Little Big League
[after the Twins lose their wild card playoff]
Billy Heywood: The Brooklyn Dodgers had a saying: "wait 'til next year."
Spencer Hamilton: That's it right there. 'Cause next year, we're gonna win it all, baby.
Mike McGrevey: Give me some of that.
[they slap hands, and the team cheers]
Mickey Scales: The Dodgers played in Brooklyn?
Joey: I can't believe you lost to the Tigers, they stink!
Jim Bowers: It's a scientific fact that a pig becomes a hog at 180 pounds.
Spencer Hamilton: What's that make your wife?
Tucker Kain: Fat.
Mike McGrevey: I think you should trade me.
Mac: As soon as we find someone stupid enough to take you, that's EXACTLY what we're gonna do.
Joey: You should start Webman. He always beats the Rangers.
Billy Heywood: He always beats everybody. That's why he's 3-7.
Billy Heywood: If Joe can paint a house in three hours and Sam can paint the same house in five hours, how long will it take to paint it together?
Mac: Now wait a minute, you never said this was a word problem.
Spencer Hamilton: Bite me.
Jim Bowers: [after Billy apologizes to the team] On behalf of the entire Apache Nation, we accept this olive branch of peace.
Billy Heywood: [team laughs] Thanks, I think.
Joey: [at school] If I owned the Twins, I wouldn't even show up here. I'd just hire a bunch of scientists to do my homework. I mean, if you're rich you don't have to be smart. That's the whole beauty of this country.
Billy Heywood: Here's an easy one. Who was the first black player to play in the major leagues?
Thomas Heywood: You want me to say Jackie Robinson, but I won't. Fleet Walker for Toledo. I believe the year was 1884.
Billy Heywood: Who would've thought they'd throw you a changeup with a three-two count and the bases loaded?
Lou Collins: I bet you did, didn't you. You did! Ya knew it!
Lonnie Ritter: Kids today are amazing. I played winter ball down in Venezuala, they had kids half his age, every one of them speaking Spanish. That's a hard language.
Lou Collins: They speak Spanish in Venezuala.
Lonnie Ritter: I know! That's my point!
George O'Farrell: Hey 'Blackout,' I didn't get you for your curve ball. I don't like your curve ball. As a matter of fact, I hate your curve. You know why? Because the damn thing don't curve!