Sep. 13, 1996
30 min.
CBS TV Network

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Debra Barone Everybody Loves Raymond

Debra Barone

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  Played by:
Patricia HeatonPatricia Heaton
While studying acting in New York with drama teacher 'William Esper' (qv), Heaton made her Broadway ...

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Debra Barone Quotes

04x01 - Boob Job Season 4 / Episode 1: - Boob Job

Marie Barone: So how was your party, dear?
Ray Barone: Well, it started out slow, but then it turned out to be best night of my life.
Debra Barone: Oh. Come on.
Ray Barone: Tell 'em what you saw.
Debra Barone: Nothing.
Ray Barone: [yells] Tell 'em!
Debra Barone: One of the mothers in Ally's class had breast implants.
Marie Barone: Oh, I don't like that.
Debra Barone: And at the party, she showed 'em to me.
Frank Barone: What?
Robert Barone: What do you mean?
Frank Barone: Wait a minute.
Robert Barone: She just showed you?
Frank Barone: Both of 'em?
Robert Barone: Shirt on or off?
Frank Barone: With the brassiere?
Robert Barone: What were *you* wearing?
Ray Barone: All valid questions.
04x01 - Boob Job Season 4 / Episode 1: - Boob Job

Debra Barone: I agree with Marie. I think a boob job is a totally stupid procedure.
Robert Barone: But fantastic when done properly.
03x26 - How They Met Season 3 / Episode 26: - How They Met

Ray Barone: That's the restaurant where the crazy old Chinese lady yells at you while you're leaving, right?
Debra Barone: You know what she's yelling, right?
Ray Barone: Yeah, "habanadah!"
Debra Barone: She's saying, "Have a nice day."
Ray Barone: Oh.

Ray Barone: Well, maybe she isn't crazy.
03x24 - Dancing with Debra Season 3 / Episode 24: - Dancing with Debra

Ray Barone: Uh, you're lookin' pretty spiffy there, You got a hot date?
Robert Barone: Uh, nah. I was over at the Holiday Inn. They have swing dancin' on Thursdays.
Debra Barone: Oh, that sounds like fun.
Robert Barone: Oh, it could have been, but before you dance, you gotta get up the nerve to approach a strange woman. Before you do that, you gotta stop throwing up in the men's room.
Ray Barone: What are you so nervous about? You've been datin'.
Robert Barone: Yeah, but that's datin'. This is... dancin'.
Ray Barone: So?
Debra Barone: Oh, yeah. I know what he means. Dancing is different. You're very vulnerable.
Robert Barone: Yeah, it's a big risk asking someone if you can hold onto them for ten minutes.
Ray Barone: All I want is five, and I get, "Get off me, I'm sleepin'."
Debra Barone: Idiot.
03x23 - Be Nice Season 3 / Episode 23: - Be Nice

Debra Barone: [on the phone] Yeah, well, of course she has time to work out. She's only got one kid.
Ray Barone: Deb, where's the paper?
Debra Barone: Yeah, oh, well, give her a pair of twins and then let's see her body.
Ray Barone: Debra, where's the paper?
Debra Barone: [to Ray] I don't know. [back to the phone] Yeah, yeah. Put her in a bikini! There you go.
Ray Barone: You brought the paper in. Where'd you put it?
Debra Barone: [to Ray] Honey, I'm on the phone. [to the phone] You know what? I saw a bathing suit that would be perfect for you.
Ray Barone: Could you just point to the paper?
Debra Barone: Would you stop? I'm on the phone.
Ray Barone: In the amount of time it took you to say that, you can tell me where the paper is.
Debra Barone: Yeah, it's just my husband.
Ray Barone: Well, who's that?
Debra Barone: It's Jason's mom from school, okay?
Ray Barone: You don't even know her name. Tell me her name. [Debra shushes him]
Debra Barone: Yeah, I have the catalog here somewhere.
Ray Barone: Oh, so you're looking for something for somebody you don't even know. Where's my paper?
Debra Barone: Yeah. Here. I've got the catalog. You know what? I'll give it to you when I see you at the book fair. Okay? Okay. Bye-bye. [She hangs up and turns to Ray] God! You are impossible! I can't talk on the phone for two minutes without you interrupting me.
Ray Barone: Where's the paper?
03x23 - Be Nice Season 3 / Episode 23: - Be Nice

