Type
Scripted
Premiered
Aug. 13, 2007
Status
Completed/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
Showtime TV Network
Genre

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Californication tv show photo

Californication

David Duchovny heads up the cast in this comedy about a novelist with sex and drug addictions who is struggling to raise his daughter half the time, while having problems with his ex-girlfriend

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01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Hank Moody: If I do anything about this shit, there's no telling of what she's going to do. There's no stopping her from telling Karen... or Bill... or Becca.
Charlie Runkle: Fuck, the police!
Hank Moody: Fuck the police.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Becca Moody: I want to live with dad. I'll still visit and stuff. I just, I want most of the time with dad.
Hank Moody: That... is the first I've heard of this, Karen. Karen?


Hank Moody: Karen. Karen! Uh, Becca, have you, um... have you thought this through? I mean, have you- have you...


Hank Moody: Becca. Shit, Becca! Becca... Bill?


Hank Moody: Bill...
Mia Lewis: And then there were two. You know, I'm going to need some help getting out of this dress.
Hank Moody: And then there was one.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Hank Moody: Where's Ilsa, the She Wolf of the SS?
Temp: Excuse me?
Hank Moody: Dani. Where's Dani?
Temp: Oh, she's in a meeting with, uh, Mr. Runkle. And you are?
Hank Moody: Going in there.
Temp: I'm sorry, sir, I can't...
Hank Moody: Wi-wi-will you look at the time? The big hand says 'fuck' and the little hand says 'off'.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Charlie Runkle: What've you got going on later?
Hank Moody: Oh, I don't know... I thought I'd start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit, bust out the old computer, bang out 10 pages, maybe go for a run. Maybe I'll just jerk off and go back to bed. Wake me up when you come home.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Hank Moody: What about the Marce? You gotta miss the Marce. I know you miss the Marce, right? That sexy, little smurf was good to you.
Charlie Runkle: That sexy, little smurf cheated on me with my assistant.
Hank Moody: Yes, but you cheated on her with your assistant. First, I might add.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Marcy Runkle: It's like disconnecting a bomb. I mean, there's all these wires and all down there, who knows which one you're supposed to cross, or pull... plus: the studies show that the female orgasm is like 99% mental - who has time for that!
Karen: OK, so - so that's good. So you want to go back to the 4-minute gruntfest thing, like in-out, done...
Marcy Runkle: Yeah
Karen: So you're done with the uh - the lesbetarian experiment...
Marcy Runkle: The grass is always greener, you know?
Karen: Uh-huh
Marcy Runkle: Isn't that how you got engaged to be buried?
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Karen: It's a Canadian diamond.
Marcy: Are they good with the diamonds, the Canadians? I thought just the bacon.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Hank Moody: Ain't life fuckin' grand?
01x09 - Filthy Lucre Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre

Mia Lewis: Hi Bill.
Bill Lewis: "Dad" or "Daddy", please.
01x09 - Filthy Lucre Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre

Becca Moody: Father?
Hank Moody: Offspring?
01x09 - Filthy Lucre Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre

Hank Moody: Sometimes, it's best not to get involved in the affairs of others.
Becca Moody: That's interesting, coming from the most intrusive man I know.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Hank Moody: You can't snort a line of coke off a woman's ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Trixie: So what are your thoughts of rehab?
Hank Moody: Rehab is for quitters.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Charlie Runkle: I'm sorry about your old man. You know, he was a good guy.
Hank Moody: No he was not. He used to say you looked like a walking penis.
Charlie Runkle: Well, that's not very nice.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Al Moody: Life's too short to dance with fat chicks.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Al Moody: [seeing a guy who looks like Tom Cruise] I liked him in that Vietnam movie. He played a good cripple.
01x07 - Girls, Interrupted Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted

Marcy Runkle: I don't want to go where Hank has been. I mean, he probably left booby-traps up there like the Vietcong.
01x07 - Girls, Interrupted Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted

Hank Moody: How the fuck do you option a blog? What is there to option? The title? The font?
01x07 - Girls, Interrupted Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted

Marcy Runkle: What is a marriage if not an opportunity to mock someone through thick and thin while simultaneously exploring your deepest, darkest sexual desires?
01x07 - Girls, Interrupted Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted

Hank Moody: [to Charlie] I know you Hebrews do things a little differently, but the last time I checked a ménage à trois was not a pitstop on the road to redemption.
01x07 - Girls, Interrupted Season 1 / Episode 7: - Girls, Interrupted

Hank Moody: Just because something is bleak doesn't necessarily make it true.
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Mia Gross: Rome is burning, he said, as he poured himself another drink. Yet, here I am knee deep in another river of pussy. Here it comes, she thought. Another self indulgent, whiskey soaked, diatribe about how fucking great everything was in the past. And how all us poor souls born too late to see the Stones at - wherever, or snort the good coke that they had at Studio 54 - well, we all just missed out on practically everything worth living for. And the worst part was, she agreed with him. Here we are, she thought, at the edge of the world - the very edge of western civilization and all of us are so desperate to feel something... anything... that we keep falling into each other and fucking our way toward the end of days.
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Hank Moody: Don't you lock?
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Karen: What would you do if our little spawn actually became, like, a rock star?
Hank Moody: I would be really proud of her.
Karen: You would?
Hank Moody: And I would be there to help pump her stomach when she OD'd.
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Hank Moody: What is your name, by the way?
Venice Beach Girl: Wouldn't you rather just fuck me and never know?
Hank Moody: Oh, fuck. Who says romance is dead?
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Mia Lewis: Rome is burning, he said as he poured himself another drink, yet here i am knee deep in a river of pussy. Here it comes, she thought, another self-indulgent whiskey soaked rant about how everything was so fucking different in the past. And all us poor souls born too late to see the Stones at wherever or snort the good coke like they had at studio 54. Well we'd all just missed out on practically everything worth living for. And the worst part was she agreed with him. Here we are, she thought, At the edge of the world, the very edge of western civilization, and all of us are so desperate to feel something, anything, that we keep falling into each other and fucking our way towards the end of days.
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Karen: Coffee?
Hank Moody: Oh GOD yes!
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: I love women. I have all their albums.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: Hey. You know, it's not fair to say BRB and then never actually BRB.

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