Charlie Wilson's War Quotes
CIA Award Presenter: So, for the first time, a civilian is being given our highest recognition, that of Honored Colleague. Ladies and gentlemen of the Clandestine Services, Congressman Charles Wilson.
Zvi: You want me to steer Israel towards an arms deal with Egypt, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia?
Charlie Wilson: Yes.
Zvi: Well, just one or two problems with that, just off the top of my head.
Charlie Wilson: Zvi...
Zvi: Afghanistan and Pakistan don't recognize our right to exist, we just got done fighting a war against Egypt, and everyone who has ever tried to kill me or my family has been trained in Saudi Arabia!
Gust Avrakotos: That's not true, Zvi. Some of them were trained by us.
Charlie's Angel #4: The Congressman has never been to rehab. They don't serve whisky at rehab.
Larry Liddle: Miss?
Charlie's Angel #1: Yes sir?
Larry Liddle: It seems to me lookin' around, that it's almost all women workin' here; and that they're all very pretty. Is that common?
Charlie's Angel #1: Well... Congressman Wilson, he has an expression. He says uhh, "You can teach 'em to type, but you can't teach 'em to grow tits."
Larry Liddle: Well, that's... charming.
Charlie Wilson: Who is running the thing? Who is the prosecutor?
Charlie's Angels - Suzanne: Uh... Rudolph Giuliani, New York, Southern District.
Bonnie Bach: Do you know him?
Charlie Wilson: No.
Charlie Wilson: You know you've reached rock bottom when you're told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup.
Gust Avrakotos: And with Doc's backing, you'll get the votes of the other committee members.
Charlie Wilson: Yep.
Gust Avrakotos: I don't believe you.
Charlie Wilson: I don't care.
Charlie Wilson: Joanne Herring: "I miss you Charlie." Charlie Wilson: "Oh Joanne... I always miss you."
Gust Avrakotos: Yeah, well I'd like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you're a douche bag?
Charlie Wilson: You mean to tell me that the U.S. strategy in Afghanistan is to have the Afghans keep walking into machine gun fire 'til the Russians run out of bullets?
Gust Avrakotos: That's Harold Holt's strategy, it's not U.S. strategy.
Charlie Wilson: What is U.S. strategy?
Gust Avrakotos: Well, strictly speaking, we don't have one. But we're working hard on that.
Charlie Wilson: Who's 'we'?
Gust Avrakotos: Me and three other guys.
Gust Avrakotos: There's a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse... and everybody in the village says, "how wonderful. The boy got a horse" And the Zen master says, "we'll see." Two years later, the boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everyone in the village says, "How terrible." And the Zen master says, "We'll see." Then, a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight... except the boy can't cause his legs all messed up. and everybody in the village says, "How wonderful."
Charlie Wilson: Now the Zen master says, "We'll see."
President Zia: [Pakistani President Zia agrees to accept Israeli transfers of seized Soviet weapons to the Afghan resistance] Pakistan and Israel would have to appear to be enemies in the public eye.
Charlie Wilson: [pause] Yeah, I don't think that's a tough sell.
CIA Award Presenter: The defeat and break up of the Soviet empire, culminating in the crumbing of the Berlin wall, is one of the great events of world history. There were many heros in this battle, but to Charlie Wilson must go this special recognition. Just thirteen years ago the Soviet army appeared to be invincible. But Charlie, undeterred, engineered a lethal body blow that weakened the communist empire. Without Charlie, history would be hugely, and sadly different. And so for the first time a civilian is being given our highest recognition; that of honored colleague. Ladies and gentlemen of the clandestine services, congressman Charles Wilson.
Gust Avrakotos: Excuse me, what the fuck?
Charlie Wilson: These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world... and then we fucked up the endgame.
Charlie Wilson: Well, Jesus, Donnelly. Everyone in town knows I'm on the other side of that issue.
Charlie Wilson: Yeah!
Joanne Herring: Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?
Charlie Wilson: Well, tradition mostly.
Charlie Wilson: I stood in Harold Holt's office in Islamabad, and I offered him the keys to the safe. I said to him, "What do you need?" And I was apparently annoying him.
Gust Avrakotos: Well, that's because Harold Holt is a tool. He's a cake-eater, he's a clown, he's a bad station chief, and I don't like to cast aspersions on a guy, but he's going to get us all killed.
Charlie Wilson: This thing is going to get done by the CIA and it's going to get done quietly.
President Zia: You have authority to do this?
Charlie Wilson: [shrugging] None what so ever.
Joanne Herring: [Joanne has just told Bonnie to get her a cocktail] She doesn't like me.
Charlie Wilson: Everybody likes you.
Joanne Herring: She's a liberal.
Charlie Wilson: I'm a liberal.
Joanne Herring: [puts her hand on his butt] Not where it counts.