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Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #4 of 27 (Full List)

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Brian Griffin Family Guy

Brian Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Brian Griffin Quotes

05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Brian Griffin: So what happened?
Stewie Griffin: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know wha, why don't guys just do that?
Brian Griffin: They do. It's called being gay.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that.
05x07 - Chick Cancer Season 5 / Episode 7: - Chick Cancer

Brian Griffin: Stewie?
Stewie Griffin: Yeah?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: I know.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: [annoyed tone] I know.
Brian Griffin: No, Stewie, Stewie. It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Don't do this to me, man. Not you, man.
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: Screw you. Cut it out, man!
Brian Griffin: It's not your fault.
Stewie Griffin: [cries] Why is it so hard? I didn't know it was going to be so hard. [cries]
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Jillian: [vomits]
Stewie Griffin: Good Lord, Brian, what was that?
Brian Griffin: Oh, that was just Jillian. She's got this eating disorder, she's bulimic.
Stewie Griffin: Woah, really?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, her hair's falling out, and yesterday she just lost a tooth.
Stewie Griffin: Really?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, but that purging just makes her look fabulous.
Brian Griffin: I mean, that's what the supermodels do, and let me tell you, some of them just look so good.
Jillian: [vomits again, but this time more violently]
Brian Griffin: Karen Carpenter overdid it, but I think Jillian's found a good balance.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Lois Griffin: Meg Griffin, we need to have a talk


Meg Griffin: Mom!


Lois Griffin: OH, MY, GOD!, you kids were doing it... in the EAR!
Brian Griffin: Hey, my sandwich tastes funny. Is there something wrong with my Smuckers?
Peter Griffin: [from his room] Yeah, it's been on my penis.
05x06 - Prick Up Your Ears Season 5 / Episode 6: - Prick Up Your Ears

Lois Griffin: Look Meg, A, Ear sex is just unnatural, and B, how do I say this, vaginal intercourse is... it... its just tops! It's the bee's knees, Meg. Oh, when your rattle it around just right, oh my god! I mean, you remember when we had that old car with the bad shocks, and I used to take the old dirt road on purpose! Meg! Meg?


Brian Griffin: I love you!
05x05 - Whistle While Your Wife Works Season 5 / Episode 5: - Whistle While Your Wife Works

Stewie Griffin: Life's confusing when we grow up, isn't it, Brian? Hey, can we listen to my mix tape?
Brian Griffin: Yeah. Go ahead.
Stewie Griffin: [singing along to Gary Numan's "Cars"] Brian had sex. With a really dumb girl. Now he's taking his friend Stewie. To get some ice cream. In his car.
Brian Griffin: [turns off radio]
Stewie Griffin: Oh you're a poor sport.
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Stewie Griffin: [there is a heat wave in Quahog] Brian, spit on me.
Brian Griffin: [spits on Stewie]
Stewie Griffin: Yes, now tell me I'm scum.
Brian Griffin: [pause] How's that going to help cool you off?
Stewie Griffin: Huh?
05x03 - Hell Comes to Quahog Season 5 / Episode 3: - Hell Comes to Quahog

Lois Griffin: So, how was work today Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Peter, you lost your job because of a superstore, you shouldn't blame Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Lois Griffin: And you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says "Meg".
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Brian Griffin: So, how was your day exploiting the town's resources Meg?
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: Hahahahaha! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEGGGGGG!
Peter Griffin: [blows longer raspberry]
Chris Griffin: MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG! MEG!
Peter Griffin: [blows 7 raspberries]
Chris Griffin: [quietly] Meg.
Peter Griffin: [blows quieter raspberry]
05x02 - Mother Tucker Season 5 / Episode 2: - Mother Tucker

Brian Griffin: We have a show!
Stewie Griffin: Oh, Yes, We have a show.
Denzel Washington: [whistle, then scene from Philadelphia plays] After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But no matter how you come to judge Charles Wheeler and his partners, in ethical, moral, and in human terms, the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law.
Brian Griffin: What is wrong with you?
Stewie Griffin: I sweat to God that was supposed to be "Food Fight"
05x01 - Stewie Loves Lois Season 5 / Episode 1: - Stewie Loves Lois

Brian Griffin: Stewie loves Lois!
Stewie Griffin: Brian loves Olympia Dukakis!
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, I do.
04x27 - The Griffin Family History Season 4 / Episode 27: - The Griffin Family History

Brian Griffin: [points to Peter's panic room] Peter, what is that?
Peter Griffin: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie "The Butterfly Effect". I thought, "Wow, this is terrible. I wish I could escape to a place where this movie couldn't find me."
04x26 - Petergeist Season 4 / Episode 26: - Petergeist