Ray Barone: Oh, hey, Justin, your mother's gonna be right back, okay?
Debra Barone: Where is she?
Ray Barone: She's over there. I'm keeping an eye on Justin for her.
Debra Barone: You're watching additional children?
Elise: [Walking up] Here we go. Oh, hey, Debra.
Debra Barone: Hi.
Elise: I got everybody popsicles.
Ray Barone: Oh, great. one, two, three, four, five. Five popsicles.
Elise: Thanks for watching Justin, Ray.
Ray Barone: Pleasure, Elise.
Elise: You better hang on to him, Debra. Come on, Justin! [She leaves]
Ray Barone: See you later, Justin! [to Debra] Well, you know, this is silly. We don't both need to be here. Maybe one of us should - I don't know - Go home and watch the ball game.
Debra Barone: I don't think you wanna go yet. You're gonna miss the awards ceremony.
Ray Barone: Huh?
Debra Barone: Yeah. And the winner for best performance as a husband goes to [She pantomimes opening an envelope and then gasps as she pretends to read it] Ray Barone for "Mr. Fantastic Visits A Park"! Yay!
Ray Barone: Oh, I have nothing prepared.
03x23 - Be Nice Season 3 / Episode 23: - Be Nice

Ray Barone: Oh, I love turkey.
Debra Barone: Yeah. You want some chips?
Ray Barone: No. Just your sandwich. Yes! [He takes a bite]
Debra Barone: How is it?
Ray Barone: It's great. Do we have chips?
Debra Barone: Yeah sure.
Ray Barone: Huh.
Debra Barone: Why? What's the matter?
Ray Barone: No, nothing, There something new in here? Something new?
Debra Barone: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I made my own dressing yesterday.
Ray Barone: Hmm!
Debra Barone: You like it?
Ray Barone: I - you know, I think it's marvelous that you're trying the new dressings, yeah.
Debra Barone: Wait a minute. What is that?
Ray Barone: What? Nice.
Debra Barone: No, no, no. That's not nice. That's, like, fake nice. That's your mom.
Ray Barone: All right, all right, now, *that's* not nice right there.
03x21 - The Getaway Season 3 / Episode 21: - The Getaway

Ray Barone: We'll be staying in someone else's house?
Debra Barone: They won't be there, Ray.
Ray Barone: I don't want to sleep where other people have slept.
Debra Barone: What do you think hotels are?
03x21 - The Getaway Season 3 / Episode 21: - The Getaway

Debra Barone: Okay, so, are you gonna shower or-?
Ray Barone: What for?
Debra Barone: For the hayride.
Ray Barone: Well, how bad do I smell that I got to take a shower before being dragged around behind a horse?
03x20 - Move Over Season 3 / Episode 20: - Move Over

Ray Barone: Look, the touching never used to bother me before. It's just - maybe it's 'cause I'm older. You know, things change. Like - like, now I can't handle anything hickory-smoked.
Debra Barone: Maybe you should get out of here, Ray. You never know when I'm going to touch you in a non-sexual way.
Ray Barone: Oh, come on, don't be mad.
Debra Barone: Don't be mad?
Ray Barone: Look, you want to know something? I'll tell you the truth. This whole thing is my grandmother's fault, Nonny Barone.
Debra Barone: Oh, yes, of course, Nonny Barone. The woman who brought dysfunction to America.
Ray Barone: No. No, this is gonna sound dumb, but every summer, we had to visit her in Yonkers. She had this tiny apartment. And - and Robert and I, we went to bed on the foldout couch. All night long, he'd be up against me. I couldn't breathe. I was, like, suffocating. And I couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything, because he'd wake up, and then he'd laugh and try to crush me. And - and if I screamed to stop him, Nonny Barone would come in and yell at *me* for the screaming. You know, so most nights, I just laid there awake. That's - I don't know. I've never gotten over that, I'm sorry. I never thought about it before, but that's gotta be it. You know, but listen, it's my problem, all right? You just - you touch me all you want. Cuddle, hug, snug. Do it all 'cause it'll be good for me.
Debra Barone: Oh, that's - no, it's okay. I mean, I didn't know that, so I'll try to give you some more room, okay? [Debra rolls her eyes]
03x12 - The Toaster Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Toaster

Debra Barone: Yes, Yes, this is a very hip, funky, badass toaster.
03x11 - The Apartment Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Apartment

Ray Barone: Robert's my brother. I just want what's breast for him.
Debra Barone: What?
Ray Barone: Hmm?
Debra Barone: You just said breast. I just want what's breast for him.
03x11 - The Apartment Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Apartment

Ray Barone: Listen, nothing was going on, nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing would happen...
Debra Barone: I know.
Ray Barone: You do?
Debra Barone: God, Ray, I mean, come on. I saw those women. Like you had a shot.
Ray Barone: Okay, you're hurt, you're lashing out now.
Debra Barone: Listen, all I want to know is why do you have to lie to me?
Ray Barone: I don't have to, it's... just my way.
Debra Barone: "Robert's touch and go, emotionally speaking." Why don't you just say, "I'm going over to Robert's to look at pretty girls"?
Ray Barone: I got to be honest with you, it never occurred to me to say that.
Debra Barone: Yeah, that's right, because I would have said no. And you would have to stop living vicariously through Robert.
Ray Barone: That's right, vicariously. Vicariously, just looking. Not thinking, not moving, just thanking God for the blessing that is my beautiful wife while I hang pictures. Vicariously.
03x08 - The Article Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Article

