Sep. 13, 2005
Returning Series
60 min.
FOX TV Network

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Dr. Lance Sweets Bones

Dr. Lance Sweets

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  Played by:
John Francis DaleyJohn Francis Daley
John Francis Daley (born July 20, 1985) began acting in the national and international tour of The Who's ...

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Dr. Lance Sweets Quotes

09x23 - The Drama in the Queen Season 9 / Episode 23: - The Drama in the Queen

Dr. Lance Sweets: This is a body dump, Dr. Saroyan
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Okay, I'm impressed
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wow, did he just Brennan you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I believe he did
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What does it mean to Brennan someone? Is it a complement? Dr. Sweets seems to be very thorough
Dr. Lance Sweets: Thank you
09x23 - The Drama in the Queen Season 9 / Episode 23: - The Drama in the Queen

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, listen, take Bones with you
Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't need a babysitter
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm not saying that you need a babysitter, I'm just saying... look, you're doing a great job, you really are. Just take Bones so she can do her boney thing
Dr. Lance Sweets: Right, no I knew that
09x23 - The Drama in the Queen Season 9 / Episode 23: - The Drama in the Queen

Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, we're colleagues
Jessica Warren: Okay. I was feeling that there for a minute, but I guess my Sweets-dar is way off!
Dr. Lance Sweets: No! I mean, look I... it's not that I don't like you. I mean I think you're very attractive...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Walks up to them] Dr. Sweets
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is a lab, not speed dating!
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, we... eh, I needed to see if there's any new information about the case
Jessica Warren: And apparently I am irresistible. It's not his fault
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Then do him a favor and try to rein it in, miss Warren
09x23 - The Drama in the Queen Season 9 / Episode 23: - The Drama in the Queen

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can you run a simulation, Angela?
Angela Montenegro: Hm, hm
Dr. Lance Sweets: [to Jessica] You're in for a treat
Jessica Warren: Are you talking about the case or you?
09x18 - The Carrot in the Kudzu Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Carrot in the Kudzu

Angela Montenegro: Look at this picture she posted.
Dr. Lance Sweets: What, she Photoshopped herself into that?
Angela Montenegro: It's crazy, right?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Uh, a grown woman obsessed with a giant, orange phallic symbol? Yeah, I'm comfortable calling her crazy.
09x18 - The Carrot in the Kudzu Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Carrot in the Kudzu

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, she definitely suffers from celebrity worship syndrome
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Celebrity worship syndrome? What is that? Is that even a real thing?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah, it's an obsessive addictive disorder. I'll get you the literature on it, if you want
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nah, I'll take your word for it
09x18 - The Carrot in the Kudzu Season 9 / Episode 18: - The Carrot in the Kudzu

Dr. Lance Sweets: Hey, so I found duck poo, pig bristle and goat hairs in the kudzu run off
Angela Montenegro: Why do you get to have all the fun?
09x16 - The Source in the Sludge Season 9 / Episode 16: - The Source in the Sludge

Daisy Wick: Thank you're making time for me, Lance
Dr. Lance Sweets: Of course, I'm always happy to make time for you. But, eh, you know if this is about us getting together...
Daisy Wick: What? No! I just missed you as a friend. Although I do miss the sex sometimes. Just for the record!
09x15 - The Heiress in the Hill Season 9 / Episode 15: - The Heiress in the Hill

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, if you can't burry a body deep enough, you cover it in lye, so the animals don't dig it up. Classic Al Capone
Dr. Lance Sweets: You think it's a mob hit?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, Sweets, a girl in her twenties?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Sexist! Nowadays a girl in her twenties can be just as much a mobster as a guy
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wonderful how far we've come!
09x13 - Big in the Philippines Season 9 / Episode 13: - Big in the Philippines