Lois Griffin: Wait a minute, where's Meg?
Brian Griffin: I don't know.
Stewie Griffin: I didn't see her.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, I kinda thought you guys would attend to that.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you got to go back and get her!
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, right, like I'm going back for Meg.
Lois Griffin: Peter!
Peter Griffin: Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we leave Meg.
Lois Griffin: I know, but...
Meg Griffin: [Meg enters car, furious] YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THERE?
Peter Griffin: Okay, see? It resolved itself.
04x25 - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

Jasper: [exiting the terminal into the airport towards the Griffins, speaking effeminately] Hey, cousin!
Brian Griffin: [hugs Jasper] Hey, Jasper!
Jasper: [introducing his Filipino partner, Ricardo] Everybody, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.
Lois Griffin: How was your flight?
Jasper: [effeminate] Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker, sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake!
Jasper: [campily motions talking on a cellphone]
Jasper: Hello, who's that on the phone?-Temptation!... how does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you over dinner: Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend-Oo-hoh, I'm terrible!
04x25 - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives Season 4 / Episode 25: - You May Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

Jasper: [entering terminal with Ricardo, calling to Brian effeminately] Hey, cousin!
Brian Griffin: [hugs Jasper] Hey, Jasper!
Jasper: [motions to Ricardo, his Filipino partner] Everyone, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.
Lois Griffin: How was your flight?
Jasper: [effeminate] Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake! [makes telephone gesture, speaks camply] Hello, whose that on the phone?-Temptation! How does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you all at dinner. Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend: [laughs] Ooh hoh, I'm terrible!
04x23 - Deep Throats Season 4 / Episode 23: - Deep Throats

Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...


Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is. [laughs] He's so short.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.


Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!
04x22 - Sibling Rivalry Season 4 / Episode 22: - Sibling Rivalry

Lois Griffin: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter Griffin: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian Griffin: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup
Peter Griffin: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian Griffin: That's Street Fighter.
Peter Griffin: Red, blue, green.
Brian Griffin: Those are colors
04x21 - I Take Thee, Quagmire Season 4 / Episode 21: - I Take Thee, Quagmire

Brian Griffin: Well, I guess that's not the weirdest thing I've ever seen on a gameshow. Remember that time Mayor Adam West appeared on Jeopardy?
Alex Trebek: Alright players, the answer is, "It was the first spacecraft on the surface of Mars." Adam, what was your response? [West reveals that he has written "Kebert Xela" as his answer] Kebert Xela. [There is a flash of light, and Trebek vanishes with a scream. The other contestants look shocked]
Mayor Adam West: Only saying his name backwards can send him back to the Fifth Dimension, where he belongs.
04x20 - Patriot Games Season 4 / Episode 20: - Patriot Games

Brian Griffin: [to Stewie] You shot me in both legs and set me on fire. Piss off.
04x20 - Patriot Games Season 4 / Episode 20: - Patriot Games

Stewie Griffin: Well, all's well that ends well, eh, Brian?
Brian Griffin: You shot me in both legs and lit me on fire. Piss off.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, come on! Well, I guess you're right. Alright, I'll tell you what: you can take one free hit, okay?
Brian Griffin: Okay. But I'm not going to tell you when I'm going to take it.
Stewie Griffin: [scared, after a pause] What?
04x19 - Brian Sings and Swings Season 4 / Episode 19: - Brian Sings and Swings

Brian Griffin: Hey, what's the point in waiting? You gotta live life while you can, and live it hard.
Stewie Griffin: Ah, the Chris Farley method, that's good.
04x18 - The Father, the Son & the Holy Fonz Season 4 / Episode 18: - The Father, the Son & the Holy Fonz

Brian Griffin: Oh that's very Christian. Believe what I say or I'll hurt you.
Francis Griffin: Now you're getting it! [Peter's Dad hits Brian with a Bible]
04x17 - Fat Guy Strangler Season 4 / Episode 17: - Fat Guy Strangler

Brian Griffin: Look! [Pictures of dead fat guys on the wall]
Lois Griffin: That doesn't mean anything.
Brian Griffin: What about that dead fat guy under the bed?
Lois Griffin: Coincidence?
Brian Griffin: What about that other half-dead fat guy?
Half-Dead Fat Guy: Patrick did it.
Lois Griffin: It could be any Patrick.
04x15 - Brian Goes Back to College Season 4 / Episode 15: - Brian Goes Back to College

Lois Griffin: [to Brian] Well, how'd ya do?
Brian Griffin: I failed.
Peter Griffin: You failed? Then what the hell are you smilin' for?
Brian Griffin: Because I took it all the way. I didn't give up on myself, and I didn't cheat.
Lois Griffin: You probably should have.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I was just gonna say...
Brian Griffin: It doesn't matter how it turned out. I finished what I started, which means I have my pride. And that's something.