Ray Barone: What's for dinner?
Debra Barone: Fish.
Ray Barone: [Disappointed] Oh. What are the kids having?
Debra Barone: Peanut butter and jelly.
Ray Barone: [Intrigued] Oh?
Debra Barone: You're getting scrod.
03x08 - The Article Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Article

Debra Barone: Come on, admit it. You're a little self-centered.
Ray Barone: Self-centered?
Debra Barone: Yeah, all you can see is how this news affects you. And can I tell you something? This isn't just with Andy.
Ray Barone: Where is this coming from?
Debra Barone: It's coming from those of us orbiting around you.
Ray Barone: You think I'm self-centered? Me? Me? Me? You know, I- I work hard. I try to make enough money to feed this family. I have to put up with friends who ask my advice and then ignore what I tell them.
Ally Barone: Daddy!
Ray Barone: Then I put up with traffic. Then I have to come home...
Ally Barone: Daddy!
Ray Barone: ...and explain myself to a wife who thinks I'm this self-centered guy...
Ally Barone: Daddy!
Ray Barone: ...which make me think that- [Debra stares at Ray] I hear her! [Ray turns to give Ally his undivided attention] What is it, honey?
Ally Barone: I have a thousand pennies.
Ray Barone: Did you see that Daddy was talking, sweetie? [He begins to turn back around and then stops] And I would love to see those pennies later, okay? [to Debra] Huh?
03x05 - The Visit Season 3 / Episode 5: - The Visit

Debra Barone: [to Lois] I want you to help or at least *want* to help. I want to be more like... like her!

Robert Barone: Like who?
Ray Barone: Like Mom.
Robert Barone: [disgusted] Why?
03x04 - Getting Even Season 3 / Episode 4: - Getting Even

Ray Barone: Come on, what do you - don't be such a bad sport.
Debra Barone: What if you were me? What would you do?
Ray Barone: I would laugh at all my husband's jokes, strip off my clothes, have my way with him and then put on TV.
Debra Barone: Keep dreaming.
Ray Barone: I would - I'd be so naughty. I might even talk dirty, oh!
03x04 - Getting Even Season 3 / Episode 4: - Getting Even

Ray Barone: I know, you're mad at the jokes.
Debra Barone: You just - you just couldn't stop, could you, Ray?
Ray Barone: I was killing them, it was great. That box falling apart, that was the best thing that could've happened. That broke the ice.
Debra Barone: You embarrassed me.
Ray Barone: What? No! It was all fun. Come on, I told you, people thought that we did it on purpose.
Debra Barone: I felt humiliated.
Ray Barone: Don't feel humiliated.
Debra Barone: Don't tell me how to feel.
Ray Barone: But you're wrong.
Debra Barone: There's no right or wrong, this is how I feel. You can not tell me not be humiliated, I just am.
Ray Barone: Okay, all right, feel humiliated.
Debra Barone: I don't anymore.
Ray Barone: Okay, all right...
Debra Barone: Now I'm just angry. I mean I can't believe - I can't believe you - It's bad enough what you did to me tonight, but you don't even care how I feel about it. All you care about is how well you did, you laugh-whore
Ray Barone: Maybe you should... go back to being humiliated.
03x04 - Getting Even Season 3 / Episode 4: - Getting Even

Frank Barone: Debra, what kind of con game are you running?
Marie Barone: It's your own fault, Frank. Who told you to sign up for all those things?
Frank Barone: I didn't expect to win this crap.
Debra Barone: It's not crap, Frank.
Frank Barone: Oh yeah? $80 for the use of a canoe. That is *floating* crap.
Marie Barone: Some people would consider a canoe ride romantic.
Frank Barone: Guess you didn't see "Deliverance"
03x04 - Getting Even Season 3 / Episode 4: - Getting Even

Ray Barone: I know how your mind works.
Debra Barone: You don't even know how *your* mind works.
03x03 - The Sitter Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Sitter