Wendell Bray: ...I saw my dad go through [the chemotherapy] . Sick from the chemo to the end. He missed out on living. [pause] I'm okay with it, take off, I've always wanted to see South America, the Galapagos, you know, the Adriatic, kick back, drink, sleep with as many women as I ca...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no, no, you're not going to do that. You're going to get the treatment, you're going to throw up and you're going to feel miserable, but none of that's going to matter because you're going to live to be a hundred.
Wendell Bray: [chuckles] You should be my doctor.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: C'mon, I'm serious! [pauses] You can fight this. You have to fight this.
Wendell Bray: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because there's a life out there you haven't even lived yet. There's a woman, waiting to be your wife. Okay? And-And-And there's kids, waiting to be born, waiting to find out how great of a dad you're going to be. [pauses] Plus you have your friends, okay, your friends, they need you. That's why. [phone rings] Don't worry about that.
Wendell Bray: I get it, you're working, we'll talk lat...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just hold on. Don't move. [picks phone up] Booth
Dr. Lance Sweets: Hey, Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, listen, Sweets, can this wait?
Wendell Bray: You-you work, I'm going, we'll talk later.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no. Just hold on.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You okay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. What is it, Sweets?
09x10 - The Mystery in the Meat Season 9 / Episode 10: - The Mystery in the Meat

Dr. Lance Sweets: You did a good thing, Booth. I know you and Angela haven't exactly been friends lately.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, wait a second; this wasn't about Angela. I just wanted Bones to have a bachelorette party.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: "Okay"? Don't say "okay" to me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay. [pauses] That wasn't an "okay" okay; it was just an okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: See, you don't even know how to say just "okay".
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You said... All right, forget it.
09x10 - The Mystery in the Meat Season 9 / Episode 10: - The Mystery in the Meat

Sam Gilford: Schools are considered second tier markets along with prisons, senior citizens homes
Dr. Lance Sweets: Schools? Where the children are our future?
Sam Gilford: And ketchup is a vegetable
09x08 - The Dude In The Dam Season 9 / Episode 8: - The Dude In The Dam

Dr. Lance Sweets: So, I understand the emotional toll it can take when a couple is unable to conceive, Mr. Robertson
Ted Robertson: I didn't come to the FBI for a therapy!
09x05 - The Lady on the List Season 9 / Episode 5: - The Lady on the List

Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's about Val
Dr. Lance Sweets: Who's that? No! No! No, because my last blind date was a disaster, alright! She threw her drink in my face 'cause she didn't know what masticate meant
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Isn't not that
Dr. Lance Sweets: It means to chew
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, pay attention, okay? I'd like you to introduce you to VAL. Okay, it's a virtual something...
Dr. Lance Sweets: Adumbrative
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes, that's the word!
Dr. Lance Sweets: It's an artificial profiling system
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, you know so everything I get on this case I have to input here, so then the squints...
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wow! They want to compare me to a computer! I can't even be replaced by a computer
09x04 - The Sense in the Sacrifice Season 9 / Episode 4: - The Sense in the Sacrifice

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wh-what does this all mean, Sweet? Spell it out.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, Dr. Brennan is Pelant's endgame. He's trying to replace you. Has he done anything to prevent the two of you from getting together that we don't know about. [Booth thinks about it] I'll take that as a "yes."
08x21 - The Maiden in the Mushrooms Season 8 / Episode 21: - The Maiden in the Mushrooms

Pabla Sepulveda: Are you screwing with me?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No. I'm simply pointing out that your lack of self-control can cause you to make extremely poor decisions.
Pabla Sepulveda: You said you were on my side!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. He said he understood why you go psycho!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay, I wouldn't use that word, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know. That's why I'm here.
08x17 - The Fact In The Fiction Season 8 / Episode 17: - The Fact In The Fiction

Dr. Lance Sweets: The guy literally fought off coyotes to get the skull back. That's awesome.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Coyotes, they just run away if you yell at them.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I know. Still. To face a pack of wild animals alone...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sure you could just bore them to death with your shrinky talk.
Dr. Lance Sweets: And I'm sure you could just break their hearts with your mean... mean words.
08x16 - The Friend In Need Season 8 / Episode 16: - The Friend In Need