Peter Griffin: No it's not. What are you outta your mind?


Chris Griffin: [to Brian] I hate you!

04x14 - PTV Season 4 / Episode 14: - PTV

Lois Griffin: The "Side-Boob Hour"? Peter, that's it. I asked you to stop this, and you didn't listen to me. I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice. I called the FCC.
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, I know all about the FCC.


Peter Griffin: They will clean up all your talking in a manner such as this.
Brian Griffin: They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a piss.
Stewie Griffin: And they'll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss.
Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin: It's the plain situation, there's no negotiation
Peter Griffin: With the fellas at the freaking FCC.
Brian Griffin: They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of special interest groups.
Peter Griffin: Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops.
Stewie Griffin: Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops.
Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin: Take a tip, take a lesson. You'll never win by messing
Peter Griffin: With the fellas at the freaking FCC. And if you find yourself with some young sexy thing, you're gonna have to do her with your "ding-a-ling", 'cause you can't say "penis". So they sent this little warning, they're prepared to do their worst.
Brian Griffin: And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced.
Stewie Griffin: I can think of quite another place they should've stuck it first.
Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin: They may just be neurotic, or possibly psychotic. They're the fellas at the freaking FCC!
04x13 - Jungle Love Season 4 / Episode 13: - Jungle Love

Brian Griffin: Cut. Print. Gay.
04x12 - Perfect Castaway Season 4 / Episode 12: - Perfect Castaway

Brian Griffin: I'll be in the basement.
Lois Griffin: Doing what?
Brian Griffin: Whaddaya think?
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait! You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off the high school?
Brian Griffin: Well, yes, for Martin Luther King.
Peter Griffin: That's crazy. You're gonna name the school after the star of Space 1999?
Brian Griffin: No, that's Martin Landau.
Peter Griffin: Oh, the guy who played Sheneneh?
Brian Griffin: That's Martin Lawrence.
Peter Griffin: The drunk crooner?
Brian Griffin: That's Dean Martin.
Peter Griffin: The drink that's best served on the rocks?
Brian Griffin: Martini and Rossi.
Peter Griffin: The guy on West Wing?
Brian Griffin: Martin Sheen.
Peter Griffin: The guy from Platoon?
Brian Griffin: Charlie Sheen.
Peter Griffin: No, the other guy from Platoon.
Brian Griffin: Uh...
Peter Griffin: C'mon...
Brian Griffin: Willem Dafoe?
Peter Griffin: [holds up card] Ooh, sorry. We were looking for Berenger, Tom Berenger. Thanks for playing, Brian, sorry it didn't work out for ya.
04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Peter Griffin: So, Brian, you ready to go play some darts at the Clam?
Brian Griffin: Oh, sorry, Peter, I can't make it tonight. I have a date.


Meg Griffin: Dad!
Peter Griffin: But you were supposed to drive tonight! What am I supposed to do? If I drive, I'll have to have a bunch of drinks first, because I am very self-conscious about my driving.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you've got a date. What's his name? HA! Do you see? Do you see that? Do you see what I did? I made it seem as though you were a homosexual. That's funny to me.
Lois Griffin: How exciting, Brian! So, who's the lucky lady?
Brian Griffin: Well, um, actually her name is Shauna Parks.
Lois Griffin: Meg's teacher?

04x11 - Peter's Got Woods Season 4 / Episode 11: - Peter's Got Woods

Adam West: Want some corn?
Brian Griffin: Sure.


Brian Griffin: What kind of corn is this?
Adam West: Creamed corn, I brought it from home. I don't like the corn they have here, it's too crunchy.
04x10 - Model Misbehavior Season 4 / Episode 10: - Model Misbehavior

Stewie Griffin: [in an office in Stewie's Bedroom] Uh, Brian, that coffee mug that you have that says, "Life's a beach"... that's dangerously close to the word "bitch", isn't it?
Brian Griffin: Yeah, that's the joke.
Stewie Griffin: Yes - and believe me. no one appreciates a good joke like Stewie - but, someof the other employees have found it offensive.
Brian Griffin: Other employees? Who else works here?
Stewie Griffin: [bleep] you! That's who else works here!

Previous: Stewie Griffin Next: Chris Griffin
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