Debra Barone: You know, I don't think I'm gonna have Lisa sit for us anymore.
Ray Barone: What? No! Listen, I never think of her, ever.
Debra Barone: Uck. No, idiot. God! No, I was just thinking... I don't know, leaving the kids with a sitter so much. It just... It feels wrong.
Ray Barone: Wrong? What - it gives us more time to love each other. And if loving you is wrong... Baby, I don't want be right.
Debra Barone: Well, it just doesn't feel right to me.
Ray Barone: Come on. She's a great babysitter. It's what we always dreamed of. Come on. Look, because of her, you've got nail polish on. Don't you love that? I love it. Look at the little piggies and wee-wee-wee-wee-wee
Debra Barone: Stop it! No, you don't care about nail polish.
Debra Barone: I know, but - you wanna go back to the way it was with the kids covered in salsa and you wanting me to help? That's... I mean, that's... That's no kind of life.
Debra Barone: Yeah, but Ray, look, they are only young once. This is our only chance to enjoy this age.
Ray Barone: Well, what about my age? When do we get to enjoy my age?
Debra Barone: All right, okay. If we have to leave the kids with somebody, then you know... maybe it should be your mom. Because after all she is... family. Think of how your mom must feel with this. She comes over here and she sees Geoffrey and Michael and Ally playing with some stranger and they're having so much more fun with her than they ever had with... her
Ray Barone: Okay, okay, we'll get my mom then. Look, the bottom line is quality time, that's all. And by quality time, of course, I mean...

03x03 - The Sitter Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Sitter

Debra Barone: She is really hurt. I am such a jerk.
Ray Barone: You left some toys around. What? It happens.

Ray Barone: What? No! What? Please stop. I didn't mean *you* left them around. They got left around. Come on, the kids probably left them, the stinking kids
Debra Barone: No, Ray, it's my fault.
Ray Barone: No, no, it isn't
Debra Barone: Yes it is, 'cause I set her up. I just couldn't stand how much the kids wanted to be with Lisa. So I got your mom to babysit, so it... wouldn't go as well.
Ray Barone: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You told a perfectly nice girl not to come because you thought the kids liked her too much?
Debra Barone: Mm-hmm.
Ray Barone: And then you brought in Old Yeller to make yourself feel better?
Debra Barone: Yes. I'm terrible. I'm this evil person.
Ray Barone: I love this!
03x02 - Driving Frank Season 3 / Episode 2: - Driving Frank

Debra Barone: What happened?
Raymond "Ray" Barone: He passed!
Debra Barone: HE PASSED? J-Just the writen part.
Raymond "Ray" Barone: No. EVERYTHING. The driving, the turning, the seeing.
Debra Barone: What kind of government is THIS!
03x02 - Driving Frank Season 3 / Episode 2: - Driving Frank

Debra Barone: [astonished as Frank's renewed drivers license] The problem is he has the State of New York behind him now.
Raymond "Ray" Barone: Yeah well, they better not try to pass him cause he'll flip 'em off.
03x02 - Driving Frank Season 3 / Episode 2: - Driving Frank

Debra Barone: Ray. Listen, I've decided that I don't want Frank driving the kids anymore.
Ray Barone: What?
Debra Barone: I don't want him driving the kids. Makes me uncomfortable.
Robert Barone: Because of the swearing?
Debra Barone: Because of the driving! He's not a safe driver.
Ray Barone: Yeah, well I don't think I can tell him that he can't drive his own grandkids around.
Debra Barone: Why not? He's too aggressive.
Ray Barone: That's why I can't tell him.
02x24 - The Wedding (1) Season 2 / Episode 24: - The Wedding (1)

Ray Barone: You're already planning the wedding?
Debra Barone: I've been planning it since I was 12.
Ray Barone: But you didn't meet me until you were 22.
Debra Barone: Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle.
02x21 - Traffic School Season 2 / Episode 21: - Traffic School

Robert Barone: [as Timmy] Marie is it? Ok hi Marie. Can you tell me what you should do before backing out of the driveway?
Marie Barone: Well you fasten your seatbelt.
Robert Barone: Okay?
Marie Barone: You check your mirrors.
Robert Barone: Correct.
Marie Barone: You look to the left and to the right. You look behind you.
Robert Barone: Anything else?
Marie Barone: No I think that's it.
Robert Barone: Oh you think that's it? She thinks that's it
Robert Barone: [he begins to talk as himself] Isn't that everything Timmy?
Robert Barone: [as Timmy] Oh sure that's it except making sure your first born child is in the car before you pull out of a gas station in New Mexico!
Ray Barone: I don't know. That's awfully specific.
Marie Barone: Robbie that was thirty years ago.
Robert Barone: [as himself] I don't have a problem with it.
Debra Barone: Uh-oh.
02x16 - The Checkbook Season 2 / Episode 16: - The Checkbook

Debra Barone: Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats, you don't stop to yell at the iceberg.
02x15 - Marie's Meatballs Season 2 / Episode 15: - Marie's Meatballs

Debra Barone: All I'm saying is that given everything I do around here, why do I care so much that I can't make meatballs for my husband as good as his mother?
Ray Barone: Because you're a good wife.
Debra Barone: Don't you ever, ever call me that again.
02x13 - Civil War Season 2 / Episode 13: - Civil War

Debra Barone: What am I going to tell Tom and Maryann?

Raymond "Ray" Barone: Frankly my dear... I don't give a damn.

Debra Barone: Idiot.

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