Type
Scripted
Premiered
Sep. 30, 1982
Status
Completed/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
NBC TV Network
Genre

Characters: #6 of 10 (Full List)

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Woody Boyd Cheers

Woody Boyd

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  Played by:
Woody HarrelsonWoody Harrelson
Woody Harrelson grew up in Lebanon, Ohio. He received degrees in theatre arts and English from Hanover ...

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Woody Boyd Quotes

11x25 - The Guy Can't Help It Season 11 / Episode 25: - The Guy Can't Help It

Woody Boyd: "I believe I was elected to the City Council as an agent of change. And I fully intend to live up to that pledge: I will make change."
Dr. Frasier Crane: Change 'change' to 'a change'.
Woody Boyd: A what?
Dr. Frasier Crane: You see, in here, you make 'change'. There, you make 'a change'. So, just make the change. Change 'make change' to 'make *a* change'.
Dr. Frasier Crane: [frustrated and yells] Oh, just change it!


Woody Boyd: [to Norm] Boy, I think I see why Dr. Crane never cures anybody.
11x25 - The Guy Can't Help It Season 11 / Episode 25: - The Guy Can't Help It

Norm Peterson: Well, everybody, congratulate me. I am now employed by the city of Boston. [the bar patrons applaud] And I have this man to thank for it. [points to Woody]
Woody Boyd: Oh, hey, no problem, Mr. Peterson. I know you're gonna work very hard.
Norm Peterson: Yeah, of course, Wood. Hey, this kind of makes you my boss, huh?
Woody Boyd: Oh, yeah, in a way. But you know, deep down and above all and through everything else, we're friends.
Norm Peterson: Of course. No man ever had a better one.
Woody Boyd: I feel the same way.
Norm Peterson: Pals.
Woody Boyd: Compadres.
Norm Peterson: I may be late tomorrow.
Woody Boyd: I wouldn't recommend it, Peterson.
11x18 - The Last Picture Show Season 11 / Episode 18: - The Last Picture Show

Sam Malone: [about Cheers] I bought this place from Gus.
Woody Boyd: Sam, you've been had. You already own this bar.
Gus O'Malley: [to Sam about Woody] He must be Coach's boy.
11x18 - The Last Picture Show Season 11 / Episode 18: - The Last Picture Show

Cliff Clavin: So, what did I miss? Why is that girl running around screaming at everybody?
Norm Peterson: Well, she's trying to convince them that Godzilla's merely confused, not really trying to hurt them.
Cliff Clavin: Isn't that the part usually played by Akira Nakamura?
Norm Peterson: Yeah, yeah, but she left half way through the Godzilla series.
Woody Boyd: I don't understand. Why would an actress leave right in the middle of a successful series?
11x17 - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2) Season 11 / Episode 17: - The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife and Her Lover (2)

Sam Malone: Did you hear that everybody? Frasier and Lilith are back together again. Oh, that makes me so happy. Here, free drinks on the house.


Dr. Frasier Crane: Just a minute, Sam. I haven't taken her back.
Woody Boyd: [as he grabs the beer from Norm's hands] Ah, sorry, Mr. Peterson.
Norm Peterson: [to Frasier and Lilith] Wait, wait, come on now, now... You two kids belong together. Come on.
Dr. Frasier Crane: The unmitigated gall. You think you can walk back into my life and patch it up again as quickly as you destroyed it.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Frasier, I'm sorry.
Norm Peterson: All right, she's sorry. Beers for everybody, come on.
11x15 - Loathe and Marriage Season 11 / Episode 15: - Loathe and Marriage

Woody Boyd: Hey Sam. Sorry I'm late. I had to stop at the drugstore.
Sam Malone: That's OK, Woody.
Woody Boyd: Yup. Had to make another embarrassing trip to the drugstore to get a little uh...


