suck on this; Tic-Tacs only have one and a half calories!
Peter Griffin: Well Played.
Chris Griffin: I love you, Dad.
Peter Griffin: I love you too, son.

07x13 - Stew-roids Season 7 / Episode 13: - Stew-roids

Chris Griffin: Would you do me? I'd do me. I'd do me so hard.
07x12 - 420 Season 7 / Episode 12: - 420

Peter Griffin: [after the Griffins bail out Brian] Brian, If you don't mind, we'll start thinking about prison rape jokes immediately. I'll break the ice. Hey, Brian, did you do 'hard times' or 'hardly workin'? [pause] Penis. [another pause] Okay, all the pieces are there. Somebody make something out of it.
Chris Griffin: Hey, Brian, whose your favorite baseball player? Albert POOHOLES?
Lois Griffin: Chris, stop it! Come on. Brian, we're happy you're out of jail and when we get to the car, would you like a doughnut to sit on? [laughs out loud]
07x05 - The Man With Two Brians Season 7 / Episode 5: - The Man With Two Brians

Meg Griffin, Peter Griffin, Chris Griffin, Lois Griffin: [New Brian has fallen asleep] Aww
Peter Griffin: Look at him sleep.
Meg Griffin: I wonder what he's dreaming about.
Peter Griffin: Shut up Meg.
New Brian: [toots quietly]
Peter Griffin: Oh! Did you hear that?
Chris Griffin: He farted!
Peter Griffin: Just like in the song!
Brian Griffin: [He lets loose with a loud disgusting fart]
Peter Griffin: Oh! What the hell is wrong with you? Outside! Outside now!
07x04 - Baby Not On Board Season 7 / Episode 4: - Baby Not On Board

Peter Griffin: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.
Chris Griffin: Haha, movie references.
07x02 - I Dream of Jesus Season 7 / Episode 2: - I Dream of Jesus

Peter Griffin: [Angrily] Who did it?
Stewie Griffin: Who did what pop?
Brian Griffin: Yes, Peter what has you upset?
Peter Griffin: Surfin Bird. Is gone. I took it to bed, had sex with it. It fell asleep in my arms and now this morning it's gone.
Peter Griffin: Well Peter no one here would steal from you.


Chris Griffin: Oh like you didn't have a motive Lois. You all had a motive! You know that I changed my will and left everything to the record. That's why you wanted to record out of the way. Meg wanted to get a passport for her twin sister to get her out of the country but the record wouldn't allow it. Only she didn't count on me figuring out she has no twin sister and that Meg herself was recently released from the sanitarium. That's when Chris came into the picture.
Chris Griffin: [He pulls a gun on Peter] So you got it all figured out do ya? You couldn't leave well enough alone.
Peter Griffin: You won't fire at me Chris. You haven't got the stomach for it.


Chris Griffin: I'm sorry Dad I have no idea what you're talking about.
06x12 - Long John Peter Season 6 / Episode 12: - Long John Peter

Chris Griffin: [Chris and Anna are on their first date] You know Anna, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. And now, all I wanna do is show you my innermost self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or, that you'll see my scrotum and see that it has a seam on it and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, 'cause that's what I think happened and...
Anna: [places a finger on Chris' lips] Chris, I like you. [kisses him] You don't have to try so hard.
Chris Griffin: I'm sorry. When I'm around a pretty girl, I get all worked up like a kid watching a toy commercial.
06x11 - The Former Life of Brian Season 6 / Episode 11: - The Former Life of Brian

Chris Griffin: [after Dylan beats up the Evil Monkey] Yay! I haven't been in my closet for years! Boy... there is a lot of feces in here.
06x10 - Play it Again, Brian Season 6 / Episode 10: - Play it Again, Brian

Chris Griffin: Are you a pedophile?
06x03 - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air Season 6 / Episode 3: - Believe It Or Not, Joe's Walking On Air

Peter Griffin: What did you do with your wheelchair?
Joe: I gave it away.
Chris Griffin: [cut to Chris speeding downhill in Joe's wheelchair, crashing through Mayor West's gate and landing in a flower bed] Whee!
Adam West: My tulips! You dick.
06x02 - Movin' Out (Brian's Song) Season 6 / Episode 2: - Movin' Out (Brian's Song)

Lois Griffin: Hey, and look on the bright side. Maybe you've got another chapter for your [starts laughing] book!


Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, pile it on! Pile it on!
Chris Griffin: Welcome home, asshole!
06x02 - Movin' Out (Brian's Song) Season 6 / Episode 2: - Movin' Out (Brian's Song)

Meg Griffin: Supervisor?
Carl: Yeah... I promoted him this morning.
Chris Griffin: Promoted me this morning!
Meg Griffin: What? Carl... you promised me that assistant manager job!
Carl: Uh... Meg, things change. Hey, you ever see "Broken Lizard's Club Dread?"
Meg Griffin: No.
Carl: Well... go see that movie and absorb it's message and you'll get the gist of what I'm talking about.
Meg Griffin: Carl... this isn't fair!
Carl: Alright, then... you're fired.
Meg Griffin: What? Bu... you ca...


Carl: Don' worry about it Chris, she'll be fine. Oh... hey... by the way... You know who's hot in kind of a screwed up way? Mary Stewart Masterson.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, yeah... in that kinda you think you could get her 'cause she could be your brother kinda thing... like she's gettable. Ya' know. Like, like, like, Elizabeth Shu.
Carl: Oh, yeah, I remember her.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, ya' know she was in "Leaving Las Vegas" in addition to "Adventures In Babysitting." One of those under rated actresses who never really popped, if ya' know what I'm saying.
Carl: Who? Elizabeth Shu?
Chris Griffin: Yeah. Like totally naked in "Leaving Las Vegas," but... um... still so hot.
Carl: I don't see hard films.
Chris Griffin: Like crazy hot... It's like 39 minutes 45 seconds in. Really exceptional sequence, I mean, Nick Cage is poisoning himself with alcohol, he's a failed writer who just decides hey I'm gonna have a big glass a' rye in Las Vegas. Then he, meets a whore and pays her a bunch a' money to stay with him, and have sex with him while he murders himself slowly. And she's game for it, but she catches his feeling midway through and the whole thing changes.
Carl: Wow. Have you seen "Cocktail?"
Chris Griffin: Yeah... yeah.
Carl: She was in that.
Chris Griffin: She... was in that.
Carl: Yeah.

Previous: Brian Griffin Next: Meg Griffin
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