Jan. 22, 2003
30 min.
Comedy Central TV Network

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Chappelle's Show tv show photo

Chappelle's Show

Comedian Dave Chappelle hosts this sketch-comedy show that parodies many of the nuances of race and culture. Chappelle performs a short stand up in front of a live audience, which serves to introduce the upcoming skit. The focus then shifts to a pre-recorded skit.

03x02 - The Lost Episodes (2) Season 3 / Episode 2: - The Lost Episodes (2)

Various: [as Howard Dean] BYAAAAHHH!
02x13 - Ep. #213 Season 2 / Episode 13: - Ep. #213

President Black Bush: [on yellow cake] Yes I'm sure, bitch! I got the head of the CIA here to tell you!
Black Head of CIA: Whoo-hoo! Are you sure? Are you sure? I can't believe you motherfuckers. Ridiculous!
Some Black Dude: Ridiculous!
Black Head of CIA: Ridiculous! Me and Jeb just coming back from Africa...
Some Black Dude: The cradle of fucking civilization!
02x12 - Ep. #212 Season 2 / Episode 12: - Ep. #212

Tyrone Biggums: Imma tell you something about me, Joe Rogan, that you might not know. I smoke rocks.
02x12 - Ep. #212 Season 2 / Episode 12: - Ep. #212

Wayne Brady - Host: Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?
02x11 - Ep. #211 - Greatest Misses Season 2 / Episode 11: - Ep. #211 - Greatest Misses

Beautiful: [The player haters are at a Science Fair] Furthermore, my wave machine can create enough energy to power most medium-sized homes with ease. Thank you, bitches.
Buck Nasty: When you said wave machine, I thought you was talkin about something that could repair that catastrophe you call a hair style.
Beautiful: Buck Nasty, you are so dark, when you touch yourself, it's like black on black crime.
02x07 - Ep. #207 Season 2 / Episode 7: - Ep. #207

Paul Mooney: [after being told "Gone With The Wind" was a great movie] You must be on crack. I don't think we seen the same movie. I thought Scarlett was a ho because she went to bed with everybody but Mammy. You know they wouldn't let Mammy go to the premiere? But everybody comes back. She came back as Oprah Winfrey to get her money.
02x07 - Ep. #207 Season 2 / Episode 7: - Ep. #207

Paul Mooney: [reviewing "Barbershop"] You know that's just a front. They sell drugs at the barbershops.
02x07 - Ep. #207 Season 2 / Episode 7: - Ep. #207

Paul Mooney: [reviewing "The Last Samurai"] First, they have "The Mexican" with Brad Pitt, now they have "The Last Samurai" with Tom Cruise. Well, I've written a film, maybe they'll produce my film. The Last Nigga on Earth, starring Tom Hanks. How about that?
02x07 - Ep. #207 Season 2 / Episode 7: - Ep. #207

Ashy Larry: [at the World Series of Dice] Oh man, I need this.
Leonard Washington: What you need is some chapstick and a set of trousers. Roll the dice, you ashy motherfucker, and let's start the game.
02x07 - Ep. #207 Season 2 / Episode 7: - Ep. #207

Robert Petkoff: Welcome to the Marcy Projects, here in Brooklyn, New York. Why are we here?
Bill Burr: To buy weed?
02x04 - Ep. #204 Season 2 / Episode 4: - Ep. #204

Rick James: Charlie! There's a new joke goin' around - have you heard it? What did the five fingers say to the face?
Charlie Murphy: [doesn't understand] What?
Rick James: SLAP!
Rick James: [he slaps Charlie] I'm Rick James, bitch! Hey everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me!
02x03 - Ep. #203 Season 2 / Episode 3: - Ep. #203

Rick James: I'm Rick James, bitch.
01x12 - Ep. #112 Season 1 / Episode 12: - Ep. #112

Katie Jacobson: You want me to light your cigarette for you too?
Leonard Washington: You better check ya tone girl, put ya inside voice on. 'Fore I put ya ass outside!
01x11 - Ep. #111 Season 1 / Episode 11: - Ep. #111