Sam Malone: [under his breath]... protection?
Woody Boyd: Yeah. You know, Kelly and I want to have a family and all, but we figured we'd wait until after that raise you promised.
Sam Malone: I hope you got a lot of protection!
Woody Boyd: Well, as usual you know, I'm a little embarrassed and nervous when I go in there, so I buy a whole bunch of stuff so it doesn't look like I'm just going to get some... you know.
Sam Malone: Protection.
Woody Boyd: Yeah.
Woody Boyd: [starts emptying his shopping bag] So I got some paper plates, batteries, flash bulbs, Skoal, some gum, Chia Pet, eyeglass repair kit yeah, oh notebook paper, and VO5.
Sam Malone: Where's the protection?
Woody Boyd: See you in about an hour, Sam.
11x12 - Sunday Dinner Season 11 / Episode 12: - Sunday Dinner

Woody Boyd: [voice on answering machine message] Hi. This is Cheers. Well, it isn't actually Cheers. It's Woody Boyd. Cheers is actually the bar, and as such it couldn't be expected to talk.
Sam Malone: [voice on the answering machine message] Woody, start again.
Woody Boyd: [voice on the answering machine message] What? I'm doing fine. Anyway, uh, there's nobody here to take your call right now. Well, actually if you call right now, we can take your call, but if you call when you...
Sam Malone: [voice on the answering machine message] Woody, would you cut it out. It's sounding stupid.
Woody Boyd: [voice on the answering machine message] I am not. Why do you always treat me like I don't know what I'm doing?
Sam Malone: [voice on the answering machine message] It sounds stupid, Woody.
Woody Boyd: [voice on the answering machine message] It does not.


Woody Boyd: [voice on the telephone] Hi Sam. This is Woody. Uh, I guess you were right, it does sound stupid. I'll change it tomorrow.
11x11 - Love Me, Love My Car Season 11 / Episode 11: - Love Me, Love My Car

Rebecca Howe: [about Woody's pig, which she has in her arms] Oh, he's shivering. Should we cover him with something?
Woody Boyd: Well, not really. Maybe some honey glaze and a little pineapple.
11x11 - Love Me, Love My Car Season 11 / Episode 11: - Love Me, Love My Car

Woody Boyd: You know, back in Hanover, they say pigs are smarter than people. Actually, it's usually the tourists that point that out.
11x10 - Daddy's Little Middle-Aged Girl Season 11 / Episode 10: - Daddy's Little Middle-Aged Girl

Kelly Boyd: Well, Mr. No-Wife-of-Mine-Will-Have-Her-Family-Buy-Us-a-House-Even-If-We-Have-to-Live -Like-Peasants Boyd, if you insist, then I guess I have no choice.
Woody Boyd: First, that's not my name.
11x08 - Ill-Gotten Gaines Season 11 / Episode 8: - Ill-Gotten Gaines

Woody Boyd: Oh, Mr. Gaines. What a nice surprise. You remember Mr. Peterson and Mr. Clavin.
Mr. Walter Gaines: [to Norm and Cliff] Nick. Clive.
Norm Peterson: Actually, it's Norm, Cliff.
Mr. Walter Gaines: You're lucky I got that close.
11x06 - Teaching with the Enemy (1) Season 11 / Episode 6: - Teaching with the Enemy (1)

Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Can you believe this guy, winning twelve million bucks in the lottery. I mean, talk about beating the odds.
Woody Boyd: Oh, yeah, you wanna talk about beating the odds? My Uncle Spence fell twenty thousand feet from an airplane, and hit the only pile of hay for two miles.
Norm Peterson: Geez, he's the luckiest man on Earth.
Woody Boyd: Well, not really. He went through the propeller first.
11x06 - Teaching with the Enemy (1) Season 11 / Episode 6: - Teaching with the Enemy (1)

Woody Boyd: What's a Freudian slip?
Cliff Clavin: Why, it's when you say one thing when you're actually thinking about a mother.
11x05 - Do Not Forsake Me O' My Postman Season 11 / Episode 5: - Do Not Forsake Me O' My Postman

Rebecca Howe: [gasps in fright as she sees Andy] Oh my God.
Norm Peterson: Hey, it's Andy Andy.
Rebecca Howe: What, you know this person?
Cliff Clavin: [matter of factly] Yeah. Former major felon. Once killed a waitress.
Andy Schroeder: [yells] Where's Diane. I demand to see Diane.
Woody Boyd: Well, Miss Chambers hasn't worked here in five or six years.
Andy Schroeder: [surprised] Oh, really? Well... OK.

