Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #4 of 27 (Full List)

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Brian Griffin Family Guy

Brian Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Brian Griffin Quotes

15x08 - Carter and Tricia Season 15 / Episode 8: - Carter and Tricia

Lois Griffin: Why the hell would Daddy buy the Brewery?
Brian Griffin: Well, there's children in the room. Watch your swearing.
15x06 - Hot Shots Season 15 / Episode 6: - Hot Shots

Brian Griffin: I can't believe you guys. Don't you realize you're contributing to a potential public health disaster by not vaccinating your child?
Lois Griffin: That's exactly the point. My child. He's my child and nothing matters more than his well-being.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, God. This is gonna be a Lois story, isn't it? [to the camera] "Game of Thrones" is on. Just a reminder.
15x05 - Chris Has Got a Date, Date, Date, Date, Date Season 15 / Episode 5: - Chris Has Got a Date, Date, Date, Date, Date

Chris Griffin: Taylor, this is our sister, Meg and our dog, Brian.
Taylor Swift: Nice to meet you both.
Meg Griffin: We're not all so impressed. I've met Dan Aykroyd.
Brian Griffin: I'm sorry, uh, which cast member of "Hee Haw" are you?
Stewie Griffin: [runs up to Meg and Brian and starts beating them with the tape measure] WILL YOU BE NICE?
15x03 - American Gigg-olo Season 15 / Episode 3: - American Gigg-olo

Brian Griffin: [to Lois as he walks into the kitchen] Wow, what a day!
Stewie Griffin: Please don't comment.
Lois Griffin: Oh, look at you. Did you get a job?
Stewie Griffin: Bitch.
14x18 - The New Adventures of Old Tom Season 14 / Episode 18: - The New Adventures of Old Tom

Chris Griffin: You know, Brian, this wouldn't have happened if you were just honest with women and had an ounce of integrity!
Brian Griffin: Don't pull rank on me! You ate a ring, you worthless tub of crap!
Chris Griffin: *Yeah*? Well, who's gonna fish through a tub of crap *soon*, you unemployed buttmunch!
Stewie Griffin: Whoa, whoa! Let's calm down, guys!
Chris Griffin: SHUT UP, you unemployed buttmunch!
Stewie Griffin: Okay, he found a burn he likes.
14x16 - The Heartbreak Dog Season 14 / Episode 16: - The Heartbreak Dog

Brian Griffin: [to Bonnie] Hey, you know what would be great? If you could talk with even a little bit of inflection in your voice so it doesn't sound so much like a fucking power sander?
14x16 - The Heartbreak Dog Season 14 / Episode 16: - The Heartbreak Dog

Stewie Griffin: [on Skype] Hey Brian, can you bring me up a snack? I'm supposed to be in bed.
Brian Griffin: Look, the other night was great. But it was a mistake.
Bonnie Swanson: You're right.
Stewie Griffin: Oh man, WHAAAAAAAT? [Brian shuts down the laptop]
14x15 - A Lot Going On Upstairs Season 14 / Episode 15: - A Lot Going On Upstairs

Brian Griffin: Stewie, you look exhausted.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, 'cause I was up superlate last night beefing your mom.
Brian Griffin: My mom's dead.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, 'cause I *beefed* her to death!
14x15 - A Lot Going On Upstairs Season 14 / Episode 15: - A Lot Going On Upstairs

Brian Griffin: Okay, that's it. I'm gonna help you get these nightmares under control.
Stewie Griffin: Really? Oh thank you, Brian. And maybe I can help you control your strange obsession with eating pencil erasers.
Brian Griffin: It's not an obsession! [chews off a pencil eraser] Mmm, mmm, oh yeah... So rubbery. It's like a little steak!
Stewie Griffin: Brian, you really should...
Brian Griffin: THE WORLD IS SMALL AND SAFE WHEN I DO THIS!
14x15 - A Lot Going On Upstairs Season 14 / Episode 15: - A Lot Going On Upstairs

Stewie Griffin: [Stewie wants Brian to enter his dreams to help him get rid of his nightmares] Brian, I want you to come inside me.
Brian Griffin: Don't ever say it like that again.
14x14 - Underage Peter Season 14 / Episode 14: - Underage Peter