Dave Chappelle: Nurse? Could you get in here? ... Billy is getting his ASS WHOPPED in Street Hoops! I need a witness!
01x04 - Ep. #104 Season 1 / Episode 4: - Ep. #104

Big Al: You ol pastey bastard. Look at you Chuck. You look like you just walked up from ground zero.
01x04 - Ep. #104 Season 1 / Episode 4: - Ep. #104

Truck Driver: I'm rich, bitch!
01x01 - Ep. #101 Season 1 / Episode 1: - Ep. #101

Clayton Bigsby: WHITE POWER!
Clayton Bigsby: Everybody, I have alot of things to discuss, mainly nigras!
Clayton Bigsby: America's at war with Al-Qaeda!
Clayton Bigsby: But we're still losing the war against Al Sharpton!
Kent Wallace: The Asian community was a target as well.
Clayton Bigsby: Let's talk about Chinese people! With their kung-fu and their silly ching-chang-chong talk! We can't understand you! Go back to yer country! White power!
Kent Wallace: Mr. Bigsby was also critical of the entertainment industry.
Clayton Bigsby: Don't let the liberal media tell you how to think and feel! If you have hate in your heart let it out!
Clayton Bigsby: If you don't like "Will & Grace", don't mean there's something wrong with you! Means there's something wrong with Will; he's a homosexual!
Kent Wallace: Politicans weren't spared either.
Clayton Bigsby: WHITE POWER! Colin Powell... Condoleezza Rice. Condoleezza Rice, sounds like Mexican dish.
Clayton Bigsby: Maybe we should put her on a plate and send her to Mexico so the Mexicans will eat her. White Power!
01x01 - Ep. #101 Season 1 / Episode 1: - Ep. #101

Clayton Bigsby: The message of my books is very simple. Niggers, Jews, Homo-sexuals, Mexican, A-rabs, and all different sorts of Chinks stink, and I hate 'em!
01x01 - Ep. #101 Season 1 / Episode 1: - Ep. #101

Kent Wallace: In the past few weeks, Clayton Bigsby has finally accepted that he is a black man. And just three days ago, he filed for divorce from his wife. When asked why, after nineteen years of marriage, he replied, "Because she's a nigger lover."
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Ice T: And the winner of playa-hater of the year is... Silky John-ston.

Pit Bull: Kiss my ass! Kiss my ass! I'm the biggest hater!
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Intervention Counselor: Harold, what time did you tell him to be here?
Harold: 5:00. But he's always late.
Rhonda: Oh, he'll be here. In 3, 2, 1...
Tyrone Biggums: [bursts inside room] Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Clayton Bigsby: Then Jasper said "Look here, nigger, if anyone's gonna have sex with my sister, it's gonna be *me*."
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Tron: Hey, it's white boy, ok who ordered the pizza. Hey white boy find the square root of this room.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

person on street: Yo, is gettin' oral sex from a man better than gettin' oral sex from a woman?
Mario Cantone: Pfff, how the fuck would I know? Next question. [pause] IT'S BETTER!
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Tyrone Biggums: Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Rapper: What the fuck is up with the rainbow? I'm not feelin' the rainbow!
Mario Cantone: I'll put a band-aid on your face and make you my Nelly.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Tron: America wanna see me live, not work. Look at this America, look at how Tron is livin' in the city. [holding up a wad of bills]
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Phaze 2: Yo, go in there and get me a Philly blunt son.
Tron: And a banana Cognac, biotch.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Tyrone Biggums: Why do you think I carjacked you, Rhonda?
Rhonda: 'Cause the cops found you in it three hours later asleep, high on crack!
Tyrone Biggums: That's impossible, Rhonda. How can you sleep when you're high on crack? Chinese riddle for you.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Tyrone Biggums: Drugs is all around you kids. Look at that magic marker cap. What the hell you think that is, some kind of crayon? Take it off and sniff it and get high.

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