Dr. Lance Sweets: I've studied the case. I don't believe that Manny raped Kat. His behavior at the party was protective, and he had a crush on her. Rape is about power, not love.
Angela Montenegro: So how is looking through the pictures again gonna help?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, this time instead of focusing on the murder victim, we follow Kat's movements, see who *she* interacted with.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You've been reading my psychology books again.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You leave them in the bathroom. They're good reading in the tub.
Angela Montenegro: That's actually a really good idea. Not the tub thing, but following Kat.
08x10 - The Diamond in the Rough Season 8 / Episode 10: - The Diamond in the Rough

Palmer Heston: [OnTV. Sweets is watching Paranormal Abnormalities while eating cereal. The host is wearing a helmet camera, filming himself] This is Palmer Heston, in search of more paranormal abnormalities. Tonight, I'm coming to you live in the base of Dillinger Quarry where, since the York murders of 1923, there have been numerous sightings of the paranormal.
Dr. Lance Sweets: That's pretty scary, Palmer.
Palmer Heston: Now, some people say that the apparition is York's wife, looking for revenge.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I totally agree with that.
Palmer Heston: While others say it's York himself, searching for his mistress, still in love with her even though she killed him. Now, there's a full moon out tonight which is perfect because according to our documents, that's when the apparitions appear. [Heston jumps at a loud noise] Who's there?
Dr. Lance Sweets: It's a vengeful wife, man. Do not cheat on your wife. She will end you.
Palmer Heston: [the camera swings around to show a raccoon] Okay, it's an animal. But animals, as we know, are often precursors to the paranormal.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Good save, Palmer.
Palmer Heston: Hello? Hello. [the host is moving towards a sound] Remember. Fear is never your friend. Apparitions are always more afraid of you than you are of them. [He is now moving towards a glowing light] Hello.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Staring wide eyed at the TV] A- an apparition.
Palmer Heston: [Getting closer] What the hell is that? [the host sees a glowing body on the ground and runs towards it]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Oh! [pointing at the TV] Oh, oh! [the camera now shows the skeleton up close, glowing and encrusted with what look like jewels] Oh! [standing up] What is- Holy crap!
Palmer Heston: Oh my God. Oh, this is amazing. This is unbelievable. I'm gonna win a *bleeped out* Emmy for this!
Dr. Lance Sweets: [With cereal still in his mouth] Oh my- What is that?
08x10 - The Diamond in the Rough Season 8 / Episode 10: - The Diamond in the Rough

Dr. Lance Sweets: I can't actually picture you taking dance lessons.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, my mom taught me. She was a dancer.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Your mom was a dancer, and she taught you to dance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, it was something we did together. She would put me on her feet and we would get the rhythm down. Anyways, I got older, and uh, I was good enough to teach.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Teach older women?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mostly.
Dr. Lance Sweets: A lot of wandering hands, I bet.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, they would get tired... Or they would lose their balance.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. You were a gigolo.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Stop.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You were a gigolo for thirty bucks an hour.
08x05 - The Method in the Madness Season 8 / Episode 5: - The Method in the Madness

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa, whoa, excuse me. [He grabs a pair of shorts that Sweets was starting to fold] Those are my underwear, *pal*! [to Bones] What is he doing?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets has been very helpful. He vacuumed. Did the laundry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, that's great, and all. But, a man doesn't fold another man's *under*wear!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Are those Captain America boxers?
08x05 - The Method in the Madness Season 8 / Episode 5: - The Method in the Madness

