Type
Scripted
Premiered
Jan. 31, 1999
Status
Returning Series
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
FOX TV Network
Genre

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Characters: #4 of 27 (Full List)

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Brian Griffin Family Guy

Brian Griffin

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  Played by:
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane was born in the small New England town of Kent, Connecticut where he lived with his father ...

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Brian Griffin Quotes

14x03 - Guy, Robot Season 14 / Episode 3: - Guy, Robot

Brian Griffin: [reading off Twitter] "I was wondering why this tampon commercial was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of Sex And The City." Was it a rerun on basic cable? Because sometimes they edit those a lot and that could be why you're confused.
Stewie Griffin: Hmm. That's interesting, Brian. A girl named Ioah asked me the same question. You know what I did? I flew her out here and fucked her in the face!
13x11 - Encyclopedia Griffin Season 13 / Episode 11: - Encyclopedia Griffin

Stewie Griffin: Ugh, I can't deal with anything after I've had my after-nap coffee.
Brian Griffin: I don't think guys should have two hands on a coffee mug ever.
Stewie Griffin: What? [sounds sexually suggestive] Mmmmm... Oh, yummy.
Brian Griffin: Don't do that either. Just... Just... don't do anything.
13x09 - This Little Piggy Season 13 / Episode 9: - This Little Piggy

Brian Griffin: Stewie has AIDS.
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Peter Griffin: I like Train.
Brian Griffin: I fucking LOVE Train!
13x05 - Turkey Guys Season 13 / Episode 5: - Turkey Guys

Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell? You chose a turkey over me? I almost died!
Peter Griffin: I swear to God I thought dogs could breathe underwater.
13x01 - The Simpsons Guy Season 13 / Episode 1: - The Simpsons Guy

Brian Griffin: Ah, I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
Stewie Griffin: Springfield, eh, wich state?
Brian Griffin: I can't imagine we are allowed to say.
12x06 - Life of Brian Season 12 / Episode 6: - Life of Brian

Brian Griffin: [dying on an operating table after being hit by a car] You've given me a wonderful life, I love you all. [dies]
Chris Griffin: Oh my god, mom is he...
Lois Griffin: [crying] Yes, Chris, I'm a afraid our Brian is dead. [the family hold each others hands and cry]
12x03 - Quagmire's Quagmire Season 12 / Episode 3: - Quagmire's Quagmire

Stewie Griffin: What are you doing?
Brian Griffin: Ah, yes, I've been using Rupert as a chew toy.
Stewie Griffin: Chewing him with your crotch?
Brian Griffin: Dogs hump stuffed animals, what's the big deal? You said I could have Rupert, now.
Stewie Griffin: Well, I've changed my mind. And by the way, Rupert's a Dude you big Gaylord!
10x22 - Family Guy Viewer Mail #2 Season 10 / Episode 22: - Family Guy Viewer Mail #2

Lois Griffin: [in an English accent like everyone else in the family except for Stewie who talks in a Kansas-like accent; Brian is a horse] All right, kids, enough telly. I hope everyone's peckish for some boiled lamb shank.
Peter Griffin: None for me, Lydia. I'm meeting me mates down at the pub.
Lois Griffin: Again? But Neville, you spend all your time down at the Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock.
Peter Griffin: And that's where you're wrong. The Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock is for tossers. We're meeting at the Dog and Cat and Bull and Whistle and Fiddle and Cock and Pig and Wolf and Carriage and Fife and Other Wolf.
Lois Griffin: But I need you to stay and have a chat with Collingsworth. I found him with another fag in his mouth this morning.
Peter Griffin: [to Chris] Oh, is that right? So you fancy fags, do you? Well, here... have a whole carton of fags [throws a carton of cigarettes at Chris' lap]
Chris Griffin: I just want a comely lass to look upon me with favour.
Meg Griffin: I look on you with favour. I look on all of you with favour.
Peter Griffin: Shut up, British Meg.
Stewie Griffin: Look at Lydia. What a two-bit Wichita whore. One of these days she's gonna wake up killed.
Brian Griffin: Oh, matricide. Yet another of your childhood whims [emphasising on the H]
Stewie Griffin: No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow through with... wait, why'd you say it like that?
10x22 - Family Guy Viewer Mail #2 Season 10 / Episode 22: - Family Guy Viewer Mail #2

