Type
Scripted
Premiered
Aug. 13, 2007
Status
Completed/Ended
Runtime
30 min.
Country
USA
Network
Showtime TV Network
Genre
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Mia Lewis: Rome is burning, he said as he poured himself another drink, yet here i am knee deep in a river of pussy. Here it comes, she thought, another self-indulgent whiskey soaked rant about how everything was so fucking different in the past. And all us poor souls born too late to see the Stones at wherever or snort the good coke like they had at studio 54. Well we'd all just missed out on practically everything worth living for. And the worst part was she agreed with him. Here we are, she thought, At the edge of the world, the very edge of western civilization, and all of us are so desperate to feel something, anything, that we keep falling into each other and fucking our way towards the end of days.
01x06 - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Season 1 / Episode 6: - Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Karen: Coffee?
Hank Moody: Oh GOD yes!
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: I love women. I have all their albums.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: Hey. You know, it's not fair to say BRB and then never actually BRB.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Hank Moody: 'B' to the 'I' to the double 'L'. What's up, my nig nog?
Bill Lewis: I need to talk to you.
Hank Moody: Well, you should have called. I wouldn't have answered, but you could've left a message, which I would have quickly erased.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Radio Show Host: What's your latest obsession?
Hank Moody: Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People... they don't write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English.
Radio Show Host: Yet you're part of the problem, I mean you're out there blogging with the best of them.
Hank Moody: Hence my self-loathing.
01x05 - LOL Season 1 / Episode 5: - LOL

Marcy Runkle: You can have the ass if you want.
Charlie Runkle: You can keep it.
01x04 - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser Season 1 / Episode 4: - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser

Hank Moody: [Charlie hugs Hank] Oh, big boy... are you crying?
Charlie Rumkle: A little.
Hank Moody: Jesus Christ.
01x04 - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser Season 1 / Episode 4: - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser

Becca Moody: Have you had the sex?
01x04 - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser Season 1 / Episode 4: - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser

Hank Moody: [after catching Charlie photographing his secretary] Holy Fuck-nuts!
Charlie Rumkle: Shit! [falls over]
01x04 - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser Season 1 / Episode 4: - Fear and Loathing at the Fundraiser

Charlie Rumkle: If anybody deserves to be disciplined it's me. [Looks at Hank] That's not an invitation!
01x03 - The Whore of Babylon Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Whore of Babylon

Meredith: My baby.
Hank Moody: You have a baby with married guy? Holy fuck!
Meredith: No, my dog, Cat Stevens.
Hank Moody: You have a dog named Cat Stevens? Holy fuck!
01x03 - The Whore of Babylon Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Whore of Babylon

Hank Moody: What the fuck do you want?
Mia Lewis: I'm late.
Hank Moody: What? That's not possible. I...I...I...I...I...I...I wore a condom. That's... that would be like, uh, the immaculate conception. And you, you're the one who... y, you... and then you left.
Mia Lewis: I'm late for school.
01x03 - The Whore of Babylon Season 1 / Episode 3: - The Whore of Babylon

Hank Moody: Hey, Cat Stevens. C'mere, Cat. Come here. I'll take you away from all this. Cat... Yusuf Islam. Peace Train's a good song. C'mere, Cat. C'mere.
01x02 - Hell-A-Woman Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hell-A-Woman

Hank Moody: Hell-A Magazine blog number 1. Hank hates you all. A few things I've learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One, a morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness. Two, I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And 3, while I'm down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I'm not talking about a huge 70's Playboy bush or anything. Just something that reminds me that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is why is the city of angels so hell bent on destroying it's female population.
01x02 - Hell-A-Woman Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hell-A-Woman

Hank Moody: [looking in bathroom mirror] Nobody likes you, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.
01x02 - Hell-A-Woman Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hell-A-Woman

Hank Moody: What the fuck is that?
Bill Lewis: Oh, you like it? I could have bought a car instead.
Hank Moody: I think you should still buy the car and then run over whoever created that turd.
01x02 - Hell-A-Woman Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hell-A-Woman

Hank Moody: Well, your breasts are obviously real... and... eh... you have an abundance of pubic hair, which is really nice and... eh... there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. I'd say, aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long, long time
01x02 - Hell-A-Woman Season 1 / Episode 2: - Hell-A-Woman

Hank Moody: A few things I've learned in my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: [upon getting fellatio from a nun] Sweet baby Jesus, Hank is going to hell.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: Yo K-Fed, the little man on the boat he's up here, that's where he is, right here.

01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Becca: Father?
Hank Moody: Daughter?
Becca: Can I ask you something?
Hank Moody: Anything, my love.
Becca: Why is there a naked lady in your bedroom?
Hank Moody: You wait right there okay?
Becca: There's no hair on her vagina. Do you think she's ok?
Hank Moody: I'll check.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: So, not only are you a cadaverous lay, you also have shitty taste in movies.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Karen Van Der Beek: This is Mia, Bill's daughter, and this is Hank. You two know each other?
Hank Moody: No.
Mia Gross: Well, I do recognize you.
Hank Moody: No.
Mia Gross: Yeah, sure I do.
Hank Moody: No.
Mia Gross: From your book. Your picture is on the back.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: [to Meredith] Now you're giving me that look, right now, look like I fingerbanged your cat.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Becca: Don't yell at him!
Karen Van Der Beek: I'm not going to yell at him... much.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: What?
Karen Van Der Beek: You smell like pussy.
Hank Moody: Thank you.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.
01x01 - Pilot Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Hank Moody: I was just trying to have a little chat with your husband up there.
Nun: Is there something I can help you with?
Hank Moody: Oh no, I don't want to bother a real live person about it.

You are successfully logged out.
login
[close]

ShareTV Login

Username
Password
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Create Account

Username
Password
Verify Password
EMAIL

Verification code (check your email for the verification code)

Verification code has been sent to the following email address:
If you didn't receive the verification code:

1. Check your bulk/spam folder.

2. Try to whitelist our email address (noreply@sharetv.org)

3. Resend verification email

If you mistyped your email address change it here
Create a free ShareTV account to make a personalized schedule of your favorite TV shows, keep track of what you've watched, earn points and more.
Verify your username and email to complete your Registration
Enter the text in the image shown if you are human.
WARNING: after 2 more failed attempts you will be locked out
[close]

Forgot Your Password?

EMAIL
Enter the email address you used to create the account and your password will be emailed to you.