Dr. Lance Sweets: Don't you think that as a man, I should be on my own, I mean...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Most cultures have ceremonies to celebrate milestones in a man's life. [She takes Sweets' arm and pulls him into the room]
Dr. Lance Sweets: [a stricken look on his face] Oh God, this isn't about circumcision, is it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Noooo, it's about dancing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Relieved, briefly] What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There are three important elements in moving on past an old relationship. Admission.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I admit it's over with Daisy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Cleansing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. You were in our jet tub.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [raising her hands in the air] And celebration!
Dr. Lance Sweets: So, I can't get my own apartment until I celebrate being alone?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Anthropology's all about dancing. [Bones uses a remote to turn on some music. "20th Century Boy" by T-Rex, mentioned by Sweets earlier in the episode, is playing. Then she starts dancing]
Dr. Lance Sweets: [to Booth] You gettin' in on this?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [shakes his head] No. Why? It's your ceremony. [Sees Bones dancing] Bones, what are you doin'?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Are you okay?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Dancing around Sweets who starts to join her, slowly at first] Celebrate. You're free!
Dr. Lance Sweets: I *am* free. I *am* free!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And someone out there who doesn't know yet will be getting the great gift that is you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Lucky, lucky them.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. [Dancing with more enthusiasm now] They *are* lucky! Okay! Uhhh!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [laughing] Elevator down.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Mimics going down in an elevator] I feel so at home right now. [Booth takes a gulp of scotch]
08x03 - The Gunk in the Garage Season 8 / Episode 3: - The Gunk in the Garage

Lisa Langella: How did you know about the beatings?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Oh. We know a lot, Mrs. Langella. I wouldn't leave town, if I were you. [He and Sparling walk back to the car]
FBI Special Agent Olivia Sparling: What was that last little bit about?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Just aiming my big shrinky brain at her. Thought you'd like to see what I was packin'.
08x01 - The Future in the Past Season 8 / Episode 1: - The Future in the Past

Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't know where Booth is.
FBI Special Agent Hayes Flynn: I don't think you're being completely honest with me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Then you have trust issues stemming from... I don't know, a bunch of psychological crap.
07x13 - The Past in the Present Season 7 / Episode 13: - The Past in the Present

Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's the matter with you?
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're jumping to the conclusion that Pelant is involved.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am not ju- Look, he *is* involved.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Is this a hunch?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! He switched our ring tones to *wolves*. The victim was *eaten* by wolves.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, ring tones won't hold up in court.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, when you're ready to help, you come and find me, alright? Until then, take a hike.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I *am* helping, Booth. This is how I help. To keep things in perspective. Okay? So, how can I help?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [In a hard tone] Profile the killer and match it to Pelant.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're asking to frame somebody. So, no. But, what I *can* do is put together an objective profile, and if it matches Pelant, it matches.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It'll match. Pelant did it.
07x11 - The Family in the Feud Season 7 / Episode 11: - The Family in the Feud

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Didn't they teach you, you know, how not to be irritating at shrink camp?
Dr. Lance Sweets: It was a university.
07x06 - The Crack in The Code Season 7 / Episode 6: - The Crack in The Code

Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Here's one that's in our price range. "Adoreable fixer-upper with natural landscaping."
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, no, no, no. That mean a small house with weeds. Bring your own bulldozer.
07x06 - The Crack in The Code Season 7 / Episode 6: - The Crack in The Code

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, this guy's really dangerous. I don't...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets already explained. I'm not going out in the field.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wait. Seriously? You were listening?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Given the demands of a growing fetus. I'll focus on the lab. *And* the Real Estate section.
07x06 - The Crack in The Code Season 7 / Episode 6: - The Crack in The Code

Dr. Lance Sweets: You did it. But you couldn't have done it. It's quantum indeterminancy.
07x05 - The Twist in The Twister Season 7 / Episode 5: - The Twist in The Twister

Special Agent Seeley Booth: [a tornado's approaching] You gonna cut me some slack for lying to Bones now?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. No. You totally should've lied!

Previous: Dr. Camille Saroyan Next: Zack Addy
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