The First Wives Club Quotes
Brenda: I remember your first talk-y.
Elise: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"
[Gunilla sees Shelly and Morty re-entering the apartment and dials her phone. Duarto answers]
Gunilla: Social climbers on the rise.
Ivana Trump: Ladies, you have to be strong and independent, and remember, don't get mad, get everything.
Uncle Carmine: Brenda, I speak on behalf of your father, my beloved brother, that Morty is garbage, and it would be an honor to me to take him out.
Shelly: Brenda, why don't you try on one of these in *your size*?
Elise: No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!
Brenda: Wake up and smell the audit!
Annie: [having a panic attack] I'm clean! I'm clean! I'm clean! [Brenda and Elise whack her over the head with some file folders]
Brenda: There she is. Princess Pelvis!
Elise: If only she'd called me. If only I was listed.
Chris Paradis: Dad, I'm a lesbian. A big one.
Chris Paradis: Doormat!
Annie Paradis: Lesbian!
Duarto: Leave me alone. One hour. One hour. One hour, thank YOU!
Brenda: My, my, the bulimia has certainly paid off.
Annie: I'm very sorry I ever met you. And I'm sorry that I allowed myself to love you for all those years. I'm sorry that I did nothing but be there for you every minute of every hour and support you in your every *move*. I'm sorry!
Shelly: [of her salad dressing] Normally I bring my own. You know that fat free ranch stuff. But this, this is restaurant quality.
Duarto: [upon seeing an "unnaturally" young Elise walk into Cynthia's funeral] She looks fabulous; do you think she's had work done?
Brenda: [rancorously] Honey, she's a quilt!
Brenda: When men know women are a certain age...
Elise: Good bye love.
Brenda: Hello pop-tarts.
Elise: You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!
Brenda: What's wrong?
Jilted Lover: It's my lover. She left me for this younger woman that weighs twelve pounds.
Brenda: That's just like my Morty.
Jilted Lover: Who?
[Shows Woman her picture]
Jilted Lover: She's butch.