Brian Griffin: A while ago we did a program called "viewer mail" where we asked for your ideas. It's been ten years and you're still sending them in...
10x05 - Road to the Pilot Season 10 / Episode 5: - Road to the Pilot

Brian Griffin: That's odd, that's our house but something looks a little different.
Pilot Meg: [from inside the house] Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?
Pilot Lois: Meg, you don't need to change the way you look. You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, my God, what's with Meg's voice? She sounds like someone who's about to give up a huge opportunity.
Brian Griffin: That's nothing, look at you. You look like a prize at some Mexican church carnival.
10x05 - Road to the Pilot Season 10 / Episode 5: - Road to the Pilot

Lois Griffin: [in the pilot] Oh, don't pout, honey. You know, when you were born, the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he had ever seen.
Stewie Griffin: [in the pilot] But, of course! That was my victory day! The fruition of my deeply-laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille. Return the device, woman!
Brian Griffin: Jeez, what'd you carry a thesaurus around with you?
Stewie Griffin: Y'know, it's amazing I could speak at all with that circumcision still healing.
10x05 - Road to the Pilot Season 10 / Episode 5: - Road to the Pilot

Brian Griffin: [in the pilot] Woah, ass ahoy. Hey, uh, Peter, it's seven o'clock and you still got your pants on. What's the occasion?
Stewie Griffin: Ew, I remember this. Peter's eye did that weird creepy thing where it went over his nose.
Peter Griffin: [in the pilot] Come on, you're worryin' about nothin'.
Lois Griffin: [in the pilot] Oh? Remember when you got drunk off the communion wine at church?
Stewie Griffin: Ah, ew, gross look at that!


Brian Griffin: Wait, what are they doing?
Stewie Griffin: I dunno, they're just... standing there like zombies.
Brian Griffin: Do you think they're all right?
Stewie Griffin: I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm not sure.
Lois Griffin: [from the pilot] And then there was that time at the ice cream store. [the Griffins stand silently for a few more seconds]
Brian Griffin: They're doing it again, what the hell?
Stewie Griffin: I'm-I'm-I'm at a loss.
Brian Griffin: I know we're not supposed to mess with the timeline, but should we... call an ambulance? [pause]
Stewie Griffin: That is so creepy.
Brian Griffin: [from the pilot, emerging from behind the table] And remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see "Philadelphia"? [they stand around again]
Stewie Griffin: Oh, they're-they're doi-they're setting up goddamn cutaways.
Brian Griffin: Oh, my God, is that what we did back then?
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, now we just return text messages and screw around and whatnot.


Peter Griffin: Lois, I'm not goin' back to work tomorrow! That new boss has it in for me! He's meaner than a shifty salesman.


Lois Griffin: You sure you got time to smoke?
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah, it's an Al Harrington, it goes on for a while.
10x04 - Stewie Goes for a Drive Season 10 / Episode 4: - Stewie Goes for a Drive

Brian Griffin: Sometimes in life, you just have to accept what's coming to you. Like the contestant who gets the lesser showcase on ''The Price is Right''.
10x02 - Seahorse Seashell Party Season 10 / Episode 2: - Seahorse Seashell Party

Brian Griffin: Hey. What's goin' on? You know, that was, uh, that was pretty cool the way you finally stood up to everybody.
Meg Griffin: [sighs] I don't know, Brian. I mean, I, I meant every word of it, but you saw what happened.
Brian Griffin: What do you mean?
Meg Griffin: They all turned on each other like a pack of wolves.
Brian Griffin: Well, so what? That's not your problem.
Meg Griffin: Do you think it's possible that that this family can't survive without some sort of lightning rod to absorb all the dysfunction?
Brian Griffin: Well, that's a that's a theory, I guess.
Meg Griffin: I mean it's not ideal, but it's an important piece that maybe it's just my lot in life to provide. Maybe if I feel bad, they don't have to.
Brian Griffin: Wow. You know, that's incredibly noble and mature, Meg. You know, I think you might be the strongest person in this house.
Meg Griffin: You mean that, Brian?
Brian Griffin: Absolutely.
09x14 - Tiegs for Two Season 9 / Episode 14: - Tiegs for Two

Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian... Aw, sweet! Morning drinking! Whoo, yeah! Party!
Brian Griffin: Peter, I'm not getting drunk for fun. I'm, I'm drinking because I'm sad. Because I'm never going to meet the right woman. Because I'm... going to die old and alone.
Peter Griffin: Oh, you're Rip Torn drinking.
09x10 - Friends of Peter G Season 9 / Episode 10: - Friends of Peter G

Brian Griffin: This sucks! I can't believe that judge is making us go to a month of AA.
Lois Griffin: You know, if you ask me, this is going to be a good thing for both of you. There's a lesson you need to learn.
Brian Griffin: What are you talking about? What lesson? I don't need to go to AA. I'm a social drinker, not an alcoholic.
Stewie Griffin: Pshaw! Yeah, that's like saying rappers are really poets.
09x10 - Friends of Peter G Season 9 / Episode 10: - Friends of Peter G

Lois Griffin: Oh, there you boys are. How was your meeting?
Brian Griffin: 29 more and we're done, That's how it was.
Lois Griffin: Well, that doesn't sound like the right attitude.
Peter Griffin: Lois, you weren't there. It was awful! Just a bunch of losers telling boring stories: "My drinking ruined my marriage," "My drinking ruined my family," "My drinking ruined my TV show, '24.'"
09x10 - Friends of Peter G Season 9 / Episode 10: - Friends of Peter G

Brian Griffin: Ah, good. It's starting.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, that's what YOU say. I can never figure out when the hell the studio logos end and the actual movie begins. [20th Century Fox logo plays] Alright. Let's see what you got, Fox. [map pops out from under the water on the screen]
Peter Griffin: Oh, I bet that's a sea monster. [revealed to be logo for Underwater Map Productions]
Peter Griffin: Oh, that's not the movie. That's... yeah, I think I've heard of them. [Once Upon a Time... shows up on screen]
Peter Griffin: Here we go. Movie! ["STUDIOS" shows up from under the caption]
Peter Griffin: Well, now that seems intentionally misleading. [airplane comes up on screen] Alright, someone's coming to town! [revealed to be logo for Arriving Flight Productions]
Peter Griffin: Oh, for crying out loud! [image of India shown with the caption "India, 1853"]
Peter Griffin: Alright, a period movie. [zooms out to show that it's the logo for Country-and-Date Productions]
Peter Griffin: Oh, not a period movie. [guy on screen runs into a house in a thunderstorm]
Peter Griffin: Oh, this guy's in trouble. Can't wait to hear his story. [flashes and tints into black and white on-screen to show that it's the logo for Panting Man's Wounded Shoulder Films]
Peter Griffin: Oh, COME ON!
09x04 - Halloween on Spooner Street Season 9 / Episode 4: - Halloween on Spooner Street

Chris Griffin: Uh, Brian, why are you pink?
Brian Griffin: [sniffing] Why do you two smell like sweat and shame?
09x04 - Halloween on Spooner Street Season 9 / Episode 4: - Halloween on Spooner Street

Stewie Griffin: I was bit by a vampire, so I'm a vampire duck. But I'm a modern vampire duck who drives around with Anna Paquin in a black Mercedes.
Brian Griffin: What is that?
Stewie Griffin: It's True Blood.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, no one knows what that is.
Stewie Griffin: Rich gay people do.
09x04 - Halloween on Spooner Street Season 9 / Episode 4: - Halloween on Spooner Street

Stewie Griffin: Brian, you took me out on my first Halloween tonight, and you showed me an exciting time. And for that, I'm going to let you pick out some candy from my bag.
Brian Griffin: Oh, thanks.
Stewie Griffin: And keep in mind we can't use any brand names, due to advertising concerns.
Brian Griffin: Right, okay, I'll have a Mr. Wiffle bar, a Kooky Nut Pop, some Gyminyms, uh a Zip-Zap, a Choco-Buddy, uh, a $64000 Bar, a Not-A-Finger, and a Dawkins Peanut Butter Disk.
Stewie Griffin: God, I hate television.
09x02 - Excellence in Broadcasting Season 9 / Episode 2: - Excellence in Broadcasting

Brian Griffin: My God. Rush Limbaugh was right. Conservative republicanism is the answer.