Peter Griffin: [whistling after Brian] Come here, boy! Come on!
Brian Griffin: [happily wagging his tail] Hey, what's up? We going for a ride in the car?
Peter Griffin: No, I had a question for ya.
Brian Griffin: Don't EVER fucking do that unless you have a car ride to offer...!
14x14 - Underage Peter Season 14 / Episode 14: - Underage Peter

Brian Griffin: I'm 56 in dog years.
Peter Griffin: Oh, is that why you got white pubic hair?
Brian Griffin: I'll thank you not to check out my pubic hair.
Peter Griffin: Well, then don't go flashing it around. Put on some underpants, you crazy old man.
14x13 - An App A Day Season 14 / Episode 13: - An App A Day

Tennis Judge: OUT.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Tennis Judge: Your ball was long.
Stewie Griffin: Are you [bleep] me? That thing was in! You're gonna penalize us because you're a blind [bleep] blue jacket [bleep] !
Brian Griffin: Stewie, calm down!
Stewie Griffin: I will drop you to your knees and shove your racket so far down your throat you'll be [bleep] my grip for a week!
Tennis Judge: Warning, Mr. Griffin.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you are warning ME? I'm warning YOU! I'm gonna go to your house and [bleep] your wife!
14x11 - The Peanut Butter Kid Season 14 / Episode 11: - The Peanut Butter Kid

Lois Griffin: You know, Stewie actually got a call for another commercial tomorrow. Who knows? This could be the beginning of a nice career for him.
Brian Griffin: You sure about this, Lois? I mean, the world of child acting can be a pretty bad environment for a kid. Maybe we should just let Stewie's childhood be about being a child.
Peter Griffin: Wasn't your kid an actor, you jagoff?
Brian Griffin: Didn't your father hate your guts and die?
14x03 - Guy, Robot Season 14 / Episode 3: - Guy, Robot

Brian Griffin: [reading off Twitter] "I was wondering why this tampon commercial was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of Sex And The City." Was it a rerun on basic cable? Because sometimes they edit those a lot and that could be why you're confused.
Stewie Griffin: Hmm. That's interesting, Brian. A girl named Ioah asked me the same question. You know what I did? I flew her out here and fucked her in the face!
13x15 - Once Bitten Season 13 / Episode 15: - Once Bitten

Brian Griffin: [after Peter tries to get him to take the suppository] Peter, get away from my ass!
13x15 - Once Bitten Season 13 / Episode 15: - Once Bitten

Brian Griffin: Hey, no, no.
Peter Griffin: No, no, Brian. No, no. You win. You win. I quit. It's your liver; you do whatever you want.
Brian Griffin: Yes, it *is* my liver, and I don't want to take that pill.
Peter Griffin: Fine. We're both in agreement. So let's just both watch TV. And nothing else
Brian Griffin: Sounds good to me.
Peter Griffin: I'm glad you think it sounds good. [sighs] It's nice to watch TV when you have nothing else to do, isn't it?
Brian Griffin: Yeah.
Peter Griffin: [forcing Brian to take the suppository] Get over here, you idiot! [grabs Brian]
Brian Griffin: [struggles to get free] Peter! What the hell?
Peter Griffin: I'm still in charge of you!
Brian Griffin: Get away from me! I'm a human!
Peter Griffin: This is for *your* benefit, so just go limp and take it!
Brian Griffin: You touch my ass, I swear to God I'll kill ya ! [Peter inserts the suppository, Brian screams, growls then bites peter]
Peter Griffin: [screams] Wha... What the hell? [surveys Bloodied arm] You... you bit me!
Brian Griffin: You're damn right I did! And I'll do it again if you don't stay the hell away from my ass!
Peter Griffin: But, Brian, the vet said... [growls, Peter gasps and runs away ]
Peter Griffin: Wow, where did that come from? I feel more powerful than a lesbian's crotch.
Valet: [cut away to Lesbian biker outside a building] Ooh, sorry, ma'am, we don't valet motorcycles.
Lesbian Biker: Don't need to! [carries bike with crotch]
13x11 - Encyclopedia Griffin Season 13 / Episode 11: - Encyclopedia Griffin