11x02 - The Beer is Always Greener Season 11 / Episode 2: - The Beer is Always Greener

Woody Boyd: [entering the bar] Hi guys.
Rebecca Howe: Woody, what are you doing back here?
Sam Malone: How come you're not on your honeymoon?
Woody Boyd: Honeymoon? Is that what you call it when two people lock themselves in a room and refuse to speak or even look at each other?
Norm Peterson: No, Wood. That's marriage.
10x25 - An Old-Fashioned Wedding (1) Season 10 / Episode 25: - An Old-Fashioned Wedding (1)

Woody Boyd: Hey, does anyone have a plunger?
Sam Malone: Why, did something happen to the toilet?
Woody Boyd: No. My Uncle Elroy left his leg on the bus, and he wants to dance.
10x24 - Heeeeeere's... Cliffy! Season 10 / Episode 24: - Heeeeeere's... Cliffy!

Sam Malone: You know, sometimes I don't think I'll ever find someone. I thought Diane was going to be the one, but turns out she wasn't. Lucky for me because if she had been, I just would have ended up killing her and dying in the electric chair.
Woody Boyd: That is lucky.
10x23 - Bar Wars VI: This Time It's for Real Season 10 / Episode 23: - Bar Wars VI: This Time It's for Real

Dr. Frasier Crane: As that famous prankster Santayana once said, "Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it".
Woody Boyd: You got that right, Dr. Crane. Back in high school, I was condemned to repeat History three times. By the way, the same goes for Mathematics.
10x20 - Smotherly Love Season 10 / Episode 20: - Smotherly Love

Dr. Frasier Crane: I suppose it's wrong of me to blame Betty for all our problems. I'm sure I'm not the way she wants me to be either.
Woody Boyd: How does she want you to be, Dr. Crane?
Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, dead.
Dr. Frasier Crane: The thing that really drives me crazy is the unrelenting tension between Lilith and her mother. You know, Lilith just holds it all in, she has to unload it somewhere and guess who gets to listen to it endlessly.
Woody Boyd: [sarcastically] Apparently me, Dr. Crane.
10x19 - Rich Man, Wood Man Season 10 / Episode 19: - Rich Man, Wood Man

Kelly Gaines: Woody, I wanted to show you that I can live without all my money.
Woody Boyd: Well, I don't want you to live without your money. I think it's wrong for someone to have to give up their money. It kind of came to me as I was handing over my wallet.
10x19 - Rich Man, Wood Man Season 10 / Episode 19: - Rich Man, Wood Man

Rebecca Howe: Norm, you don't have to get upset with Woody, he's just been on the trip of a lifetime, and it rubbed off a little bit. That's not such a surprise.
Woody Boyd: [noticing that Rebecca spit a bit when she was talking] Say it don't spray it, this is cashmere, Ms Howe.
Rebecca Howe: [grabbing him by the shirt] You little snot! I knew you back when you were just an ignorant farm boy! That was about a week-and-a-half ago!
Woody Boyd: You're right. That was about a fortnight, wasn't it?
10x19 - Rich Man, Wood Man Season 10 / Episode 19: - Rich Man, Wood Man

Kelly Gaines: [Woody has locked himself in the main office of Cheers] Woody, aren't you ever coming out of there? You're starting to scare me.


Woody Boyd: I'm sorry Kelly, I'm not trying to scare you but it's just, your money is turning me into a monster. All my old friends hate me now.


Kelly Gaines: But everything was going so well, what happened?


Woody Boyd: I just looked into a mirror and I didn't like what I saw.


Kelly Gaines: Whatever's wrong, we can work it out.


Woody Boyd: It's a little more complicated than that, Kelly.


