Type
Scripted
Premiered
Aug. 13, 2007
Status
Completed/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
Showtime TV Network
Genre

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Californication tv show photo

Californication

David Duchovny heads up the cast in this comedy about a novelist with sex and drug addictions who is struggling to raise his daughter half the time, while having problems with his ex-girlfriend

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02x09 - La Ronde Season 2 / Episode 9: - La Ronde

Lew Ashby: Life is just too fucking boring not to try.
02x08 - Going Down and Out in Beverly Hills Season 2 / Episode 8: - Going Down and Out in Beverly Hills

Charlie Runkle: Wow, your jedi clam tricks really work.
Daisy: Yeah?
Charlie Runkle: Yeah. I'm really doing it. Staying in the game. My penis is still in your vagina.
Daisy: Way to go, champ!
Charlie Runkle: Holy Shit! I'm King of Fuck Mountain! I could go for days!
Daisy: Well, that's not totally necessary.
Charlie Runkle: It's no problem. You just enjoy yourself.
Daisy: I'm actually a little sore.
Charlie Runkle: That's cool. Coming is my favorite part.
Daisy: Well, you earned it. Ok, go, go!
02x07 - In a Lonely Place Season 2 / Episode 7: - In a Lonely Place

Mrs. Patterson: Just so you know, I'm on my period.
Hank Moody: Not sure I needed a verbal on that but I care very little about such things. I was in Nam.
Mrs. Patterson: God. My ex always cared. He thought it was dirty.
Hank Moody: Oh, it is dirty... in a good way.
Mrs. Patterson: Also, I haven't had much time to trim the hedges lately, if you know what I'm saying.
Hank Moody: I do know what you're saying, and again, no worries. I enjoy a generous thicket.
Mrs. Patterson: I gotta tell you, your feelings about periods and pubic hair have just made me a bigger fan.
Hank Moody: It's what I do. Anything else you care to disclose?
Mrs. Patterson: I'm very excited about fucking you right now.
Hank Moody: Oh, you are a chatty one, Mrs. Patterson.
02x06 - Coke Dick & the First Kick Season 2 / Episode 6: - Coke Dick & the First Kick

Charlie Runkle: Me? What about YOU? Why don't you whip out your Hitchcock and give it a cameo?
02x06 - Coke Dick & the First Kick Season 2 / Episode 6: - Coke Dick & the First Kick

Annika: Please stop this. I just need some water. I'm just really dehydrated. I just need something with electrolytes.
Hank Moody: Vagatorade.
Annika: Good one. That was nice.
02x05 - Vaginatown Season 2 / Episode 5: - Vaginatown

Chloe Metz: Fuck me like I'm Al-Qaeda!
Hank Moody: I'm declaring Jihad on your pussy.
02x04 - The Raw & the Cooked Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Raw & the Cooked

Hank Moody: I love you Karen, and I want to spend the rest of my life annoying the shit out of you, and I want the rest of my life to start right now. I'm sick and tired fighting about the past. We're not going anywhere, I get that now. This is my home, because home is where you and Becca are.
02x03 - No Way to Treat a Lady Season 2 / Episode 3: - No Way to Treat a Lady

Hank Moody: Whatever you do, don't be another brick in the wall.
02x03 - No Way to Treat a Lady Season 2 / Episode 3: - No Way to Treat a Lady

Trixie: Hank Moody, my hero. Just say the word if you want to be properly rewarded. My treat of course.
Lew Ashby: Seriously? You'd comb him?
Trixie: Sure, why not? I've sampled the merchandise I know it's fresh.
Hank Moody: I do remember you telling me that you never came that hard with a John before. Thought it was a line but as you walked away your knees were a little wobbly so I thought maybe, yeah maybe...
Lew Ashby: Hold on, slow down, are you saying he's fucking better than me?
Hank Moody: Fucking better at the fucking yes, I believe that's what's she's getting at.
Trixie: No, that is not what what I'm getting at. Please, what a stupid question. Are the Stones better than the Beatles?
Lew Ashby: Fucking A they are!
Hank Moody: I must agree with the man.
02x01 - Slip of the Tongue Season 2 / Episode 1: - Slip of the Tongue

Hank Moody: I like to think I have a 12-inch cock, but it doesn't make it so. Two inches shy.
02x01 - Slip of the Tongue Season 2 / Episode 1: - Slip of the Tongue

Hank Moody: Rectum? Damn near killed him.
02x01 - Slip of the Tongue Season 2 / Episode 1: - Slip of the Tongue

Becca: She called.
Karen: She who?
Becca: That real estate whore. She's bringing some people by.
Karen: Language, young lady.
Becca: Next time she tells me to clean my room, I'm gonna say, "Clean this, lady" and give her a titty twister.
Hank Moody: As much as I'd like to see that, the idea is to sell this place and get out of dodge. If you tidied up your shrine to Norwegian death metal, it might facilitate things a bit.
01x12 - The Last Waltz Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Last Waltz