Stan Smith: Good. Good for Brian.
08x21 - Partial Terms of Endearment Season 8 / Episode 21: - Partial Terms of Endearment

Brian Griffin: What if it's rape?
Peter Griffin: Well she shouldn't have asked me for directions.
Brian Griffin: What?
08x21 - Partial Terms of Endearment Season 8 / Episode 21: - Partial Terms of Endearment

Peter Griffin: I can't believe she went ahead and did it, after I specifically told her how I felt.
Brian Griffin: Well clearly she believed it was within her right to... [begins sniffing the air] Lois just peed on something.


Glen Quagmire: Hey Brian, you picking up on that?
Brian Griffin: Yep.
08x19 - The Splendid Source Season 8 / Episode 19: - The Splendid Source

Lois Griffin: Well, peter I'm glad you and the guys finally found what you were looking for.
Peter Griffin: We did. It's just sad that 230 people had to die in the most gruesome way imaginable. But our idle curiosity was satisfied so everything worked out.
Brian Griffin: Peter, you went halfway around the world for this joke but I never even got to hear it.
Meg Griffin: Yeah, me neither.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, come on dad! Tell the joke!
Peter Griffin: Alright, you guys want to hear it? Alright so this chick goes on a date with this guy she wants to fuck but she's worried cause she's got, like a huge vagina from fucking so many other guys so she gets a piece of liverwurst and shoves it up in her vagina so that when he fucks her it'll feel tighter.
Lois Griffin: Peter, maybe this isn't family conversation.
Peter Griffin: No wait, Lois shut the fuck up. So she puts the liverwurst in her vagina, goes home with the guy, fucks him, everything seems fine. She wakes up the next morning and he's gone and he's left her a note that says, "Thank you for a lovely evening. However, I don't think this is going to work out. P.S. Your vagina is in the sink." Now I'm gonna leave the room now as I have just shit myself again.
08x17 - Brian & Stewie Season 8 / Episode 17: - Brian & Stewie

Stewie Griffin: You even cried after Columbine.
Brian Griffin: Because that was a national tragedy.
Stewie Griffin: Ehh... it was kind of a regional tragedy.
08x17 - Brian & Stewie Season 8 / Episode 17: - Brian & Stewie

Stewie Griffin: I like you lot. I guess you could say I... really like you. I would... even dare to go a little further, perhaps. I... care a great deal about you. Very great deal. Maybe even... deeper than that. I... I... I love you. I mean, you know, not in like a, "Hey, let's, you know, let's have an underpants party," or whatever grownups do when they're in love, but I mean, I mean, I love you as one loves another person whom one simply cannot do without.
Brian Griffin: Well I... I love you, too, Stewie.
Stewie Griffin: You give my life purpose, and maybe, maybe that's enough. Because that's just about the greatest gift one friend can give another.
08x17 - Brian & Stewie Season 8 / Episode 17: - Brian & Stewie

Stewie Griffin: Brian?
Brian Griffin: Yeah.
Stewie Griffin: I just realized something. Tomorrow is Sunday.
Brian Griffin: [looks up] fuck!

08x17 - Brian & Stewie Season 8 / Episode 17: - Brian & Stewie

Stewie Griffin: Got some dessert for you.
Brian Griffin: You gotta be kidding me.
Stewie Griffin: Come on, it's throw up. You like throw up.
Brian Griffin: I do. I do like throw up.

Previous: Stewie Griffin Next: Chris Griffin
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