Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

Top Contributors


Characters: #4 of 27 (Full List)

Previous Next

Brian Griffin Family Guy

Brian Griffin

Add to My Characters
  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

« Back to Character Profile

Brian Griffin Quotes

05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Lois Griffin: Ugh! This is even worse than when you ate that bubblegum out of the garbage.


Lois Griffin: Brian, did you get into the garbage last night?
Brian Griffin: [nervous and obviously lying] Uh... no, why?
Lois Griffin: [irritated] Don't lie to me, Brian.
Brian Griffin: I'm not lying.

05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Meg Griffin: Hi, honey. [to Brian]
Brian Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: I was thinking about our kiss last night. I never knew how flat and wide your tongue is.
Brian Griffin: Yeahhh
Meg Griffin: You know, I've thought about how you stood up for me at the dance, and all the nice things you said. We should totally be boyfriend and girlfriend!
Brian Griffin: Well Meg, you know, it's strange... I... I think I may be gay. um, I saw this penis on the internet today, and I thought to myself, "Well that's just fine!"
Meg Griffin: I'm going to the mall the later, maybe you can come and help me pick out some underwear.
Brian Griffin: Uhh, I don't think that's going to be a possibility, uhhh, I have plans, with Chris! Chris and I have plans this afternoon!
Chris Griffin: [Chris walks by] We do?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, yeah! We're doing that thing, we're doing what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon!
Chris Griffin: Masturbate?
Brian Griffin: That's it, that's what we're going to do together.
Chris Griffin: Well, maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not 100% on this.
05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Meg Griffin: Just relax, Brian. We're going to be here for a wHile. [uses the H in "while"]
Brian Griffin: Wait, what did you say?
Meg Griffin: I said, "We're going to be here for a wHile."
Brian Griffin: A while.
Meg Griffin: A wHile.
Brian Griffin: A while.
Meg Griffin: A wHile.
Brian Griffin: A while.
Meg Griffin: Brian, you're acting whierd.
Brian Griffin: Oh, come on! That one doesn't even have an H in it!
05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Meg Griffin: Hey Brian!
Brian Griffin: Hey Meg! Listen, I hope you feel alright about our talk the other day. You know, about us being just friends and all.
Meg Griffin: Oh, yeah, no. I'm fine, I'm fine. And hey, I wanted to thank you for being so great to me, so I baked you a pie.
Brian Griffin: Oh wow. Hey that looks delicious. Mmm, oh, this is good. What's in there?
Meg Griffin: Well, there's some apples and some cinnamon... and my hair.
Brian Griffin: What?
Meg Griffin: My hair's in the pie Brian. And now, it's inside of you. Part of me, is inside of you, Brian. Do you feel me, Brian? Do feel me inside of you?
05x08 - Barely Legal Season 5 / Episode 8: - Barely Legal

Brian Griffin: [after kissing Meg, Brian throws up] Don't worry, that was the booze, not you.


Brian Griffin: Are you gonna eat that?
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Stewie Griffin: [wearing Brian's hair on his chest and diaper] Hey, baby!
Jillian: Hi, Stewie!
Brian Griffin: What the hell are you doing?
Stewie Griffin: Eeh, not much really. Just me and my pubes, haaaaangin' out.
Brian Griffin: Oh, dear God.
Stewie Griffin: Boy, I am so beat from doing adult stuff all day.
Jillian: So am I.
Stewie Griffin: [stretches, revealing Brian's hair in his armpits] I just feel like kickin' it tonight. [fuzzy dice fall out of his diaper] Oh! Look at that, I'm growing all the time.
Brian Griffin: Hey, uh, Jillian, can you give me a minute?
Stewie Griffin: You ever just let your balls hang out, B-Ri? You ever do that, B-roni? "drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was Bri?"
Brian Griffin: Give me my hair back [takes hair off Stewie]
Stewie Griffin: Ow! What the hell, man?
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Brian Griffin: There we go. You are ready for your date. Yeah, that's a bed head, yeah. Hey, look at you, you just got out of bed. You're the underachiever every woman wants to sleep with.
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Stewie Griffin: I mean, what kind of man would I be if I ran off now?
Brian Griffin: Well, you would be a black man.
Stewie Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that?
Brian Griffin: Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was my father talking.
Stewie Griffin: You, uh, gotta work on that man. Bad dog.
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Brian Griffin: So what happened?
Stewie Griffin: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know wha, why don't guys just do that?
Brian Griffin: They do. It's called being gay.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that.
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Brian Griffin: Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: Yeah?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: I know.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: [annoyed tone] I know.
Brian Griffin: No, Stewie, Stewie. It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Don't do this to me, man. Not you, man.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Screw you. Cut it out, man!
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: [cries] Why is it so hard? I didn't know it was going to be so hard. [cries]
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Jillian: [vomits]
Stewie Griffin: Good Lord, Brian, what was that?
Brian Griffin: Oh, that was just Jillian. She's got this eating disorder, she's bulimic.
Stewie Griffin: Woah, really?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, her hair's falling out, and yesterday she just lost a tooth.
Stewie Griffin: Really?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, but that purging just makes her look fabulous.
Brian Griffin: I mean, that's what the supermodels do, and let me tell you, some of them just look so good.
Jillian: [vomits again, but this time more violently]
Brian Griffin: Karen Carpenter overdid it, but I think Jillian's found a good balance.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Lois Griffin: Meg Griffin, we need to have a talk.