Stewie Griffin: Ugh, I can't deal with anything after I've had my after-nap coffee.
Brian Griffin: I don't think guys should have two hands on a coffee mug ever.
Stewie Griffin: What? [sounds sexually suggestive] Mmmmm... Oh, yummy.
Brian Griffin: Don't do that either. Just... Just... don't do anything.
13x10 - Quagmire's Mom Season 13 / Episode 10: - Quagmire's Mom

Brian Griffin: Oh, come on, Quagmire, you're a grown man, responsible for his own choices. Seems kind of cowardly to blame someone else for your problems.
Stewie Griffin: Brian abandoned his own son, by the way.
Glenn Quagmire: [to Brian] Why are you of all people defending a religious nut? Aren't you an atheist?
Brian Griffin: [chuckling] Yeah, it's crazy. You can think about that while you're in jail.
13x09 - This Little Piggy Season 13 / Episode 9: - This Little Piggy

Brian Griffin: Stewie has AIDS.
13x08 - Our Idiot Brian Season 13 / Episode 8: - Our Idiot Brian

Brian Griffin: Hey, this isn't the Kenny Chesney concert!
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Peter Griffin: I like Train.
Brian Griffin: I fucking LOVE Train!
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell? You chose a turkey over me? I almost died!
Peter Griffin: I swear to God I thought dogs could breathe underwater.
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Brian Griffin: Peter, do you not see that we are completely screwed here? And it's all thanks to you! You drove my car into a lake, you almost let me drown, you got us thrown off a bus, you broke our bike and now you've gotten our turkey stolen and Thanksgiving is ruined and we don't have any transportation and we're still miles from home!
Peter Griffin: You're starting to get black gums like an older dog.
Brian Griffin: You know what? You know what? Maybe it's my fault. I forgot, I'm talking to a complete idiot. You are so stupid!
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah? Well, if I'm so stupid, then how did I manage to frame you for eating the turkey?
Brian Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Yeah! Didn't you notice you were passed out in all those photos? You didn't eat any of it. I just posed you like that because I didn't want to take all the blame.
Brian Griffin: You son of a bitch! How could you do that to me?
Peter Griffin: You're a dog, Brian. I can throw you off a bridge and as long as I don't hit a person on a boat, it's okay.
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Peter Griffin: Brian, maybe you should be a little less mad at me and a little more mad at the guys growing mustaches for this month.
Brian Griffin: Hey, don't mock Mo-vember. Last year, I raised eight dollars and got on a BuzzFeed listicle.
Peter Griffin: No! You use real words! Internet stuff is not real words.
13x02 - Book Of Joe Season 13 / Episode 2: - Book Of Joe

Brian Griffin: You know, in case any of you want to, uh, come cheer us on, Chloe and I are doing the Quahog Marathon in a couple weeks.
Lois Griffin: A marathon? Bu-but what if that sexy boy has another bomb?
13x01 - The Simpsons Guy Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Simpsons Guy

Brian Griffin: Ah, I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
Stewie Griffin: Springfield, eh, wich state?
Brian Griffin: I can't imagine we are allowed to say.
13x01 - The Simpsons Guy Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Simpsons Guy

Lois Griffin: Oh, this Springfield place looks nice. We should visit here again.
Brian Griffin: I dunno, Lois. This seems like a one-shot deal.
13x01 - The Simpsons Guy Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Simpsons Guy

Brian Griffin: Peter, you should see this. Your dishwasher cartoon has really outraged the online community.
Peter Griffin: What? Gosh, it's not like the internet to go crazy about something small and stupid.
12x21 - Chap Stewie Season 12 / Episode 21: - Chap Stewie

Brian Griffin: Stewie, just watch your show upstairs.
Stewie Griffin: I don't want to watch it upstairs on the small TV, I want to watch it downstairs on the big TV. [his face turns red as he starts crying] I want to watch my show!

Previous: Stewie Griffin Next: Chris Griffin
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