Marcy Runkle: Hey, how you holding up, daddy?
Hank Moody: Hey, don't worry about me. Worry about that simpleton over there. Come on,,Marcy.You know you want that bald eagle back. You made him suffer long enough. He's banged the forbidden fruit and now he's realized that he'd rather be shucking your hairless clam.
Marcy Runkle: [Chuckles] Hey, be nice to my clam.
Hank Moody: [At Charlie] Hey you, dance with your fucking wife already. Be nice to her vagina.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Becca Moody: I'm not going to live with my dad because it's fun. I'm going because I have to. I don't know if you've noticed, but your dad is about to marry my mom.
Mia Lewis: Yeah, so?
Becca Moody: So it's really happening. He can't pretend anymore that it's not. And whatever miraculous thing he thought was going to happen with the writing. You know that thing he wrote back home in New York was going to be the redemption of his soul. Obviously, that's not happening either.
Mia Lewis: No, I guess not.
Becca Moody: So it's official. Rock bottom. The death of hope. Can't leave him alone now. The man's got nothing.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Hank Moody: You are a very young sociopath in training.
Mia Lewis: Oh, come on. That's like Satan calling one of his junior minions a big meanie.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Hank Moody: Sorry I'm late. I just, uh...
Charlie Runkle: Just what?
Hank Moody: Nah, that's all I got.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Hank Moody: If I do anything about this shit, there's no telling of what she's going to do. There's no stopping her from telling Karen... or Bill... or Becca.
Charlie Runkle: Fuck, the police!
Hank Moody: Fuck the police.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Becca Moody: I want to live with dad. I'll still visit and stuff. I just, I want most of the time with dad.
Hank Moody: That... is the first I've heard of this, Karen. Karen?


Hank Moody: Karen. Karen! Uh, Becca, have you, um... have you thought this through? I mean, have you- have you...


Hank Moody: Becca. Shit, Becca! Becca... Bill?


Hank Moody: Bill...
Mia Lewis: And then there were two. You know, I'm going to need some help getting out of this dress.
Hank Moody: And then there was one.
01x11 - Turn the Page Season 1 / Episode 11: - Turn the Page

Hank Moody: Where's Ilsa, the She Wolf of the SS?
Temp: Excuse me?
Hank Moody: Dani. Where's Dani?
Temp: Oh, she's in a meeting with, uh, Mr. Runkle. And you are?
Hank Moody: Going in there.
Temp: I'm sorry, sir, I can't...
Hank Moody: Wi-wi-will you look at the time? The big hand says 'fuck' and the little hand says 'off'.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Charlie Runkle: What've you got going on later?
Hank Moody: Oh, I don't know... I thought I'd start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit, bust out the old computer, bang out 10 pages, maybe go for a run. Maybe I'll just jerk off and go back to bed. Wake me up when you come home.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Hank Moody: What about the Marce? You gotta miss the Marce. I know you miss the Marce, right? That sexy, little smurf was good to you.
Charlie Runkle: That sexy, little smurf cheated on me with my assistant.
Hank Moody: Yes, but you cheated on her with your assistant. First, I might add.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Marcy Runkle: It's like disconnecting a bomb. I mean, there's all these wires and all down there, who knows which one you're supposed to cross, or pull... plus: the studies show that the female orgasm is like 99% mental - who has time for that!
Karen: OK, so - so that's good. So you want to go back to the 4-minute gruntfest thing, like in-out, done...
Marcy Runkle: Yeah
Karen: So you're done with the uh - the lesbetarian experiment...
Marcy Runkle: The grass is always greener, you know?
Karen: Uh-huh
Marcy Runkle: Isn't that how you got engaged to be buried?
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Karen: It's a Canadian diamond.
Marcy: Are they good with the diamonds, the Canadians? I thought just the bacon.
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Hank Moody: Ain't life fuckin' grand?
01x10 - The Devil's Threesome Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Devil's Threesome

Charlie Runkle: I'm close to sealing the deal.
Hank Moody: With lady Tyson? Good luck. Keep your hands up, though.
Charlie Runkle: She's in if you are part of it. I think she's got a thing for you.
Hank Moody: No, I'm not going for that. I've already given that girl enough of my precious bodily fluids.
Charlie Runkle: Take one for the team. My wife is out there trolling for snatch, OK?
01x09 - Filthy Lucre Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre

Mia Lewis: Hi Bill.
Bill Lewis: "Dad" or "Daddy", please.
01x09 - Filthy Lucre Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre

Becca Moody: Father?
Hank Moody: Offspring?
01x09 - Filthy Lucre Season 1 / Episode 9: - Filthy Lucre

Hank Moody: Sometimes, it's best not to get involved in the affairs of others.
Becca Moody: That's interesting, coming from the most intrusive man I know.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Hank Moody: You can't snort a line of coke off a woman's ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.
01x08 - California Son Season 1 / Episode 8: - California Son

Trixie: So what are your thoughts of rehab?
Hank Moody: Rehab is for quitters.

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