Sam Malone: [remarking to himself and Norm nearby] It's like having a fight with Senor Wences.
Woody Boyd: [Woody opens the door] Come on in, Kelly.
Kelly Gaines: Thank you.
Norm Peterson: [after Kelly has gone into the office with Woody, and the door closes behind them] You know Sammy, you could nail that door shut right now. I didn't see a thing.
10x17 - A Diminished Rebecca with a Suspended Cliff Season 10 / Episode 17: - A Diminished Rebecca with a Suspended Cliff

Woody Boyd: [looking in the direction of Frasier and Lilith] There's something different about Dr. Sternin-Crane, I can't put my finger on it. Is it her hair? I don't know, I'll get it. Her dress? Oh, I got it: her husband's growing a beard.
10x14 - No Rest For the Woody Season 10 / Episode 14: - No Rest For the Woody

Woody Boyd: Well, I've drawn up a list of names of the people I want to invite to the party, the only problem is I only get to invite a few. Where do you draw the line?
Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, Woody, something that Lilith and I find helpful when we plan a party is to simply start at the bottom of the list and eliminate the least desirable.
Woody Boyd: [excited] OK. Cranes are out! Thanks Dr. Crane. That *was* helpful.
10x14 - No Rest For the Woody Season 10 / Episode 14: - No Rest For the Woody

Sam Malone: [about the enagement ring Woody bought for Kelly] How can you afford that on your salary?
Woody Boyd: Oh, don't worry, Sam. I'm getting a night job.
Sam Malone: You're going do another job when you leave here at two thirty in the morning?
Woody Boyd: Yup. Graveyard shift.
Sam Malone: Where?
Woody Boyd: Graveyard, Sam.
Woody Boyd: [sarcastically] Gee whiz, say goodnight Gracie.
10x14 - No Rest For the Woody Season 10 / Episode 14: - No Rest For the Woody

Woody Boyd: Do I get a cookie?
Insurance Agent: I'm sorry, no.
Woody Boyd: Why not? The other place gave me a cookie.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Woody, are you saying you've already given blood today?
Woody Boyd: Is that bad?
Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, it's bad. You're suffering from a lack of blood and a lack of sleep. I'm surprised you're not hallucinating.
Woody Boyd: Ah, that's a good one, Dr. Crane. Hallucinating.


Kelly Gaines: Woody, why aren't you ready for the party?
Woody Boyd: What party? Who are you? Why am I covered with ants?
10x11 - I'm Okay, You're Defective Season 10 / Episode 11: - I'm Okay, You're Defective

Paul Krapence: Where's Norm and Cliff?
Woody Boyd: Ah, I guess they're at work. I don't know.
Paul Krapence: You've got a cute sense of humor, Woody. I like that.
10x11 - I'm Okay, You're Defective Season 10 / Episode 11: - I'm Okay, You're Defective

Woody Boyd: How about someone coming in from the field who's been working all day while you're sitting down at the dinner table and they got no shirt on and their chest hair's all matted down.
Norm Peterson: That's kind of unpleasant, Wood, but it's not really gross.
Woody Boyd: That's because you never met Grandma.
10x10 - A Fine French Whine Season 10 / Episode 10: - A Fine French Whine

Henrí: Woody, I have a riddle for you. How long will it take for me to steal your girlfriend?
Woody Boyd: I give up.
Henrí: Then it won't take long at all.
10x09 - Head Over Hill Season 10 / Episode 9: - Head Over Hill

Woody Boyd: Hold on. I'll check.


Woody Boyd: Yeah, the refrigerator's running. Thank you for asking.


Woody Boyd: What? How could it possibly get away? A refrigerator doesn't have the power of movement.


Woody Boyd: Well yeah, sure I get it, but see, running the way you're using it could only mean working. See, it's what we call a homonym.


Woody Boyd: I'm sorry too.


Woody Boyd: [to Norm, fingering the crazy motion] Boy, Mr. Peterson, some people.


Dr. Frasier Crane: [to Lilith] You tried to explain the joke. That's the problem.

Previous: Dr. Frasier Crane Next: Cliff Clavin
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