Meg Griffin: Mom!


Lois Griffin: OH MY GOD! You kids were doing it... in the EAR!
Brian Griffin: Hey, my sandwich tastes funny. Is there something wrong with the Smuckers?
Peter Griffin: [from his room] Yeah, it's been on my crotch.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Lois Griffin: Look Meg, A, Ear sex is just unnatural, and B, how do I say this, vaginal intercourse is... it... its just tops! It's the bee's knees, Meg. Oh, when your rattle it around just right, oh my god! I mean, you remember when we had that old car with the bad shocks, and I used to take the old dirt road on purpose! Meg! Meg?


Brian Griffin: I love you!
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Stewie Griffin: Life's confusing when we grow up, isn't it, Brian? Hey, can we listen to my mix tape?
Brian Griffin: Yeah. Go ahead.
Stewie Griffin: [singing along to Gary Numan's "Cars"] Brian had sex. With a really dumb girl. Now he's taking his friend Stewie. To get some ice cream. In his car.
Brian Griffin: [turns off radio]
Stewie Griffin: Oh you're a poor sport.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Stewie Griffin: [there is a heat wave in Quahog] Brian, spit on me.
Brian Griffin: [spits on Stewie]
Stewie Griffin: Yes, now tell me I'm scum.
Brian Griffin: [pause] How's that going to help cool you off?
Stewie Griffin: Huh?
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Lois Griffin: So, how was work today Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Peter, you lost your job because of a superstore, you shouldn't blame Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: And you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says "Meg".
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Brian Griffin: So, how was your day exploiting the town's resources Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: Hahahahaha! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEGGGGGG!
Peter Griffin: [blows longer raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows 7 raspberries]
Chris Griffin: [quietly] Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows quieter raspberry]
05x02 - Mother Tucker Season 5 / Episode 2: - Mother Tucker

Brian Griffin: We have a show!
Stewie Griffin: Oh, Yes, We have a show.
Denzel Washington: [whistle, then scene from Philadelphia plays] After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But no matter how you come to judge Charles Wheeler and his partners, in ethical, moral, and in human terms, the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law.
Brian Griffin: What is wrong with you?
Stewie Griffin: I sweat to God that was supposed to be "Food Fight"
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Brian Griffin: Stewie loves Lois!
Stewie Griffin: Brian loves Olympia Dukakis!
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, I do.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Brian Griffin: [points to Peter's panic room] Peter, what is that?
Peter Griffin: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie "The Butterfly Effect". I thought, "Wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn't find me."
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Lois Griffin: Wait a minute, where's Meg?
Brian Griffin: I don't know.
Stewie Griffin: I didn't see her.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, I kinda thought you guys would attend to that.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you got to go back and get her!
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going back for Meg.
Lois Griffin: Peter!
Peter Griffin: Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we leave Meg.
Lois Griffin: I know, but...
Meg Griffin: [Meg enters car, furious] YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THERE?
Peter Griffin: Okay, see? It resolved itself.
04x25 - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

