Lt. Cryer: All the monitors are down!
Governor Lewis: Well that can't be good!
[they see a dying monster coughing something up]
Wayne Grey: Whoa! It's like a big lugie!
[the 'egg' breaks, and another monster comes out]
Harry Block: Mazel tov! It's a boy!
Wayne Grey: [trying to get the alien's attention with an open mike] Ka Ka! Tukki Tukki!
Harry Block: Wayne, I think we've established that "Ka Ka" and "Tukki Tukki" don't work.
Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry.
[He starts singing into the mike]
Wayne Grey: You are so beautiful, to me...
Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
Harry Block: Uh-uh, stand down! I'm taking this one out myself.
Wayne Grey: Can't you see...
Harry Block: Wayne, would you please stop, because you are embarrasing me.
[Wayne starts singing louder and directly to Harry]
[the heroes just killed a dinosaur-like creature]
Ira Kane: So, what do you want? Light meat, or dark?
Harry Block: You have to ask?
Nadine: Um, Professor, the little wiggly worm things in there are breaking.
Ira Kane: It's not breaking, it's splitting. It's mitosis. It's how they reproduce.
Harry Block: No sex?
Ira Kane: No time for sex.
Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school.
Harry Block: There's a fly in my suit!
Harry Block: They kept us out for almost two weeks. We put our lives on the line to find these little guys, your majesty. We just want to be there for them as they grow up.
[Dr. Paulson is going to pull the alien bug out through Harry's rectum]
Nurse Tate: I'll get the lubricant...
Dr. Paulson: No time for lubricant!
Harry Block: There's ALWAYS time for lubricant!
Harry Block: Testing, testing, one, two, one-one-one-two... this is D.J. Harry Block here, and I'm an Aquarius...
Ira Kane: Harry, would you stop it? I can hear you.
Harry Block: Don't you snap at me, unless you want an angry solid gold dancer on your hands, Ira.
Ira Kane: [after an alien fly is pulled out of Harry's rectum] You should have seen the size of that thing you had inside you, it was like this!
[measures with his hands]
Ira Kane: You took it like a man.
Ira Kane: Let's shampoo us some aliens!
Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: I didn't know you were coming to see the show.
Governor Lewis: Well, you damn well better make it a good one, Sergeant!
Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: That's general!
Governor Lewis: Not if you screw this up.
Nadine: I really need these credits to get into nursing school.
Harry Block: Nursing school? Don't you think you'd be happier in a different profession, one where people's lives were NOT dependent on you?
Wayne Grey: [as they arm themselves in the sporting goods store] You ever use one of these things before?
Harry Block: Just 'cause I'm a schoolteacher, that don't make me a pussy.
Ira Kane: Ladies, ladies, there's a terrifying alien bird menacing the mall. Can we focus?
[after having Ira and Harry thrown off the base]
Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Don't you have work to do?
Dr. Allison Reed: You are such an asshole!
Col. Flemming: You know, they say that when a woman expresses strong emotions, she's not actually feeling anger, what she's saying is...
Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Shut up, Flemming.
Harry Block: Hey, beneath this calm, sexy exterior beats the heart of a true scientist!
Harry Block: Ira, are you sure you can handle this on your lonesome?
Harry Block: Great googa-mooga!
Harry Block: I'm no biologist, but how many cells do single-celled organisms have?
Ira Kane: Harry, if we're going to be big important scientists you have to start to act the part.