Jasper: [exiting the terminal into the airport towards the Griffins, speaking effeminately] Hey, cousin!
Brian Griffin: [hugs Jasper] Hey, Jasper!
Jasper: [introducing his Filipino partner, Ricardo] Everybody, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.
Lois Griffin: How was your flight?
Jasper: [effeminate] Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker, sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake!
Jasper: [campily motions talking on a cellphone]
Jasper: Hello, who's that on the phone?-Temptation!... how does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you over dinner: Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend-Oo-hoh, I'm terrible!
04x25 - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

Jasper: [entering terminal with Ricardo, calling to Brian effeminately] Hey, cousin!
Brian Griffin: [hugs Jasper] Hey, Jasper!
Jasper: [motions to Ricardo, his Filipino partner] Everyone, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.
Lois Griffin: How was your flight?
Jasper: [effeminate] Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake! [makes telephone gesture, speaks camply] Hello, whose that on the phone?-Temptation! How does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you all at dinner. Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend: [laughs] Ooh hoh, I'm terrible!
04x23 - Deep Throats Season 4 / Episode 23: - Deep Throats

Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...


Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is. [laughs] He's so short.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.


Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Lois Griffin: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter Griffin: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant. We can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian Griffin: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Nite lineup.
Peter Griffin: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian Griffin: That's Street Fighter.
Peter Griffin: Red, blue, green.
Brian Griffin: Those are colors.
04x21 - I Take Thee, Quagmire Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Take Thee, Quagmire

Brian Griffin: Well, I guess that's not the weirdest thing I've ever seen on a gameshow. Remember that time Mayor Adam West appeared on Jeopardy?
Alex Trebek: Alright players, the answer is, "It was the first spacecraft on the surface of Mars." Adam, what was your response? [West reveals that he has written "Kebert Xela" as his answer] Kebert Xela. [There is a flash of light, and Trebek vanishes with a scream. The other contestants look shocked]
Mayor Adam West: Only saying his name backwards can send him back to the Fifth Dimension, where he belongs.
04x21 - I Take Thee, Quagmire Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Take Thee, Quagmire

Lois Griffin: [trying to wean Stewie off breast milk] Tonight we're going to try formula instead.


Stewie Griffin: That's more disgusting than when Peter went through that Daisy Dukes phase.


Peter Griffin: So, who's up for some hoops at the park? Oh, there you are. Come here, you basketball.


Brian Griffin: It's like a walrus flossing.
04x20 - Patriot Games Season 4 / Episode 20: - Patriot Games

Brian Griffin: [to Stewie] You shot me in both legs and set me on fire. Piss off.
04x20 - Patriot Games Season 4 / Episode 20: - Patriot Games

Stewie Griffin: Well, all's well that ends well, eh, Brian?
Brian Griffin: You shot me in both legs and lit me on fire. Piss off.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, come on! Well, I guess you're right. Alright, I'll tell you what: you can take one free hit, okay?
Brian Griffin: Okay. But I'm not going to tell you when I'm going to take it.
Stewie Griffin: [scared, after a pause] What?
04x19 - Brian Sings and Swings Season 4 / Episode 19: - Brian Sings and Swings

Brian Griffin: Hey, what's the point in waiting? You gotta live life while you can, and live it hard.
Stewie Griffin: Ah, the Chris Farley method, that's good.
04x18 - The Father, the Son & the Holy Fonz Season 4 / Episode 18: - The Father, the Son & the Holy Fonz

Brian Griffin: Oh that's very Christian. Believe what I say or I'll hurt you.
Francis Griffin: Now you're getting it! [Peter's Dad hits Brian with a Bible]

Previous: Stewie Griffin Next: Chris Griffin
You are successfully logged out.
login
[close]

ShareTV Login

Username
Password
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Create Account

Username
Password
Verify Password
EMAIL

Verification code (check your email for the verification code)

Verification code has been sent to the following email address:
If you didn't receive the verification code:

1. Check your bulk/spam folder.

2. Try to whitelist our email address (noreply@sharetv.org)

3. Resend verification email

If you mistyped your email address change it here
Create a free ShareTV account to make a personalized schedule of your favorite TV shows, keep track of what you've watched, earn points and more.
Verify your username and email to complete your Registration
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Forgot Your Password?

EMAIL
Enter the email address you used to create the account and your password will be emailed to you.